Chapter 423 |
The One who was a Skeptic
There was a person named Yu Yeong-hee.
She was a philosophy professor, or rather, she had worked hard to secure a full professorship in the philosophy department, but ended up as an ordinary person who never ascended to that throne even as she became an old woman.
That ordinary person was called a part-time lecturer.
The failure of this arduous journey proved the fact that reality and games are different.
Looking at her background, she had followed the tech tree of university in Seoul, graduate school at Seoul National University for her master's, and graduating top of her class with a doctorate from a prestigious German university.
If this were a game, she would have been treated as a great scholar who steadily leveled up, but for some reason, in the land of games that was South Korea, she had to face the cold assessment of "Oh my, your tech tree is all over the place? Looks like a ruined character?"
Professor Yu Yeong-hee, a philosopher whose papers were actually cited more frequently abroad than domestically, had no choice but to be repeatedly frustrated in the competition for full professorships, losing to characters who had taken the clean tech tree of Seoul National University, Seoul National University, Seoul National University.
"So this paper is really going to be a huge hit, I'm telling you!"
"Nietzsche originally wanted to write about Kant for his doctoral thesis. Ultimately, the series of flows from Kant to Schopenhauer, from Schopenhauer to Nietzsche, completed a distinctive metaphysics."
"..."
"Eternal recurrence isn't an idea that just popped out of nowhere, it's a metaphysical conclusion that necessarily derives from accepting Kant's premises. This paper will be a masterpiece that clearly points out this flow that has been far too neglected until now. You know? The world is repeating itself."
Yu Yeong-hee's close friend, an academic colleague who had likewise spent her entire life rotating through part-time lecturer positions, fell silent.
And she set down her friend's masterpiece, that is, the epoch-making paper that was supposed to turn the philosophy world upside down.
"Yeong-hee."
"Yeah?"
"This is the paper you wrote when you got your doctorate."
Sixty-three years old.
Yu Yeong-hee had dementia.
---
Time passed.
Curiously enough, only part-time lecturer Yu Yeong-hee's time gradually stagnated.
No one, that is, about 99.99 percent of humanity, had any interest in what kind of life this ordinary person named Yu Yeong-hee had lived or what kind of academics she had devoted herself to.
"Hey you fucking bastard! You do it!"
"Aaaaah! Aaaaah!"
Therefore, it was statistically natural that her son and daughter-in-law also belonged to that 99.99 percent.
'The kids are fighting again.'
As her dementia worsened, Yeong-hee stopped receiving even part-time lecturer work.
Originally from a family with nothing, with nothing to their name, yet thanks to her shining talent and the nation's support, she had become reborn as a scholar.
It was an achievement that could barely be accomplished even if a person bet their entire life and all their fortune. Therefore, Yeong-hee had devoted everything to academics.
In return, she had no money.
"What am I supposed to do! Huh?! What do you want me to doooo!"
"Aaaaaaaah!"
What little money she had saved was rapidly depleted.
The son who was supposedly taking care of her wasn't even her blood relation. He was an orphan she had adopted before divorcing some man back when she was younger than now.
'Noisy. My ears hurt.'
Yeong-hee stared blankly at her son over there, screaming and shouting at his spouse, hitting and being hit back.
In that face, she also tried to trace the features of the person who had once been her husband, Jo Yeong-su, who might be anywhere now.
The features wouldn't quite come together. They didn't resemble each other at all in the first place.
'It would be nice if they didn't fight. It's too noisy, I can't read my books.'
Yeong-hee grumbled.
'No, but then again, children are supposed to grow while fighting. The more they do that, the more I need to hold the center of the household properly.'
Heave-ho, Yeong-hee stood up. Then she pulled out a suit from the wardrobe and dressed herself smartly.
When she came out to the living room, her son, already exhausted from the marital fight, looked at her.
"What? Mom, what's with you again?"
"Huh?"
"Why are you wearing weird clothes again?"
Yeong-hee blinked. She was a bit flustered.
"I have to go to work. I have a lecture today."
"No, what lecture?! Mom, you got fired! Four years ago already!"
"Fired? Who got fired? I have a Kant lecture today. It's right before midterms, so I need to give the kids some hints about the exam questions."
"Aaaaaaaah! Get out! Get ouuuut!"
Well, I mean, if I tell you to leave, you should leave, what a sight.
Yeong-hee felt so exasperated she wanted to give her son an earful, but strangely she didn't have the energy for it. She just sighed and quickly left for work.
While waiting for the green village bus on the hillside neighborhood, Yeong-hee suddenly looked up at the blue sky.
'Where was I trying to go? Ah, school.'
