Chapter 194: Candy Crush isn't fun |
Chapter 194: Candy Crush isn't fun
The fan was incredibly diligent—it never complained, never slacked off. As long as the switch was turned on, it would hum tirelessly, blowing wind until the day it finally broke.
Jiang He set it to level three, the highest setting. The wind was strong, making the strands of hair near her forehead dance wildly. She leaned over the desk, poking her own eyebrow with the tip of her pen as if she found it amusing. Well, it was definitely more fun than solving those frustratingly tedious math problems. Even though she had already mastered most of the knowledge in her workbook, having to apply it step by step was just painful.
The sweltering summer heat made people irritable, and the daily nonsense from Xiao Ming, Xiao Hong, and Xiao Gang was even more infuriating.
"Are lords and ministers born of noble blood?!"
Jiang He slammed her pen onto the book, turned around, and let out a long, distorted howl into the fan—"Woooooo—!"
"?"
Xu Qing glanced sideways at her.
"Don't make weird noises into the fan. It makes you look stupid."
"If you're tired of studying, you can take a break—watch a video, listen to some music, or maybe check out those performances with only two or three actors..."
"I don’t watch that kind of stuff!" Jiang He immediately widened her eyes and protested loudly.
"...Cross talk."
"..."
Xu Qing gave her a knowing look. "What did you think I was talking about?"
Jiang He took a deep breath, trying to calm herself.
She must not resort to violence.
"When you used to live alone, you watched Jin Ping Mei."
Xu Qing raised a brow. "You know what Jin Ping Mei is now?"
"I do."
"Art should be appreciated with an artistic eye. You can’t—"
"You just want to move in and do unspeakable things to me," Jiang He interrupted. "You’re shameless."
"Thinking and doing are two different things. We're a couple—it's normal to have thoughts. Besides, I can’t even beat you in a fight. Whether anything happens or not is up to you, isn’t it?"
"You—you were holding my leg...!"
Xu Qing immediately averted his gaze to his computer, falling silent.
"You take advantage of the fact that I’m from Kaiyuan and know nothing about modern society. You keep trying to trick me…" Jiang He muttered while stealing a glance at him. Then, she decisively turned on the computer and booted it up.
"Have you finished your exercises?"
"You keep trying to scam me, and now you want to move into my place? Suspicious!" Jiang He suddenly raised her voice.
"...Just play, just play!"
"Hmph."
Jiang He turned the fan toward herself and started playing a new puzzle game she had discovered.
It was fun, except every time she cleared an attack gem, her opponent would let out a strange moan, forcing her to turn the volume down.
Xu Qing frowned. "What are you playing?"
"A puzzle game."
"A puzzle game?"
He got up to check and was greeted by the sight of Mirror running on the screen.
Somehow, Jiang He had dug up this game from his D-drive.
Xu Qing didn't find the game particularly enjoyable—he had only downloaded it during a sale because of his hoarding habits. He played it twice and then abandoned it.
"This game isn’t actually that fun."
"What do you mean? I think it's great. Look, if I match these three gems—"
Boom, boom, boom!
A string of sound effects blared out, and the opponent on-screen lost their clothes thanks to Jiang He’s combo.
"..."
"..."
Staring at the bouncing, barely-clothed figures, Jiang He froze.
"Cough... I told you it wasn’t fun. Actually, the D-drive really needs to be formatted. Here, let me show you—"
"Stay away!"
Jiang He shot him a murderous glare. "I can’t believe you—you...!"
"Look, having a game like this on a single guy’s computer is completely normal. I didn't steal or break any laws. What’s the big deal? If you hadn’t unlocked my computer, I would’ve deleted it already."
Xu Qing glanced at Computer Tutorials: From Beginner to Advanced and suddenly felt something was off.
Shouldn’t it be From Beginner to Giving Up? How did she even learn to find hidden folders?!
"Your mind is completely corrupted!"
"No, it’s just something to pass the time occasionally. Really." Xu Qing insisted.
Jiang He squinted at him. She recalled that he had been using his computer to watch movies for nearly a year now—these games had probably just been sitting there.
"It’s called ‘collector’s syndrome’—I download things, but I don’t actually use them. Look, my computer has tons of games I never play. See?"
"I don’t believe a word you’re saying."
"Fine, I’ll delete them right now—"
"Don’t touch it. It’s mine now." Jiang He quickly shielded the mouse.
"?"
"This is evidence of your indecency. If you delete it, you can deny everything. No way!"
