Book 5: Chapter 9 |
Kazuki Hoshino 09/11 FRI 8:26 PM
“You know, I’m embarrassed to say this—it really makes me sound like some textbook villain—but I’ll do it to keep things easy to understand. Uh, we have Maria Otonashi, and if you want her back, you’ll do what we say.”
That’s what Iroha said to me on the telephone.
“……Why?” I whisper without thinking as I obediently head to the elevated tracks alone.
Why would Iroha stoop to kidnapping…? The possibility that it was just a lie also entered my mind, naturally. That’s why I called Maria first thing.
But Maria didn’t answer her phone.
Yeah, I know. That doesn’t tell me whether she really has been abducted. Maybe she simply didn’t notice the call.
But as long as I can’t get ahold of her, I have no choice but to go to the elevated tracks on my own as Iroha asks, trap or no trap.
Why? …That goes without saying. Not going to save Maria is not an option for me.
“……Ugh!”
This really sucks.
I knew Crime, Punishment, and the Shadow of Crime had turned Iroha into a Subject. I just couldn’t imagine her following Daiya’s orders, given who she is.
And how is Iroha capable of kidnapping Maria?
I mean, Yuri told me she can’t contradict her sense of ethics unless the Command is specific.
But since Daiya doesn’t have a thorough grasp of the situation, I can’t see why he would make such a detailed command as “Kidnap Maria, then threaten Kazu and summon him to the elevated tracks.” And even if he did, using someone as strong-willed and intelligent as Iroha for the job seems like an especially bad choice. In this case, it would be more advantageous to go with one of his fanatics, who would carry out the Command without harboring any doubts, like a machine. Iroha might find some flaw in the Command and work against Daiya’s will.
So I have to assume that abducting Maria was Iroha’s own decision.
Running, I roll up my sleeve and check my watch. 8:27 PM. Shortly before the third movie, Repeat, Reset, Reset, begins. Three hours and thirty-three minutes left until the end of September 11.
I thought today would be over quickly, but it feels interminably long.
I arrive at the place I was told.
It’s a tunnel beneath elevated tracks running alongside an embankment, away from the center of town. The spray-painted graffiti is a clear message that this is a hangout for delinquents. The light of the streets doesn’t reach this far. That’s why the feeble glow of the lamp Iroha apparently brought illuminates only the right half of her face.
I step toward her through the long grass. It’s dark, so I can’t see them, but I can sense multiple people nearby. I’m sure they’re not going out of their way to hide. The priority is less on concealing themselves and more on frightening me by letting me know I’m not alone.
Iroha is sitting next to some graffiti sprayed on the wall.
“Ruff, ruff! Rrrr…!”
Atop a naked man on all fours.
“Okay, okay, I hear ya, boy. Kazuki’s here.”
The chubby man she is sitting on is barking like a dog.
“…Ungh.”
I’m overwhelmed with utter loathing. The man’s slovenly, flabby body pisses me off, too.
I don’t want to look at him, but I don’t even want to avert my eyes. I can’t stand the idea that I should have to look away because of this man. You’re the one who should get out of my sight. Don’t think you can be a part of my world, you eyesore!
Then I notice something and calm down.
“This is that phenomenon…”
That’s right. I already know what this is. I had no idea it could be so disgusting until I actually saw it, but I learned what they were called on TV.
“A dog-person,” I whisper.
Then it all comes together.
“So the dog-people are Daiya’s handiwork, too…”
“Yep. Oh, but I made this one, not Oomine.”
“What do you mean? …How are you able to do that?”
“Ah, guess I’d better start my explanation there, huh? You see, Kazu, I wield the same powers as him.”
“Huh? But how is that even—?”
…Wait, now that I think about it, Yuri said Crime, Punishment, and the Shadow of Crime is shared. Does that mean those other than Daiya can use its abilities if they put their minds to it?
So other people can also…?
“As it happens, I’m the only other person at present who can do the same things as him, so relax.”
She beats me to the punch and explains, which puts me at ease a little.
…But I shouldn’t relax—not under these circumstances. I need to make sure Maria is unharmed.
I survey the area, trying to avoid looking at the naked man.
“Where’s Maria…?”
“She’s not here,” Iroha replies curtly.
“And did you really kidnap…?”
“I did. Thanks to the previous Command, I got some info on her, so I worked out the general location of her apartment building.”
“What are you going to do with her? What is it you want from me?”
Iroha gives me a long look, but she doesn’t answer when she gets up from the dog-person.
She kicks him in the head.
“Yipe! Yipe!” the naked dog-man cries in a weak falsetto, then looks up at Iroha with moist eyes.
The spectacle is so gross that it makes me wince.
…No, wait. I almost forgot because of my disgust, but that’s not the correct reaction here.
“Wh-what’re you doing?! He’s a human! He’s just been Commanded to become a dog!”
“Human? No, I don’t think so. As you can see, he’s much less than human. I mean, he’s so gross, right?”
“He is, but…only because you made him that way!”
“Oh really? This guy is a rapist who goes after little girls.”
“Huh?”
What did she just say?
“He’s a horrible, dangerous criminal. He was the worst kind of person long before he became a dog. This power is for controlling others, but part of it lets me peek at their crimes, too. So I can also root out scumbags like him.”
“…You went to the trouble of tracking down a criminal?”
“I thought I’d try my hand at making a dog-person, so I searched for someone with particularly loathsome crimes, who’d deserve it. That’s when I found him. It didn’t have to be him in particular. But he was a good choice. It allowed me to prevent him from victimizing anyone else. He’s done it so many times, you see, assaulting little girls. Rehabilitation isn’t an option.”
