Chapter 451: Our Hyunsung (3) |
‘Let’s adjust our distance from each other…’
I didn’t want us to get closer because Lee Ki-Yeon wasn’t in a position to become even closer to Kim Hyun-Sung. It was actually the opposite. I was thinking about a one-night stand, and that was the only type of relationship we could possibly have.
All this had to remain a coincidence—our meeting and conversation—they had to remain a coincidence, nothing more, nothing less. That way, we could part ways without any regrets.
If we were to become too close, then I would have to keep in touch with him.
I leaned back slowly, and I was relieved that Kim Hyun-Sung didn’t realize that I was trying to keep my distance away from him. He had to have thought that I was simply changing my sitting posture.
I knew that he wasn’t really the type of person to react to this kind of behavior, but since all this was important to me, I had no choice but to be cautious.
‘In some ways, I feel relieved.’
Our conversation continued, and from light-hearted conversations, we started having personal conversations. However, what surprised me a bit was that Kim Hyun-Sung was slowly revealing information about himself.
Honestly, they weren’t exactly detailed information because the things he was saying were information everyone knew, but the fact that he was willing to speak about himself was the most important part here.
“It is. There are a lot of political conversations, and I can’t just do whatever I want. I have to think about the Vatican and consider the nearby cities as well. I’m speaking as if I know a lot, but I’m actually not that experienced in this…” Kim Hyun-Sung confessed.
“But the Blue Guild is doing fine, you know? It’s powerful and influential…” I pointed out.
“It’s probably because of my best friend,” he said.
The lovely regressor eventually mentioned me.
“Best friend? Ah, the honorary cardinal,” I said.
“Yes…”
‘Wow, Hyun-Sung called me his best friend… You’re going to make me cry. Hyun-Sung, you’re my best friend, too.’
“You guys must be close like the rumors said,” I commented.
“Who knows? That’s how I feel, at least. It hasn’t been that long since we’ve known each other. It’s kind of strange, but sometimes, I feel like this is what it should feel like if I had a brother. I didn’t think that way at first, but… he has a strange charm,” he explained.
‘Hyun-Sung, I know how you feel. I feel the same.’
“I’m sure the honorary cardinal feels the same. I don’t know you two that well, but I did hear many things about you guys,” I told him.
“What are those things?” he asked.
“Hehe. Everyone already knows how loyal the honorary cardinal is to you, even though the word loyalty doesn’t really fit him…” I replied.
“Haha. You’re right. It doesn’t fit him. It’s actually kind of embarrassing. Loyalty…” he muttered.
“Friendship will probably make you feel less embarrassed. Yeah, friendship. I’m kind of jealous,” I commented.
“Excuse me?” he asked.
“The fact that you can form relationships in a place like this,” I answered.
“Ah…”
“Finding people you can trust isn’t easy. You can get backstabbed easily here… trusting people is… difficult,” I added.
“I understand,” he said.
“...”
I wasn’t really sure, but I thought that it was about time for us to move on to the next stage because Kim Hyun-Sung was already drunk, and the atmosphere was great. If I were to drag this on any longer, he could end up losing interest, so I had to make up my mind.
I made sure that my emotions were under my control before speaking, “To be honest…”
“Yes?” Kim Hyun-Sung looked at me.
“I have someone like that, too. Someone like the honorary cardinal to you. Someone I considered as my sister,” I continued.
“You mean…”
“Yeah, she’s gone. There was an accident, and she died. It was my fault,” I replied.
“What?” Kim Hyun-Sung asked.
“It’s something that happens often. I didn’t trust her,” I confessed.
“Ah…”
“She trusted me, but I didn’t trust her,” I added.
“...”
“I’m not sure why I’m telling you this. I mean, we met for the first time today,” I said.
I didn’t pull a dirty move by crying. I decided to do my best to hold my tears back while telling him my story. I glanced at Kim Hyun-Sung, and he looked really shocked.
He definitely didn’t expect that the atmosphere would become dramatic all of a sudden.
However, I noticed that he wanted to comfort me sincerely, and I was sure that he wanted to do it because he had also experienced losing comrades before.
“I don’t know what to say,” he said.
“I shouldn’t have said anything. A crying woman isn’t very charming…” I told him.
“No, that’s not true. Actually, you are…” he paused.
“You have an interesting taste,” I remarked.
“Ahem, I really can’t beat you,” he said.
“I’m sorry. Your reaction was cute, so I unknowingly—Anyway, that’s what happened. It’s nothing special, and it happens often here. It has been a long time, and I have already moved on—somewhat. You don’t have to comfort me with that look on your face, Mr. Hyun-Sung,” I told him.
“Okay…”
“Shall we have another drink?” I suggested.
“I know I said this, but I’m really sorry,” he repeated.
“Are you going to keep acting depressed like that? Let’s toast. Cheers. Ugh… this wine is strong,” I commented.
Kim Hyun-Sung smiled and drank the wine, but his smile looked weird.
He looked as if he was having other thoughts.
‘Did it work?’
His face was telling me yes. However, I was still worried because I got into it all of a sudden, and I was sure that he didn’t expect me to be so straightforward. I was kind of happy, but I felt kind of bitter as well.
The fact that my story worked on Kim Hyun-Sung meant that he was somewhat suspicious of Lee Ki-Young.
‘Shit, Hyun-Sung. I’m really heartbroken. What did I do? Why are you still suspicious of me? I’m not like that masked scum. I have nothing to hide.’
Of course, I wouldn’t really say that I hadn’t done anything wrong because problematic issues had to be inevitably tackled to protect the continent.