"Playing too much of this stuff will mess you up." Xu Qing felt doomed—his ancient-time traveler girlfriend was heading down a dark path.
"Mess me up how?"
"I’m just a pure-hearted boyfriend. This is hard to explain to you."
Jiang He didn’t believe him. She had always suspected he wasn’t as innocent as he seemed, and now she had proof.
Closing that game, she clicked on another.
"Is this one too?"
"No, that’s Hearthstone."
"I’ll play this then."
"You need an account."
"Don’t you have one?"
"…Fine." Xu Qing sighed. "You acting so entitled to my stuff is kind of unsettling."
Still, he entered his account credentials.
The familiar voice of the Hearthstone tavern keeper rang out, stirring up old memories for Xu Qing. Back in school, he used to play casually, just enough to earn the minimum rewards each month. He never took it seriously. Now, handing the game over to Jiang He felt like passing down a legacy.
"This is a card game. You and your opponent each have a deck, and you take turns playing cards—it requires strategy."
Seeing Jiang He dive straight into battle without even looking at the tutorial, Xu Qing couldn't help but warn her.
Jiang He: I don’t know who I am or where I am, but I know I must kill…
Faced with the unfamiliar interface, she hesitated, then scooted aside. "You play one round so I can watch."
Xu Qing sat down and casually ended his first turn. Then, he pulled Jiang He onto his lap and guided her hands on the mouse.
She was soft, warm, and smelled just as nice as always. Xu Qing tilted his head and inhaled slightly.
"If you get to Legend rank, you could even stream this—it’s more entertaining. But with your intelligence, I don’t see it happening."
Legend was the highest rank, and beyond that, players just accumulated stars.
"Your intelligence is lacking."
"Alright, fine. I admit, I’ve never made it to Legend."
He never tried. He liked playing off-meta decks, always picking the least popular strategies.
Jiang He tilted her chin, watching Xu Qing. Then, she snuggled into his chest and took a deep breath.
Xu Qing focused on the game, frowning slightly at his opponent’s moves.
"The fact that I’m teaching an ancient-era lady knight how to play Hearthstone feels surreal."
"I’m a modern woman now."
"Modern people go through nine years of compulsory education and read books."
"…Shut up and play. I’m not doing homework today."
Time slipped away, and before they knew it, it was already 7 PM.
Jiang He stretched lazily and climbed off Xu Qing’s lap, adjusting her clothes before switching to DNF's duel arena and opening her livestream.
Xu Qing glanced at the leaderboard. Sour Milk Beauty was currently ranked second, just below Wang Zijun.
It seemed she had attempted to surpass him multiple times, only to be immediately pushed back down.
Damn rich players... They're basically the devs' inside men.
Xu Qing shook his head, then took out his unfinished iron basket. He hesitated for a moment, deciding against making chainmail and instead continued weaving the basket.
Over a month had passed, and he still hadn’t finished it—he felt a little guilty.
"This is a basket. You can think of it as a handmade model. Once it’s done, it’ll be a storage box for things like chargers, earbuds, and nail clippers."
Xu Qing held up the half-finished basket in front of the camera. It wasn’t complete yet, and the iron rings clinked together with a crisp sound.
「Damn, impressive!」
「Handmade basket model?! The female streamer hit the jackpot!」
「I want one.」
「Wait, streamer, did you end up in the news?」
Xu Qing blinked. "What news?"
Hu Datongshu: 「A cop on his way home caught a robbery in progress and, with the help of a brave citizen, took down the suspect. It looks exactly like you. This has to be you, right?」
「Holy sh*t, where? I wanna see!」
「Which city?」
「That’s badass!」
「No way, what a coincidence!」
「Streamer, you from Jiang City?」
"Yeah, I’m in Jiang City, but this…"
As the chat filled with speculation, Xu Qing calmly picked up his phone and searched the local news.
A short, looping GIF popped up, showing a scene at the edge of an alley.
In the clip, a side profile of a man—clearly Xu Qing—was visible as he smacked someone down with a single move.
Double Palm Strike.gif
He glanced at the timestamp—it had been uploaded early in the morning. The comment section was already filled with discussion.
"This is a misunderstanding... We’re just ordinary citizens who play games and make armor. Who would practice ‘Double Palm Strike’ in real life?"
玩物丧志的王大少: 「Damn, you really made the news, bro! That’s crazy!」
Xu Qing’s face darkened.
He quickly saved the GIF and sent it to Qin Hao.