“…That’s… Is that true?”
“Yep. He’s a degenerate. The only thing that gets him off is putting his pathetic penis into the vaginas of crying, screaming little girls.”
Iroha kicks him in the head again.
The dog-person lets out a pitiful cry.
I watch this in silence.
“See, you aren’t saying it.”
“Huh?”
“You aren’t telling me not to kick him anymore.”
Iroha orders the still-whimpering dog-person to sit. He sticks out his rear end like he wants to show me his anus, then plops it down to sit on all fours.
“You’ve accepted that he’s subhuman.”
“Y-you’re wro—”
“No, I’m not.”
Iroha looks down at the dog-person, spits on him, then leans back against the wall of the tunnel with an expressionless face.
“You’re thinking it, aren’t you? You’re upset this son of a bitch is still alive, so you hope that maybe he’ll die.”
“I’m not!”
“Could you still say that if you saw the girl he abused who can’t leave the house anymore and has perfected the art of cutting? Or her parents, who ended up getting divorced because she went crazy? Can you live with not telling this scum to die when he’s solely responsible for ruining so many lives?”
“…I—I can.”
I do want him to pay for his crimes, and I do think he’s unworthy of forgiveness, but I can’t say it’s right for him to die… Or that’s how it’s supposed to be. I’m uncertain because he’s just too revolting as a dog. That has to be it.
“Hmm? Well, I was able to say the same until not so long ago. But surprisingly enough, that might be the minority opinion. Humans have a real thing for poetic justice, you see. You can tell that by watching any Hollywood movie. It feels good when the villain who opposed the hero gets defeated. That’s why people get emotional and demand the death penalty for those who commit unforgivable crimes in reality, too. It’s normal to want this trash to die when you see it.”
“I don’t…think that’s true.”
“It is. I understand where you’re coming from, though. I used to believe that was wrong for a long time, too. I thought anyone who found it easy to say ‘Execute ’em, kill ’em, they’re not worthy of living’ just lacked imagination. Even if someone commits a crime, that’s just one side of them; they’re a person with a good and decent side, too. If I had normal interactions with them, then no way would I want to press the execution button. Like, it’s so easy for you to say criminals should die, but can you say that after taking a good look at yourself? Are you really so squeaky clean and innocent? You go and drive drunk like it’s nothing; have you never considered the possibility that you might kill someone in a traffic accident? Does that mean you think you should die, too, when it happens? That’s what I thought—before I gained this power.”
A thin smile appears on Iroha’s face.
“……And now?”
“Yeah. Now I think criminal scum should die.”
There is no trace of hesitance in her words.
“It’s true that people who have no qualms about saying criminals should die are lacking in discretion. But once you understand criminals well enough, you start to agree with those people. I’ve killed you and others; I know I’m being blind to my own faults, but I can still say it. I learned that when I obtained this power. Guys like him are fundamentally different from humans with common sense like us. There really are worthless people out there who are so beyond sympathy that it makes me sick. They have zero empathy, low IQs, and a complete inability hold a conversation; you’d be surprised. Those who commit these crimes are all like that. They’re simply incompatible with society at large. Take this guy for example. Guess what he said when I asked him if he felt bad for the girls he raped? ‘I just couldn’t help myself.’ ‘It was just their bad luck to happen to catch my eye around that time.’ ‘I think what I’m doing is bad, but it’s not like I can do anything about it, right?’ Do you see? Can’t you tell how offensive this is? These guys don’t have an ounce of remorse. They don’t comprehend the suffering of their victims. No self-awareness of what they’ve done. Not even a hint of doubt about prioritizing their own desires. I understood. They’re the dregs of humanity by their very nature. That’s their fate.”
The dog-person barks. “Arf, arf.”
“That’s why I made him look the part.”
Her mouth twitching, Iroha glares at the dog-person now lying on his back. Even though it’s her own handiwork, she can’t abide the grotesque image and openly displays her anger.
“You can’t stand the existence of something like this, right?” Iroha says, then claps her hands together with a pop for some reason.
That’s when it happens.
“““Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!!”””
A great roar.
“Wha—?”
What is this?
I find out right away when I look around me.
People with brown paper bags over their heads are shuffling this way. I’m sure they’re the ones I sensed when I arrived here. And now I understand. These are Iroha’s Subjects.
It’s dark, and I can’t quite see, but they’re concealing only their faces with bags; they’re all dressed differently. One is in a uniform from our school, another is in a dress, and as far as I can tell, their ages and genders are diverse, too.
The people gather and begin to circle around us.
It’s bizarre. The sight of a nonuniform group acting in perfect sync is extremely bizarre.
What’s about to begin? What should I do?
I can’t make my next move because I can’t tell what Iroha is trying to do at all. All I can do is stand here.
Iroha ignores me and raises her voice.
“Let’s all administer his punishment together.”
“Punishment!” “Punishment!” “Punishment!” “Punishment!” “Punishment!” “Punishment!” “Punishment!” “Punishment!” “Punishment!” “Punishment!” “Punishment!” “Punishment!” “Punishment!” “Punishment!”
The sudden shouts are overwhelming.
Nearly twenty men and women are calling out, their fists in the air.
…Wh-what the hell is this?
These people are just under Iroha’s Command. But as I watch, I can’t get that idea into my head, though I know it to be true, and I find it difficult to suppress the panic in my mind. It’s the same feeling I had when I saw the video of Daiya making those people bow to him. If around twenty people all perform the same odd behavior, emotional confusion is a natural reaction.
