Book 5: Chapter 11 |
Kazuki Hoshino 09/11 FRI 9:44 PM
“Looks like you lost to Oomine again, Kazuki.”
In my stupor, I could hear nothing until her words finally reach my ears.
Looking around me, I find Iroha gazing up at me. She’s sitting with her chin in her hands. Aside from her, the tunnel is empty.
A glance at my watch tells me I’ve been standing here stunned for nearly thirty minutes. The third movie, Repeat, Reset, Reset, is almost over, too. Iroha apparently stayed with me for the almost half an hour I was gone.
“Whew.”
Her sigh sounds like a mother who has been waiting patiently on a child throwing a tantrum. And that’s how Iroha talks to me, too. “Okay, now hurry up and hand over the Silver Screen of Broken Wishes and become my Subject. I’ll put you out of your misery.”
I’m still in a daze; my head’s not working right. In my wavering vision, the graffiti on the walls of the tunnel seem to be works of art holding some profound meaning. It’s hard to swallow my saliva. It somehow annoys me that my nostrils are in the center of my face. I’m oddly embarrassed to find dirt under my nails.
It doesn’t matter.
Maria.
I hurt Maria.
I couldn’t stop her.
She will never go back to being Maria Otonashi. She’s become Aya Otonashi.
Will it be possible to turn the tides and bring Maria back?
I try to imagine it, and I reach an answer.
No, it’s not.
It’s impossible.
Which means I don’t have a purpose anymore.
“…Hey, Iroha.”
I’m not sure why, but even though my mind is empty, I want to ask about something that’s been bothering me.
“What?”
“You set this up to let Maria know I betrayed her, right?”
Why am I asking? Sure, it interests me, but I don’t have the mental capacity for this.
“That’s what I told you, didn’t I?”
“But still,” I ask, as if I know the answer will provide some breakthrough, “you weren’t lying when you said you’ll choose who deserves to die, right?”
Iroha’s eyes go wide. Then she twists her lips and says, “Of course not.”
Her eyes are tinged with madness.
“I will do what I have to do to make the trash die out.”
Though my head is muddled, I think, …Yeah, I was right.
My intuition that Iroha could never come back to normality wasn’t mistaken.
Iroha was being genuine when she was going on about her goal with the dog-person as an example. There’s no need for me to take back my claim that their methods are wrong, either.
Daiya and Iroha will keep on making mistakes. Even if they come to realize the error of their ways, they’ll be too far gone to make it back. Then they’ll keep running, straining under the pressure, and eventually break. Just like Maria.
Someone has to stop them.
But that’s beyond me at this point. I don’t have any purpose, and I don’t feel like doing anything anymore.
I give up.
“………”
I give up?
On what? On Maria? I’m giving up on Maria?
Yeah. That’s how it is. There is no path to success, so that’s my only choice.
But when I think of what that entails, specifically, my body feels as if it’s going to melt from heat, like my sense of pain has malfunctioned. I can almost feel the joints throughout my body dislocating and my limbs being torn off. Those thoughts are absolutely taboo. It’s an option I must not select.
Still—
“Don’t make me laugh.”
—what is this emotion boiling up inside me?
Am I angry? At Iroha?
It would make sense. Iroha tricked me. She laid a trap for me, showed Maria how I’ve changed, and drove us apart. And not only that, she won’t let go of her flawed reasoning, and she’s trying to drag other people down with her.
But that’s not what it is.
This emotion is not directed at Iroha.
For one, I know she’s not a bad person. I’m opposed only to this “eliminate the fools” idea. Plus, I get the sense it isn’t her fault she’s come to believe it.
She’s certainly sincere about it, but it doesn’t sit right with me. Did Iroha really always have the desire to do something like this, I wonder? Did she harbor such ambitions before coming into possession of Crime, Punishment, and the Shadow of Crime?
…Before she received that power from Daiya?
“I want to ask you something.”
“What?”
I look at Iroha once more. There’s nothing normal about the streaks of blood on her face. Her once captivating eyes that glimmered with strength are now murky and dark.
