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Chapter 117 Are You Kidding Me?

Monday's Tenth Update

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Young Master Bai unveiled a confident smile. "Father, I have come bearing celestial missiles, as commanded by the Heavenly Lord. These missiles require divine methods for assembly, and the Heavenly Lord, fearing you might not know how, specifically sent me back to explain the process."

Bai Yuan exclaimed, "Celestial missiles? What in the world are those?"

Cheng Xu dashed to Bai Yuan's side, his voice alight with surprise and curiosity. "What kind of new weapon is a missile?"

Young Master Bai beamed, brimming with pride. "Father, please quickly dispatch the household retainers and the militia to move the celestial missile fragments from the cart. I will immediately instruct them on how to assemble this device."

Hearing that it was something bestowed by the Heavenly Lord, Bai Yuan didn't hesitate. He waved his hand, issuing an immediate order. A large group of household retainers and militiamen rushed out, dragging and pulling a bizarre collection of fragments from the cart.

Bai Yuan, for his part, recognized the fragments. Weren't these the same pieces that made up Gao Family Village's colorful city wall? Only this time, they were painted gray. What use could they be? Could the Heavenly Lord mean for them to construct a new wall with these?

On closer thought, building an even taller wall could certainly prove useful.

As he pondered these random thoughts, he heard Young Master Bai directing the nearby household retainers to carry the fragments into the central courtyard of Bai Family Fortress. It was a spacious yard, several *zhang* in length and width, usually used for the retainers' martial arts training.

Young Master Bai gestured, assessing the space. Convinced the celestial missile would fit, he began to issue commands: "You few, move that fragment on the left! You few, bring the one on the right! Good, lift it... Align this protrusion with that groove... Yes, yes, that's right... Move it towards the center... Join them together... Those with strength, push simultaneously from both sides!"

Dozens of household retainers and militiamen strained, pushing the two blocks forcefully together.

"Snap!"

With a distinct *snap*, the two celestial fragments joined, forming a single, larger piece.

Bai Yuan: "????"

Cheng Xu: "????"

Young Master Bai continued, "You few, bring that fragment over there... Align it with the groove on this piece... Make sure it's exact... Good, now both sides push together... Ram it in!"

"Snap!"

Another crisp *snap*, and another fragment was in place.

Bai Yuan: "????"

Cheng Xu finally burst out, "What in the heavens is going on here?"

Bai Yuan turned, murmuring, "Although I don't understand it, I am profoundly shaken."

Cheng Xu threw up his hands. "Are both of you father and son out of your minds? At a time like this, you're still playing with these inexplicable contraptions?"

Young Master Bai, ignoring them, pointed. "You fellows over there, yes, you! Lift this fragment and attach it there... That's it... A little further... Align the groove... Now, push!"

"Snap!"

The fragment locked into place.

Young Master Bai glanced at his work, then suddenly wiped a bead of sweat from his brow. "Blast it! I seem to have misremembered a detail. Quick, pry it off and reassemble it!"

Bai Yuan: "!!!"

Cheng Xu exploded. "Gods above, are you playing games with me? We have to start over? And here I was, full of anticipation for what Gao Chuwu had brought, only for you two to be messing around with this absurd nonsense!"

Young Master Bai bowed deeply to Cheng Xu. "General, please bear with me for a moment. This humble junior merely misremembered a small detail; it will be corrected at once."

Cheng Xu scoffed. "Don't think your flowery words will make your nonsense sound any more reasonable."

Young Master Bai turned back, resuming his commands: "Lift that over... Here... Aim it... Push it in..."

"Snap!"

A flurry of bewildering and peculiar operations continued.

Everyone present watched, utterly perplexed, but as long as Bai Yuan didn't order them to stop, the household retainers and militiamen of Bai Family Fortress could only continue indulging Young Master Bai's antics.

After a good while of strenuous effort, the retainers were panting, utterly exhausted, but at last, it was complete.

Young Master Bai stood before the strange apparatus, which stretched over four *zhang* in length. He offered a full, deferential bow before announcing, "Father, esteemed uncles, honorable generals... the celestial missile has been successfully assembled. Now, this junior will demonstrate its power."

The onlookers remained utterly bewildered, still unable to fathom what this contraption truly was.

Young Master Bai waved his hand at the household retainers. "All of you, together now, push the celestial missile's pivot. A little further... Raise it higher..."

The block missile tilted its head skyward, its barrel angled towards the heavens.

Young Master Bai pointed at a particularly strong retainer. "You, go over there and strike the four mechanisms at the back, do you see them? Those four protruding circular mechanisms, strike them one after another."

The retainer could only reach the lower two mechanisms; the upper two were truly out of reach. He had to set up a square table, climb onto it, and raise his hammer to just barely reach.

"Strike!"

At Young Master Bai's command, the retainer swung the heavy hammer, *thud, thud, thud*, striking all four mechanisms in quick succession.

A series of eight muffled *thumps* echoed, as eight giant plastic shells, each longer than two men, ejected alternately from the celestial missile's barrel...

Once airborne, they soared incredibly far, arching over the castle of Bai Family Fortress, then sweeping across parched farmlands, crossing dry riverbeds, until finally, with a resounding *boom, boom, boom*, they slammed into the distant slopes of Huanglong Mountain.

The sheer range of the projectiles left everyone present utterly dumbfounded.

It turned out that in Li Daoxuan's world, the block missile toy had a range of only five meters. After arriving in the late Ming Dynasty, its range transformed to a staggering one thousand meters.

In other words, it could engage enemies from a distance of two *li*.

This was far beyond the range of even the longest-reaching trebuchets (around 300 meters) and giant crossbow vehicles (around 100 meters).

Everyone in Bai Family Fortress stared, utterly flabbergasted.

But the most astonished person in the entire courtyard was Cheng Xu. As someone intimately familiar with weaponry, he understood precisely what the celestial missile's range signified.

Cheng Xu threw his hands high, laughing uproariously at the sky. "Hahahaha, Heaven helps me! Heaven truly helps me! With such a weapon, mere rebel forces are utterly insignificant! Hahahaha, Great-Grandmother, your great-grandson will have to visit you a little later now, hahahaha! Your great-grandson has once again snatched victory from the jaws of defeat!"

He abruptly lowered his head. "Young Master Bai, how many of these celestial missiles are there in total?"

Young Master Bai held up three fingers.

Cheng Xu was overjoyed. "Quick, quick! Assemble the remaining two as well!"

Young Master Bai hesitated. "But... we don't have another courtyard quite so spacious. Each celestial missile requires at least four *zhang* of length and width."

Bai Yuan instantly leapt forward. "The back garden! Tear down all the rockeries! We can fit another one there!"

He then mused, "The courtyard in front of the study pavilion, if we dismantle the pavilions and corridors, could also accommodate one."

Young Master Bai spoke up, "Father, the walls of the pavilion in front of the study bear your calligraphy. Those are your most prized works from your entire life!"

Bai Yuan snorted. "For the sake of Bai Family Fortress, what do a few pieces of calligraphy matter? Among a gentleman's Six Arts, 'Calligraphy'—consider it struck from the list, struck from the list!"