The paper-hooded mob lifts up the dog-person as the chant continues. They pin his arms behind his back, immobilizing him, then turn him toward Iroha like an offering.
And Iroha—is holding a knife she must have gotten from somewhere.
“I-Iroha, what are you—?”
Iroha doesn’t look my way, though.
“Okay, this is a Command. Stop being a dog, rapist.”
As the words leave Iroha’s mouth, the demeanor of the dog-person changes. His expression quickly turns into human terror. It seems he still remembers his time as a dog, as he’s simply frightened and not surprised by the situation.
“A-ahhh! Please stop! I—I know I was wrong! I won’t attack girls anymore!”
“What? It’s too late for that, you know? Don’t you see you can’t take back what’s already been done? Can you put their hymens back? Oh, I know. Go ahead and cut your own dick off with this knife.”
“Th-that’s—”
“Then how are you going to express your regret?”
“I—I promise! I won’t go after girls anymore!”
“Ha! How long are you going to keep up with that nonsense?! That part goes without saying, obviously. Do you understand that it isn’t a show of remorse? It’s like going to a diner and saying you won’t skip out on your bills anymore. You see? Ya get it, champ? Declaring you won’t dine and dash is apologizing? Are you screwing with us here? If you truly think you hurt someone, then offer an idea about how to ease her pain a little, you dirtbag.”
“E-ease her pain? What do I need to do?”
“Think with compassion for how they feel. If you put yourself in their position, you’ll come up with something on your own, right? Like paying one hundred million in damages or something.”
“O-one hundred million? Th-there’s no way I can do that. I’m unemployed, and—”
That excuse does it.
Iroha plows her fist into the tip of the man’s nose without any emotion on her face. One, two, three times, she hits him without the slightest change in her expression.
Yeah. There is no forgiveness for this man anymore, no matter what he says.
“Ah, agh, agh! Agh!”
His nose is bleeding profusely.
The paper-bag mob silently hold the man’s body still. Not one of them tends to him. Iroha keeps on speaking as if nothing has happened at all.
“You don’t have any remorse for your actions at all; you’re just begging for your life out of fear. I can see it in your eyes; you’ll keep doing it. That’s why this is the end for you.”
Iroha claps her hands again.
“This is a Command. Each of you, answer me with the penalty for this man that makes you most comfortable.”
The paper-hooded mob responds.
“Death.”
“Death.”
“Death.”
“Death.” “The ugly dog should die.” “Die, criminal.” “He should die a more brutal death than anyone.” “Die with your malformed dick.” “You should die because you reek.” “Die. You smell like a stray mutt.” “You have the brains of an insect. Die.” “Die, you pedo.” “Die, pervert.” “Your life isn’t worth anything, so die.” “Hurry up and die.” “Die now.”
“Die.”
“Die.”
“Die.”
The paper-bag mob is saying this because they’ve been Commanded to, of course.
But from the tone of their voices, it’s evident this is how they truly feel.
Twenty people are wishing for this man’s death from the bottom of their hearts.
“Whew…” Iroha heaves a deliberate sigh, then says, “It’s unanimous—they want you dead.”
Iroha brings the knife closer.
“Stop! Stop! Stop! I mean, it’s not like I’ve done anything to you all! It has nothing to do with you! What right do you have to—aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!!”
Iroha rips out some of the man’s hair, her face a blank mask. I can hear it tearing; it sounds painful.
One of the people in the paper bags mutters “Die,” with a clap as if to cheer her on. Someone else follows suit and claps. “Die.” It spreads into a chorus. Applause wishing for his death.
“Die” clap. “Die” clap. “Die” clap. “Die” clap. “Die” clap. “Die die die die die die die die die die die die!” clap clap clap clap cla-cla-clap clap.
The “die” chant is almost enjoyable.
As I watch, I can’t help but think:
Yeah, they’re right. This guy does need to die.
“Ahhh! Aaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!” No longer able to protest in words, the man shakes in terror and wets himself.
“Squeal louder, pig. Regret you ever lived, pig. Suffer, pig.”
Iroha thrusts the tip of the knife at him, right next to his eyeballs.
“That will be our catharsis.”
The action portends something that cannot be taken back, and I finally regain my composure.
“Iroha, sto—”
I try to step in, but I’m restrained by three men in paper hoods. One of their arms blocks my vision. I can’t see anything.
“Don’t do it! Iroha!”
If you do, there’s no coming back for you. You will become a prisoner of the Box, and your normal life will never return.
But—
“Command. When the knife touches you, go back to being a dog.”
“Ugh, yiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiipe!!”
—I can’t stop her.
The man’s scream is now just the cry of a dog, resonating through the tunnel.
The group in paper bags releases me and moves away. I can see again.
Before me is a naked man covered in vibrant red. Though I understand the horrible nature of what has occurred—yes, there is undeniably a part of my heart that thinks, Good riddance. The cries of the man are truly unbearable, and even the touch of the sound itself on my eardrums is incredibly unpleasant. Seeing that naked, chubby body convulse so pathetically sparks an irresistible joy within me.
I’m not like these dog-people. I’m not this disgusting. I’m not a fool. They’re dogs by nature; that’s why they ended up this way.
It’s relief. It’s a sense of superiority.
But I know. I know full well.
This is how Daiya, their creator, wants me to think.
