Chapter 72: Vessel |
"You can feel it, can't you?" Melpomene asks me. "The flow of the world around us. You're like me."
I sigh, inhaling and letting out a deep breath of miasma. I used to choke on this stuff, but it doesn't really bother me anymore. Honestly, it's better than the dry air of the castle.
"'Like you' might be pushing it," I grumble.
"Just close your eyes and listen to it," Melpomene instructs.
"Melpomene, I'm blind. Closing my eyes isn't going to do anything."
She at least has the good graces to feel a little embarrassed at that, but she presses on.
"You know what I mean!" she insists. "Just… focus!"
I sigh again, adjusting my body a bit on this uncomfortable rock. Vision or not, sitting with my tail curled underneath me is, I'll admit, a rather distracting experience. I don't know if I'll ever get used to having this unwieldy thing. In addition to the three pairs of spines coming out of my back, I've got another three pairs just below what would have been my ass had I not been turned into some fucked-up mermaid monster. That's a total of twelve of the damn things, and the more I focus on them, the more I can feel myself consciously or unconsciously moving them from time to time. I have the lower set splayed out to the sides right now so I can get my tail underneath myself and sit on the damn thing. It coils around me, keeping me steady against the ground.
As for focusing, well… I have no idea what I'm supposed to be focusing on. There's no limit to the chaos surrounding us. Most of the monsters that came through the tunnel Melpomene crafted have wandered off, though a few of them have stuck around to demand cuddles and attention from their apparent master. There's a lesser storm far above us, and a storm of unparalleled might encasing this fragment of the Dark World. And, of course, there are the mists themselves, the miasma, the thick atmosphere of Dark World corruption that turned me into the monster I am now. What am I supposed to feel from it, exactly? I'm using it to feel the world, to replace my eyes, but I don't feel much of anything from the mists themselves.
"Hmm," Melpomene considers. "Well, what stands out to you most?"
"The storm," I answer immediately.
"The one above?"
"No," I say. "The one beyond the edge of the fragment. The one you pushed away to make this fragment larger. That storm."
"Oh? Why do you call it a storm?" she asks.
"Why wouldn't I?" I answer. "That's what it is."
"So you feel beyond the edges of the walls…" Melpomene hums. "I can't see that, actually. But I suppose it's something that cannot be seen. Perhaps the Dark World has given us different roles…"
Roles? Really? She's talking about the Dark World like it can think. Then again, maybe it can, in its own way.
Water, water, water, water.
"And what role is the Dark World giving kaiju?" I counter anyway.
"To destroy," Melpomene shrugs. "Naturally. The Dark World is dying and in pain. It lashes out like a wounded animal. The fact that its attacks do not reach their intended targets is of little concern in the midst of such panic."
"So… do you think healing the Dark World would stop the monster attacks?" I ask.
"I can't see why it wouldn't," Melpomene confirms. "Or at the very least, it would stop the monster attacks on humans."
She smiles as she says that. Imagining unleashing a monster on the Preservers themselves, no doubt. Am I… frustrated about that? I feel much more… awake than I have in a long time. I'm not really sure I care about the Preservers at this point one way or another. They left me to die in the Dark World, and I can't say I appreciated that, but they only did it because I deserved it. Sending in someone to help me would have put someone more worthwhile in danger.
"Anyway, keep going. What else stands out to you?"
I huff, once again shifting my weight. The spines on my tail scrape against the ground, casually carving shallow nicks in the stone. I resist the urge to clench something inside the alien limbs.
Is that my answer? That I stand out? I don't know why I care about having an answer, honestly. I suppose it's something to do. I could blow her off, but she'd just take me back to the castle—if I'm lucky—and then what? I barely had any hobbies before getting trapped here, and I can't really do any of those hobbies anymore at all, blind and functionally legless as I am. If I don't at least have someone to talk to, I'll be back to nothingness. The last company I need right now is my own empty mind.
Water, water, water, water.
…So. What stands out to me? If I do take this angle of 'myself' being the answer, what stands out about myself? I can whine about my new body again, but I doubt that'll take the conversation anywhere. Besides, she's asking about my weird new senses. My weird new senses can sense the shape of my body, sure, but that's like, the most boring possible use of them.
