Book 5: Chapter 3 |
Kazuki Hoshino 09/06 SUN 2:05 PM
Kokone hadn’t changed, even without Daiya there.
It didn’t matter if she had predicted his disappearance; this was weird. That’s why I came to a conclusion:
Kokone’s cheery personality was just a front.
And not only recently, but the entire time I’d known her.
To be completely honest, earlier I had noticed something forced about Kokone’s current cheery disposition. I also felt Kokone was doing her best to keep up with Haruaki and Daiya.
Another thing I picked up on was that Daiya was not especially pleased about this.
But I didn’t think it was anything worth troubling myself over.
After all, everybody’s a little fake to some extent. Mogi told me that, before her accident, she had to force herself to maintain her social relationships. What’s more, Kokone really pushes herself to be the person she wants to be. That’s not a bad thing at all.
That was definitely a mistake on my part.
If it weren’t, none of this would have happened.
“That’s why I’m telling you it was wrong, Kazu! I don’t know if she got her hopes up because you were too nice or not, but you know what kind of state Kasumi is in!”
We were in the classroom after school ended when the trouble started.
“You knew full well why she wanted to come back to school! Kasumi was working her ass off with her rehabilitation; do you have any idea how horrible it was for her dealing with you?!”
Kokone was on my case about the way I left for Maria’s apartment the other day and ignored Mogi’s attempts to stop me.
“If you think it’s no big deal simply because she doesn’t seem depressed after her accident, you don’t know a damn thing! No one could just shrug off what she’s been through. She’s just putting on a brave face so we don’t worry about her!”
It was July, with summer break right around the corner. Though it was already past five PM, the sun was still coming in strong through the windows, and the classroom was bright. I’m sure it was probably hot because of the season, but I don’t really remember.
Kokone was doing her best to fight down her tears. It was probably inappropriate for me to feel this way while I was getting chewed out, but Kokone’s distress on her friend’s behalf just made me more fond of her.
That said, I couldn’t agree with her.
I got what she was saying. I understood all too well. I wanted to do right by Mogi, too. Obviously.
But I’d already chosen Maria.
And that was why I told her about my choice straight out.
“Kokone, Maria’s…the one.”
She could tell I meant it, and it startled her a little. But that didn’t keep her from arguing back.
“B-but that was still no reason for you to choose that moment to do what you did! You should’ve waited until she was a little better, at least! You’re decent enough to do that, aren’t you?!”
I fell silent, but not because she had convinced me. I simply knew that anything else I said would only upset her more.
Basically, no matter what Kokone said to me—even if she decided she hated my guts and never talked to me again—my decision wouldn’t change. I’d never want to lose a friend so important to me, but that still doesn’t make anything different.
I knew what Kokone wanted to say. But when would “the right moment” have been? Did it even exist? Was it once Mogi was able to attend school regularly? Should I have told her I chose Maria right when her earnest wish was finally granted? Would “the right moment” to reject her have been after she had overcome the pain of rehabilitation so she could be back at school with me?
Of course not.
Mogi would have suffered no matter when it happened.
“Say something, Kazu! Please—just don’t hurt Kasumi any more!”
It’s not like I wanted to hurt her.
I wanted to shout it at her, to say I was the one in pain, but I knew I didn’t have the right.
I pulled out my phone. “What’re you looking at?!” Kokone snapped, but I ignored her and opened the image I was after.
In it was a picture of Mogi in her pajamas making the peace sign.
I really loved that picture. The sight of her smile, positive and hopeful as a sunflower, always lifted my spirits.
When I looked at that picture, it reminded me that once upon a time, in another world, I had loved Mogi. If someone smiled at me like this, and even felt affection for me, falling for them would be a matter of course. I know that very well about myself. It’s a picture I treasure, a picture I hold dear.
And that’s why I deleted it.
I mean, I had already chosen someone else.
After that, I simply looked at Kokone without saying anything. She didn’t speak, either. Maybe she couldn’t, not when my eyes were so serious.
With only the two of us in it, the classroom fell completely silent.
Yes, completely.
That’s probably why. The two girls must’ve thought there wasn’t anyone in this quiet classroom.