It would be dangerous if these were my default feelings toward dog-people. I wouldn’t be able to treat them as humans; I’d merely view them with contempt and think them deserving of punishment. Of course they should die, I’d think. If that sense percolated through the world, the entire planet would be at the mercy of the Box. Normal life would be gone.
I cannot allow that to happen.
That’s why I step toward the man, to resist and help him while he’s still moving.
“Stay right there!” Iroha stops me. “I won’t let you help him. Make another move, and I can’t make any guarantees about Maria Otonashi’s life.”
“Wha—?!”
Is she using Maria’s life as a bargaining chip here?!
“Wh-why? Why do you want to kill someone so badly? Is it that important?!”
“True, there isn’t much value in killing him as an individual.”
“Then why?!”
“This is what we’re going to do from here on out. This is the kind of world we’re going to build.”
So.
That’s what it’s been all along. This is the outline of what Daiya and Iroha long for. What I’ve just witnessed here—fanning the desire for their deaths, and then following through with murder—it’s what Crime, Punishment, and the Shadow of Crime is going to bring about, in miniature.
“That said, I can’t let you stop it in front of everyone. If you can, that means you’ll continue to interfere. And you’ll become an obstacle. I get it, see? I know you can become a surprisingly major hindrance. That’s why I can’t look the other way if you resist.”
Still silent, the mob in paper bags encircles us, keeping watch.
In the center of the circle, Iroha’s footsteps click toward me, bearing down on me.
“Oh yeah. I suppose I need to speak about the topic at hand, too. I have to tell you my demands for returning Otonashi.”
Iroha’s face is illuminated by the glow of the lantern as she approaches.
She reaches out and puts her hand on my chin, tilting my face upward.
“Give up your will to resist us, right here and now.”
Her face is dyed red in the light.
The red tint spreads throughout her cheeks, like it might if she was crying. Her pupils, large in the darkness, hold me fast.
“To prove it, I want you to suck your thumb and watch that trash over there breathe his last. Like a preschooler bawling because his mama wouldn’t buy him some candy.”
After saying this, she lets my chin go. She wipes away the red liquid on her lips with her arm, but all it does is smear and spread the color.
Yeah… That’s when I understand.
Iroha is never coming back.
She’s never coming back to normality, a world free of Boxes. Her piercing, raptor-like gaze suggests the presence of some bladed instrument lurking within her. Her expression is tainted by madness.
Iroha is not on this side anymore. It’s not crazy to think she would actually do something to Maria if I were to try to save this naked man. She’s that far gone.
What is she going to do with me? In this state, she has no reason to just let me go. If she’s with Daiya now, she may use the Subjects around here to restrain me and force me to give up the Silver Screen of Broken Wishes.
I won’t let her do that.
How can I fight back when Maria is a hostage, though?
No answer presents itself. Of course it’s not that easy. That’s why I stay still, able only to wait and see what my opponent is going to do.
I’m sure she understands I’m racking my brain. With a calmness that seems almost deliberate, Iroha pulls out her phone. Before she dials anything, she says, “Here’s the thing about giving Commands—there’s no need to go to the trouble of using words. That was just a little performance for you.”
Upon saying this, Iroha makes a call. I can hear a male voice coming from the speaker, but not well enough to understand what he’s saying.
Iroha speaks to the man on the other end.
“Yeah, rape Maria Otonashi.”
“Wha—?!” I shout without thinking.
What? What is Iroha saying?
Iroha appears to have expected this. “I told you, didn’t I?” she says. “Prove you aren’t going to oppose us. Just watching this subhuman dog-person die isn’t good enough. That’s why I’m doing this. If you don’t resist, even when I take away something that matters to you, I’ll be satisfied.”
“I won’t……”
My voice rises in anger.
“I won’t let you! No way in hell!”
“You won’t let me? Fine, fine. Then I’ll just drive you to the brink. Steal your will to fight us and render you powerless. That’s why I’m giving the order to rape Maria Otonashi.”
“Iroha, do you even understand what you’re saying? You say that man over there deserves to die, but don’t you see you’re doing the same thing as him?”
“I’m not. I’m not doing this to satisfy some urge. I have a solid objective. No matter how just the war, there is no way to end it without killing enemy soldiers. It’s impossible to prevent normal civilians from dying in the process. In extreme circumstances, some soldiers will even go straight to committing atrocities. Overall, though, justice is justice. What’s right is right, even if there are some trivial drawbacks.”
“Don’t be stupid! This is not right! It’s not trivial at all! This makes no damn sense!”
“Oh, it makes sense all right,” Iroha says with a look of disgust.
It’s no use… I’m never going to get through to her with this debate. One look at the clouds of insanity in her eyes is enough to tell me that.
All the same, I have to do something to prevent any violence toward Maria.
Basically, I should be good if I can convince Iroha that I’m completely broken.
…If I’m right about that, then I do have some ideas.
“If you just want to break my will to fight, there’s no need to go to extremes.”
“Oh?”
Iroha signals for me to keep going with a questioning look.
It’s a dangerous gambit. I may actually lose the strength to oppose Iroha and Daiya. Still, it should be enough to put a halt to the horrible act they’re about to commit.
I voice my proposal.
“You should make me into a Subject.”
Yes. If they do, Maria’s involvement won’t matter one bit. There’s no proof more certain that I wouldn’t act against them.
But Iroha’s response is not what I expect.
“Nope, already tried that.”
“…Huh?”
“Why do you think I have this lantern? To create shadows, natura… But, oh, you never knew how Crime, Punishment, and the Shadow of Crime works? Guess you wouldn’t understand, then. You see, this Box activates when people step on your shadow. So I actually already tried it. Has anything changed about you? Nothing has, right?”