Even if Kim Hyun-Sung had been trying his best to turn a blind eye, I was sure that there were things that he couldn’t just ignore. In that sense, it was only natural for him to be suspicious.
He had said that I was like a brother to him, and brothers often grew closer by fighting against each other.
I was done with my story, so it was time for Kim Hyun-Sung to tell me his story. Of course, I had to be cautious about it.
“You have that expression again.”
“What?” Kim Hyun-Sung asked.
“That frustrated look. Do you want to get some air?” I asked.
“You really are talented at reading people’s faces,” he commented.
“I told you that you wear your heart on your sleeves. I feel like I had said something I shouldn’t have…” I replied.
“No, it’s nothing like that. I was just thinking about something. It’s about trust,” he said.
“Are you talking about the honorary cardinal?” I asked.
Kim Hyun-Sung smiled bitterly, but I was sure that it was something positive.
“Is something wrong?” I questioned.
“No, he isn’t the problem. It’s actually me,” he answered.
“What?”
“The issue is with my own heart,” he replied.
“I see. Rather than frustrated, it’s more like you’re ashamed,” I commented.
“Yes. That’s a better word to describe it. Shame,” he agreed.
“If you don’t mind, can you tell me your story?” I requested.
“...”
“I’m not sure if I can be helpful, but…” I trailed off.
‘Ha… Is he going to back out?’
I was about to feel disappointed, but Kim Hyun-Sung finally spoke, “I can’t stop being suspicious.”
“Excuse me?” I asked.
“It’s exactly like I said, I can’t stop being suspicious. The others aren’t the problem here. It’s me. It’s really… a personal issue. Yes, a personal issue,” he repeated.
“Ah…”
“The fact that I can’t trust him as much as he trusts me breaks my heart. I know that it’s not true. What my mind is saying to me isn’t true, but I keep on having those intrusive thoughts. In the end, I can’t even look at him properly.”
“I don’t know how or when all this started, but I feel like there’s something wrong with my heart. Why am I feeling like this?” Kim Hyun-Sung continued.
‘You dummy. Hyun-Sung… why are you so nice?’
I was nervous but happy at the same time because I finally had an idea of what he was going through. I wasn’t sure how it happened, but Kim Hyun-Sung was definitely suspicious of me.
However, the issue was that he was blaming himself for that.
I was sure that the reason he couldn’t look people directly in their eyes was that he had gotten backstabbed too many times in his previous life. He looked like he was in a lot of pain. He called me his brother, but he was avoiding me.
‘I understand. It can’t be helped because he had already gotten backstabbed, after all… I completely understand, Hyun-Sung.’
I could still remember how he displayed signs of severe PTSD during the war with the Republic. I was sure that this was the continuation of those events. To be honest, the fault didn’t only lie on Kim Hyun-Sung.
The suspicious incidents had to have made him suspicious of me, but rather than solving the puzzle by connecting those pieces, he stored them in his head and hid them in the deepest recesses of his mind.
I was happy that he had been doing that. After all, it seemed that there was no need for me to do anything because he had been actively avoiding being suspicious of me.
‘Mr. Ki-Young isn’t that kind of person. I shouldn’t be suspicious of him.’
I was sure he was actively avoiding being suspicious of me by using those words to convince himself. He was taking it seriously. I was innocent, but the demon in his heart was yelling at him, saying that he should be suspicious of me.
“Every time I notice that I’m having those thoughts, I would always feel like my heart is breaking…” Kim Hyun-Sung confessed.
“That’s not true,” I told him.
“...”
“I’m not sure what kind of situation you’re in, but if you ask me, the heart of the Blue Guild’s Guild Master is complete. I’m not saying this to comfort you. It has only been a few hours since we started talking, but that is how I feel. You’re a great person, Mr. Hyun-Sung,” I explained.
“...”
“I’m definitely right,” I added.
“I must be drunk now because I usually don’t talk about things like this,” he commented.
“It’s because I brought it up first. I’m not sure if this is going to be helpful, but… as your senior who experienced something similar…” I paused.
“Yes?”
“I think it’ll be good if you talk to him often,” I continued.
“Ah…”
“Be honest and tell him everything that’s weighing on your mind. I’m sure it’ll help, and it’s not good to keep pushing it back as well. You said he was like a brother to you, right?” I reminded.
“I did…”
“If the honorary cardinal thinks the same way, then I’m sure he’ll understand you, Mr. Hyun-Sung,” I added.
“Ah…”
‘That’s right. Let’s talk about the things weighing on our minds.’
Kim Hyun-Sung nodded without saying anything.
“Shall we have another drink?” I asked.
“Sure.”
‘It actually went smoothly...’
My heart felt like it was breaking upon realizing that I was basically backstabbing him by doing this. Unfortunately, it had to be done. It was the only way that could get rid of the demon in the lovely regressor’s mind and heart.
I started to feel better because everything went better than expected. I told myself to be careful earlier, but I ended up drinking a bit too much because it had been a while since I drank with him.
I was starting to feel a bit tipsy, and I definitely looked drunk in Kim Hyun-Sung’s eyes because he looked worried about me.
“I think you’re already drunk,” Kim Hyun-Sung said.
“I’m fine. Hehe,” I giggled.
“We should get going. I’ll take you back to your place,” he offered.
“I told you I’m fine. I’m not that weak, so you don’t have to worry about me. Let’s drink a bit more,” I suggested.
“No. I have to take you back to your home, or I won’t feel at ease,” he declined.
‘Don’t take me back to my home, man.’
The air between us was starting to get strange.
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