Chapter 389 |
A Story Found Nowhere (5)
An old city buried in snow.
The place where Derrick's treasure lay hidden, the final destination of this adventure, was where Najin set foot. His footprints pressed into snow that had piled up over long years.
"......"
Najin looked at Merlin without a word. She had her back to him, walking deeper into the city. He followed, moving his feet after her.
"I told you about the night fairies before, didn't I?"
"That they can shape dreams?"
"Right. This is a continuation of that."
Merlin had always faced him when she spoke, but not now. She kept her eyes away from Najin, talking as if delivering a monologue to the empty air.
Anything wished for could be made. Any craving could be satisfied. And so, nothing was wished for at all.
But, Merlin said.
"I was different. Half of me was human, and I wanted reality rather than dreams. Because I had desire, I felt lack. Because I felt lack, I sought fulfillment. Because I sought fulfillment, I had to grow."
Having something to want drove her to push herself.
"That's how I became a Constellation."
She accumulated knowledge, overcame trials, polished herself without end, and through it all she reached Transcendence.
"I'm probably the only Transcendent among the night fairies. My parents, even the oldest of the fairies, none of them knew."
She smiled bitterly.
"When a Transcendent's power and processing capacity is combined with a night fairy's ability to shape dreams... something rather interesting becomes possible?"
Enough information to build an entire world.
The processing capacity to handle all of it.
And the ability to wield every piece of it.
What could a single being do with all of that? Merlin showed him the answer. She raised a finger. The moment that white, slender finger traced through the air, the scenery bled outward like paint along the path it drew.
"Things that would happen under the assumption of 'what if.'"
Countless branching points.
Countless, countless futures of "what if."
"Here, those what-if futures can be run as many times as you like. Just set the conditions and let them go."
The scenery shattered like a pane of glass. Through the broken pieces, an entirely different scene shone through.
"What if I hadn't met you that day? What if I had resolved to die? What if Bedivere had been even a little late, and no one managed to stop me? What would have happened?"
"Merlin."
"Why did you make this choice?"
A Bedivere with a hollow expression stood there, staring at Merlin. He despaired. He looked at a Merlin who had transformed into something beyond description, and he broke.
"What if I could no longer endure a thousand years of waiting in this place?"
"So it turned out just as I said, you pitiful child."
"It was a fate already written."
"No other child has ever resembled me so well."
A splitting laugh echoed out. The Witch of the Abyss's hand swept across Merlin's face. She rejoiced, filled with rapture at the appearance of the first of her kind in tens of thousands of years.
"What if."
Such scenes passed by without end.
"What if, what if, what if."
The scenery fragmented. Shattered into dozens, hundreds of pieces, each shard of broken glass reflected a different scene. Merlin walked through the spaces between them. Her steps were light.
"For a thousand years in this place, I dreamed of what-ifs."
Simulation, within a dream indistinguishable from reality, she predicted countless outcomes.
"How could I separate the Terminus Star from myself? How could I escape this place and go adventuring with you? How could I......"
Her voice grew faint.
"Reach a perfect ending?"
She stopped walking.
"Do you know what answer I arrived at after all those experiments?"
Merlin turned to look back. The thousands upon thousands of scenes spread around her, all those entirely different "what-if futures", had absurdly reached the same ending.
Every ending was a tragedy.
In every future, she failed to separate the Terminus Star. She was swallowed by it, and from that a Blight Star of twelve stars was born.
"That I have no future."
Merlin swallowed. She had been wrapping herself in smiles, in happiness, in pleasure. From the moment she met Najin, she had worn a mask the entire time.
"I told you I had separated the Blight Star, didn't I? I'm sorry. That was a lie. I couldn't separate it."
Standing before a building where Derrick's long-sought treasure was supposedly hidden, she stopped performing. The mask came off, and what was revealed was her true face.
The smile was gone.
The light left her eyes.
With empty eyes she looked at Najin. What stood before him was not the Merlin who had always laughed carelessly. It was the Merlin Najin had seen a thousand years ago. No, a woman more rotten and worn away than even that.
"I am the Terminus Star."
She placed her hand over her own chest and spoke.
"I am the period that will bring your journey to its end."