“…This means you can’t make me into a Subject?”
“I guess I can’t say it for certain? But I couldn’t do it earlier.”
“Why…?”
“Because you’re an owner. The Boxes react to one another. It’s like how Oomine was able to act freely even in the Game of Indolence. The moment I got here, I stepped on your shadow in order to make you into a Subject, but I couldn’t control you. The same goes for Otonashi.”
“You tried to make Maria into a Subject?”
“Yeah, well. That would make things easier.”
Her tone is unapologetic.
“Owners can’t be made into Subjects…”
“Yeah… Well, not exactly. According to Otonashi, we can if the owner’s will to reject the control vanishes. Care to give it another go?”
With that, Iroha places her foot forward, as naturally as walking—
—and steps on my shadow.
She carries herself so normally that you’d never guess she was trying to use a Box.
She’s so casual about it that her foot is on my shadow before the idea to avoid it enters my head. Despite what Iroha said, that’s no guarantee I won’t become a Subject this time. Maybe it was only an accident that the first time didn’t work. That’s why she’s able to step on my shadow, even though I shouldn’t let it happen so easily.
“……”
No matter how much I wait, though, I don’t feel anything.
“…You can make anyone aside from an owner into a Subject?”
“That’s right. If there’s someone it won’t work on, I’d like to see them.”
I don’t feel a thing. Even though her foot is on my shadow, it’s nothing to me.
“If there is an exception, they’d be the first.”
Iroha is lying.
No…maybe that’s not the correct way to put it. She’s not lying, but she is mistaken.
After all, she’s saying she can subjugate anyone if they aren’t an owner. That’s exactly where she’s wrong.
The reason being that I am not an owner.
I, Kazuki Hoshino, am not the owner of the Silver Screen of Broken Wishes.
“See? That’s why I can’t accept your proposal that we let Otonashi go by making you into a Subject.”
“So…”
“Yeah. I go back to Plan A. Breaking you mentally.”
Now that we’ve reached this point, nothing I say will stop Iroha. That’s painfully apparent.
Then I notice it.
The knife, wet with blood, is lying at my feet.
I look at Iroha.
Iroha is a wonderful person, I know. Though she can be a bit oblivious to the feelings of others, her thoughtfulness toward them outweighs that. She knows she’s a strong person, so she helps other people while putting herself second. What she’s doing now is just that taken to an extreme. If I took the time to spell it all out to her, I’m sure she would realize her mistake.
I don’t have that time, though.
I won’t have enough time to choose Maria and save Iroha, too. I know that.
So—
So—
“…………”
I may have reached a conclusion, but still. I’m going to give it one last try.
“…You’re wrong.”
“Huh,” Iroha responds half-heartedly. She’s cleaning out her ear, all but saying I’m not worth listening to.
“Daiya and you, you’re wrong.”
“Fine, I’ll hear you out. Wrong about what?”
“About trying to fix the world by killing people. That’s where you’re wrong.”
“Just letting you know now, if you’re gonna appeal to basic common sense, I’m not gonna listen, okay? There’s no denying it’s better to kill one murderer before he kills a hundred. Putting that murderer’s head on a pike to warn others of the penalty will strike fear into the fools and prevent any new crimes, and that’s a good thing, right? It’s just that we didn’t have a good means of doing so until now. All right, go ahead and enlighten me. How is this somehow wrong?”
“……I definitely won’t condemn weeding out idiots who do nothing but cause trouble. I think some people really are worthless. I don’t want to believe so, but I know for a fact they exist.”
“Right? Your mind is just so ensnared in traditional wisdom, you’re having trouble accepting it. You’re repulsed by the scene you just saw, and that simply gave you this vague notion it wasn’t right.”
“No. It’s just…why do you get to choose?”
“……Choose what?”
After everything I’ve said, you still don’t see?
A surge of violent frustration wells up within me.
I glare at Iroha and her stupidity, and I clarify. “Choose who is fit to die.”
I can tell my sentiments reached her by the way she swallows.
“You and Daiya are imperfect. You’re not gods or anything like them. By what standard do you choose who deserves death? Are your choices absolutely infallible?”
“Th-that—”
“It’s not possible. You take someone’s life because of an unreliable choice.”
“…I can’t declare with perfect conviction that we’ll be one hundred percent correct. But the laws today are no different, right? You can’t say every death sentence in the court system was the right call… Plus, I don’t think we’ll make mistakes so readily. At the very least, anyone can tell that this child rapist is better off dead.”
“Are you sure? It’s true he hurt others, but he just might have an even greater capacity to save people, too. By your logic, he wouldn’t be fit to die anymore.”
“What? He’s a dog; that’s impossible for him!”
“Maybe. But do you truly know that?”
“…I do. I can tell in an instant how stupid this dog is. He doesn’t have anything close to an ability to help that would outweigh what he’s done.”
“And that right there is pride. You’ve tricked yourself into believing you can do anything now that you have Crime, Punishment, and the Shadow of Crime, even though you’re nothing special at all. All you did was get ahold of a Box, but you’re giddy with how omnipotent you feel. You’re so sure you can make the right calls. You want me to tell you what society calls such a state?”
I tell her.
“They call it getting carried away.”