Yeong-hee quickly returned home. Because to go to elementary school, she absolutely had to ride her bicycle.
'I could walk but that would take two whole hours!'
Yeong-hee loved her grandfather. She felt that grandfather loved her too. That's probably why he had given her a bicycle, a pretty red bicycle, which he never bought for any of her other siblings.
"Huh? Where's my bicycle?"
Yeong-hee was slightly flustered. The bicycle should have been parked in the house yard, but no matter how much she searched, she couldn't see it.
"Sniff."
She felt sad.
Yeong-hee dearly loved the grassy scent that suddenly came on the wind when she rode her bicycle across the summer dirt roads, that damp grassy smell.
"Why isn't it here? Did grandpa take it? Why isn't it heeere..."
Just then, she heard a voice from behind.
"Grandmother."
"Yes?"
"What are you doing there?"
When she turned around, her granddaughter was staring at her from the boundary of the front gate.
Her pretty granddaughter. The most beautiful child in the world. The person who felt most like family even though they didn't share blood.
"Oh my, Ji-won!"
"Yes, grandmother."
Her granddaughter, Yu Ji-won, bowed her head politely.
"It's hot out. What are you doing outside instead of staying inside?"
"I was looking for your little sister!"
"Pardon?"
Ji-won tilted her head.
"My little sister, you mean?"
"Yes!"
"Excuse me, but grandmother, I don't have a little sister. My parents have only one child, which is me."
"No, you do!"
Yeong-hee's voice rose without thinking. Goodness. No little sister. Her granddaughter was truly truly kind, but sometimes she said scary things.
"There's So-won. So-won. Yu So-won. Your little sister. She can't even walk properly yet!"
"..."
"Our So-won hasn't been around lately. Oh my, your father must have abandoned her. Right? What should we do? Your father and mother must have abandoned So-won. What should we do, Ji-won..."
Yu Ji-won's face as she looked at her grandmother was expressionless. Always.
She examined Yeong-hee with eyes devoid of emotion.
"That's a nice suit."
"Hm?"
"My grandmother is quite stylish. Are you going to give a lecture at the university?"
"Ah, a lecture! That's right! I have a lecture today!"
"Oh dear. It's gotten quite late. At this rate, you'll be tardy. I'll escort you, so please follow me."
"Okay!"
Yeong-hee took her granddaughter's hand and crossed through the front gate, humming cheerfully. She wanted to skip a little, but her body wasn't cooperating today, so she just hummed with her mouth.
The school was right around the corner. Really in the blink of an eye, having crossed just one alley, she arrived at the lecture hall.
Even so, wasn't this a bit too fast? Yeong-hee tilted her head slightly in puzzlement.
"Is this the school, Ji-won?"
"Yes. A school is a place where there are people seeking learning and people imparting learning. Therefore, this place is a more excellent school than anywhere else."
"Ooh."
My goodness! How can our granddaughter be so smart!
Who did she take after? Her father was smart when he was young, but he drinks too much. Her mother's a gambling addict too. Hmm, she must take after me.
What was that called again? Ah, atavism!
"Atavism!"[1]
"Yes, I'm originally rather intelligent."
"Hehe."
"Mr. Matiz, are you there?"
*Knock knock.*
Ji-won knocked on the door of the lecture hall. Soon after, a shabby door opened.
"Oh, Ji-won. And, um."
Inside the lecture hall stood a solid-looking man. Was he a student? A teaching assistant?
These days at universities, teaching assistants changed so frequently it was hard to remember faces. In the old days, there were many young people who dug deep into their studies for five or six years.
Ji-won went to the man and whispered.
"I'm sorry. I'll ask this of you again today."
"No, what's there to be sorry about? I like studying with grandmother too. Honestly, she's incredibly smart."
"Yes, though unfortunately other people don't seem to recognize that fact."
"?"
Yeong-hee, standing one step away from her granddaughter and the man's whispering, just tilted her head back and forth.
She was about to feel left out since it seemed like she was being excluded, when the man spoke to her very politely.
"Professor."
"Yes?"
"Please wait just a moment. The classroom preparation isn't quite finished yet. I'm sorry it's hot, but if you wait just two minutes, I, your teaching assistant, will get it cleaned up nicely."
"Hm? Ah, yes. Alright, please do."
A moment later.
"Please come in, professor."
The lecture hall definitely had a table and chairs. There was even a plastic whiteboard.
‘Huh, but isn't it a bit small?’
"Did the size of the classroom ever matter for learning, grandmother? Weren't philosophers originally people who couldn't afford to rent space and taught while wandering building corridors?"
"...!"
‘That's true!’
