Chapter 1: Eina (3) |
It was the next day, and there was a message waiting from Eina with a text file attached.
I figured it was the plot or general setting and opened it before looking at it in surprise.
It was a manuscript.
I couldn’t help but mutter in shock.
“Oi, seriously?”
There were about five-thousand words, perfect for a short story.
Shuu: Thank you for the manuscript! That’s amazing, did you write it all last night?
I messaged Eina, still in my pyjamas. Immediately, her reply arrived.
Eina: I stayed up all night.
Eina: Ehehe.
Shuu: I’ll read it as fast as I can and tell you what I think. I’ll check for typos and omissions, and look over the plot and stuff as well.
Eina: Please do!
While I headed to school, I wondered, just who was she?
To be able to write so much in a single night…
I’d thought she was in middle or high school, but maybe she was a university student?
Maybe even a worker? I probably should just ask…
While I waited in the clubroom as usual, I started reading Eina’s manuscript on my phone.
It was a youth novel.
The summary was more or less this:
A high school girl met the ghost of a girl on her school roof. The ghost had died in a traffic accident and asked to borrow the protagonist’s body for a single day, because there was someone that she had to meet and tell her feelings to. That person was the boy the protagonist liked…
The protagonist went through something like an out of body experience, following the ghost and boy’s date while floating in the air. Seeing their happiness, she freely chose to let herself fade away and fulfil their love.
It was a fairly sad story, but it was so well written that it touched my heart.
This was even better than I had hoped for.
“Right, this bit’s hard to understand so I should help revise it… I want to know more about her motivations too, there are bits you can’t tell what she’s thinking…”
I noted down my thoughts while I muttered to myself.
I might be saying it for her honour, but I thought that it was a wonderful piece of writing. If you asked why I was writing down ways to improve it if that was the case, then that would be because I was sure it could be even more wonderful.
It was hard to write a complete manuscript in one go, all authors said that. For instance, even if an author felt that what they had written was common sense, it wasn’t uncommon for it to be unclear to other people that read it and there could be unexpected mistakes in expressions. Having someone else look it over was very effective to brush up the work.
But at the same time, it needed a delicate touch. When the author submitted their manuscript, they were submitting their best and having points to improve pointed out to them wasn’t a pleasant feeling. On top of that, I wasn’t a professional editor, I was simply a fan of novels that was part of a school’s literature club. I might make mistakes myself.
Would I be able to convey my opinions without hurting the author, and have her carefully check them…
Until now, I had spoken with the authors directly in the clubroom, but… With Eina, we couldn’t meet.
I still wasn’t sure she wasn’t part of some scam, I didn’t even know her age or if she was in fact a she. She might even be someone dangerous. Besides, I didn’t know where she lived. I lived in Chiba, if she lived in Hokkaido or Okinawa, we couldn’t meet easily.
“…”
At that thought, I looked at the manuscript on my phone screen again.
I was there, thinking that we couldn’t meet, but at the same time, at the bottom of my heart, I wanted to do so.
I just wanted to meet and talk to the one that had written something so wonderful.
“Nah, that’s not going to happen.”
I muttered to myself, putting a lid on my wish to meet her. When I thought about it calmly, there was no way I could meet her. But if not, how would I give my impressions…
I’ll put as many corrections in the file as I can.
I pulled out one of the club’s laptops and connected my phone to get the file off.
“Hmm, this one?”
I didn’t know why I felt uncomfortable right away, but I soon noticed that the timestamp was strange.
The timestamp on the file that Eina had sent was xx/09/2013.
It was 2018 right now, so it was exactly five years ago.
Did she lie about staying up all night and sent something she had written before?
So she really was trying to trick me?
But what would doing that accomplish? Besides, the end result was too nice…
Or maybe her settings are wrong? Though I don’t know how you could make that kind of mistake.
I started writing comments in the file.
＊
After I got home and had eaten, I sent a message to Eina.
Shuu: I read the manuscript. It was good.
A reply came back within the second.
Eina: Really?
Shuu: Yeah. I felt so sad when I finished reading it, but it wasn’t unpleasant. I think it was a great novel.
Eina: You’re praising me too much.
Apparently she’s shy.
Shuu: I pointed out a few typos and issues, but…
Eina: Ah, right.
Shuu: I added comments to the file, would you check them over?
I attached the file and sent it to Eina.
Eina: It sent.
Shuu: Can you open it?
Eina: I opened it. Ahhhhhhhh.
Shuu: What’s wrong?
Eina: I’m sorry! I’m really sorry!
Eina kept apologising.
Dammit. Maybe I put too many corrections in. I’d tried to be as careful as I could about them, but I guess corrections on your first work had a real impact.
Shuu: You don’t need to apologise. This kind of thing is normal.
Eina: But, but… I took up your time, and…
No good, it wasn’t coming through in the text. It wouldn’t be solved like this.
“What do I do? …Hmm?”
I noticed something on my screen. The app had free voice calls. I tapped the button, mostly by reflex.
I put my phone to my ear and listened to the dial tone.
And then — it connected.
《Hello?》
The soprano from my phone took my breath away. Her voice was beautiful.
It was a little higher than I imagined while we were chatting, and was a clear sound.
“Hello, this is Shuu. Um… Nice to meet you.”
《It’s nice to meet you too.》
It felt like she was close enough that I could hear her breathe.
“…”
《…》
“So.” 《Umm.》
We both stopped talking, having started at the same time.
《…Go ahead.》
“Sorry. About the manuscript.”
《Y-yesh…》
Even through the phone, I could tell she was really nervous. Maybe she thought I was angry with her?
Because of that, I spoke as kindly as I could.
“It was really great.”
《Eh? But there were so many corrections…》
“The corrections are there because it was good. I was sure it could be even better. Sorry, I might have been a bit harsh, but I didn’t want to speak ill of it.”
《I should be the one who’s sorry. It’s sort of… all over the place.》
“It’s just your first time. If you don’t want to revise it, you can just check over the typos and print it as is. I didn’t find anything glaring.”
《No! You put so much effort into editing, I’ll do my best revising it!》
Her voice was much more energetic than before and I relaxed. Actually talking really was important.
《Umm, so, can I ask some questions?》
“Of course!”
《What do you mean in your first comment… when you say you want more of a picture of the protagonist’s psychological state…?》
“Ah, that. I thought it might be better if you said more about why she let the ghost borrow her body. It’ll get more empathy that way, right?”
《I see! Then, on the next page—》
And thus the conversation passed peacefully, until we were finished.
“Is that okay? You don’t have any questions?”
《It’s okay!》
“I might have made mistakes myself, so please point them out.”
《I don’t think you have!》
And so we went over her manuscript several times over the weekend, and Eina’s novel was completed.