Chapter 742: Are They All Writing Novels Now?
In the sixth year of Chongzhen's reign, in the Imperial Study within the imperial capital.
The Chongzhen Emperor, Zhu Youjian, was still poring over official memorials.
He didn't know why, even though he was already such a diligent emperor, the memorials were endless, utterly endless.
He opened one memorial and glanced at it. It brought bad news: Zijing Liang was leading a large rebel army, marching south, operating near Weihui Prefecture, north of the Yellow River.
Weihui Prefecture was located at the junction of Shanxi, Henan, and Hebei provinces. The rebels would appear in Shanxi one moment, slip into Henan the next, and then dart into Hebei.
The governors and regional commanders of the three provinces shirked responsibility, each claiming the bandits weren't on their territory and thus beyond their jurisdiction.
Zhu Youjian's mood plummeted as if on a free-fall ride.
He flipped to the next memorial.
An official from the Ministry of War stated: "Henan failed to block the dangers of the Taihang Mountains, allowing the bandits to enter; they cannot be absolved of blame."
The Ministry of War further suggested that Hong Chengchou, the Supreme Commander of the Three Borders, relocate to Tongguan Pass, situated at the border of the three provinces, to supervise the governors of Shanxi and Henan, and the three regional commanders: Cao Wenzhao, Deng Qi, and Zhang Yingchang.
Upon reading this report, Zhu Youjian felt a surge of doubt.
He knew Hong Chengchou was a capable minister, that much was true, but to allow one official to wield such immense power, and to be stationed at a critical strategic location like Tongguan Pass, was something he found somewhat unacceptable.
What if this Hong Chengchou were to rebel?
After much deliberation, Zhu Youjian picked up his imperial brush and issued an edict: "Ineffective combat must stem from the leading generals' lack of commitment. I hereby dispatch eunuchs Chen Dakui, Yan Siyin, Xie Wenju, and Sun Maolin as inner military supervisors, to serve as army superintendents for the four garrisons of Cao Wenzhao, Zhang Yingchang, Zuo Liangyu, and Deng Qi respectively."
As long as I send eunuchs to oversee them, these armies will surely fight with diligence.
It must be so!
Just as he was thinking this, a eunuch rushed in from outside, exclaiming urgently, "Your Majesty, wonderful news, truly wonderful news!"
Zhu Youjian, who loved hearing good news, said, "Speak quickly."
The eunuch reported: "Deng Qi, the Regional Commander of Sichuan, had a general named Yang Yuchun, who, while pursuing Zijing Liang, fell into a trap and was killed..."
Zhu Youjian roared: "You scoundrel! How is this good news? Are you trying to infuriate me to death?"
The eunuch broke into a cold sweat, muttering, "Your humble servant hasn't finished reporting..."
Zhu Youjian snapped: "Continue!"
The eunuch hastily continued: "Deng Qi led his army to avenge Yang Yuchun, drew his five-stone great bow, and from two hundred paces away, shot an arrow through Zijing Liang's throat, killing him!"
Upon hearing this news, Zhu Youjian's spirits soared as if on a jet plane.
However, after a fleeting two seconds of euphoria, he sensed something was amiss.
His face darkened as he questioned: "A five-stone great bow? An arrow through Zijing Liang's throat from two hundred paces away?"
Sweat poured down the eunuch's face. "Well... that's what's written in the memorial."
Zhu Youjian raged: "You scoundrels, every single one of you! These memorials read like novels! Did Zijing Liang truly die or not? Is this report actually true?"
Cold sweat streamed down the eunuch's back. "Your humble servant has no idea."
Zhu Youjian commanded: "Go investigate, thoroughly! I want to know if Zijing Liang is genuinely dead and how he died. Don't try to deceive me again."
The eunuch bowed and retreated.
No sooner had that eunuch withdrawn than another entered from outside, announcing, "Your Majesty, Chen Qiyu, the Governor of Yansui, has an urgent military memorial to present."
Zhu Youjian said: "Bring it to me."
He opened the report and, scrutinizing it, immediately gasped, sucking in a mouthful of cold air. The memorial stated: "According to Commander Luo Xi: General Shi, leading a thousand arquebusiers, fired in relays. They fired four volleys in just ten breaths of time, completely routing the Mongol cavalry, who fled in disarray."
Zhu Youjian stared, then with a furious cry, he overturned his desk.
Zhu Youjian roared furiously: "Four volleys in ten breaths of time? What kind of arquebus could fire that quickly? A child's slingshot? If Mongol cavalry could be defeated in ten breaths, why did Qin Shi Huang bother building the Great Wall?"
The eunuchs jumped in fright, hastily kneeling, and scrambling to collect the scattered memorials from the floor.