Hmm… wait. I can feel something else. Something spherical, yet jagged, like a hollow glass orb with one half shattered. I feel it from the inside, wisps of miasma curling around the sharp, broken edges. I'm briefly filled with a desire to know more, and at the same time a tiny bloom of orange magic wells up from within, pushing against the miasma and shoving some of it out before leaking away itself.
Ah. I understand.
"I can feel my own soul," I tell Melpomene. "I can feel how broken it is."
"Your… soul?" Melpomene asks. "Was that not something you could feel before?"
"Um, not really?" I admit, a little surprised by the question. "Or at least, not like this. This is more like… physically feeling it. Poking at its edges. The miasma is getting inside because of the hole in it."
"Hmm. You know, it's been eight months," Melpomene comments. "I'm surprised it hasn't healed by now. Obviously we knew it hadn't, what with your new incarnate form and all, but… it's odd."
"Well, maybe I don't want it to heal," I say.
Again, a slight smile touches Melpomene's lips.
"Oh?" she asks.
"I don't deserve for it to heal," I tell her. "That hole belongs there. It was never mine. It was Minerva's, and now she's gone."
A chuckle escapes Melpomene's lips, and she scoots forward, reaching her hand out to brush against my cheek.
"You really are just an empty little thing, aren't you?" she asks fondly.
"Yes," I answer easily, ignoring her casual touch. "Not sure why you treat that as a good thing, but I guess I'm not complaining."
"I love that about you," Melpomene says sweetly, scooting closer again. "Everyone else is so… complicated. Anath always has far too much going on in that head of hers, mixing her every which way. Nanaya and I are close, but even she's hiding things from me. And Thea…"
She trails off. I just sit, not caring much about any of this.
"Well anyway, you're a refreshing change of pace, Fulgora," Melpomene continues. "All emptied out and ready to be filled with something new. It's like looking back in time."
The hell does that mean? Well, whatever.
"Look, are we done here?" I ask. "If you don't need me for something, we should head back."
The unexpected vim I was feeling earlier has since faded. I'm just exhausted now. I can barely even remember why I was interested in this weird conversation in the first place.
"Well, I suppose Nanaya did want us back before too long," Melpomene sighs. "Oh, well. I'll express my displeasure later in private. Come along, then."
For once, I'm too tired to be embarrassed as Melpomene scoops me up and carries me back to the castle. I just let my head rest softly on her shoulder, her arms wrapped around my back and tail to hold me close. It's almost nice, in a way. Even as we make it back and step out of the Dark World's fog, I can still more or less see around myself just because I'm this close to her. The aura of power even seems a little clearer now than it was before.
She smacks the heavy door to the castle open with her tail, flying me up the stairs and depositing me in a chair I suspect I'm going to become very, very familiar with from now on. Her hands already on the handles, she pushes my wheelchair down the hall with me in it. The vaguest memory of sitting in the top seat of a shopping cart hits me like an unexpected punch from Anath, leaving me feeling helpless and infantilized all at once. But what the hell else am I gonna do? Crawl around on my belly?
Wait. Wheelchairs have like. The big wheels, right?
"H-hold on a second," I stammer. "I wanna try doing it myself."
"Doing what, dear?"
"Moving!" I snap, grabbing at the wheels and being vaguely surprised when I don't get my fingers tangled in the spokes and nearly break something.
…Which is also weirdly specific. Did that happen with Jim's bike once? Well, one way or another, I manage to force the chair to stop. I guess this body is closer in strength to my old incarnate form than my human body. I'll probably need some time to get used to that.
"Er… that's all well and good, but do you know where you're going?" Melpomene asks.
"I can follow you," I answer. "Probably. I mean, this can't be that hard."
"Alright, if you say so," Melpomene shrugs, walking ahead of me.
It isn't that hard, as it turns out. Going forward is trivial, anyway, and as I was previously reminded, I have more than enough upper-body strength and endurance for it to not be that tiring. Why am I even bothering, though? It's not like I'll be able to go anywhere myself anyway. I'm blind, and I become even more blind if Melpomene isn't around.
It's… a little scary, to be honest. Thankfully, the emotion doesn't last.
Water, water, water, water.
"We're baaack, ladies!" Melpomene calls out, and I can feel the cluster of anger and the mix of joy and sadness react, shuffling in place a bit before heading toward us.
With my eyes useless, I'm supposed to get like, super-senses in other areas or whatever, right? It'd be nice if those could kick in sooner, but paying more attention to my emotional sense should be useful in the meantime. I feel like I've thought about this before… whatever, whatever.
