Chapter 400 |
Side Story (17)
Since private consultations were highly likely to be unsuitable for broadcast, the examination process itself wasn’t filmed.
‘To begin with, we were planning to cut everything anyway if even a standard health check came back with serious results…….’
[<I’ll go finish my consultation and be right back ^0^>]
We only filmed things like opening the exam room door and exchanging greetings with the doctor. The main shoot focused on lighthearted tests meant to be entertaining, conducted after gathering all the members together.
In the first place, the visit wasn’t really for filming. I just felt that I’d be more at ease if everyone went through a checkup at least once. You could call it company welfare. After all, these days there’s plenty of talk about how agencies should also take responsibility for their artists’ mental care.
I told the members they were free to refuse if they didn’t want to do it, and Yoo Jay and Seo Yuseong actually stepped away briefly without receiving any consultation.
‘Did they say they went to buy chrysanthemum bread together?’
Their choice was entirely predictable, so without a word, I simply handed them some cash and told them to buy enough for the rest of the members too.
Honestly, I also thought it was better for Seo Yuseong not to receive treatment. He’d probably sit across from the doctor while internally looking down on him, and might even make the mistake of letting those thoughts slip out of his mouth.
There was nothing to be gained from a celebrity showing that side of himself. Besides, the difficulties Seo Yuseong had weren’t the kind that would significantly improve through treatment anyway.
Yoo Jay, unlike Seo Yuseong, did feel the need for treatment himself. The reason he avoided consultations, however, stemmed from an incident in the past.
That guy was someone who, by nature, felt uncomfortable opening up about his inner self to people he wasn’t close to.
‘As if his personality wasn’t enough of a problem, then he had to run into some lunatic doctor and everything went to hell.’
Back when Prism was going through a particularly rough period, there had been a time when a so-called Show Doctor1 uploaded a video to his own channel, disguising Yoo Jay’s story as that of Celebrity A. He claimed it was an example to help people understand the mental illness discussed in the video, but it included far too much private information and diagnostic detail.
“Do I really need to go to the hospital? Like you said, if you just endure it for twenty minutes, it gets better. I just have to get past the worst part around the ten-minute mark. It all passes eventually anyway.”
“You can only say that because you didn’t see yourself back then. Don’t you remember saying you felt like you were going to die? You need to take some medicine, at least for your own peace of mind.”
At the time, Yoo Jay had suffered a sudden panic attack in the middle of a schedule but stubbornly refused to go to the hospital. I couldn’t just leave a sick kid alone, so I kept persuading him until he finally agreed to get treatment.
In any case, since the name had been censored, no one could identify who ‘A‘ was unless the doctor himself said it outright.
“…Hyung, I think this is about me.” “What?”
But as the person concerned, wasn’t it only natural that he’d recognize it right away when a doctor he’d once been treated by was talking about him?
Back then, the comments were filled with speculative guesses about which celebrity it might be, and Yoo Jay’s name came up among them. People made the connection because the ‘Celebrity A‘ mentioned by the doctor had experienced a panic attack during a schedule, had an exceptionally handsome appearance, and was described as a so-called top-tier idol.
[Isn’t this KJH from Nocturne?]
└ He said top-tier lol. How is KJH top-tier? He’s a total nobody
└ Really? I thought it might be him since he’s a visual member and people said he got a military exemption for panic disorder
└ Seriously, faking illness just to get out of military service lol. I saw quite a few people in the comments guessing it’s YJ, but didn’t he serve in active duty? So it’s probably not him
└ Sigh, tsk tsk … look at the way you guys talk about idols who go to psychiatry because they’re having a hard time. It’s people like you who kill others with your hate comments
‘That doctor didn’t close the comments even after seeing people gossip like that. It was because the views were doing too well.’
Did it really make sense to publicly display a patient’s consultation details in front of others without their consent?
‘He gave his professional ethics to the dogs, I guess.’
In any profession, there are bound to be bad apples. Psychiatry is no sacred ground; there will always be those who are big-mouthed, overly greedy, or disrespectful of others. The problem is, how are patients supposed to tell them apart?