This isn’t the face of a sane person. Some part of Iroha has broken.
When did that happen?
“Was it too painful for you?”
“Huh?”
“When you received Crime, Punishment, and the Shadow of Crime, is what I mean.”
Yes, that has to be it. That’s when Iroha came apart.
My theory is that something had to happen to her before she could gain those abilities. No, maybe it was more than a one-time thing. Given how Daiya has changed, ongoing suffering might be a requirement of wielding these powers.
“…Why are you asking that?” The question amounts to a yes in my mind.
I understand.
What prompted Iroha to take action in such a manner?
The answer—she was simply writhing in agony.
When she accepted Crime, Punishment, and the Shadow of Crime, she was already weakened by the Game of Indolence and gave way completely.
Unable to endure the negative emotions surging within her, Iroha subconsciously sought an avenue to help her purge them. She wouldn’t be able to hold her mind together unless she did so.
As it turned out, there was a convenient outlet right there.
Namely, Daiya’s idea of eliminating the fools. Having lost her faith in humanity, Iroha flung herself at this argument and latched on to it. Leaning on the principle of correcting the world as a crutch, she averted her gaze from her own broken nature by rejecting anyone she judged as unworthy filth.
Daiya made her do this.
Daiya sacrificed Iroha to fulfill his own wish.
So is the violent passion darkening my vision directed toward Daiya?
…No, that’s not it, either.
Daiya is the same as Iroha, after all. He has something inside him that he can’t endure, and he resorted to a Box so he could lay it to rest. I can’t help but think he is also a victim, in a way.
Don’t get me wrong—I’m also angry at him for his schemes, driving Maria and me apart and doing this to Iroha. But in the end, that’s not the same as whatever irrepressible emotion has come upon me.
…Is it even anger at all?
No. It’s similar, but this feeling isn’t anger. It’s nothing that simple.
This almost intolerable storm inside me—is hatred.
Toward whom?
Oh.
If it’s hatred I’m feeling, then everything that comes to mind points to one target.
There’s only a single individual who can evoke this kind of feeling.
“—O.”
“You rang?”
I’m not even surprised.
I could sense this coming. I had a hunch they would appear.
I look at them.
“What’s with that form?”
The new arrival is a woman so lovely that all she has to do is stand there, and you’re convinced she’s looking down on the world from above. She’s so utterly graceful that she doesn’t feel real—an unpleasantly false-seeming woman.
So why does the thought enter my head in spite of that? Their features aren’t that alike, so why can’t I shake the idea?
The long-haired woman…resembles Maria Otonashi.
“…And just who are you?” Iroha asks.
“Ah, I suppose you and I have yet to meet each other. I had thought you would be able to infer my identity, but if you haven’t, then I shall tell you my name. I am O.”
“O? You’re O?” As soon as she asks, Iroha seems to remember something. Her eyes widen, and she braces herself.
“Don’t tell me—you’re here to take Kazuki’s side…?”
“Heh-heh.” O does not confirm or deny it.
“I heard about you from Oomine. He said you have Kazuki’s back. Have you come to help him since he’s in trouble?”
“While I have never actually aided him even once, it is true I am partial to Kazuki.”
“You’re going to keep my wish from happening!” Iroha shouts.
O looks away from her without a word in response. “There’s something I’m not certain about, though,” they say to me, ignoring her agitation.
“…H-hey!”
“I took interest in you because I noticed something in you that was unlike other humans.”
“…Hmph.” Recognizing that she’s being ignored, Iroha goes quiet. She’s probably decided that nothing she says would have any effect.
“But you see, my understanding of what makes you alone so special, of what you are to me, was unclear. However, when I witnessed you stabbing this girl just a moment ago, I at last became certain, or nearly so. And thus, I wish to confirm it.”
My brow crinkles, and I give O a sharp look.
“To that end, yes…I shall reveal a portion of my true nature.”
“…What are you—? Are you implying that something will change if I know? It won’t. It can’t.”
