Chapter 489: Doko-Mii – Those on the way |
A private jet heading to Germany.
Inside, Orca, Foxy, and StraightGarbage (because he very much WAS straight garbage) were sitting together in a cabin.
Orca pinched the bridge of his nose and said, "You two dodged a bullet. After testing with ten independent doctors and confirming, Foxy is NOT pregnant."
Foxy sighed and lowered her gaze. "...Thanks, Orca."
Orca lowered his hand and said, "Don't thank me. We're friends. YOU on the other hand." He gave a disappointed look to StraightGarbage. "Even if you were drunk, and even if you both agreed... to go at it without any 'armor' on you..."
StraightGarbage groaned and said, "I know. My sister already beat me up about it... and Asako too."
Foxy's eyes widened and her ears turned red. "ASAKO FOUND OUT?!"
StraightGarbage sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "Yeah. Alphy overheard us talking about it apparently."
"Ah." Orca nodded. "Our Queen's wife DOES have uncanny hearing. But you can relax at least." Orca paused and gave them a sideeye. "Unless you two recently-"
StraightGarbage shook his head. "HELL NO. After that scare, nuh-uh."
"Good. I shouldn't have to lecture you about bringing children into the world when they aren't wanted."
StraightGarbage shifted in place.
Foxy placed her hand on her belly, mixed emotions on her face.
Orca sighed. "We'll set this aside for later." He paused. "Also, be prepared for a lecture from John. I'm certain he'll want to address this since... well, his entire life story. At least, according to the handbook."
StraightGarbage immediately seized onto the opportunity to change the topic and said, "Oh yeah, that handbook! Do you think any of that's real?"
Foxy quickly jumped on too and said, "Yeah! Like, is Mister John REALLY an immortal alien space emperor?"
Orca shrugged. "Either it's true... in which case we're in way over our heads... or it's not true but we're expected to treat it as true for an ARG. Either way, it's effectively true for us since we're employees."
StraightGarbage frowned and said, "So... we've got a crazy exo-verse scaling entity playing an idle life simulator on Earth... or we've got a guy with so much money that he can create an ARG that will make people guess for decades?"
Orca nodded. "Pretty much. I'm leaning towards the immortal emperor vibe. He knows too much about esoteric Oriental concepts to NOT be some daoist adjacent person."
Foxy shifted nervously in her seat. "Does that mean he like... has superpowers? Oh my god, can he read minds?! See through clothes?!"
Orca chuckled. "I think that even if he could, he wouldn't. Considering his wife, I do believe John wouldn't risk it."
StraightGarbage paused and nodded. "That's true. If I had a wife like that, I'd be doing everything to stay on her good side too."
Foxy pursed her lips.
Orca noticed and groaned. "Alright. No. I heavily dislike angst and drama. We are clearing this up now."
StraightGarbage's eyes widened. "W-What? Now?!"
"It is now or eventually." Orca leaned back and crossed his arms. "We have twelve hours on this flight together."
"TWELVE HOURS?!" StraightGarbage jumped to his feet. "YOU DIDN'T TELL ME IT WAS TWELVE HOURS!"
Foxy froze. "T-Twelve hours? Together? TOGETHER?!"
Orca nodded. "Yes. Now, we are all adults. You can sit here and talk about it with me as a mediator. Or you can annoy me and I can lock you two in the bathroom until you make up or do something irreversible. Your choice."
Foxy and StraightGarbage looked at each other.
Foxy broke eyecontact first and said, "L-Let's talk it through with you here, Orca. I don't really make good decisions when I'm alone with Gomi-kun..."
"CLEARLY."
StraightGarbage's ears turned red. "H-Hey! Why do you say that like it's my fault!"
Orca pulled out a wine bottle from a nearby cooler. Then he said, "Because you are a man. Setting gender stereotypes aside, you are the deciding factor in whether or not Foxy gets pregnant. So let us discuss this and whether you two are going to keep this casual, or if it will become something serious. Because." He poured himself a glass of wine and said, "As your friend... as BOTH of your friends, I am not going to let this turn into a stupid romcom drama where I'm stuck in-between after a three year timeskip of you two pining for each other only to get back together and wish that you had solved it years ago."
Foxy blinked. "That... is SUPER specific, Orca."
Orca groaned. "You would not BELIEVE how often this happens to the people I meet in bars at Dubai..."
===
A separate private jet heading to Germany. One with Hottie, Knight, and Sofa (aka Couch).
Hottie sipped on a turtle mocha as he scrolled through a Readit thread on his tablet. "Do you think those three are sorting it out?"
Knight looked up at Hottie from doing a handstand and said, "Of course!" He slowly and deliberately transitioned to a standing position, each muscle rippling as he carefully moved his entire body back to his feet. Then he said, "Goldie is there. And he is a sensible man."
Hottie blinked. "...Goldie?"
"Yes! Goldie." Knight nodded. "He is always wearing gold, is he not? And he is a man of great affluence."
Laying down on a row of seats all by herself, Sofa glanced over and said, "Mmhm. He's definitely golden. He knows quite a few of my associates. It's surprising."
Hottie sipped on his drink and said, "Is it though? He seems like a man who's been through quite a few places."
Knight hummed. "Yes. Goldie does carry himself with the air of one who does not fear death."
"Oh, I'll drink to that." Sofa poured herself a glass of wine and said, "That calm can only come from having faced life and death."
"...I think it's more like he's just a businessman who's used to high risk gambles than life and death." Hottie took another sip of his drink and said, "If we're talking about the calm of life and death, Knight there is the one who faces it on the daily. What's the latest prey, another bear?"
Knight laughed. "I did consider facing a polar bear in mortal combat to further my training... but rational won out." He sighed. "Though there are indeed no limits to human combat potential, the same is not quite true for the body. After some simulations, I realized I would only win one in three clashes. And as it would make Alfi-sama sorrowful, I refrained."
Hottie raised an eyebrow. "So you DO have sense after all."
Knight nodded. "Of course. I simply took a rifle with me and defeated it properly. As Alfi-sama's combat tenets state: when the opponent is better armed, retreat and return with even better arms."
"That-" Hottie pinched the bridge of his nose. "...Never mind."
Sofa chuckled. "And THAT is why women keep clinging to you, Knight."
Knight sighed. "Alas. A manly man is cursed to be tempted with lust... but I shall persevere! My yang essence shall not be stolen today!"
Hottie closed his eyes, quietly sipping his turtle mocha.
'One of these days,' he thought. 'One of these days, the world will make sense again...'