Water, water.
"Mel! Fulgora! Hi, hi! How did it go?"
"Wonderfully! I managed a full new tunnel," Melpomene says smugly.
"It was fine," I shrug. "Wasn't expecting the swarm of monsters to act like puppies."
"Hehe! Yeah, they're cute, aren't they?" Anath beams.
"I don't know if I'd call them cute," I hedge, only lying a little bit. "They mostly just ignored me."
"Yeah, they only really get excited about Mel," Anath agrees sadly. "I wanna snuggle a wuppy…"
"There's been a kaiju attack in North Carolina," Nanaya reports.
Well, that ends the puppy monster conversation pretty fast. I almost ask if we should go help, but… I mean, come on. Let's not be a complete idiot here.
"…Did Castalia deploy?" Melpomene asks, her strength flaring.
"She did," Nanaya confirms. "Alongside both Luna and Thea. There are recordings of them fighting together."
The shriek of rage is the only warning I get before something knocks my wheelchair and me to the side, slamming me into the wall at high speed. My chair slides rather than tumbles, so I hit the wall shoulder-first. The sudden stop also makes me hit my head, but at least I'm somehow not quite knocked out of my chair. The burst of power knocks Anath on her ass too, though Nanaya manages to brace herself a bit.
"Melpomene," the red mage growls.
"Fulgora!" Anath shouts in alarm, leaping to her feet and rushing over to me. I hold out my hand to stop her from doing whatever stupid shit she was probably about to do, using my other hand to feel around the injury on my head.
"Thea's with them?" Melpomene rants. "They took her to fight a kaiju!? I'm going to rip them apart for this! Damn it, damn it! Luna! You're dead! You're dead!"
"Melpomene!" Nanaya shouts. "If you aren't controlling and directing your emotions, they're worthless! Get ahold of yourself!"
That seems to snap a spark of sense back into the woman, at least for now. I feel her eyes widen, and she reaches up to clutch her head.
"…Sorry," she mutters. "Sorry, yes. You're right. But Thea…"
"Thea made her choice," Nanaya spits. "We knew all along that she wasn't as devoted to the mission as you or me."
"But the Preservers have her now!" Melpomene insists. "They're hurting her, they… they…"
"Luna wouldn't let them hurt her," Anath insists, turning to face Melpomene now that I've successfully waved her off.
Melpomene's reaction isn't immediate violence, but it feels like a very close thing. The rage and disgust roaring inside of her are one breath away from being unleashed.
"How dare you."
"Luna is a good person," Anath says. "And she likes Thea. She'd protect her!"
"Luna betrayed us," the disgust mage growls.
"That's impossible!" Anath insists. "It's impossible."
"She's helping the Earth Guardians! She's helping the Preservers!"
"She's fighting kaiju!" Anath snaps back. "There's nothing evil about that! Kaiju don't even attack the Preservers, they only kill us!"
"Anath…" Nanaya warns, stepping between the girl and Melpomene.
"No… no. She's right," Melpomene manages, though it sounds like she has to force the words out. "That's true. It's why we need to find and tame more kaiju, to send against the real enemy. Wasting them on Earth Guardians is… counterproductive."
Melpomene takes a couple deep breaths, and Nanaya slowly starts to relax her guard as she stares carefully at the woman. I, meanwhile, have successfully failed to find blood on my head, and that's really all I care about. Cleaning up blood is a pain.
"We have to prepare," Melpomene continues. "We can't let what happened last time happen again. I'm not strong enough. Not yet."
"…Exactly," Nanaya agrees. "Now come on. Let's get some food. Anath, help Fulgora."
"O-okay!" Anath agrees.
"I don't need help," I insist, shoving my chair away from the wall and wheeling after Melpomene as best I can.
Anath steps out of my way, hesitates for a moment, then rushes to catch up.
"Are you… okay?" she asks.
"I'm fine," I confirm.
"Sorry. She's not normally like that," Anath insists. "She's just been upset ever since Thea left."
"I didn't ask," I grunt.
"R-right…"
Melpomene's walking faster than before, and it's hard to keep up. I just focus on my arms, pumping the wheels as quickly as I can without losing control. I don't even notice when she stops, ultimately causing me to smack into her tail and nearly spill out of my chair again.
"Ow!" Melpomene yelps. "Oogh… careful, dear."