Zhu Youjian fumed: "This is getting more outrageous by the minute! More and more outrageous! You're infuriating me to death! Infuriating me to death!"
"A report!" A eunuch entered. "The Governor of Shaanxi, Wang Shunxing, has a memorial... Ah? Your Majesty, what are you doing?"
Still seething with anger, Zhu Youjian declared: "Bring me the memorial! Wang Shunxing is a reliable man; he certainly wouldn't write nonsense to provoke me."
The eunuch respectfully presented the memorial with both hands.
Zhu Youjian opened the memorial and read: "The Governor of Shaanxi, Wang Shunxing, reports that a certain Squire Li has constructed a railway on the outskirts of Xi'an, stretching a thousand li, passing through dozens of prefectures and counties, directly to Hedong City. On this track, a massive iron carriage, weighing hundreds of thousands of catties, can carry a thousand people at once, travelling a thousand li in a single day, effortlessly transporting people from Xi'an to Hedong City."
A furious sputtering escaped his lips.
Zhu Youjian expelled a long, pent-up breath of frustration, screaming, "Aiya-aiya-aiya! Wang Shunxing, that old scoundrel! How dare he write such outlandish nonsense in a memorial? They're all completely lawless, every single one of them! I can't even read a single truthful memorial anymore; all officials are just scribbling nonsense, trying to fool me, aren't they?"
The eunuchs cried out, "Your Majesty, calm your wrath."
Zhu Youjian slammed his hand on the desk, roaring: "Dismiss Commander Luo Xi from office! Dismiss Governor Wang Shunxing from office! Replace them all!"
The eunuchs were drenched in sweat, protesting, "Your Majesty, Commander Luo Xi may be dismissed, but... Governor Wang Shunxing has done an excellent job overseeing Shaanxi; the chaotic situation in Shaanxi has been perfectly managed by him; even the rebels have quieted down considerably."
Zhu Youjian scoffed: "That's not his achievement! The rebels merely fled into Shanxi. Dismiss him! This scoundrel who writes nonsense to fool me must be dismissed! Appoint someone else as Governor of Shaanxi. Yes... Lian Guoshi! Let Lian Guoshi take the post."
Lian Guoshi, the eighth-generation descendant of Lian Zining, a renowned minister of the early Ming, a long-serving elder statesman of the Great Ming, of impeccable lineage, thus swiftly took office...
Once Zhu Youjian's fit of pique had passed, he saw memorials strewn everywhere, with a group of eunuchs frantically gathering them from the floor.
He then felt a touch of embarrassment. As a dignified emperor, overturning a desk in a fit of anger and leaving the Imperial Study in such disarray, was truly beneath his station. A monarch should know how to control his emotions.
Control your temper!
He decided to continue reading the memorials.
He bent down and casually picked up a memorial to read. It stated: "The Shanxi bandits: Jieshan Hu (Mountain-Blocking Tiger), Liu Daozhi, Jin Chipeng (Golden-Winged Roc), Xue Rengui, Yitiao Long (One Dragon), Hei Shashen (Black Fiend), Ren Zhonghu (Tiger-Among-Men), Wu Yanwang (Five Yama Kings), Ma Shangfei (Flying on Horseback), Wang Denghuai, Man Tianfei (Flying All Over the Sky), Man E (Full Goose), Huang Canyao, Zhang Cong, Fan Dengke, Fan Jirong, Yikuai Tie (Solid Iron), Chuanshan Jia (Pangolin), Lao Jiangjun (Old General), Er Jiangjun (Second General), Man Tianxing (Stars-in-the-Sky), Shang Shanhu (Mountain-Climbing Tiger), Sao Dihu (Ground-Sweeping Tiger), Pa Dihu (Ground-Crawling Tiger), Kuo Tianfei (Sky-Soaring Flight), Tiao Shanhu (Leaping Mountain Tiger), Xin Laijiang (Newcomer General), Jiu Digun (Ground-Roller), Xiao Huangying (Little Oriole), Fang Ritu, Jia Zongguan (Chief Steward Jia), Bi Shangtian (Heaven-Forcer), Xiao Hongqi (Little Red Banner), Cao Shangfei (Grass Flyer), Yizhi Hu (One Tiger), Yichi Fei (One-Winged Flyer), Sidan Wang (Four Heavenly Kings), Du Weilang (Lone-Tailed Wolf)... and so on, have re-entered northern Shaanxi through northwestern Shanxi."
Zhu Youjian exclaimed, "These... these ruffians, why are their chosen names so utterly disgraceful?"
Cao Huachun interjected, "Your Majesty, please focus on the main point!"
Zhu Youjian realized, "Ah, the main point! So many bandits have returned to Shaanxi? Damn it! Who in Shaanxi can still fight them now?"
Cao Huachun replied, "Shi Jian."
Comments