“I wonder, when all is said and done. Perhaps you will end up feeling a bit more familiar with me?”
“Familiar? Can you at least put some thought into your jokes?”
“A being that grants wishes would never be so commonplace or tangible as this. It wouldn’t even be something so clearly recognizable, not in this manner. The colossal true form of ‘me’ is sheer power alone, lacking a will. If so, why am I able to manifest here before you with a will as O, as I have? The reason is that someone brought O into existence, using a wish.”
“Someone…?”
What is O getting at? That they were created as a paranormal phenomenon by someone else?
“Let’s imagine a wish capable of doing so. Ah, how about this? A wish to the tune of ‘I want to make everyone’s wishes come true.’”
“—!!”
No way…
The one they’re talking about can’t be…?
I try to consider what type of entity O is again. They are the distributor of the Boxes, the one that has driven several people around me insane with their sweet temptations. A being that grants false wishes.
So—
“I’m positive it’s exactly as you think. That ‘someone’ has no awareness of it, either. They don’t know that their Box works in this manner. They don’t understand how they are able to grant the wishes of others. Still, this is the truth.”
O says exactly what I am thinking.
“Maria Otonashi’s Misbegotten Happiness is the Box that birthed me, O.”
The answer is the one I predicted, but hearing it still comes as a shock.
However, I quickly shake my head.
“That’s crazy. There’s no way Maria could do that.”
“Please don’t misunderstand; the actual entity that makes the wishes come true existed before she ever used her Box. If not, she never would have been able to obtain it in the first place. All she really did was give me form as O and establish me in her vicinity. Do you believe that is possible?”
“That’s—”
Possible, I believe. I’ve already seen greater wonders than that.
“Still, Maria said she has used the Misbegotten Happiness to take those people into her…”
“Have you actually seen her do so?”
“Huh?”
“All you did was take her at her word, correct? She told you about the memory loss, where the user and those associated with them lose all memory of it each time her Box takes effect.”
“…But…”
I felt it myself. I felt the bottomless sadness of the Misbegotten Happiness when I touched Maria’s chest. I saw the people she had absorbed into it.
“It appears you don’t agree. Tell me, have you ever felt a Box used by another owner? Didn’t you feel something similar then?”
“Huh…?”
That’s right. I did come into direct contact with Mogi’s Rejecting Classroom once.
“Since you have, I’m sure you’ll understand, but what you felt was something like a mindscape representing the owner’s feelings toward their Box.”
If that’s what they’re telling me, then that ocean floor I saw when I touched Maria’s chest…
“What you perceived when you touched her was nothing more than your mind’s eye. The idea that users are drawn in and trapped within the Box is true in her world. Boxes are capable of twisting reality in such ways, after all. But that is not the truth. The salvation she grants her users is flawed, despite how much thought she gives them, how deeply she empathizes. That imagery is merely the torment of her guilt. Yes—”
O’s beautiful face is unmarred by any ugly expressions as they tell me:
“Yes—it is, quite simply, an expression of her despair.”
I recall what I saw back then.
The floor of a coldly shimmering ocean. A scripted theater of bliss. The faint sound of someone sobbing drowned out by ceaseless laughter. A lonely battlefield, filled only with defeat and no reward.
That is Maria’s despair.
…Maria.
I really do want to save her.
“…So it’s as I thought,” O says quietly, glancing at my face.
“What is as you thought?”
O doesn’t answer the question, though. All they do is look at me. Unable to suppress my irritation, I ask about something that’s been nagging at me for a while now.
“…O, everything you’re saying is about Maria. Weren’t you going to talk about me?”
“Would you mind not rushing so? I was merely starting at the beginning. We’re about to get to the point, so put your mind at ease… Now then, think over it again. Someone has a wish to grant everyone’s wishes. This is why I exist as O. However, a Box is a consummate mechanism for drawing out wishes, which is why it even includes the user’s resignation to their situation, the belief that the wish cannot come true. That being the case, in what form would such beliefs take for this someone?”