"Sorry," I manage.
"It's fine," she waves off.
Which is… good, I guess. I figured she'd be a lot angrier considering how hard she just flipped out. Anath runs up and grabs the back of my wheelchair (annoying), apologizing quietly to Melpomene on my behalf (also annoying) before guiding me the rest of the way to… wherever we happen to be going. I smell food, so… the kitchen, maybe? Oh, yep, that's a table, Melpomene just walked up to a table and sat down. I get wheeled up to the same table, though Anath seats herself between Melpomene and me.
"So what did you two get up to, anyway?" Anath asks Melpomene.
"…Like I said, I opened another tunnel," Melpomene answers. "I think Fulgora might be able to do the same someday, so I wanted to show her and get her thoughts on the matter."
Ha. Wouldn't that have been nice? To just run off to some other shard, maybe even one with an exit. Maybe I could have gotten out before I ended up like this. Then again, ending up like this is probably the only reason I have any power anymore at all.
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"So what's the actual plan here?" I ask. "I never understood that. If it's the four of us against all the Preservers and the entire rest of the world… do any of you expect to win?"
"Are you fighting with us, Fulgy!?" Anath asks excitedly.
"Oh yeah, for sure, I'm gonna be able to do soooo much fighting like this," I grumble, indicating myself. "But seriously, is this a suicide mission? Not saying I'm out if it is, just… I dunno. It'd be nice to know."
"Rest assured, we have no intention of losing," Nanaya hums, clattering away over at the counters. The smell of food starts to get more intense. Oh, I'm hungry again…
"Assured. Yeah. that's the word for it," I mutter.
"As you've noticed, we're collecting Dark World monsters and… encouraging them to stay in our fragment rather than roam around or head to Earth," Melpomene says. "We're continuing to expand and improve this fragment so it can function as an increasingly useful base of operations. The more fragments we connect, the more mobility through the Dark World we have, and the more forces we have available to us when necessary."
"We haven't yet managed to create tunnels large enough to transport kaiju between fragments, but once we do, we can keep several of them on standby as either a threat or a fallback point," Nanaya adds. "Even the strongest Earth Guardians would have to respect that kind of firepower. Our castle would be virtually unassailable."
"In the meantime we are, hrm, not rocking the boat, let's say," Melpomene says. "We… I jumped the gun rather too early last time, and we suffered a rather humiliating defeat."
"I know. I was there," I say flatly.
Melpomene's eyebrow twitches.
"…Right, yes. Well, in the interest of not repeating such a display, we are… biding our time. As per Nanaya's recommendation," she says, the fakest smile in the world on her face.
"There are several good reasons to take time to prepare," Nanaya says. "There are multiple projects that would be ideal to finish before another target gets painted on our backs. We let the Earth Guardians think they've won for now. We let them think they understand us, that we are a threat that can simply be fought off. And the next time we come into conflict, they learn how exceptionally wrong they are."
She walks over to the table, hefting a large pot with her and setting it down in the middle of us all.
"Which," she grunts, "is why we must control ourselves. No starting fights we are not guaranteed to win. The Preservers having such a fondness for the status quo places time on our side."
"Well," I say, "you certainly don't have to worry about me wandering off on my own."
"Mmm," Nanaya hums. "How very reassuring. The curry is ready. Help yourselves."
Well that's sort of the problem, isn't it? Even with Melpomene nearby helping me to sense my surroundings, it's all a bit too vague for me to plate the food myself without inevitably spilling. I'm about to try anyway when Anath pushes her plate over to me and starts loading up a second one for herself. I'm annoyed, but also hungry, so I let it slide.
"So you guys just need me to help Melpomene with expanding the Dark World or whatever?" I ask.
"Not really," Nanaya answers bluntly. "We don't need you for anything. You're mostly a charity case, best I can tell."
"Nanaya, dear, be nice," Melpomene chides.
"I have nothing against charity," Nanaya sidesteps easily. "But let's not fool ourselves into thinking that isn't all this is. If she can help you with your part of the plan, then fine. If she can't… well, that's fine too."
I seethe quietly, accepting the casual dismissal of my worth for what it is. It's fair, I suppose. Minerva was all that made me who I am. Minerva wouldn't even be here, helping these people in the first place. Would she? I mean, she's the one who suggested we try to make peace with them, but… no. No, she's smarter than me. Better than me. She wouldn't just sit here and endure this, like I am.