Thinking about it that way, Yeong-hee actually got excited. It felt exactly like returning to those days when, even without money, they would gather in one corner of the campus and discuss academics endlessly for four or five hours.
‘No, it was those days.’
"So, from Schopenhauer's perspective, this thing called time has no beginning. No starting point. It's like reading a book, you know? You can read a book from the beginning or just randomly flip to the middle, right? For Schopenhauer, time is like that."
"Oh."
"This is also discussed in Kant's philosophy. Human intellect cannot determine whether time has a beginning or not. But Nietzsche is different! From Nietzsche's perspective, within the limits of human intellect, the only diagram of time we can imagine is circular! It's cyclical. Repetition. That's why it's eternal recurrence."
Her granddaughter Ji-won and the male teaching assistant listened very diligently to her class.
Sometimes they debated. Sometimes they argued heatedly.
Yeong-hee occasionally got confused about where she was, but strangely enough, when discussing academics, her mind became bright and clear.
She was happy.
"I'm learning so much from you, professor."
"Hehe."
Yeong-hee also liked the man before her.
His name, for some reason, she couldn't remember. But then, she had never been good at remembering people's names since she was young.
"You're as wonderful as our Yeong-su."
"Yeong-su?"
"Yes, Yeong-su. My husband."
College student Yu Yeong-hee smiled gently, intoxicated with happiness.
"I smoke cigarettes, you see. But I deliberately didn't carry a lighter around."
"Why not?"
"So my husband would light it for me without being asked. I'd pretend not to notice, like oh? I didn't bring my lighter? Then Yeong-su-ssi would come over and quietly light it for me. I strangely really liked that."
"..."
"But I quit smoking after we adopted a child. You don't smoke, do you?"
"No, I don't smoke."
"That's good! Cigarettes are really bad for you. I was a chain smoker myself, but smoking makes your head all foggy, you know."
Yeong-hee giggled.
"Mr. Yeong-su must be busy these days, he hasn't been coming home at all. I'm worried. That person has perseverance but no business sense, so if I leave him alone, he's destined to starve to death..."
"Grandmother."
Ji-won took her grandmother's hand.
"Yes?"
"It's time to leave work now."
"Oh my? Look at me. I must have made the class too long! But you know, classes that are exactly three hours long have no warmth. If you have something to say, you should keep going for five or six hours. That's the spirit of academics."
"Ahaha."
The man laughed.
"Please come again, professor."
"Yes! See you next time!"
A few days later.
Her son and daughter-in-law.
The father and mother were nowhere to be seen.
"?"
Yeong-hee tilted her head back and forth and asked her granddaughter if she knew where her father and mother had gone.
Then Ji-won answered calmly.
"They went to Japan for missionary work."
"Oh, did they?"
"Yes. They said they finally got work from the church and left quickly. Mother went with him too. They're keeping in touch by phone occasionally, so don't worry, grandmother."
"Oh my. But they should at least tell me before they go. No wait, when you're young, you're supposed to travel abroad and such. That's good. That's really good."
It really was so good!
She had been quite worried lately because her son and daughter-in-law had been fighting so much inside the house. She was afraid they might end up divorcing like she did.
A stable income leads to a stable mind. If they got work and their wallets became full, the fights would decrease too.
"Hmm hmm."
Feeling so good, Yeong-hee wore jeans for the first time in a while.
Until recently, the jeans hadn't fit well because she had gained some weight. But not this time. She successfully put on the pants cleanly.
'That's right, it's me!'
Today was the day she had a date with Yeong-su-ssi, so she paid special attention to her outfit.
When she looked in the mirror, instead of the weight she had gained, only a gaunt body was reflected. It seemed there was no need to diet.
'Cigarettes... huh, where are the cigarettes?'
She searched for a long time and turned the wardrobe inside out, but couldn't find a single pack of cigarettes.
A poor college student. Still, from Yeong-hee's perspective, having invested her romance in a pack of cigarettes, she felt slightly anxious.
'Ah, but I'll be late for the appointment! I'll buy cigarettes later. I need to leave quickly!'
She rushed to leave, but Yeong-hee tripped over the junk from the wardrobe she had turned inside out and fell.
"Ow!"
It hurt.
Still, Yeong-hee resolutely stood up. Actually, today she had a feeling, or rather a certain conviction, that Mr. Yeong-su was going to propose to her.
'For the past few months, he hasn't been spending money on dates. That man. He's got something up his sleeve. Why is he saving money?'
Hehe, Yeong-hee laughed. Even though her fallen knee hurt so much, she was happy.
'Should I play hard to get?'