“…This isn’t about me at all.”
“Yes it is.”
“Huh?”
“You remember Nana Yanagi, your first love.”
The sudden mention of her name knocks me for a loop.
“…Wh-why mention her now?”
“Because that someone used their Box on her.”
“—!!”
“Oh yes, that makes sense. You didn’t know, so you would be surprised. However, you said you wanted to cut to the chase, correct? So I regret to say I cannot allow you a moment to recover.”
Everything about this jerk pisses me off.
“Well then, I’m not sure where your heart is on the matter, but to Nana Yanagi, you were a savior. You saved her more than anyone, even her boyfriend, Toji Kijima. The girl who absorbed Nana Yanagi naturally became aware of this fact. It made a powerful impression on her. You were a savior, after all. Not many are so highly esteemed by another. That’s why she unconsciously imposed a condition within herself. A condition that Kazuki Hoshino is someone capable of becoming a savior.”
“…None of that makes any sense.”
“Does it not? Well, I’ll keep going anyway… Now that she is aware of the existence of a savior, there are conflicting sentiments within her. Part of her heart desires to grant wishes above all else, and another longs for someone to stop this side of her.”
I know about this, too. Back in the Game of Indolence, I learned what she really felt.
“The notion that she can’t truly grant wishes is beneficial for the side of her heart that wants to be stopped. That’s why the two sides work hand in hand. Boxes grant all desires as they are. In short, the Box simultaneously fulfilled the desire that conflicts with her wish, namely for a savior who will shatter it.”
What are they doing?
They want me to think of myself as a savior?
A savior with the power to break the wishes made with Boxes?
“You never thought it was strange? Why you could retain your memory within the Rejecting Classroom, even though you were not an owner? How you were unaffected when Iroha Shindo over there stepped on your shadow? Perhaps it’s more natural to think of it this way—you have been under the influence of the Misbegotten Happiness since the very beginning. You have been provided with the capacity to resist Boxes.”
The Misbegotten Happiness produced two powers.
One is the power that created O.
And the other is the power that created the “savior.”
“A Box has burdened you with the duty of being a savior… Wait, maybe putting it this way will help convince you.”
“Kazuki Hoshino is a knight meant to stop Maria Otonashi.”
A knight.
I am Maria’s knight.
I received this power from none other than the Box of Maria herself?
“—”
I instinctively look at the palm of my hand. I close my hand, open it. Close it, open it. Rock. Paper.
Yep…there’s nothing remarkable about it. It’s weak, and smaller than most of my classmates’. I don’t feel anything special. Yet…what is it? Something is off, different from before… No, that’s the wrong way to describe it.
It’s the opposite.
The constant sense I had that something was wrong is gone.
“So. How about giving it a test? See whether you really have obtained a power from the Misbegotten Happiness.”
“A test…? How?” I ask.
O shifts their gaze over to Iroha, as if they finally remembered she was there.
“Break her Box by force.”
“Wha—?!!” Iroha yelps, glaring my way.
Even if she weren’t acting so hostile, I would have no desire to follow along with the plans of someone I despise as much as O. If their suggestion is even possible, I still wouldn’t do it.
And yet…
“……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………Hee…hee-hee.”
A giggle I cannot contain escapes from my lips.
“Kazuki…?”
Iroha stiffens. I just can’t keep myself from laughing, though.
“Hee-hee…… Eh-heh-heh-heh…ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.”
“…What? What’s so funny?”
Yeah, what is this feeling bubbling up within me?
What is this irresistible emotion?
I want to try it.
I want to test my power.
I want to crush that Box you guard so close in your chest.
Yes, this is what I’ve been feeling.
There’s not enough of myself in me.
It always felt wrong—Why am I like this? Where did this sensation come from? It always felt like some immense power was yanking me along, guiding me. Like my will had been absorbed into some stupendously colossal force. Even just a moment ago, I felt it. Even after losing all hope that I could save Maria, I ignored that emotion and asked Iroha a question so I could create a way forward. Like I was on autopilot.
