Chapter 2514: Too Old |
"You absolute cretins! Goddamn ingrates! Complete and utter morons! Atrocious, abominable addlepates!"
The Homicide Division Captain's face was so red that Sunny was starting to get seriously concerned about the old man's health. He was positively apoplectic, shouting at the top of his lungs… howling, almost. Spit was flying every which way, and his entire desk was shaking, as if scared of the old man's rage.
Sunny and Effie were standing on the carpet in front of the desk, looking down like naughty children.
"But, Captain…"
"Shut the hell up! Shut your damn mouth, you damn miscreant!
The Captain slammed his fist into the table with so much force that the screen of his primitive computer jumped, and his coffee mug flew off the wooden surface.
Unsatisfied, he hit the desk a few more times, making it seem like the desktop would crack.
Sunny looked at the Captain with concern, making the man go pale with fury.
"You reprobate dimwits! Foul degenerates! Horrid, heinous, obscene lowlifes! You absolute buffoons! Do you have no brains whatsoever between the two of you, huh?! Answer me, you fetid scumbags!"
"Well…"
The captain growled, looking ready to flip his desk over.
"I said shut the hell up!"
He huffed and puffed, glaring at them with pure, unadulterated loathing.
Sunny sighed.
"You see, we thought…"
The Captain threw a paperweight at him.
The paperweight missed Sunny by about a metre and shattered the frame of a fancy certificate of recognition behind him.
"Oh, you can think now?! There are thoughts in your dull, defective heads now?! You lousy, pestilent dumbasses! Depraved, deplorable, detestable simpletons! You sordid varlets! Go die in a ditch, bastards!"
Sunny winced.
'That's taking it too far…'
After all, they looked half-dead, already.
Both Sunny and Effie were covered in bandages, with bruises and plaster everywhere. He even had one of his arms resting in a sling.
Effie decided to make her presence known at that moment.
"Captain, please calm down…'
Sadly, her words had the opposite effect.
Instead of calming down, the Captain drew a hoarse breath and shook, resembling a boiling kettle. Suny almost expected to see steam coming out of his ears.
"Calm down?! CALM DOWN?! You calm down! Calm the hell down, you filthy, abhorrent, ghastly malcontents! Lamebrain halfwits! Delinquent hoodlums! Depraved,contemptible assholes! You repugnant wretches!"
Now he wasn't even making any sense.
Luckily, the Captain seemed to have run out of steam… or out of expletives, perhaps.
He fell heavily back on his chair, eased up his tie, and unbuttoned the top button of his white shirt. After catching his breath, the Captain gritted his teeth and looked at them with scathing malice.
"You… you…"
He raised a shaky hand and picked up a binder from his desk.
"Let me go over your incredible feats, bastards. Where should I start…"
The old man shook the binder in the air.
"Damaged road surface… destroyed barriers of a freeway exit ramp… a lane divider completely obliterated… that's just city property, you ghouls! There's private property, as well! Do you like driving on pavements?!"
The Captain took a ragged breath.
"Do you know how much all of this costs?! You pair of cowboys can work for the rest of your goddamn lives, and your combined paychecks won't be enough
to cover the cost! Your damn grandchildren will still be paying for all the mayhem you caused long after you two are buried in cheap, budget caskets!"
He covered his face with a palm.
"Now, where did I stop? Oh, damages… forget about the damages! Damages are the least of your troubles. Multiple injuries among civilian drivers, all lawsuits waiting to happen. One criminal is in a morgue, one is in the ICU with multiple rib fractures and a collapsed lung, still unconscious. Someone will have to pay his hospital bill, as well! By Mirage, couldn't you have killed him too, at least?!"
Sunny and Effie looked at each other again.
Sunny coughed.
"Well… if you want… that can still be…"
The Captain frenetically searched for his paperweight, then remembered that he had already tossed it at Sunny, and threw a decorative statuette at him
instead.
This time, the statuette shattered the frame of a photo portrait.
"Die! Go die, you lunatic!"
The old man shook, then groaned.
"Actually, forget about the damages, the lawsuits, and the hospital bills. Mordret of the Valor Group! Why did you have to grab him — him, of all people! — without a warrant!"
Sunny cleared his throat.
"You see, Captain. We were reasonably sure that his life was in danger. So, we took him into protective custody… sort of… and what would you know? We were right!"
Effie nodded energetically.
"Right! Those guys were trying to kill him, and we saved his live. So, we… are basically heroes. Yeah."
The Captain just stared at her with resignation.Letting out a groan, he leaned back and whispered in a tired voice:
"I'm too old for this crap. I'm too old…"
He remained silent for a long while, and then barked so loudly that the glass in the windows trembled.
"Then how did he disappear?! How the hell did he vanish from you goddamn protective custody?!"
Sunny took a deep breath.
"Well, sir, you see… his sister appeared and drove off with him. We haven't seen him since."
The Captain banged his head against the desk.
"His sister?! The same sister who escaped from a mental asylum yesterday?!"
Sunny nodded, then offered in a helpful tone:
"Yes, sir. Her name is Morgan."
"I know what her damn name is! I knooooow!"
The Captain straightened slowly and looked at them with a distant expression.
Then, he sighed and shook his head.
"In any case… both of you are suspended effective immediately. Until further notice, or indefinitely."
Sunny and Effie both raised their heads at the sound of that.
"Captain!"
"Sir!"
The Captain barked:
"Don't sir me! You don't even understand how royally you screwed up, do you?! And not just that, you screwed me over in the process!"
He gritted your teeth.
"You are lucky to be suspended, idiots. Be thankful that I'm not putting you behind bars! I would love nothing more! But that will only add to the mountain of crap I need to shovel. So… surrender your badges and get the hell out of my sight. Now!"
Sunny and Effie looked at each other.
Honestly, they did not particularly care about having these… badges. But out of respect for the elderly captain, they both acted appropriately crushed.
Effie hung her shoulders, walked up to the desk, and silently placed her badge on it.
Sunny took out his own and did the same.
After placing the badge on the desk and before letting go of it, though, he looked at the Captain and said:
"You can take our badges, Captain… but you can't take our resolve."
That nonsense sounded like something the Devil Detective would have said.
So, he said it.
The Captain looked at him tiredly.
Then, he sighed.
"I'm going to kill you."
Opening a drawer, he took out a holstered gun and began to pull the clasp open.
"I mean, I'm going to kill you right now…"
Sunny hurriedly let go of his badge and stepped away.
"Goodbye, Captain! Keep up the good work!"
A moment later, both he and Effie were gone, having retreated from the Captain's office with startling haste.
The old man looked down, at the two badges laying on his desk.
He sighed heavily.
"Too old,I'm too old… I'm too old for this crap..."
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