“……”
“It’s easy to see where this is going. First, the criminals you select to be culled will be the kind anyone would recognize. But that’s just the beginning. Your hubris will carry you too far. Eventually, you’ll start singling out people in the gray zone. It’ll get worse and worse until, in the end, you’re making dog-people out of anyone you don’t like. You’ll start weeding out anyone who’s inconvenient for you, regardless of whether they’re good or evil. Oh, but maybe it’s already too late? I mean, you’re already trying to stamp out Maria and me, since we’re in the way.”
My anger mounts as I explain.
Why don’t people as intelligent as Iroha and Daiya understand? Can’t they envision that outcome?
“What you’re doing isn’t punishment or cleanup or anything else. It’s murder. All you and Daiya have done is let the Box convince you you’re all-powerful. You’ve just let it corrupt you and drive you to commit crimes yourselves. History is full of massacres, and you’re just trying to create another one. It’s not a revolution or anything like one; it’s an all-too-common error. There’s no justice in this.”
I begin to walk toward Iroha, who is silent.
“That’s why I’ll stop you.”
I haven’t forgotten that I’ll be coming up alongside the knife, too.
“……”
It appears my speech has shaken Iroha a bit.
What I have said is absolutely correct. Even Iroha has to see it.
However, to me, she says, “…What’s with your face?”
“…My face?”
“Yeah. Everything you’ve said was meant to back me into a corner. You’re arguing in an attempt to win me over.” She looks utterly disgusted as she spits, “Why do you have such a gentle smile?”
When she points this out, I instinctively touch my face.
“People don’t make that smile normally. And a regular person could never say what you did just now.”
“…I didn’t say anything crazy.”
“No, you didn’t. But a regular, subjective person wouldn’t be able to say all that in this situation. A person panicking because their loved one was taken hostage wouldn’t be so factual.”
“You’re saying I’d be more emotional if this was genuine?”
“That’s not what feels so wrong. It’s on a different level than just ‘getting emotional.’ This is something impossible. Or that shouldn’t be…”
Iroha’s expression contains not just anxiety, but fear.
“You—”
And with that expression, she asks:
“Where is what makes you human?”
I have no clue what the question means.
However, I remember Daiya making a remark along those lines in the past. He told me I was “in suspension” or something. Perhaps what Iroha is saying has a similar meaning.
Yeah…something about me is not normal. I’ve been denying it, but I think it’s about time I faced the facts.
I can’t really describe it, and if I tried to put it into words, it probably wouldn’t make any sense, but if I had to express how it feels to me in my own words, it would be this:
There’s not enough of myself in me.
“…Enough about you. It doesn’t matter. At any rate, I’m not going to stop.”
“So you didn’t see my point?”
“What you’re saying might be correct, in a certain light. Oomine and I, we have a conceited side that tends to put others below us. We aren’t perfect, so we can also make mistakes. But calling it quits is another story. We can’t give up just because of that. We can’t let ourselves give in to reality, accept the bad, and let ourselves be beaten up over and over without putting up a fight. I won’t accept that. Thanks for the candid advice. I’ll improve. I’ll be careful about choosing who deserves to die when I kill them.”
“‘Improving’ won’t enable you to make accurate judgments.”
“I still don’t think that makes this method wrong.”
And then Iroha says, eyes clouded with madness:
“That’s why I won’t stop. I won’t change my actions toward Otonashi.”
Yeah, I guess that makes sense. I give a small, involuntary sigh.
“What’s with that sigh? Does that mean you’ve thrown in the towel? Maybe your spirit has been broken.”
“Yeah, I’ve given up.”
I’ve given up—
—on doing this without bloodshed.
Now, I can’t let her grasp my intentions. If I don’t finish it in an instant, the Subjects around us will grab me. I have to stab her with no hesitation. I have to do it so that she doesn’t sense my intent to kill her.
I’ll kill her.
I’ll pierce Iroha’s heart as effortlessly as humming a tune, and I’ll grant her a fast death.
“…People who deserve to die, huh?”
Iroha claims they exist.
But when it comes down to it, that isn’t something for fellow humans like us to decide. Even I think it about certain people. And that is wrong of me. It has to be.
Because if it’s not wrong, then even what I’m about to do would be forgiven, and it doesn’t have to be. I wouldn’t forgive such an act myself.
I’m merely making the same erroneous choice as Iroha and Daiya.
If I were to describe people worthy of death to me—
—I would say everyone who harms Maria deserves to die.
That’s why I drive the knife toward Iroha’s heart.
I don’t make a single extraneous movement.
After I’m sure Iroha is looking away, I swiftly scoop up the knife, leap to my feet, and stab. The knife’s blade vanishes into Iroha’s heart.
I don’t wish for her death in my mind.
There isn’t a shred of malice within me. I simply did what needs to be done. That’s all.
Oh, what if this is it?
Maybe this part of me is what other people see as abnormal?
If so, then Maria’s the one person who must not see it. Yes, if she ever witnessed this part of me, we—
“What… What are you doing, Kazuki?”
My heart jumps.
“A-ahhh…!”
Why? Why is she here?
The way she calls me “Kazuki.” The pronunciation. The sound of my name.
And the voice I love—
“……Why…are you doing such a thing, Kazuki?”
One of the women with a paper bag over her head approaches me.
“Uh, ahhh…!”
…Ahhh, why didn’t I notice? I should’ve recognized her even if I couldn’t see her face, so why didn’t I? Simple. It’s dark here, and plus, I wasn’t exactly at leisure to look over each and every person. How could I not have been suspicious about why I was called to this place in the dark?
Why didn’t I pick up on the number one thing Iroha was hiding?
A girl with slender legs removes the paper bag.
“Maria.”
And there she is: Maria.