Now I finally understand the cause.
Everything was Maria’s doing.
It’s Maria’s fault. Maria threw my life into chaos. Maria’s Box is the source of it all. My attempt at stabbing and killing Iroha, my willingness to destroy Mogi’s Box when I knew it could kill her—every last bit of it happened because of Maria.
I have been under her control.
“Heh— Hyah— Ha— Ha-ha-ha-ha… Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha… Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.”
That—
—makes me unbelievably happy.
After all, this means I am undeniably hers. I had always wanted to be, so of course I’m pleased.
I felt guilty for how I attempted to do away with Aya Otonashi against Maria’s will. I was always unsure whether it was the right thing to do, and bringing any further sadness to Maria pained me.
But I’ve been forgiven.
I have learned the justness of erasing Aya Otonashi.
I’m allowed to keep trying to satisfy this dark desire.
Oh, Maria.
My beloved Maria.
No matter how much you hate me, how much you scream and cry, I will annihilate your Box. I will tear it to shreds. I will tear it up like a painting you poured your heart and soul into, right before your eyes. I will break it down and down and down until not a trace of it remains.
Ah, my heart is dancing in my chest. The high is overwhelming me, and my breathing grows rough.
Superiority. Subjugation. Omnipotence.
“…Are you okay, Kazuki?” Iroha calls my name as I hunch over and hold my chest, gasping raggedly.
Yes, that’s right. Before I kill Aya Otonashi, I need to test this power to find out if it’s the real deal. If it actually works.
“H-hey… Why are you glaring at me like that?”
And I’ll test it on this girl at the mercy of her stupid Box.
Still, how do I go about destroying a Box?
I consider a way to do so…or try to, but I can’t imagine that I’m going to be able to destroy a Box by thinking. Intuition tells me I would be better off conjuring a specific image for the power.
So I imagine.
I imagine myself as a knight. Before me is a blood-soaked wasteland. An army of soldiers clad in armor with various weapons in hand blocks my way, filling almost my entire field of vision. I pierce them through the heart with my longsword, building a mountain of corpses. Though I make enemies of everyone, earning their hatred, I never stop slaughtering the foes who would stand in my way.
All so I can be with Maria.
To free Maria from her prison high in the castle, I pile up the dead until they reach her. I clamber onto them, feeling the flesh squish and give way underfoot as I climb the makeshift ladder to look upon the form of the captive Maria.
Then I deliver her to freedom.
Yes.
“Yes.”
I understand.
“I understand.”
It’s not like a divine revelation; I’m not overwhelmed with shock. I’ve just made sense of things I already knew. It’s like fiddling around with a ring puzzle until it suddenly comes apart: I get it, without a feel for why.
I understand the Boxes.
I know how to use them.
The thing about Boxes is that the moment you think about how to use one, you lose the ability to employ its full potential. You end up overly conscious of simply having a Box, without trying to put your desires into it. All you need to understand is that a power capable of granting wishes exists. All we can do is have faith in ourselves and push ahead toward our objectives.
It’s fine if a Box is empty. No, it must be empty.
Yeah, that’s what I understand.
It’s enough. That is all I need to know. That’s all the knight needs to seize the power to crush Boxes. With that alone, with this wish-granting tool—
—this empty Box will be mine.
“…Well, time to get to it.”
My right hand grips Iroha’s face over her eyes, and my left yanks her by the arm to throw her off balance and send her to the ground.
“Huh? Wha—?”
I lean over her. Iroha looks up at me with wild eyes. It’s all so sudden that I don’t think her mind can keep up with what’s happening.
It’s too late, fatally so. She’s beyond help. Doomed to defeat.
Just like that, I shove my hand into Iroha’s chest. Just like I would drive in a sword.
“Huh? Ah! Ow, ngh! …Nngh!!”
Then I pull out the downgraded version of Crime, Punishment, and the Shadow of Crime that she had in her chest.
That was such an easy victory.
Who knew removing a Box could be so simple?