But I'm nothing without her, so I don't talk for the rest of dinner.
"Now if you'll excuse me," Nanaya says as the others start to clean up, "I should head to Earth and get a few errands done while the most dangerous weapons pointed our way are occupied elsewhere. Melpomene, I encourage you to go to bed without me. I may be away for some time."
"Terrible timing," Melpomene pouts, "but very well. Shall I see you in the morning, at least?"
"Perhaps, perhaps not," Nanaya says, "but if I'm not back by tomorrow night, it will be safe to assume something has gone wrong. Other than that, I'm not certain when my business will be concluded."
"How can you even tell if it's night or not, here?" I ask.
"Well you see, Fulgora, we have access to a delightful invention colloquially referred to as 'clocks,'" Nanaya says, and I genuinely can't tell if she's joking or just pissed. Either way, I think it's probably best not to engage, so I say nothing.
"Goodbye, all of you," Nanaya continues, starting to head out. "I will see you tomorrow."
I feel her leave, and once she's out of the range of whatever senses I'm using Melpomene for, I listen to her footsteps until I can no longer hear them. No one speaks up until a little while after.
"…Ugh, she's away from the house so often lately," Melpomene complains. "I swear, she has so many little projects these days."
"Nana's always preferred to keep herself busy, but this is a lot even for her," Anath agrees.
I say nothing, just sitting around uselessly as Melpomene does the dishes and Anath hesitantly sort of helps her. Eventually, the two of them finish, and Melpomene heads off elsewhere, leaving me truly and completely blind once again. Interestingly, I can't even feel her emotions anymore after she enters what I assume to be her room. It's a room, anyway, since I can hear the door close.
"Okay," I hear Anath comment. "Okay. I think… everything is put away right. Yeah? Yeah. And nothing's even broken! Probably."
It's kind of impressive how bad at everything this girl is. Even I can do the damn dishes.
"Well! Alright then," Anath continues, her focus quickly turning to me. "So, um, Fulgora! Do you wanna… do something together?"
What? Oh, god. I almost laugh out loud, though the sound only comes out as a small wheeze.
"Are you asking me to hang out? You want to know if I want to spend time with my literal violent stalker? No, Anath. I don't want to 'do something together.'"
"Th-that's okay, um… I could just… help you with something? Or take you somewhere and leave you alone. I just figured you might have trouble getting around, and um… sorry."
"I'm fine," I insist.
"Are you sure? You've just been sitting there doing nothing. I could get something for you. Do you have any hobbies?"
"Running," I answer flatly.
Dread creeps out of Anath's body.
"O-oh," she squeaks. "That's, um… anything else?"
"Not really," I snap. "So just leave me alone, okay? I don't want to spend time with you."
She hesitates, fidgeting by shifting her balance between her feet. She seems to struggle with what to say for a while, but before long she blurts something out.
"I can't," she insists quietly.
"Oh my fucking god," I groan, turning my wheelchair around as best I can and heading off… somewhere. "Leave me alone!"
"I can't!" she repeats desperately. "You'll die!"
What? I stop, if only for a moment. I'll die? Is she threatening me or something?
"You're a teal mage," she clarifies. "You'll die."
Oh. That manages to get me to laugh for real, at least.
"No need to worry about that, Anath," I say, wheeling off again. "I'm not that lucky."
The Dark World didn't let me die. Wouldn't let me die. I gave up trying long ago, and I don't have the energy for it anymore. Even if it might work inside the castle, away from the mists… hmm.
"W-where are you going?" Anath stammers, pattering after me.
"Somewhere else," I snap.
"You're going to hit a—"
Bonk. One wheel abruptly stops as I smack my chair into a wall. Well, I've gotta learn the layout of this damn place somehow. It's something to do.
"Please let me help," Anath whines.
"No," I insist, adjusting myself and setting off down the hall as parallel to the wall I just hit as I can manage. I still end up hitting the opposite wall before I manage to make it down the hallway, and from there I zig-zag a bit until I bonk my tail on a doorframe and slowly figure out how to get inside that, instead. I don't really know where this door goes, and I don't really care. At this point, it's mostly just a distraction from the irritating squirrel hovering behind me.
I wander more or less around the whole floor like this, mapping out everything I can. My memory, of course, is really bad, so I don't do a very good job. …No, even that's overstating it. I've circled around so much I must have gone over my own tracks ten times over by now, but not an inch of it feels familiar. None of it at all.
