Chapter 3193: Regret Can |
Days turned into weeks, and weeks turned into months.
It didn't take the transient soul long to fully recover from her wounds. However, even after she mended herself and replenished her essence, the little doll did not seem in a hurry to leave the lightless kingdom that belonged to the shadow — she cautiously scouted its surroundings, but made no effort to venture into the wide world beyond.
That was probably because she was scared. Snuggle maintained a cheerful attitude, but the shadow could tell that there was a deep well of darker emotions hidden behind her bright surface. It was easy to understand why — she had not encased herself in an inescapable crystal without a reason, after all.
An unknown number of years had passed in the real world, but for Snuggle, those events had happened mere days ago. So, it was no surprise that she was in no hurry to embark on another traumatic adventure.
She did not have a good reason to, anyway, from what the shadow could tell. The wandering soul seemed convinced that someone would come to find her, one day in the future — she believed in that person with all her heart, not allowing even the smallest measure of doubt to creep into her thoughts.
And if that was true, then all she had to do was stay alive and wait. The shadow had frightened her at the beginning, but now, she seemed to find his company reassuring. There was no place safer than his kingdom anywhere in this realm — or any mortal realm, perhaps. So why would she leave?
The shadow did not mind her company.
His slow and uneventful existence did not change much. He was still vast and devoid of desire, his consciousness sprawled across the silent reaches of his dark kingdom — devoid of life, devoid of light, populated by no one except a legion of quiet shades.
It was just that now, there was also a little doll living among the shades as well.
Somehow he even doubted that she knew how to keep quiet. The little doll was a constant source of noise, not to mention light.
The shadow simply kept calling her Snuggle. She did not seem to mind — and despite the nascent bond of trust between them, she did not seem in a hurry to share her true name with him either.
Names had power, after all, and especially so True Names. In the hands of a powerful sorcerer, they could become one's doom... and in the hands of a being such as the shadow, they could become a beacon for the deadly weapon of his Will.
The wandering soul did not seem aware of what the Will was, but she knew enough to keep her True Name a secret. That suited the shadow fine, since he would feel awkward calling the little doll anything but Snuggle anyway.
Snuggle, meanwhile, developed an extremely bizarre habit...
She began talking to the shades.
As the two of them walked the streets of the lifeless city, she was like a squeaky fountain of greetings.
"Oh, hello there, Mr. Miller!"
"Fancy meeting you here, Madam Sash!" "Handsome Guard? What are you doing here? That is not your usual patrol route!" “Lady Hairdo! How was your day?"
The shade of a mature matron with a complicated headdress just gazed at her silently. Snuggle smiled.
“Just as usual, then! Well, I won't keep you. Let's catch up later!"
The shadow stared at Snuggle in utter incomprehension, wondering if she had lost her mind.
Noticing his stare, she glanced in his direction and asked:
"What?"
The shadow lingered a few moments.
"I just can't fathom why you would talk to them."
Snuggle shrugged.
“Why not? Who knows, perhaps they'll respond one day.’
The shadow frowned in confusion.
"They won't. Even if they could, what do you think they would say?"
Snuggle raised one of her hands and supported her chin, contemplating the answer seriously.
Then, she said:
“Something like ‘Oh, gods! A talking doll! Run for your lives!'?"
The shadow blinked a couple of times.
He stared at the little doll, then at the shades that surrounded them.
Eventually, he nodded.
“A reasonable answer."
Snuggle exploded with laughter and scampered forward, forcing him to keep pace.
Eventually, it seemed like she knew everyone in the city. Snuggle spent quite some time observing the lives of the silent shades, asking the shadows questions about their actions from time to time. She was especially interested in the Transcendent shades — there were only a few of them in his kingdom, all holding important posts. The lord of the city, the high priest, the shaman...
Snuggle was fascinated by each one.
"Transcendent humans... three of them, no less! People like them were only a theoretical existence back home. And these ones conquered Transcendence naturally. What an achievement!"
She sighed.
“I wonder what their Aspects were..."
The shadow studied her for a moment.
“Aren't you a Transcendent human, as well? Or a soul of one, at least."
Snuggle nodded.
"Yeah. But I only became Transcendent after ending up here. It just sort of happened as I was trying to survive the collapse of the First Kingdom. Things got pretty ugly when various priests and nobles began fighting for control... being a mere Ascended did not seem like enough, so I had to step up my game."
The shadow looked at her with a dubious expression.
"Countless people survived the fall of the First Kingdom, and most of them were mundane, not Ascended.”
Snuggle laughed awkwardly.
"Yeah, but... how do I say it... most humans don't feel an overwhelming compulsion to poke their noses into other people's business, unlike me. What, did you think I would stand by and do nothing while those priests and nobles were rampaging, committing vile deeds left and right?"
The shadow shrugged.
"I'd think so, yes."
Snuggle scoffed.
“Didn't you annihilate this entire city because of one human sacrifice?"
The shadow did not know what to answer. Eventually, he simply said:
"I did."
More time passed as he and Snuggle slowly got used to each other. By now, the shadow wasn't even surprised by her conversations with the shades, seeing it as something normal.
And that, in turn, pushed him to pay more attention to the shades himself.
The more he studied the shades, the heavier his heart became...
It was the weight of what he had done, catching up with him slowly.
One day, as they took a walk along the outer edges of the city, Snuggle suddenly asked, her squeaky voice cautious:
“Hey, Shadow, don't you... don't you regret it at all?"
Her gaze was directed at the shades of the farmers pretending to tend to the fields beyond.
The shadow hesitated.
Did he regret it? He wasn't sure. He wasn't sure that he knew what regret was, or if he was capable of feeling it still.