I look at the Box. It’s black, hard, and round like a cannonball—probably a different shape from Daiya’s. It fits neatly in my hand. The pain of the owner seeps into me from it, but I don’t intend to pay it much thought.
“…Huh?” Seeing what I’m holding, Iroha at last realizes what just happened to her. “Ah…! Aaah!”
She may as well be reacting to someone ripping out her heart. Clutching her chest, she looks up at me with white-faced shock.
“What… What have you done?”
There’s no need to respond when she already knows the answer.
I remain silent, but Iroha keeps talking. “H-how are you able to remove Boxes?!”
…How? In what manner should I reply to that?
The real answer is that I’m the knight, but I’m pretty sure the meaning would be lost on Iroha.
So what should I tell her?
After some thought, what comes to mind are the words Daiya once used to describe me.
Man, Daiya really is clever. His analyses are always on the money. I denied it at the time, but it turns out he was right.
I close my eyes briefly and declare:
“I exist to stamp out wishes.”
In a sense, I’m announcing to Iroha that I am her enemy.
Her eyes widen, and she gazes up at me. She searches my expression, then shifts her eyes to the Box in my hand.
After she looks back and forth several times, my intent dawns on her, and the color drains from her face.
“St… Stop! If you destroy it, I’ll—!”
“Nothing good comes of relying on Boxes.”
“I don’t have any choice! I mean, now I know. There’s a power that can perform miracles. I don’t think…I can live without one anymore. I won’t survive a life without a Box! Give it back!”
I see. Once you know you can cheat, it becomes impossible to even consider not doing it. I feel like O once said something similar to me. The knowledge that Boxes exist has an enormous effect on people.
It’s unavoidable. In which case, I guess I just have to teach her a lesson.
“Can I get a please?”
“Huh?”
“Beg and say ‘Please, please don’t crush the Box.’ Bow your head to the ground.”
“…What’s gotten into you, Kazuki? What’s the point?”
“You aren’t desperate enough to prostrate yourself? Then your wish wasn’t worth all that much. You were sacrificing others when you weren’t even prepared to suffer yourself.”
“That’s not what I’m asking!”
“No questions, either. Now, hop to it. Beg.”
Perhaps finally convinced I’m serious, Iroha bites her lip. “…You can’t fool me. I have no proof you won’t crush the Box even if I do bow.”
“Of course you don’t. That’s obvious. But if you don’t bow, you can bet I will destroy it. Beggars can’t be choosers, right?”
Iroha doesn’t reply and instead glances at O.
“Nope. O won’t help you.”
“……!”
“I know. There’s nothing to be gained if you grovel to me. The best plan for you would be to find an opening and take back your Box. That’s why you checked out O—because if they were to enter the equation, it might make me drop my guard. It won’t work, though. O was the one who urged me to try out my power, so there’s no reason for them to intervene. Not to mention I already know you’re on the lookout for an opportunity, so no way in hell am I going to give you one.”
“Ugh…”
“If you don’t want the Box to get smashed, your only option at this point is to move my heart. So humbling yourself isn’t altogether meaningless, understand? I believe doing away with this Box is the right thing to do, but I won’t if you can convince me I’m wrong.”
This is not a lie.
While I don’t think she will change my mind, if she did, then I obviously wouldn’t destroy the Box.
“……”
Iroha stays silent. For a while, she doesn’t even move.
Until finally—
“Wah, waaaaaaah…”
—she starts to cry.
Fat teardrops fall from her eyes as she lies prone. She screws up her face like a pleading child, sobbing pitifully.
Then, as I told her to, she bows and touches her head to the ground.
Even I am surprised.
Iroha of all people is doing this? Iroha the powerhouse, who cut off her own finger to accomplish her goal in the Game of Indolence…?
“Please. I beg you, please, don’t crush it. Please give it back.”
Tears stream down her face as she pleads.
She isn’t just meekly obeying my order because I told her to. Begging is the only course of action available to her, so she had no choice but to bow down. Like a powerless child whose only defense against the abuse of an adult is their tears.