I'm blind. The sense I rely on more than any other is gone, and without it, not a single damn thing makes sense. I'm going in circles, in circles, in circles but I can't tell where the circle starts or stops because I can't see! It's so much more than darkness, so much worse than getting flashbanged in a fight. Even in the pitch black of night, even inside the Dark World itself, there's the barest hint of light that helps you almost get an outline of how close something is, whether or not something is there, but I don't even have that. Every spin of my wheels, I have no idea if I'm about to hit a wall, hit my head, or fall down a goddamn staircase. I'm making the trips faster and faster, almost hoping I'll run into something nasty, just so it'll be memorable enough for me to have a frame of reference…!
"Fulgora, wait!" Anath calls out, because the damn girl is still fucking following me!
With a soft thunk, I run into something a little less stony than my usual collisions. It feels like… crystal. And maybe a bit of weird, rubbery skin? I reach out to it, but Anath grabs the handles of my wheelchair and yanks me backward, causing me to yelp in surprise.
"Don't do that!" I snap at her. "Don't touch my chair!"
"Y-you shouldn't bother them!" Anath stammers.
"Bother who?" I ask. "We're alone in here."
That, at least, I can be confident of. We're the only two sources of emotion in the room.
"N-no, that's… even if they're dead, we shouldn't bother them," Anath says. "Sorry. I'm taking you out so I can shut the door."
"Even if who's dead?" I ask.
"Luna thinks they might have been an Antipathy," Anath says, "but they're gone now. Crystals fused them to the floor when the Dark World… did what the Dark World does."
"You have a brain-dead Antipathy just hanging out in the middle of a room of your castle?" I ask.
"Well, none of us ever come this way," Anath says quietly. "The castle is way too big for us. And like you said… there's not really anyone in there."
She finally lets go of my chair again, closing the door behind us. I've felt her flitting every which-way around me this whole time. Has she been opening all the doors for me so I don't hit as much stuff? I've been at it a while, though. …Right?
"How long have I been doing this?" I ask. I have no sense of time anymore.
"Um… about… seven and a quarter hours?" Anath answers, and I realize she sounds pretty tired.
I'm tired too, come to think of it. I really have no sense of time.
"Oh," I say. "Do I… where am I supposed to sleep?"
"Where do you want to sleep?" Anath asks.
"A lake," I answer.
Oh," Anath says, wincing. "Um… what's your second choice? We're not supposed to leave the castle right now."
I was joking. Is a lake an option?
Water, water, water, water.
I hope a lake is an option.
"I don't know," I admit. "I guess like, a bed?"
"Oh!" Anath says. "Well, yeah, we have one of those! Here, I'll—"
"Don't touch the fucking wheelchair!" I shout at her, and she flinches back. "Just lead the way. I can move myself."
"R-right. Sorry. Sorry."
I say that, but the more I do the more the exhaustion starts to hit me. Anath stays close, always a couple steps ahead of me so I don't need to worry if I'm about to hit anything, but every push is quickly feeling heavier. How long have I been awake, exactly…? I don't remember. Melpomene went to her room a while ago. Was that to sleep?
"H-here. You can sleep here," Anath says, opening a door and stepping inside.
I follow her as best I can, only bonking the doorframe once. She leads me over to the bed, patting the edge of it with her hand, which I'll admit does help me find it a little better.
"Do you want my help to—"
"No," I snap, leaning forward to hoist myself out of the chair and flop down onto the bed.
A bit of dragging and a bit of rolling later, I manage to flop and wiggle my way up to the pillows, which is more than enough for me. I'm still wearing the stupid ass skirt and backless shirt Nanaya gave me, and that's plenty to keep me warm. The Dark World is usually pretty cold, in fact, but come to think of it I haven't even felt chilly in… a really long time. I'd rather not fuck around with blankets near my spines anyway.
A yawn quickly overtaking me, I curl up a little and get comfortable on my side. The bed smells… familiar, and something is a little itchy, but I'm way too tired to care. It doesn't take me long at all to fall asleep.
I wake up and open my eyes. This doesn't seem to work, so I try to open my eyes again, but my body insists they're already open. It takes me another second or two to remember why this is happening, at which point I dimly note that this has happened probably the last five times I've woken up. Is it ever going to stop happening, I wonder, or is my brain just stuck thinking it should be able to see forever?