The Terminus Star embedded in her heart shone a deep, dark red.
2.
The Terminus Star.
The star born from her mystique, the mystique of the period, which was hers.
Merlin had hated her own mystique, and perhaps she had hated herself.
The guilt that her mystique had placed a period on Arthur's story. The fear of knowing she had placed a period on the lives of those around her. All those countless feelings about her own mystique, she had carried inside her from the time she was very young.
Her own kind had gone extinct.
The village where she had lived burned and vanished.
A period had been placed on countless things.
They ended. Everyone departed, leaving only her behind. Alone, she had to endure lonely nights. In the end, what she feared more than anything else was herself.
"I am the Terminus Star."
I am the period that will end your journey.
Saying that, Merlin swallowed.
So this moment has come at last. The moment she had hoped would not come, and yet had also hoped would.
"Once I accepted that I couldn't achieve the separation, that no happy ending existed for me, I began to see something else."
With every word, strength drained out of her.
"What I could do to be of help to you."
She looked at Najin.
At the hero who would build the future the Round Table had dreamed of a thousand years ago. And at the one regret Merlin still held.
"It seems I'm a member of the Round Table whether I like it or not. The greater cause, conviction, ideals, all that nonsense, I hate it so much, but in the end those are the things I reach for at the last."
She smiled bitterly.
"I am the Terminus Star. And I am the Blight Star. But even something like me has something it can give to you."
The deep red star embedded in her heart.
Feeling its beat, Merlin spoke.
"To you, who will soon challenge the Witch of the Abyss, I can give you the narrative of having 'killed the Blight Star.' That means I can make you gain a new star."
She gave a faint smile.
"If that happens, I'll become part of the story engraved in your star. I can't travel with you, but in the moment you run the Witch of the Abyss through, I'll be there to help you."
Of course, it would not be Merlin herself. It would be nothing more than a fragment of Merlin reflected in Najin's story, recalled by him. But that was enough.
If he would remember her.
If he would hold her dear.
That alone would be enough. Merlin told herself that. Had she not already reached that conclusion long ago? She forced herself to smile.
"That much."
Yes, Merlin said.
"That much is enough."
She was a being who had already ended a thousand years ago. She had met the ending of her story, and had she not separated herself into the side that moves forward and the side that ends? It was far too much for the side that was meant to end to dream of what comes next.
"Leave me buried here, and set out on your journey with the guide waiting outside, the one who isn't me. She has every right to that."
Merlin smiled with effort.
"What, it's fine. She's me anyway, isn't she?"
While she laid out this long story, Najin had not said a single word. He only looked at Merlin in silence.
"Merlin."
After a brief silence, Najin spoke.
"Then why did you say that?"
"...... Say what?"
"That you wanted to stay here with me forever."
Merlin's lips moved slightly.
Just moments ago, the real feeling that had slipped out because the approaching end of the journey felt sad, felt frightening. Merlin bit down hard on her lip.
"That was... just me testing your resolve. That kind of thing happens all the time, doesn't it? If you'd said yes, I would have lectured you. Told you that you couldn't do that. I would have set you straight. As your senior."
Merlin gave a small laugh.
She shrugged and kept up the performance.
"And you chose the right answer. The greater cause, conviction! That's what earns you the title of heir of the Round Table. Well done."
The voice was natural. The expression on her face was natural too. The performance had no cracks. There was no way her lie would be found out. That was what Merlin thought.
"Is that right."
And Najin.
"Merlin."
"Mm."
"You just said it, didn't you? That she's me anyway, that the Merlin outside and the Merlin standing in front of you right now are both Merlin in the end."
"I... said that."
"Yes. That's the one thing I can agree with."
Najin gave a small laugh. Out of place as it was, he smiled and shrugged.
"Do you know how long I've spent with you? Twenty-four hours, three hundred and sixty-five days, four years by outside time alone, and if you add the hours exploring the Tomb of Stars it's at least ten years."
"...... So what?"
"It means I know you as well as one can know someone."
Najin looked at Merlin.
And then, bluntly, he said it.
"I can tell when you're lying. Merlin."
Merlin's expression went rigid.
3.