And they were able to gossip freely in the hallway as they stopped back by the classroom after club was finished for the day.
“Ugh, Kokone is really getting out of hand.”
I doubt they even suspected the person they were talking about was in that very classroom.
“She’s trying too hard to show off how cute she is. Yesterday she was going on about her glasses; it was so annoying. Like anyone cares what your face looks like. If you don’t wanna have an actual conversation, go talk to a mirror.”
“I know, right? She’s so obnoxious, and she talks only about herself. And for all her bragging about how pretty she is, she honestly isn’t. Like, compared with Maria, it’s no contest. They’re not even in the same league.”
“Ah-ha-ha, you’re horrible, Yuu!”
I knew the two voices in this gleeful conversation. They were girls from our class, Kokone’s friends. They often ate lunch with her.
“I mean, it’s true. All Kokone has going for her is the work she puts into her makeup, don’t you think? She’s too desperate to get guys.”
“Hmm. It does seem to work, though. Hmm, maybe guys can’t see that stuff for what it is.”
“All you have to do to get a boy is just be a tiny bit attractive and act all friendly with him. It’s probably easier for them to make a move when you’re not that great of a catch to begin with.”
“Kokone’s really got that part figured out, huh?”
“Does she really think she’s popular? The only reason we hang out with her is because the boys come flocking when she’s around.”
“She does have her uses.”
“It just stresses me out. And besides, now that our prince of sarcasm is gone, there’s not much reason to keep her around.”
“Oh yeah, Oomine always was a favorite of yours, Mii.”
“He’s rough around the edges, but deep down, he’s really nice. He’s not your average bad boy. I mean, he just oozes class! At least I get you, Daiya, my love.”
“You’re creeping me out here, Mii. Come on, you just wanna believe that because he’s hot, don’t you?”
“Could be. Like, nobody gives a crap about ugly guys.”
“Do you think Oomine’s going out with Kokone?”
“Hmm, seems more like they had something in the past, wouldn’t you say?”
“Yeah, could be. Like, maybe she reeled him in, but then he got away once he figured out what she’s like?”
I could hardly stand to hear any more of their cruel comments. I wanted to plug my ears, but I couldn’t do that. After all, I was with the one who would be suffering far worse.
The voices drew closer. In a few moments, the two of them would come face-to-face with Kokone. Unsure of what to do, I looked at my friend.
I was sure I would find her white-faced and frozen. Probably in tears… What should I do? Should we hide and wait for the two of them to leave? Then maybe we could go to McDonald’s or somewhere, and I could listen to her and try to cheer her up.
As it turned out, though, she wasn’t going to need any cheering.
Kokone was not pale, as I had predicted.
Kokone—had a joyous grin on her face.
“……Huh?”
I didn’t understand at the time. I had no idea how she could react like that under those circumstances.
Yeah, but I think I get it now. I saw what happened next, so I can guess why she seemed so happy.
I’m sure the emotion Kokone was feeling right then was—
“Heh-heh…”
—a sense of superiority.
The two girls reached the classroom and opened the door. They noticed Kokone inside straightaway, and they went so stiff, it was almost comical.
“K-Kokone. Didn’t know you were here.”
Kokone’s expression was soft and gentle. “Yeah. I was here the whole time.”
The two of them were unsure how to react to such a mild response.
“Uh…Kokone…?”
“So that’s what you really think of me? I’m sorry. I can be a bit clueless, so I didn’t notice. I’ll be careful from now on.”
“U-um, Kokone?”
“I get it. Sometimes it’s easy to go overboard when you’re gossiping about how much you don’t like someone. You just get caught up in the moment. It’s not how you really feel. Yeah, I understand.”
It was a strangely open-minded response in light of the awful things they had been saying behind her back. The girls’ faces relaxed slightly, suggesting they had been put at ease, although the doubt wasn’t totally gone.
“Th-that’s right.”
“We just got carried away.”
Their excuses still didn’t change Kokone’s gentle expression.
“But you know, I don’t feel great after overhearing you. You get what I’m saying, right?”
“Y-yeah.”
“So I was thinking, maybe I could say just a few things back to you, and we could call it even? What do you say? We can all go back to being friends with a clean slate.”
