Chapter 111 |
Even after recalling his past life, Lee Jaehun adapted relatively well. Though he did act a bit foolishly.
Looking in the mirror and retracing his current life’s memories, he realized he had become the stereotypical, older villain in an R-rated, bleak survival story. This realization came thanks to a sudden recollection of the author saying she would cram everything she knew into this novel.
Furthermore, the Lee Jaehun of his past life had definitively dⁱㅌd. He knew because the sensation was different from anything he’d ever felt. And the option of this life being a hallucination didn’t exist in his mind. Lee Jaehun simply didn’t have that good of an imagination, had no reason to be trapped in such a fantasy, and his pride wouldn’t allow it.
Still, urging himself to be cautious, he called his family. On the other end of the line was a complex human being, not easily conjured by someone’s imagination, and he acknowledged that he was indeed a stereotypical boomer department manager.
Even if this were indeed a hallucination, Lee Jaehun would have denied it.
‘I’m tired.’
He didn’t want to live in that world anymore.
That world lacked everything Lee Jaehun loved most, yet contained everything he hated. He didn’t want to regurgitate the death he had barely managed to achieve, always having been the villain.
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‘…What is a single death like?’
This world supposedly had no set lifespan. That was only if he had read the novel correctly and if the author hadn’t lied to him. Lee Jaehun inwardly applauded her imagination.
How could someone even think of that? A single life? Was that even possible? Then in the world she created, anyone could easily commit suicide. They could escape at the slightest burden. It was a kind of gentle death that they, who had lived because they had to, could never understand.
So if possible, Lee Jaeun wanted to dⁱㅌ.
“If my past life was so shⁱtty, shouldn’t this present life be a little better?”
How could life be so shⁱtty over and over again?
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“My fcking life…”
He truly couldn’t believe it.
Actually, Lee Jaehun was a little excited. Death in this world only came once, and unlike the memories of his past life, it was soft, and the memories of his current life were intoxicatingly sweet. This was the context in which Lee Jaehun, recalling his past life, could weigh death and wealth glory on relatively equal footing.
According to his current life’s memories, he could live better. He was tired. Until now, his biggest hardship was just his older sister’s teasing. He was tired. Besides, now that he remembered his past life, he got so strong and wise. He was tired. Then shouldn’t he be able to easily solve his problems and finally enjoy the wealth glory he’d always wanted?
He was tired.
“…….”
Fʊck, I’m tired.
Lee Jaehun, having barely escaped his panic, with blood trickling down one arm, burst into laughter. The overwhelmingly familiar scent of blood seemed to permeate every pore of his skin.
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‘I’m properly screwed.’
It was unbelievable, but he had been reincarnated.
“…If you’re going to reincarnate me, at least do it right…”
This place, after all, was the setting of an R-rated, bleak survival story, even by his past life’s standards. He had committed all sorts of evil deeds, yet he believed he deserved happiness. At the same time, an overwhelming exhaustion washed over him.
He both wanted to live and dⁱㅌ. He even thought about just lying down and rotting until he became a corpse.
Therefore, he didn’t immediately commit suicide or prepare extensively.
“…….”
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He’d dⁱㅌ when it was time to dⁱㅌ, and if not, then so be it.
In the end, unless Lee Jaehun forgot his past life again, he was destined for one of two things: eternal rest or wealth and glory.
Otherwise, the pride of his past life, which had dragged him back to sanity, wouldn’t let him live.
So, frankly, Lee Jaehun was already exhausted from that point on.
“…Shall we prepare?”
From the moment the memories of his past and present lives, which had nothing in common except their foul temper, merged.
Thus, Lee Jaehun was consumed by the otherworld and gradually lost his judgment. The common sense of his past life, advantageous for survival, instinctively took over his entire being. If there had been no one around, or if he hadn’t created this kind of setting, Lee Jaehun would likely have acted exactly as he did in his past life.
Wow, he couldn’t dⁱㅌ! Then what about the death of that third-rate villain in the novel? No, he didn’t want to dⁱㅌ like that. The memories he had built up weren’t meant to be a momentary plɛasʊrɛ and stepping stone for the protagonist. But what if he couldn’t even dⁱㅌ now? What if he had to keep living for for the protagonist?
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That was not bad either.
“Are you and I the same?”
If that was the only way he could be happy, then it was not so bad.
The otherworld was no longer an exciting or unfamiliar place for Lee Jaehun.
Lee Jaehun couldn’t dⁱㅌ, and this place was just a second act of his past life. So it was only natural that he, who had bled standing at the frontline his past life, would lead these chicks who looked like they were about to dⁱㅌ at any moment.
Because you’re too weak. Because you’re the companions originally chosen by the protagonist. Because you’re the people I chose. Because you’re fundamentally different life forms from me, all of this was natural.
“…What are you talking about?”
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“Because even if I dⁱㅌ….”
He came back to life.
For him, death was just one part of the process of living.
That was all. There was no thrill. What had briefly excited Lee Jaehun was the single death in life, not this insignificant repetition. If it was not unique, it had no value. The spirit that he considered the most valuable was gradually becoming worn out.
But he would cling to this life even if he dⁱㅌd, and in doing so, he would grasp the happiness he desired most in his hands. No one else but Lee Jaehun could do that.
Of course, you can criticize that,
“…….”
But why should I care?
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“…….”
“…….”
“…Ah….”
Actually,
I’m sorry.
I didn’t intend to become this foolish.