‘Is hitting the jackpot with view counts so important that you’d exploit another person’s pain for it?’
I couldn’t understand it, but then I remembered that there were people who would even stake their lives over something like that, and I stopped trying to make sense of it. At the time, I was furious enough to want to turn the hospital upside down, but Yoo Jay was different.
“I didn’t expect much anyway. I already know that people at the company and eeven friends I’ve known for years sell me out behind my back, so why would a doctor be any different? Isn’t the only reason entertainment reporters act so high and mighty because they pick up scraps of gossip from everyone around me?”
He was astonishingly calm.
“Even if a doctor doesn’t have his own NeoTube channel, what’s to guarantee my life won’t become gossip over drinks? I already know the staff at the orthopedic clinic spent the whole time talking about me just because I went in once for physical therapy.”
“…It’s fine. This is just something you have to put up with if you choose this job. Even you, hyung, get photographed from every angle just for smoking a cigarette. So I’ll just … come to terms with it.“
It wasn’t that Yoo Jay was fine; it seemed more like he was just exhausted.
‘After something like that happened, it’s only natural that Yoo Jay wouldn’t want to go to the hospital.’
If I’d known the place was run by someone desperate for attention and hungry for TV exposure, I never would have chosen that clinic. But he only started appearing on broadcasts after Yoo Jay’s consultation, so there was nothing we could do about it.
In the end, that doctor was quietly dealt with.
From what I heard, he could no longer work at a hospital, and I didn’t feel particularly guilty about it. Someone with that level of professional ethics had no business treating patients in the first place.
Still, even if the doctor disappeared, trust, once broken, was hard to restore.
It was as if he’d singlehandedly destroyed all the effort made by other doctors who had devoted themselves to earning their patients’ trust and healing them.
‘Ever since then, I haven’t been able to bring myself to tell Yoo Jay to go to the hospital very often.’
You can’t refuse to ride in a car for the rest of your life just because you’re afraid of accidents. But how insensitive would it sound to say something like that to someone who’s already been in a car crash?
That was why, even though Yoo Jay had shown plenty of impulsive behavior in front of me, all I could say to him was something gentle like, “At least make sure you keep taking your meds.”
‘Still, it’s a huge relief that he goes on his own sometimes without telling me to get his prescriptions.’
It didn’t seem like Yoo Jay and Seo Yuseong were the only ones who kept things minimal during their consultations. The other members didn’t appear to have said much either.
“They only told me about their symptoms and nothing else. That makes it very difficult to proceed with treatment.”
Judging by the symptoms, it looked like PTSD, but since they absolutely refused to talk about the cause, the doctor must have been incredibly frustrated. But even putting the trust issues aside, the surreal things that happened to us were simply impossible to explain.
What was I even supposed to do about this?
For the time being, it looked like they’d been prescribed medication to handle the insomnia and anxiety that were interfering with their daily life, but any kind of deep-level therapy seemed out of the question.
‘Should I just grab all of them and shove them into some Teddy Bear Land?’
“Haaah…….”
I scrubbed my face hard with both palms before suddenly snapping back to reality.
‘Ah, damn it.’
[“You’re suffering from a severe case of hwabyeong.”] [“Excuse me?”] [“Hwabyeong.”]
They said excessive sighing was also a symptom of hwabyeong. When am I ever supposed to fix that?
Oh, for the sake of entertainment, the scene where I got diagnosed with hwabyeong did make it into the broadcast.
[“Ha, hwabyeong ? Do you have any idea how much I hold myself back? I don’t get angry unless someone provokes me. It’s just that people keep picking fights with me, so…….”] [“Please calm down for now, sir. Hwabyeong is an illness caused by suppressing your emotions too much. You mentioned that even though nothing is physically wrong, you feel a tightness in your chest or occasional pain, right? Those are the most representative symptoms.”] [“Actually, it doesn’t even seem like I’m holding back that much…….”] [“Hwabyeong usually appears in people who are timid or introverted, but surprisingly, it’s also common among people with hot tempers. Ultimately, it comes down to stress and accumulated anger.”]