It’s undeniably Maria.
“Kazuki…” Maria calls my name, voice trembling.
“Maria…why are you here…?” I mutter without thinking, although I do have a glimmer of understanding.
“Because I ordered her to come,” Iroha answers, right in front of me.
Even though I’m still pressing the knife into her.
…Yeah, of course I noticed. I noticed the moment I stabbed her that I felt nothing when the knife supposedly entered her body.
I pull out the knife that should have pierced Iroha’s heart. I push its point into the palm of my hand. I don’t feel it stab me. The blade has gone into the hilt rather than through the palm of my hand.
This knife—no, this toy meant for pranks—is not going to kill anyone.
“Shall I give you an external opinion on your behavior?” Iroha sneers at me in my amazement. “They call it getting carried away.”
She plucks the toy knife from my completely limp hand.
“Command. Dog, give me some happy barks.”
The naked man, who should’ve been unconscious with pain, nimbly gets up. He runs around us on his hands and feet. He barks “Arf, arf” energetically, paying no mind to the fact that he’s covered in red.
“I told you—I don’t really need to give Commands verbally.”
Iroha stabs the knife into the dog-person as it runs around. It can’t possibly hurt, but he cries out “Yiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiipe” and collapses in pain again.
“While you weren’t looking, we covered him in blood. Then I gave him an order to yelp and act like he was in pain if he was stabbed. That’s all it took to make you buy it hook, line, and sinker.”
Oh, right. The paper-bag mob blocked my vision, so I didn’t actually see the moment Iroha stabbed the man. All I experienced were the cries of the dog-person and the sight of him covered in red and in pain. It’s this darkness. There are plenty of places where they could have sneaked in the blood, and they could even get away with not using the real thing.
“…Why would you do all this…?”
“Because I was Commanded to, by Oomine. He just gave me one order. ‘Show Kazuki Hoshino’s betrayal to Maria Otonashi.’”
Iroha shifts her gaze to Maria, then presses on.
“It was unexpectedly difficult. After all, Otonashi has implicit faith in you. She wasn’t going to see a betrayal for what it was if I was half-assed about it.”
Maria bites her lip as she hears this said of her.
“Bringing her here was easy. All I needed to do was use the same method I did to get you to come. In short, I threatened her using you. I just have to say something like If you don’t do as I ask, or if you try anything funny, I’ll use my Subjects to kill Kazuki, and then Otonashi would have no choice but to play along, no matter how fake it sounded. If I order her to wear a paper bag and tell her to keep quiet and listen to our conversation, she’s obviously going to obey. That’s how I was able to show her.”
Iroha jabs the toy knife in and out of her chest as she explains.
“I showed her how you would kill me.”
All of it—
—everything she said and did was so that Maria would see me commit a murder. Leaving the knife in a spot where I could grab it, working me up by talking about raping Maria, faking a murder in front of me so I would get the idea……
And then, just as Iroha planned, I stabbed her with the toy knife.
Iroha snaps her fingers. In response to the sound, the paper-bag mob all begin to head home casually, without any real sense of order. Like they had just finished their errand.
“Shindo told me she wanted me to watch you kill her,” Maria says. She had been refusing to meet my eyes. “I didn’t believe it. Even when I heard Oomine had already used his Box and set his plan into motion, even when I knew it was true, I couldn’t believe that you would kill someone. That you would solve a problem with murder. That’s not even an option. The moment you do it, you fall to the basest level, and all your convictions lose meaning. You knew I think that way. You knew I would never work with a person who would stoop to that. And yet…”
Unsure what to say next, she shakes her head.
“…No, enough about you and me. I still don’t understand. Murder should have been impossible for you. Though just an attempt, the fact that you did try to kill someone will be a continuous source of guilt for you. Bearing such a great sin will keep you from your normal life, and the change in you will also transform that normal life itself. Oh, and it’s not just the internal aspects; the law can also snatch away your normal life just like that if you commit a crime like murder. That’s why you—the one who values normality above all else—would never choose that option.”
She clenches her fists.
“There’s no way you could kill someone… No way! You would never do something like that!”
Maria turns her eyes to me imploringly.
“…Yes, I know! You can’t! It’s impossible! Which means you’re under their control. Maybe you took those steps under the manipulation of Crime, Punishment, and the Shadow of Crime. It has to be! It has to be, Kazuki!”
Maria grabs my shoulders and shakes me.
“I want you to deny it,” she begs with her entire being. She saw my violent act with her own two eyes, but she still screams that she wants me to deny it. She’s likely aware that if I did, it would be a lie, yet she still says those things. It’s like she’s throwing a tantrum.
I never thought Maria could get like this. I never thought it…
But I’ll make use of these emotions.
I’ll keep deceiving her.
“You’re right.”
I’m the worst. My own words make me ill.
If she recognizes what I am, though, she will leave me, never to return.
Thus, even if it’s a clumsy lie worthy of a kindergartener, even if it’s the lowest, most immoral falsehood, I have to say it.
“I knew it,” Maria whispers. “I knew it was true.”
Relief appears on her face.
Maria believed my obvious lie. I fooled her.
Yeah… I can tell. Maria doesn’t want to be apart from me, either. She still wants to trust me. Our bond won’t be broken so readily.
So I need to keep honing my lies.
“Maria, you see—”
“Heh-heh, I’m so relieved. Now—”
Maria’s expression speaks to the solace at the depths of her soul, and she says:
“Now, I don’t need to trust anyone.”
“……Huh?”
Her expression—
—doesn’t match—
—her words.