Where am I, again? The castle, I remember that, but where? I'm in a bed of some kind. I can feel Anath nearby too, though I think she's asleep. Thankfully, she's not in the bed with me; I kinda half-expected her to crawl on with me while I was passed out, but I guess she's not really that kind of stalker. Although… the bed does smell like her. And on the pillow… is this fur?
God. She gave me her bed. She's sleeping on the floor, and she gave me her bed. What the hell, Anath? I don't deserve this. Can't you be obsessed with someone else?
I have extremely negative interest in trying to get myself into my wheelchair without help or my weird miasma sense, so I just lay in bed silently for a while, not moving a muscle. Eventually, Anath starts to stir, rolling over in her sleep a few times before consciousness fully returns to her. With a massive yawn, she arches her back and stretches her entire body at once, a shaking sound that I assume is her tail wobbling in the air briefly breaking the quiet before she seems to notice me.
"…Fulgy?" she asks. "You awake?"
"Yeah," I confirm.
"Did you sleep okay?"
"…Yeah."
She seems pleased with herself at that, a pulse of warm joy flowing through her even though I just spoke a single word twice.
"Hey, did you still wanna go to a lake?" Anath asks. "Or was that just for sleeping?"
Huh?
Water, water, water, water.
"I… guess?" I say. "I mean, I don't really have anything else to do."
"You said you liked to run!" Anath points out, jumping to her feet. "I bet you'll love swimming, especially now!"
"What, because I'm a fucking fish?" I ask sarcastically.
"Yeah!" Anath answers, entirely seriously. "Hey, hey, what if we just go now?"
Huh?
"What, to a lake?" I ask.
"Yeah!" Anath confirmed. "I think there is one! Melpomene mentioned one of the fragments she opened had a lake in it I think. I can probably find the right tunnel, lakes smell really nice! I mean, I guess a Dark World lake would probably smell differently, but it's still water, right?"
What? Why would I ever go anywhere with this idiot? Especially to a random unknown Dark World fragment!
Water, water, water, water.
Then again… what the hell else am I going to do with my time? Nanaya literally said that nobody here needs me. I'm sure I could smack myself into walls for the rest of today, too, but what would be the point?
"Fuck it," I sigh. "Why not?"
"Yes, yes, yes! You're gonna love it and you'll be happy again and it'll be great, you'll see!" Anath cheers. "Now let's… um. Oh, uh. Can I… do you mind if I carry you?"
"Sure," I allow. In for a penny or whatever, right? "Just be careful with the spines."
"The pokey bits, right," Anath nods. "I will! I'll be super careful!"
She scoops me up in much the same way Melpomene did, though Anath is a much smaller woman. She's more of a girl, really, even if she might technically be an adult. There's just something so… childish about her that makes her hard to think of any other way. Where Melpomene had been a surprisingly soft ride, the only softness in Anath's body comes from her fur. Underneath it, there's nothing but muscle.
…And yeah, that smell on the bed was definitely her. She stinks a little. It's not awful, I guess. I've met people who stunk way worse. It's whatever.
The journey is a bit rough. Melpomene flew most of the way, but Anath does no such thing, bounding out of the room, through the hall, down the stairs, and out the door at ever-increasing speeds. Once we're out in the Dark World proper and I can feel out my surroundings again, she only gets faster, leaping over rocks and around trees with expert agility.
Before long, I can feel the edge of the fragment. There is not, I cannot help but note, a tunnel anywhere in the direction Anath is taking me, though.
"Do you know where we're going?" I ask.
"W-well not exactly," she hedges. "But I figure if we just run the perimeter we'll find the right tunnel eventually, won't we?"
God, she's so stupid. And I'm stupid for being here. I guess it doesn't really matter.
"Guess so," I agree vacantly, and another few bubbles of happiness fizz up inside of her like a disturbed soda can.
"Yeah!" she agrees, and somehow accelerates even faster.
We reach the edge of the fragment and take a sharp turn, running alongside the edge. The storm between worlds rages with intoxicating intensity, and I feel myself almost drifting away as I feel out its raging currents. Something like this… it's more of a storm than I've ever made, that's for sure. Stronger, wilder, greater. It's beautiful. This kind of weather would cow a hurricane. I can't help but reach out my arm to try and touch it. We're so close, after all.