Given how long they had spent together, Najin knew Merlin well. Her small habits, the way her expression shifted when she was about to lie, right down to the smallest details, he knew all of it.
The fairy Merlin was still Merlin at her core.
No matter how much she had rotted away, no matter how much her personality had changed, he could feel Merlin in her.
And so.
Pretending not to notice was not something he could do.
"Don't say things you don't mean."
Najin said.
"Words you've turned over again and again, words you've only barely forced out after convincing yourself over and over, if you're trying to convince me with those, you'd better stop."
Najin shrugged.
"If you can barely convince yourself, do you think they'll work on me?"
The performance was seen through. The lie was found out. Merlin bit her lip until it bled, then opened her mouth and spoke through gritted teeth.
"Then what do you want me to do?"
Merlin threw the question back at him.
"This is the only way. I can't separate the Terminus Star. I am the Blight Star, a filthy thing that will ruin your story's ending. Right now I'm barely holding onto my reason, but I don't know when or how I'll lose control!"
Her voice rose.
"I can't go outside. The one who should be at your side needs to be pure, not something as broken as me. The moment I step outside I'll devour your guide, and I'll fall into corruption."
That was a fixed future. Across countless simulations, Merlin had met the same ending every time. She had not found a way out of it.
"You know."
Merlin laughed as though she might crumble at any moment.
"If you choose me, the guide Merlin who has been with you until now disappears. Do you understand that?"
Choose one, and the other dies.
The fairy, or the human.
Merlin showed Najin what kind of future would unfold if he chose her, the fairy.
"The moment I go outside I'll become the Blight Star and run rampant, cause enormous destruction, and then die at your hands. And in that process, the human Merlin who was your guide will disappear as well."
Choose her, and both die.
Nothing but tragedy there.
"But if you strike me down here, and walk out with the narrative of having brought down the Blight Star... your guide is safe. And you even gain a new star."
Abandon her, and one survives.
And a brilliant future waits for you.
"Anyone can see which one to choose."
Merlin pleaded.
"Just kill me. Don't let me be greedy anymore. Unless you're going to give up everything and live here with me forever... unless you're going to set your conviction aside and put me first."
Merlin pressed hard against her own chest. Pointing to where the Blight Star lay, she said.
"Kill me and walk out of here. There's no other way."
You can't do it, can you.
You have so much you still have to accomplish.
You can't let those things go.
"This is the most sensible ending."
Of all the countless branches, this one was the most gentle. Merlin explained it to Najin that way. The countless what-if futures spread out behind her gave weight to her words.
And Najin.
Looked at Merlin pleading with him, without a word.
She was right.
The choice she was offering was a rational one. One side held nothing but loss, the other nothing but gain. Even a fool could see which to choose.
If.
If the one standing here were adventurer Najin, he would have taken this option without hesitation. Because it was rational. Simple and easy.
An ordinary person would take that road.
An adventure that could happen anywhere would draw to its close in exactly this way.
"It is sensible."
Because it was sensible.
"But."
Najin brushed off his clothes. Without his noticing, the adventurer's outfit was gone. Excalibur was in his hand. The Free Knight's coat wrapped around his body. The physical strength that had been suppressed found its way back to where it belonged.
"There's something someone I know once told me."
Najin smiled.
"A hero has to be a bit of an idiot, they said."
"...... What?"
"Stupid, stubborn, taking on things that make no sense, failing, getting smashed to pieces."
Najin took one step forward.
"And still trying. Wanting everything like some greedy fool and taking it all anyway, that's what makes someone worthy of being a hero. Someone told me that."
"What kind of idiot says that?"
"You did."
Najin pointed at Merlin.
"You're the one who told me that."
Merlin's eyes wavered, and Najin breathed out slowly.
That's right.
A Najin born into this world, living an ordinary life, enjoying ordinary adventures, would have accepted this ending.
But Free Knight Najin.
The Najin who pulled out Excalibur and chose to live as a hero would not accept an ending like this. He had no intention of accepting it. He had not lived an ordinary life, so he had not the slightest intention of settling for an ordinary ending.
The adventure that could happen anywhere was over.
Now came the time to show a story found nowhere.
A story she had never imagined.