No matter how poor, she was an intellectual. Wouldn't turning him down once be the proper role-play?
'But what do I do! If he really proposes, I think I'll cry.'
Tears actually came out. Yeong-hee had difficulty distinguishing whether the tears came from her knee hurting or from happiness.
Whimpering, crawling on all fours, Yeong-hee finally made it out of the house.
Today. It had to be today. There was a reason she absolutely had to go out today.
"Ah."
That reason was right now walking down the neighborhood alley, the gray asphalt road crumbled by the traces of time.
"So-won!"
"..."
*Pause.*
The woman who had been walking demurely down the alley stopped.
The woman turned to look at Yeong-hee. Surprise spread across her beautiful face.
Regardless, Yeong-hee brushed off her knees and quickly ran over to tightly hug her second granddaughter.
"Oh my, So-won! You were alive. Right? You were alive."
"..."
"I, right? I thought your father and mother had abandoned you! Right? You were such a well-behaved child. You were so kind... You suddenly disappeared, you know? How worried I was."
"..."
Hesitantly.
The woman carefully hugged Yeong-hee.
And stroked her grandmother's shoulder with her cheek.
"I'm sorry, grandmother."
"Hm? Sorry for what?"
"For not visiting you often."
"Oh my. As long as you're alive! As long as you're alive, that's enough, child. Our So-won. How did you grow up to be so pretty? Hmm?"
"..."
"Such a pretty child. A beautiful child... What right do they have to make your life so hard? Why torment a child, torment her. Wicked people."
*Stroke.*
The woman, Yu So-won, Yeong-hee's second granddaughter, stroked her grandmother's back with slender hands even more slender than the grandmother's.
That touch was good. It was gentle. Yeong-hee smiled broadly. Her mom and dad always scolded her for crying and then laughing, but she seemed to do that every day these days.
"Grandmother, where were you going?"
"Hm? Me? Work! Going to school to give a lecture!"
"Oh my. That's right. Grandmother, you were a very famous scholar. If it's not rude, may I come along too?"
"Yes!"
Yeong-hee took her granddaughter's hand and cheerfully went to work. The granddaughter she thought she would never see again had grown up so beautifully!
She was truly happy.
"It's me."
"Yes, please come... Huh? Professor?"
"I'd like to audit today too."
"..."
"She's also my grandmother, you see."
The man looked at Yu So-yeon.
'Oh my.'
It was just a brief exchange of glances, but Yeong-hee, who had embodied the three sacred treasures of dating experience, marriage experience, and divorce experience, could sense it in that moment.
'What do I do?! Our So-won likes that teaching assistant!'
It was quite troublesome.
'Ji-won likes him too! Yeong-su! What should I do about this?!'
Sisters attracted to the same man. This was practically an old drama she had only heard about in rumors.
She even felt a vague sense of betrayal. She had thought he was just a kind teaching assistant, a young person with an academic passion unlike today's youth.
This backstabbing!
Yeong-hee's expression suddenly became stern as she stared at the man.
"Hmm..."
"?"
"You. I'll be watching."
"???"
Of course, they couldn't talk for long.
Yeong-hee was a part-time lecturer. She had work to do, and she had to proceed with the class quickly.
It sounded truly ridiculous, but…
"So, if the world is repeating itself, that ancient debate, that is, the question of whether humans have free will or are mechanistically determined, is instantly resolved!"
"Wow."
"Because if I perform some action now, and the world repeats, what we've thought of as the horizon of the past is actually also the future. Our present determines the future, and furthermore, even the past!"
"..."
"Why is all of human life determined materially? And yet why do humans still feel their actions are free? This contradiction that seemed utterly irreconcilable is solved quite cleanly just by presupposing the repetition of time!"
For the first time, Yeong-hee liked her profession, that is, the title of part-time lecturer.
For some reason, lecturing about time with one man and one granddaughter before her made her feel that way.
"Determinism and free will theory actually coexisted all along. Nietzsche knew this. Then there's one remaining problem. If you determine your entire life yourself, if the present, future, and even the past are all being determined and determining at this very moment... will you accept such a life, or not?"
From some point on, Yu Yeong-hee's time had been stagnant.
But mysteriously, when looking at that man, and from the moment she reunited with her granddaughter today, she felt time flowing.
"Hehe."
She…
Yeong-hee loved Yeong-su.
She loved Ji-won and So-won.
There was much sadness, but much love too.
The girl was truly happy.
---
Footnotes:
[1] Atavism is the reappearance of a lost ancestral trait in an organism, like a human baby born with a tail or a horse with extra toes, due to the reactivation of dormant genes from distant ancestors, offering evidence of evolution.