Chapter 30: Why Are You Doing This? |
“After we found the hut, you went out for a bit to look around, oppa. While you were gone, we talked about you.”
“What did you talk about?”
“We talked about the other survivors we met today. You remember when that man threw a dagger at Yu-jeong eonni, right? And you shot an arrow and hit his hand?”
I nodded silently at Kim Han-byeol’s words. At that moment, I had been preparing for the worst-case scenario. If Woo Jeong-min and Seon Yu-un had come at us to kill, we would have surely lost one or two people unless I revealed my true abilities. That’s why I was ready to incapacitate one of them right away if things went south.
“And An Hyeon oppa blocked the dagger with his shield.”
“That’s right.”
“Everyone was praising An Hyeon oppa, saying how amazing and thankful they were. But do you know what they said after seeing what you did today?”
“...”
For a moment, I had a vague idea of what she was about to say, but I didn’t want to hear it. However, before I could speak, Kim Han-byeol opened her mouth.
“Hm. I see.”
As I nodded calmly, Kim Han-byeol looked momentarily dumbfounded.
“It’s not an ‘I see’ moment. Don’t you feel it’s unfair? Don’t you feel like saying, ‘I did it to protect her,’ or ‘You all didn’t want to say anything, so you pushed it on me. You have no right to talk like that’?”
Was that so? I must have been too lost in my own deep thoughts to notice the subtle shift in the atmosphere. I felt a little disappointed, but I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it. Once we entered the Hall Plain, they would all likely have to kill someone sooner or later anyway.
Kim Han-byeol, seeming frustrated by my nonchalant expression, continued in a placating tone.
“You’re always worrying alone, thinking alone. You try to take on most of the burdensome tasks by yourself. Of course, I know you don’t have any bad intentions.”
“I think there might be a misunderstanding. Just a moment...”
“I’m not trying to make an issue out of a misunderstanding. As I’ve said before, your judgment has always been trustworthy. I believe so, too.”
At Kim Han-byeol’s words, I felt a stone drop in my heart. Since leaving the city, I had often seen her staring at me intently. Especially when An Hyeon and I were discussing our future plans. At the time, I didn’t think much of it and let it slide, but it seemed I was thoroughly caught by Han-byeol today.
“That’s not true. We...”
“Oppa. You can speak comfortably with me.”
Kim Han-byeol cut me off, and for a moment, I stammered. When I looked at her with wide eyes, she was glaring at me with a dissatisfied expression.
“Huh? What?”
“I said, speak informally. You’re comfortable with all the other eonnis and oppas, so why not with me?”
“...Alright.”
For a fleeting moment, her presence overwhelmed me. Me, of all people. A 10-year veteran user of the Hall Plain...
I should stop. Just looking at Kim Han-byeol reminded me of Han So-young, and my heart would waver on its own. It couldn’t simply be dismissed as her unique ability, Charisma. It was true that my gaze towards her often held a subtle emotion. That’s how similar her initial aura was to someone I knew.
I cleared my throat and continued what I was trying to say earlier.
“It’s not like I always made the decisions. You, me, Hyeon, Sol. We all put our heads together and figured things out.”
“Don’t lie. At least you had the conscience not to include Yu-jeong eonni in that.”
“Didn’t Hyeon work harder than me? He was amazing during the fight with those monkeys today.”
“There you go again. That might work on An Hyeon oppa or Yu-jeong eonni, but please don’t do that with me. Don’t try to cleverly change the subject. An Hyeon oppa barely managed to kill two of them by cooperating with me. You took care of two by yourself, oppa. Not only that, but you also helped Yu-jeong eonni with her fight.”
Han-byeol’s words poked at a sore spot. She really was similar. I couldn’t help but feel that I couldn’t underestimate her. Were those occasional glances her way of observing me? It seemed she had come thoroughly prepared.
I sighed inwardly. I decided to listen a little longer, and if it became too much, I would just be direct with her.
“It’s always been like this. In the forest, in the city, and when we met those strangers today. You usually stay one step back, but when things get truly dangerous, you’re always the one to step forward, oppa. If we consider ourselves a team, you’re the one leading us, the pillar of our team. Not An Hyeon oppa. That’s why I was so frustrated. Why should you have to hear such things?”
‘Is she thinking of me?’
“Well, I see it differently. An Hyeon is definitely excellent. He’s proactive, has drive, and is decisive. And I don’t think you need to think so deeply about what they said. When you think about it, we’re all leaders, and the Rite of Passage is a place where cooperation is crucial.”
“Stop it. Oppa, why on earth are you doing this?”
“I really don’t know what you’re trying to say.”
Even as I said I didn’t know, I felt a sting inside. I didn’t have the confidence to look into Kim Han-byeol’s calm, cold eyes any longer. A chill emanated from her, making me feel as if a northern blizzard was raging. It truly felt that intense.