That’s how far I’ve backed her into the corner.
I can’t say the sight doesn’t cause an ache in my chest.
“…I have to have it. I have to have it, or…I can’t go on…”
Iroha sincerely wants this Box.
She’s earnestly telling me it’s her only salvation. She believes she can’t go on living without it, and the fact of the matter is, she may be right, unfortunately, now that she knows they exist.
That’s how Boxes are.
As I’m seeing here, they ruin people, never letting them go back to what they once were.
“…I get the picture. To you, the Box and yourself are inseparable. Losing it will scar you.”
“…Yes. So I beg you. I’ll do anything. Just please give it back…”
My heart aching for Iroha as she sobs, I hold out the Box in front of her face.
She probably didn’t think I would honestly return it to her. Stunned, she looks up at me. She takes in my smile and the Box before her, and her face softens in relief.
“Th-thank you…” Iroha reaches toward the Box in a way that is almost imploring.
“Thank you?” I tilt my head. “But all I’m saying is that you’re going to get hurt.”
“Huh?”
“C’mon, there’s no way I’d give it back,” I tell her.
I smash the Box in front of her eyes.
It’s like I squished a huge bug in my hands; a black slime sprays from between my fingers onto my hand and Iroha’s face.
Splat. As the remains of the Box squirt across her, her expression goes rigid, as if time has stopped for her.
She touches her own face over and over, trying to see if it really just happened. Though it’s very clear what has occurred, she confirms with trembling hands again and again that the Box is no more, as if she’s pleading in disbelief for it not to be true.
“Ngh, ah—”
And then, she finally accepts the reality.
“Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!”
I’m unsure whether the Box’s demise had some physical impact on her, or whether it was just pure shock, but Iroha passes out.
“Phew.”
Her eyes are rolled back into her head. I look at her unconscious form and sigh.
Crying, begging?
Are you kidding me?
I saw it coming. Iroha begged, and though I hated to see her do it, I had anticipated pretty much all of it. That’s why, if anything could have swayed me to keep the Box intact, it wouldn’t have been groveling and appealing to my compassion.
What could have changed my mind was Iroha persisting with her own arguments, even pushed to the brink with despair. Her one chance would have been overwhelming me with a display of strength.
After all, if she were still in her right mind, she most likely would have done so. That would have also presented me with an opportunity to reevaluate my perception of Boxes, for the first time.
But Iroha couldn’t do it. She isn’t meant to be someone who grovels and passes out. People lose sight of themselves, sure, but this is ridiculous. It’s stupid.
That’s all the evidence you need to see that the Box made a fool of her and sent her down the wrong path.
I showed her the destruction of the Box so that I could drive the point home. I taught her that she can never get her Box back again.
I have no idea if Iroha will recover from what I have done. To be honest, it’s going to be difficult. That said, it’s far preferable to getting a Box and making more mistakes. It’s leagues better than doing ongoing harm to others under some insane value system. Iroha will have to face a life without a Box in the days to come.
If she can’t, then I hope she’ll quit being a nuisance and drop dead already.
“That clarifies things,” O says as I look at the prone Iroha. “You have undoubtedly been influenced by the Misbegotten Happiness. You possess power as a knight.”
“Seems that way,” I reply, turning to face O.
O’s lovely face isn’t wearing the usual calm and composed expression. It’s not expressing anything at all, like a doll’s. Exquisitely crafted dolls feel more eerie than beautiful, and in the same way, O’s blank-faced and perfect appearance is nothing short of creepy.
Yeah—this right here.
Ever since I discerned their true nature, I have always felt that they…no, she was unsettling.
That’s right. It comes back to me hard and fast. I could remember the sight only in dreams, but the face I saw then is the one I’m looking at right now.
This is the original form of O.
And in her original form, she is letting me see this expression.
It has to mean she’s decided to face me, now that she deems me worthy.