"Woah!" Anath shouts right next to my ear, the pain yanking me out of my reverie as she yanks me away from the edge. "Careful, careful! Don't do that, Fulgy!"
"Why, what happens?" I ask.
"I dunno, but it's real bad!" Anath insists.
Huh. I don't really care how dangerous it is, but I guess at the same time I don't care enough to be that curious, either. I just settle in for the trip, letting Anath take us to wherever the hell it is that we're going to end up.
Again, I'm not sure how long it takes. A while? Anath is panting for breath by the end of it, the warm, moist air constantly puffing from her lungs feeling weirdly nice in some fucked-up kind of way. She smells even worse now, too, but I've already gotten used to it.
"There it is!" she huffs. "Water!"
Water?
"Water?" I ask, my attention returning to me in an instant.
"Yeah! Yeah, it's hard to see, but it's gotta be water! It's gotta be!"
Water! Water! Water! Water!
She rushes me over, and soon I can feel it, too. I can feel it all too well. Somehow, I suspect this lake would be black as pitch even if not for the near-total darkness of the environment. The miasma has seeped into it, thicker even than the air we breathe. But, of course, that's fine by me.
Water!
"Water!" I gasp excitedly.
"Yeah, yeah! Want me to—"
"Throw me in!" I insist.
"Haha! Okay!"
She hurls me as hard as she can, firing me like a missile at the lake in front of us. I happily dive towards it, anticipation vibrating inside my chest.
Water!!!
I hit the lake with a splash, my body kicking on instinct the moment I go under. The gills on the sides of my ribs open up, rubbing uncomfortably against my shirt, so I rip it off and kick the skirt away for good measure, too, the damn thing nothing but a mess of drag down here. Air is pushed from my lungs as I suck in water to replace it, the chill of the cold water and the cold hatred within it soothing my entire body.
Water… water…!
Upside-down, I kick myself deeper, the unwieldy fin I've been stuck with on the surface grabbing the liquid and propelling me forward with exceptional force. The lake is deep, and I appreciate that depth to its fullest, pushing myself further and further down. My body sings with every swipe of my tail.
The water… feels nice!
Fuck yes, it feels great! I can't believe Anath was actually right about something. This is amazing. I've felt so useless, so trapped ever since getting this awful body, but what use do I have for eyes here? For legs? This is where I'm meant to be.
These changes from the Dark World… maybe aren't so bad?
I don't even want to think about that. I just want to enjoy it.
Okay!
I feel stronger here, too. Like power is flowing into me from somewhere. It's weird, because I'm a teal mage now, right? My power shouldn't come from feeling good.
The miasma. It's so thick here.
It is very thick here. I wonder why that is…?
Below.
I guess I'll keep going deeper. See what I can find. It doesn't seem like the depth of the water has any effect on me, and eventually I'll find… the… bottom. Oh, god. Oh god, oh god, oh god.
Even if I didn't have any special senses at all, I would feel it stir beneath me. A power uncontested by even the strongest of us, a threat that even Castalia would hesitate to try and take on alone. The water rumbles, enough of it displaced by the movement of a single eyelid to force me to avoid a dangerous current.
The kaiju opens its eye to stare at me, and blindly, I stare back. I need to get out of here. I need to run away and not aggravate it. If it decides to attack, who knows what could happen!
But why would it attack?
What?
I resume my swim, heading deeper to meet with it.
What's happening? What's going on?
The beast is like a massive turtle, with four main limbs, a stubby tail, and a long neck. Just one of its eyes is several times larger than my entire body. I swim past the eye, getting close enough to run my fingers across the top of its head, brushing against the multitude of crystals. They start to grow on my fingertips, but a pulse of power shatters them before they can truly take root. The greatest of all monsters watches me and waits, not a drop of hostility flowing between us. It knows I am not its enemy, and it knows that it is not yet time. Hiding down here, away from the wildest storms of rage and hate, it bides its time for some greater purpose. A purpose with which we are aligned.
Wait, we are? What's going on? No. No, it can't be. It's not possible!
I pause, momentarily confused. What's not possible? Wait…
Minerva? Minerva is that you!? Oh, god, Minerva! You're alive!
I… am? I'm alive…
Oh god, I want to cry. Minerva! I can't believe it! Minerva!
Am I… Minerva?
YES! Yes, you're Minerva! You are! You have to be!
Oh. Okay. Huh.
I guess I'm Minerva.