“S-sure. Say whatever you want,” one of them agreed.
So Kokone offered her response. She looked them in the eye and spoke slowly and clearly so they wouldn’t miss a single word.
“Go to hell, you ugly creeps.”
The two girls stared in wide-eyed shock, unable to process what she’d just said.
“You’re hideous. You’re not even average. I have my uses? Try saying that once you’ve used a guy who might actually give you a chance, you malformed freaks. You’re too ugly to get a boyfriend even if you are riding my coattails.”
As Kokone’s insults finally began to sink in, one of the girls’ faces flushed red with anger, while the other’s went white with fear.
“Ah-ha-ha-ha, what a joke. I mean, if you’re making jealous comments, you must recognize I’m better than you, right? Does it really hurt that much to be inferior? Geez, you two, pull it together. I don’t really care if I’m better, but I’ll tell you this: The most you’re good for is showing how much prettier I am by comparison. Worthless and hideous.”
Kokone smiled coyly. The intense gleam in her eyes was almost a glare.
“Okay, now let’s let bygones be bygones.”
Naturally, Kokone did not talk to either of those two ever again after that.
I think back over the incident as I watch a video on my older sister Roo’s laptop of a group prostrating themselves at Shinjuku Station. Someone uploaded it on YouTube.
I understand now.
Kokone is kind enough to cry on Mogi’s behalf, so how could she say such vicious things to those two?
I had thought Kokone was forcing her way ahead along the path to the person she wanted to be. But that’s never been the case. I’m positive Kokone has no choice but to portray herself as she is now. It’s her only option, no matter how much stress it puts on her.
If she doesn’t force herself, Kokone cannot remain Kokone.
And I’m sure those two girls touched a part of her they shouldn’t have.
That’s why she lost it.
I have yet to figure out what could have sent Kokone on such a rant, but I’m fairly certain Daiya would know.
“Oh, I saw that video, too. It’s crazy. That kid has a lot of charisma for his age.”
I turn around to find the other owner of this room peering at the screen of the computer. Her comment is way off, though.
“…That’s…my Umaibo, isn’t it?” I ask.
Roo is opening the package of my tonkatsu sauce–flavored snack.
“And isn’t that computer mine?”
“Yeah. But that’s not the same,” I say.
She grudgingly pulls out her wallet and presses a ten-yen coin into my hand.
…That’s not the point here, but… Ah, whatever.
Roo nibbles away as she wonders, almost to herself, “You think someone like that could change the world?”
I look back at the computer screen.
Yeah… That may be what he intends.
With the power of his Box, Daiya could be attempting to destroy it.
If he’s using a Box, I know Maria will get tangled up in all this.
And that means she’ll be lured out of our daily life, and Aya Otonashi will take over.
“…No—”
—I can’t let that happen. No matter what.
Within the Game of Indolence, I came to understand that my foe is Aya Otonashi, the one trying to overcome and kill the original Maria Otonashi. I have to bring Maria to a world far away from the Boxes or O.
I have to stop Daiya.
But how?
I’m not an owner. Given the nature of Daiya’s Box, I don’t even have any means of fighting back.
How am I supposed to protect Maria like this?
“—”
There is an answer, an exceedingly simple one.
I want to avoid this method more than anything; it’ll betray all that I once was. Argh, but it’s too late for that, isn’t it? I already made up my mind to get my hands dirty when I gave up on Koudai Kamiuchi.
That’s why…
…there’s no reason for me not to get a Box and use it.
What’s about to happen is a clash between two Boxes.
My wish to destroy Daiya’s Box and his wish will confront each other head-on.
I don’t know the nature of his wish. I have no doubt that whatever it is is nonnegotiable for him.
But no matter what it is—
“I don’t like it.”
Any wish that has to rely upon those stupid Boxes is bullshit. I don’t care how important it is to Daiya; it’s bullshit. I’ll smash it into a paste and then wipe out every last trace of it.
Even if I have to kill Daiya Oomine himself.
“…I’ve been thinking—you kinda scare me lately, Kazu. You kinda have the look of a killer in your eyes, you know?” she mutters.
I ignore her and shut down the computer.
I’ve made up my mind.
I will confront Daiya.