“Don’t lie! The one who truly makes the decisions and takes the lead is you, Su-hyeon oppa! You leave the easy, obvious tasks to An Hyeon oppa, but why do you silently handle the difficult things all by yourself? Why is it that everyone only thanks and praises An Hyeon oppa? Why should they be afraid of you, Su-hyeon oppa, the one who does all the dirty work alone? And why are you trying so hard to hide it?”
“You...”
“If this continues, you’ll just act the same way in the same situation again. And there’s a chance that what happened today will repeat itself. The important thing is that all of us are subconsciously relying on you a lot. No one will object. So please, be our team’s leader, oppa. From now on, if there’s a difficult problem, whether you think about it alone or we discuss it together, let’s at least act together. If you’re the leader, everyone will follow you without complaint.”
Kim Han-byeol was now practically pleading with me. Honestly, I still felt a bit dazed. If the person in front of me had been Lee Yu-jeong, I would have laughed it off, thinking it was just her personality, but I couldn’t get a read on Kim Han-byeol at all. Even then, I was trying to calculate her reasons for bringing this up with me.
The standoff between us continued, and the dawn chill seeped into our bodies. But Kim Han-byeol showed no signs of leaving. No, it seemed she had no intention of letting me go until she got an answer.
I bit my lip slightly before slowly opening my mouth.
“I...”
◇◇◇◆◇◇◇
The morning of the 6th day dawned. An Hyeon, having finished the last watch, woke everyone up and began bustling about, preparing for departure. Twisting his joints with a tired face, he seemed incredibly stiff. I, too, had barely slept, staying up with my eyes open, but my body wasn’t one to feel fatigue from a single sleepless night.
“Morning. Sleep well?”
I deliberately offered a bright morning greeting. An Sol jumped in surprise at my words, then quickly bowed her head with an anxious look and scurried away. In the past, I would have chuckled and assumed she was just shy, but seeing her react like that to my face brought a bitter smile to my lips.
An Hyeon must have noticed An Sol’s behavior, as she was being scolded for disrespectfully just nodding her head at her dear older brother. She lowered her head again, on the verge of tears. Soon after, Lee Yu-jeong came over and shielded her. Watching the two of them bicker, An Sol started to fidget, not knowing what to do.
And I stood one step back, quietly watching the scene. It was warm. A truly warm scene. You could have called them three siblings. Their interaction was so warm and cheerful that it made me forget this place was the hellish Rite of Passage.
But there was no place for me in there. And I knew that fact better than anyone. They and I were fundamentally different people. A thought had crossed my mind when I cut down a hundred users in the past. Perhaps I was no longer human. Maybe I had momentarily gotten lost in their warmth and forgotten myself.
‘Anyone who knew me back then would faint if they saw me now.’
I chuckled at the self-deprecating thought. Recalling the dark past seemed to darken the mood as well. Whether he knew my feelings or not, An Hyeon approached me with a wide grin. From Lee Yu-jeong’s grumbling behind him, it seemed An Hyeon was the winner of today’s morning squabble.
“Hyeong. We should be able to reach that warp gate thingy today, right?”
“...Yeah.”
“Then let’s get there quickly. This might be our last breakfast here, so how about we have a big one? You should eat a lot too, Hyeong.”
I managed a faint smile at An Hyeon’s cheerful words. I answered his suggestion to eat breakfast by shaking my head.
“No. I’m fine. You guys eat breakfast today.”
“What? But...”
“It’s a habit of mine not to eat before an important day. It helps me keep my senses sharp.”
An Hyeon nodded with a reluctant expression, then turned his head towards Kim Han-byeol. She was still staring into the void with a cold face. Suddenly, I remembered the conversation I had with her at dawn.
“Han-byeol, are you having breakfast...”
“I’m not eating.”
“Huh? Don’t be like that...”
“I’m not eating.”
Kim Han-byeol cut An Hyeon off with a short reply before he could even finish his sentence. Even An Sol seemed surprised by the unexpected scene, fidgeting with her fingers restlessly. An Hyeon looked back and forth between my face and Han-byeol’s with an awkward expression, then let out a sheepish laugh and scratched his head. Lee Yu-jeong, watching from behind, didn’t dare disturb the current atmosphere and spoke in a much more demure voice than usual.
“Ahaha... I guess it’ll just be us then.”
“W-Well, can’t be helped. More for us, I guess. Hoho... ho. Oppa, Han-byeol. We’re really going to eat all of this, okay...?”
Naturally, there was no response from me or Kim Han-byeol. Even the typically unfazed Lee Yu-jeong seemed shocked by our reaction, pouting her lips like a chicken’s beak. For a moment, I felt Kim Han-byeol’s gaze on me. But I had no intention of turning my head, so I simply ignored her stare. The atmosphere grew even colder.
The vibrant morning of the 6th day.
That day’s morning began with three people cautiously watching two others, starting with breakfast.
============================ Author's Note ============================
1. Corrected typos and context.
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