He saw life and death differently from mortals, as well.
Eventually, he said:
“I don't regret anything. Regret... is meaningless. It is a desire aimed at the past, and therefore doomed to stay forever unfulfilled."
However, after saying that, he lingered for a moment and added:
"But... when I look at the future, I do feel reluctant to do anything similar ever again. That is the closest thing to regret I know."
Snuggle sighed and turned away from the fields.
"So you do think about the future as well, sometimes."
The shadow raised an eyebrow.
"Of course, I do."
He thought about the future all the time. Mostly, he thought about how there was always a future, for him — for someone who was denied the right to end and become a thing of the past.
The thought made him feel tired.
Snuggle looked up at him and asked, her usual bright tone returning:
"So, is there something you want to do in the future? Something you desire?"
The shadow smiled.
“Something I desire?"
He lingered for a moment, then shook his head.
“Not really. I don't have any desires left, I think."
Snuggle shook her head.
“No, no, that's not true! You just said that you don't want to slaughter cities anymore. That's a desire, as well! So think deep. Think well! If nothing held you back, what would you want to do?"
The shadow would prefer not to answer, but something compelled him to respond anyway.
He looked at the shades that pretended to tend the fields, contemplating.
A sense of placid melancholy slowly settled in his heart.
Eventually, he said:
“Well... actually, I guess there is one thing.”
Snuggle tugged at the hem of his tunic.
"What is it? Come on, tell me!"
He sighed.
“You see... I am a creature of death. All the things I kill become a part of me. So, in a sense, my existence is like a dam that blocks the entrance to the Shadow Realm. Because of me, countless shadows are doomed to never reach the Realm of Death — to stay within me forever. They are like a deep and dark lake, its surface still and unmoving."
The shadow fell silent for a moment.
"A long time ago, I had a friend. She was a mortal woman, and I didn't want to part with her — so, I offered to make her a part of my soul. But she refused... she said that such an existence would be terribly sad. So, she's gone, and we will never meet again."
Snuggle studied him, then asked in her small, squeaky voice:
"So you want to meet your friend?"
The shadow shook his head.
“No. It's impossible. Even if I live forever, I will never see her again. However... I destroyed this city because I was angry, and I was angry because its people had desecrated her memory."
He looked at his shades, his gaze hiding a hint of despondency.
“But wasn't the act of destroying this city a desecration of her memory, as well? And wouldn't the act of keeping these countless shadows trapped within me, forever, make her terribly sad?"
The shadow smiled wistfully.
"I cannot meet my friend again, because she is in the past. I can't bring the city back to life, either. However... I can still set these shades free, somehow. That is the only thing I can do that belongs to the future."
Snuggle tilted her head a little.
"You want to liberate your shades? Let's do it, then! What's stopping you?"
The shadow looked down, taken aback.
He was just thinking aloud. In truth, he had never contemplated releasing his shades seriously before.
How would he even do it?
After a while, he shrugged.
“I don't really know how to set them free. I can consume them... but then they'll still be a part of me. I would have to deliver them to the Shadow Realm, I guess — let Shadow God deal with it."
Snuggle gulped, but then seemed to find her courage again.
“Well, so what? If that is your only desire, let's go knock on Shadow God's door! Let's come and say — here, these are your clients. Sign for delivery!"
The shadow stared at her, baffled.
“It's... not that easy."
Snuggle waved her hands in the air.
“Why not?"
He didn't know what to answer.
“Well, first of all... I don't even know how to get to the Shadow Realm. We'd need a map, or better yet, a guide. Someone who knows the mortal realms well and can lead us to the Hollow Mountains."
The shadow frowned.
Even if they did get to the Hollow Mountains, they would have to brave the Underworld and the Abyss. And then, they would enter the soul of Shadow God, which was not something the shadow really wanted to do.
But perhaps, maybe...
Perhaps if he met Shadow God, he could receive some answers too.
Still, the very idea was crazy.
Leaving his peaceful kingdom? Plunging into the endless chaos of the mortal realms? Braving unknown dangers and willingly entering the Shadow Realm?
Why would he ever want to do that? Looking at Snuggle, the shadow sighed.
"Listen. You don't seem to realize, but the world out there is full of things that even I, a Supreme Titan, can't handle easily. There are powerful Creatures of Corruption, ancient deities, beings of the Flame that can rend me to shreds with a thought, and all kinds of horrors. And let's not forget people! People are the..."
But before he could finish, a stifled hiss suddenly escaped from his mouth.
That was because some distance away, the peaceful silence of his kingdom was suddenly torn apart by a blinding explosion of pale, ethereal light.
The darkness that had shrouded this land for countless years was banished, and a small portion of the city was suddenly revealed under the night sky.
Moonlight poured from the dark heavens like a waterfall, painting the lightless landscape in pale silver.
‘What the hell?'
The shadow turned in that direction, suppressing the searing pain. He frowned.
‘Who dares?’
Snuggle spun, as well.
It was in that moment that a youthful, arrogant voice reached them from the distance.
"Come out and face me, creature!"
The shadow frowned, and then let out a heavy sigh.
‘Damnation.’
It seemed that the Age of Heroes had descended upon his lands, after all.
Some human fool had finally decided to come and bother him.
“Today is the day you die!"
And that fool was an especially obnoxious one, it seemed.
‘Just what kind of idiot would attack me in my own domain?'
As the shadow grimaced and leaned down to pick up Snuggle, the wind carried the voice of the supposed hero to them once more.
"...Because today is the day that you met me, the Crimson Beast of Twilight!"
As if that was not enough, the uninvited fool added:
"The greatest — and most handsome — hero in all mortal realms!"
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