Well, since hwabyeong was something people tended to laugh off, I figured it would be fine.
“Aside from extreme anger, hwabyeong presents very similarly to depression. You shouldn’t take it lightly just because of how the word sounds. You mentioned you’re often unable to sleep and have no appetite. In cases like yours, Seo Yutae-ssi, where neurobiological symptoms appear, specifically disruptions to sleep and eating, medication is recommended.”
That part was edited out.
I didn’t particularly want to worry the Seras.
“That said, your symptoms aren’t severe at the moment. Seo Yutae-ssi, your weight hasn’t fluctuated at all, ou’re in great physical shape, and … your concentration is excellent, to the point that it hardly needs mentioning. So in my opinion, it would be fine to observe for now while you work on improving your daily habits.”
Ever since returning to my original body, I’ve been living surprisingly peaceful days. More precisely, ever since I found out that Seo Yuseong was alive, I’d become remarkably stable.
On top of that, getting rid of the insufferable Kang Hyukwoo, leaving RH Entertainment, and promoting as Prism under a new company with top-tier care made it all the better.
That didn’t mean things had gone back to how they were before anything happened. There were problems that came rushing in only after the hardest times had passed.
Still, this was more than enough for me.
For the first time, it felt like I was living a normal life.
A peaceful life where only manageable hardships came my way, like the members occasionally getting on my nerves or busy schedules lining up one after another.
I no longer spent my nights wide awake and trembling. I’d never been someone who fell asleep easily, and I still woke up often, so it wouldn’t be accurate to say I was getting perfectly healthy sleep, but compared to how I was after losing Seo Yuseong, I was doing far better.
Even if I had a nightmare occasionally, I could confirm the presence of Seo Yuseong or the other members right beside me the moment I woke up. Though I have to say, it wasn’t exactly a pleasant sight to open my eyes every morning and see those huge, door-sized guys huddled all over my bed like a pack of wolves.
‘Even the biggest bed can’t handle those guys’ builds. Last time, there was no room left for Jo Inchan, so he ended up sleeping facedown on the edge of the bed. Should I just buy several beds and push them all together?’
I didn’t know how symptoms that appeared under extreme stress were supposed to progress. Simply because I wasn’t being mentally pushed to that extent anymore. And wherever I went, I was surrounded by my people, so even if something happened, it didn’t feel all that frightening.
[“How is your emotional state? Do you feel lethargic or depressed?”] [“…….”] [“Seo Yutae-ssi?”]
[“…I’m very happy. To the point where I wonder if it’s okay to be this happy.”] [“That’s truly a relief.”]
I knew for a fact I would never be okay unless they were with me, so as long as we were all together, I’d be alright.
[“The issue, however, is that your work addiction is quite extreme. Based on what you told me during our session earlier, your working hours are abnormally long. Most people usually collapse if they work that much. No, in fact, haven’t you already collapsed several times?”]
Oh … that’s not fine.
[“Waking up in the middle of sleep just to work is very concerning. The same goes for you working during your meals.”]
‘Doctor-nim, wasn’t that supposed to be just between us? This isn’t right.’
Professional ethics! Crazy, where did your professional ethics go!
Rrrriiing! Rrrriiing!
[Young Master 1]
In the end, that finally came…….
The guardian had been summoned.
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Translator’s Corner:
- 쇼 닥터 (Show Doctor) is a derogatoryterm for doctors who appear frequently on TV or YouTube, often prioritizing entertainment and self-promotion over medical ethics.
According to the Korean Medical Association (KMA), a ‘Show Doctor‘ is defined as a physician who appears in the media to habitually engage in indirect, exaggerated, or false advertising, such as promoting unverified medical procedures or recommending health supplements. ↩︎
Aaaand we reached 400 chapters! I, too, am amazed that I can commit to something this long without getting tempted to drop it T_T
I’m feeling down today because usual life reflection, but it’s nice to read at least Yutae is happy … please be happy forever in your world, Yutae-ya……