“I had a faint— No, I had already figured it out. I knew it—” She had said that earlier. “I knew it—you betrayed me.”
“Ah…”
My arms hang limply at my sides.
I fearfully turn my face to Maria.
“I can tell, you know. It may be gone now, but I used to have that trick for reading your mind just from your facial muscles, remember? I spent a lifetime with you, remember? I can still see when you aren’t being truthful with me, at least. But I rationalized and tricked myself into believing I didn’t know for certain. I kept putting off the issue until I could find decisive evidence. Well, now I’ve found it. That laughable trickery of yours has informed me beyond any shadow of a doubt that you have changed.”
I had thought until this very moment that our connection would not meet its end in so simple a manner.
…I’m so stupid.
I didn’t need to deceive her, but I did for so long. I’ve been misleading her ever since the Game of Indolence came to an end. I was constantly destroying a firm bond that could not be severed so easily.
In the end, that bond collapsed under the effects of all my betrayals.
“Yes… I’m relieved. I had realized I couldn’t keep going like this. It was painful, blaming myself for all my excuses. I am a Box. I’m not allowed to possess a human heart. I shouldn’t spend long periods of time with someone and grow attached to them. Despite this, I couldn’t make the decision to part ways with you on my own. I couldn’t leave you, and I searched for good reasons for us to stay together, like the possibility of encountering O. I was even afraid. I thought that, at this rate, I might even lose my purpose and vanish altogether.”
That’s what I wanted.
But…
“But…you betrayed me and showed me the error of my ways. You helped me realize my weakness. You helped me make up my mind.”
Each and every word pierces my heart.
Maria was the one I never wanted to hurt. She was the one I wanted to protect more than anyone else.
And yet, I hurt her over and over, until I broke her.
“…Maria, listen to me. I did it for you.”
Even now, I still can’t let her go.
But…
“Don’t call me that.” Maria turns her back on me.
“Huh?”
“Don’t call me Maria.”
She won’t even allow me that.
“I discarded that name a long time ago. I used it on a whim, and it stuck around only because you didn’t forget and kept using it. But we’re through now, so it’s unnecessary. My time as ‘Maria’ is over.”
Then, Maria turns back, locks her eyes on me—
—and says:
“I am the Box Aya Otonashi.”
That moment, a certain scene arises unbidden in my mind, and I have a flashback.
It’s a scene with faded colors—stagnant, muddled, and warped.
The classroom of repetitions.
A sepia-toned Maria stands atop the podium. She introduces herself. Her expression is unfocused. There’s so many versions, tens of thousands of them, and I can’t tell which is real. “I am Aya Otonashi. Pleased to meet you.” “I’m Aya Otonashi… Nice to meet you.” “I’m Aya Otonashi.” “I’m Aya Otonashi.” She says it over and over atop the platform, in loop after loop. The closer she gets to the end, the more emotion drains from her face. Maria used that seemingly infinite amount of time to create another personality. She rejected everyone else to become the perfect Box.
That girl.
Her expression.
“……Ahhh……”
After all this time, I can finally see it. I never noticed before, since we were always together.
Somewhere along the way, Maria began expressing herself almost like a normal person. She had begun to be sad, angry, and happy like anyone else.
I didn’t notice. I might have been able to find some other way of doing things if I had, but I didn’t.
But now, those commonplace emotions are lost to Maria again.
“…No.” The word slips out of my mouth. “I’ll keep calling you Maria.”
“…”
Maria doesn’t respond to me and extends her hand toward Iroha. Quickly apprehending her intent, Iroha hands over the toy knife.
“Kazuki, you are different now. You changed once and for all the moment you stabbed Shindo in the chest with this toy. You are no longer my partner. Your presence will only corrupt me. Thus—”
For some reason, Maria presses the toy knife into my hand.
“—you are now my enemy.”
I don’t know why, but something prompts Maria to embrace me with a kind smile on her face.
“…Maria?”
Could it be that she doesn’t want to leave me after all? There’s no chance of that, but I’m still thinking such naive thoughts this late in the game.
That turns out to be a mistake, though.
I mean, I can see how the knife in my hand is stabbing Maria’s chest.
“Oh…”
The knife is a toy, of course. I haven’t actually wounded Maria. All the same, it only happened to be a toy this time.
“That’s what I mean,” Maria whispers in a small voice. “If I get close to you, you’ll stab me.”
Her voice is so very, very gentle that the truth is crystal clear.
She is exactly right.
This is exactly what I’m trying to do. Unable to understand each other, we will come into conflict, and this will be the end result.
I will pierce Maria through the heart.
“Kazuki.”
Her body is as frail and delicate as ever.
With the knife in my hand still plunged into her, Maria says, “Thank you for everything.”
This thin wisp of a girl, a year younger than me, will continue the struggle alone. She will fight on, though she has been so stabbed and betrayed. She will stay in the battle for the sake of all those complete strangers.
I can see the outcome.
It’s defeat.
In the not so distant future… No, in the very near future, Maria’s endurance will run out. She’ll maintain her edge, paring down her soul with a file, wearing herself away until, before long, there is nothing left.
I can see this in her future, yet I cannot stop her.
Maria moves away from me, and she is finally free from the knife.
Taking it from my hand, she returns it to Iroha, who has been watching us disinterestedly.
Dismissing me, Maria turns away and begins to walk off.
“Kazuki,” she says quietly. “I couldn’t eat all the hamburg steak by myself.”
Stupid as I am, I fail to notice right away—
That was her good-bye.