‘…This wasn’t the plan.’
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To be unable to control a single emotion at this age, how useless. He could see how much the value of his shabby body had fallen.
He knew that he was very tired.
“I misspoke.”
In the end, he was a one-eyed monster.
Whether it was his past life or this life, he was not a welcome existence.
* * *
That was just how villains were.
* * *
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“There’s something I’ve wanted to tell you for a while…”
Jung Inho, setting aside his usual earnest smile, looked at Lee Jaehun with an awkward gaze.
“I think there’s a bit of a problem with your way of thinking, Manager.”
“…You dare criticize your manager?”
“…Please stop changing the subject.”
In truth, Jung Inho had been continuously angry.
He had known for a while that Lee Jaehun didn’t trust them. The conversation they had while escaping from the dog-shaped monsters had cemented that belief. But Lee Jaehun had drawn a clear line between them long before that. There was no way Jung Inho wouldn’t have noticed.
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At first, he racked his brain trying to understand Lee Jaehun’s intentions, but in the end, he realized the man’s ultimate goal was just one thing.
‘A worthwhile death.’
Other people didn’t factor into it.
“…I’m not trying to advocate some idealistic notion that all life should be respected.”
Jung Inho tried to force a smile, but he couldn’t stop his brow from furrowing.
“I just want to say, you shouldn’t dⁱㅌ, Manager.”
He had a yearning for goodness.
He knew he couldn’t be a truly good person. If he were upright and good, his parents would have accepted his existence, and he wouldn’t have lived wearing this thin veil of hypocrisy. Jung Inho wanted to be a good person, but he knew reality.
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To him, Manager Lee Jaehun was a type of person he’d never seen before.
Not entirely good, not entirely evil, and certainly not gray. A kind of invasive species, crossing boundaries as if walking a tightrope. Even without exactly knowing Lee Jaehun’s circumstances, Lee Jaehun was already made that way.
“I… I hate to keep talking about someone’s death, but, no, no.”
“…….”
“You are helping us a lot.”
That was why Jung Inho had been angry.
“You’ve helped us even while getting hurt like that.”
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Lee Jaehun helped them on his own accord. Just when Jung Inho thought they’d reached a point where they could face each other without feeling disgusted. He made them think that way and he’d been protecting them all this time, dripping with blood. None of them took his sacrifice for granted.
Yet, if he acted like he was about to dⁱㅌ at any moment, ready to hand everything over to them, anyone, not just Jung Inho, would be upset. Especially when the other person wasn’t s*upid, and was an adult.
“…I can save you, but I shouldn’t kill you.”
“You could have just left us, you could have escaped alone.”
“I did what I do best.”
“Not everyone gets hurt like you do, Manager, even if they can do it well.”
But Jung Inho had thought, when he had snuck into the conversation in the early morning hours.
Lee Jaehun had been in and out of the otherworld since he was young. He believed he had to step up because he was ‘valuable’. He believed it was ‘efficient’. He talked as if he considered himself a tool.
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Lee Jaehun was a good actor, but he definitely had a strong, prideful personality. There was no way he came up with that idea on his own.
Someone instilled that ‘common sense’ in him.
“So, we…”
So, maybe Lee Jaehun.
“…We’re more afraid of you getting hurt in our place, Manager.”
“…….”
“Really.”
Maybe Lee Jaehun was just refusing to admit it.
‘Because that’s all there is to his life.’
Jung Inho suspected that the reason Lee Jaehun was stubbornly clinging to this path, intending to dⁱㅌ this way, was because once Lee Jaehun admitted that his life was wrong, there would be too many people to blame, and it was too tiring to try and fix it now.
Looking at Lee Jaehun’s disgruntled expression, Jung Inho continued.
“We’re not saying this because we’re immature. We’re not saying this because we’re s*upid or lacking. Of course, you won’t admit it, Manager…”
“…….”
“Honestly, it’s you, Manager, who is wrong.”
“…Huh.”
Lee Jaehun, his face deeply creased in a frown, soon formed a crooked smile and said,
“Why am I wrong? I saved everyone here with just myself, and I’m not even dead yet. I think this is a situation that calls for admiration, wouldn’t you say?”
“…….”
Yes, this was the problem.
“…That’s not wrong.”
In the end, Lee Jaehun’s actions were good.
If asked whether the concept of sacrifice itself was wrong, Jung Inho would deny it. It was noble. Getting seriously injured while catching a child falling from a railing, the pain firefighters and police officers endured while fighting fires and catching criminals—all of that could be called sacrifice. Jung Inho couldn’t criticize that.
But Lee Jaehun’s apparent sacrifice was far too casual. To him, his own pain held little value, and he likely thought it was a good trade if he could save a life with something so low in value. Because it was efficient that way.
Therefore, Jung Inho couldn’t simply praise Lee Jaehun’s sacrifice.
“How about you guys start changing now? Honestly, I find it hilarious that you’re so calm around someone who might kill people at any time. I don’t get it.”
“…….”
“It’d be better to be wary now than to say something unnecessary later.”
His sacrifice was made under coercive intent, and Lee Jaehun thought it was perfectly natural for everyone in the world to hate him. With that prideful personality of his.
“…Ha…”
A laugh finally slipped out, and Jung Inho muttered softly.
There was no way he could take that person’s help for granted.
“…We can’t communicate, really.”
There was no way he could fix this person.
That d⋏mn b⋏st⋏rd.