Xu Qing: 「You saw this already, huh?」
Qin Hao: 「Yeah, been meaning to tell you.」
Xu Qing put his phone down and resumed weaving his iron basket.
Totally unexpected.
「Streamer, it’s definitely you, isn’t it?!」
「Damn, is this real-life martial arts?!」
「What style is this? Taiji? Bajiquan?」
「It’s Tiger Stance!」
Xu Qing smirked. "Hmm… as for whether that’s me or not… you guys can guess."
…
Guess my ass!
Hu Tong nearly threw his keyboard. It was obviously him!
When editing the news segment, he had already found the guy suspiciously familiar. He’d been holding back all day, waiting for this moment to confirm it—only for Xu Qing to act all mysterious.
Hu Tong dragged the GIF onto his desktop, then opened one of his meme folders. He started brainstorming ways to turn this into a hilarious edit.
…
Since the police had already processed the case, Xu Qing wasn’t worried about any trouble.
Everything in his life was going smoothly now. He had no intention of stirring up unnecessary drama.
His current daily routine was ideal—making videos, writing movie reviews, keeping an eye on the stock market, and gaming with Jiang He. Life was good. No need for distractions.
Jiang He, engrossed in her game, didn’t bother joining the conversation with his viewers.
Her new account in DNF’s duel arena had already reached the same rank as her previous female gunner. Battles were getting more intense, requiring full concentration.
By 8 PM, she finally finished a match and let out a sigh of relief.
Higher-ranked matches demanded constant focus—one slip, and she’d be slammed into the ground.
She turned to Xu Qing, opening a webpage to search for the news article she had just glimpsed on his phone.
"That really was you."
"Yeah, it was me." Xu Qing admitted.
Jiang He frowned slightly. "The technique I taught you doesn’t include that move. You were probably aiming here, weren’t you?" She pointed at her own head.
"Yeah. And it’s all your fault."
Xu Qing sighed, exasperated. "You once said that, if lucky, a strike to the neck could snap a person’s spine. How could I dare aim for the neck? When I saw Haozi get stabbed, I lost control and went all out. Then, at the last second, I panicked and decided to use both hands to cushion the impact. That’s how it turned into a double-handed smack to the skull."
"Oh… I see."
"Martial arts aren’t all fun and games. The damage can be too much." Xu Qing rubbed his wrist, then looked at her seriously. "You have good control, right? I don’t want to see you accidentally knocking someone’s head off."
"Against people like you? Of course. I only go all out against real experts."
"So being weak is actually an advantage…?" Xu Qing mused.
"Yep."
Jiang He studied the GIF on the screen, watching it loop several times before squinting at Xu Qing. "If I had done that…"
"Yeah?"
"His head would’ve gone BOOM! Like a watermelon."
Xu Qing’s face paled.
A simple flick of her hands, and someone's head would explode like a melon…
Jiang He burst into laughter. She had discovered that Xu Qing, despite his tough-guy front, was actually pretty easy to scare. Messing with him was kind of fun.
"You’re such a coward."
"I’m not a coward—any normal person would be afraid!"
"I’m not afraid."
"Because you’re not normal." Xu Qing rolled his eyes, standing up to put away his iron rings and pliers. "Stop talking about such gross things. Killing people is illegal."
"I was just teasing you! Back in my time, I’d slice people’s heads off with my sword—"
"Shut up!"
"Oh."
Realizing his tone had been a bit harsh, Xu Qing took a deep breath and softened his voice.
"That was the past. Right now, you’re a gentle, modern woman. You’ve never hurt anyone, got it?"
"Got it."
"…And seriously, stop describing those gruesome details. It freaks me out."
He looked at her with an odd expression. This was the same girl who, back when they first met, could’ve easily stabbed him through the heart with her sword.
Life and death had always felt distant, but after nearly losing Qin Hao that day, Xu Qing was beginning to grasp the fragility of life.
And how precious it was.
Jiang He lowered her head, pausing for a moment. Then, she lifted her arms and wrapped them around him.
"I understand."
"You’re a modern woman, Jiang He."
"Mhm. And I’m also your girlfriend, Jiang He."
She rubbed her nose lightly against his cheek. "I was really just messing with you. I wouldn’t actually hurt anyone. Don’t worry about me getting arrested."
"You need to fully accept that you’re part of the modern world now."
"Mhm. Do you want to kiss my tongue?"
Xu Qing: "..."
Goddamn.