“Kazuki. I once said you and I shared the same goal. However, while that statement was correct in one light, it would appear it was incorrect in another. We both exist and work for the sake of Maria Otonashi. That hasn’t changed. But I am the entity who grants her wishes, and you are the one who crushes them. Though we both act on her behalf, our purposes are diametrically opposed. Even now, I possess an affinity for you as one like myself, so this is indeed troublesome. I must keep my emotions in check. The reason being…”
“Yeah…”
We are enemies.
Neither of us put it in words.
We know it so well that there’s no need to say it out loud.
I will defeat O.
That will enable me to recover the zeroth Maria. The two goals are now linked.
“Sadly, however, I fear you will not be the victor. Erasing me is not difficult. All you need to do is smash the Misbegotten Happiness as you did just now. But while that may be the condition for defeating me, it does not guarantee victory for you. Simply destroying the Box”—O eyes the fallen Iroha—“could quite possibly demolish her personality, just like this girl here. Iroha Shindo may recover, but I doubt that will happen for Maria Otonashi. It takes everything she has to maintain her current self. It’s such a delicate equilibrium that if her objective falls apart, everything else will break in succession. I’m sure you understand this, too. Crushing her Box in such a violent manner will unquestionably shatter her mind, leaving no hope of restoration.”
It hurts, but I think O is right about that.
I can’t save Maria just by putting an end to the Misbegotten Happiness. If I do, Maria’s strength will give out while she is still absorbed within her creation, Aya Otonashi, and she’ll never return.
There’s no point unless Maria herself wants to renounce her Box.
I can’t complete what I’ve set out to do if Maria doesn’t offer up her Box of her own volition.
But—
“It’s impossible,” O says, as if reading my mind. “Your betrayal made Maria Otonashi’s resolve complete. Surely you understand? That alone will prevent her from ever voluntarily giving up her Box now. Her will is so strong that not even placing her own life on the scales will move her. You have witnessed this more than a few times before now, so I think you know what I mean.”
Yes, I have witnessed it.
This Maria won’t exercise violence against others, even when failing to do so will lead to her death. This Maria is incapable of sacrificing others, because she works to make them happy.
I will destroy the Boxes for Maria.
She won’t go along with it, I’m sure. There is no reason she’ll work toward her own happiness, I know, and that’s why I believed I was all out of moves and gave up, falling into despair.
But…
“I can do it.”
…I’ve learned that I am a savior.
That I am a knight.
“Maria will hand over her Box to me, voluntarily.”
I’m not sure what I need to do to make this happen. But I have faith in my own power now.
This power was born from the wishes of Maria herself. It’s ridiculous to think it can’t do anything in spite of this.
I can bring about a miracle that flips this all around.
“I already have the empty Box I need.”
That’s why I can do it.
Yeah… First, I’ll take Maria back from Daiya. Then I’ll face Maria herself and make her give me the Box.
“I see. Then I shall destroy the empty Box.”
With that, O is unmistakably my enemy.
…Oh. It took me a while, but I’ve realized her true identity. In recognizing her as a foe, I finally realize.
Why did I never catch something so simple before? I should have known who she was before now. At the very least, I should have inferred it as soon as I saw this form.
After all, I thought they were similar from the moment I met them, right?
O.
It’s just an initial. If this entity was born of Maria, she could easily have unconsciously called it O—a letter that was in her mind at all times. If true, then I have to think of the name this way:
Maria wanted to be someone who grants the wishes of others. And in a certain sense, O is a being that has accomplished this desire—Maria’s ideal, in a certain sense.
Then there is the name of the one Maria is trying to become, at the cost of herself.
That’s right—they both share the same roots. This is why I consider both of them to be my enemy.
I call out O’s true name with enmity.
“Aya Otonashi.”
I’m not sure of her origins. There may be a person she is modeled after. Given the name Otonashi, it could be a blood relation.
What I do know is that Maria wants both O and me to exist.
We are incompatible, though. We are polar opposites through and through, so only one of us can survive. But I have absolutely no intention of losing.
This is why I declare once again:
“Aya Otonashi, I will kill you.”