Chapter 1184: Unworthy |
Khan had a hard time focusing on his training in the following days. He still abused the [Blood Vortex] diligently, but his mind was a mess of thoughts that didn't want to come out. Khan didn't know how he felt or how he was supposed to feel, but that hardly mattered in those fields.
Politics always demanded compromises that left little room for personal feelings. Humankind had accepted that truth by assigning that critical interspecies mission to someone who had abandoned it, while Khan didn't even know his stance on the whole matter.
On the one hand, Khan respected Liiza's decision. He even understood it. After all, Khan had come quite close to marrying Monica for love, and Princess Rachel remained a political avenue he might have to explore in the future. Defeating the scarlet eyes might demand as much.
Nevertheless, Khan also recalled how Liiza was. His first love had been the freest girl he had ever met, and seeing her willing to shackle herself to a political marriage to help her species soured his mind.
If anything, that was proof of how much time had passed and how much things had changed. Khan and Liiza had been able to play the rebellious couple in love ten years ago, but their statuses demanded a different maturity now, one that often required their sacrifice.
Moreover, something else existed outside that understanding and sourness. A longing Khan had only been able to suppress still survived in dark, hidden parts of his brain. He would never voice it, nor did he dare to consider it, but it was real, and the recent period had shown its power.
The tattoo on Khan's shoulder had been crucial in exploring the Great Old One's memories. He still cared. He couldn't hope since he had given up on that feeling. Khan couldn't dream since he had yet to solve his curse, but his emotions were another story. Khan still clung to what he had learned on Nitis, unable to reject or forsake it.
Still, even if Khan dared to dream while awake, he knew the truth. He felt unworthy of any of that after everything he had done. He had corrupted himself for various reasons, many of which were to stay loyal to his promise to Liiza, so he was too far gone for that unclear hope he didn't dare to voice.
That was why Khan's last words to his Uncle had been genuine. Maybe seeing Liiza getting married to a random alien man could bring closure to a story that had endured for ten years. Nothing else had worked, not even love, so Khan couldn't think of anything else.
The process wasn't even that hard. Khan's ship required specialized engineers, but Coravis' teleport made that issue non-existent. The Nognes family also had plenty of spares of the specific engines, while everything else was a matter of logistics.
Humankind didn't have the Thilku's space teleports. Khan's force could enlarge the machine to fit the entire ship, but it was easier to dismantle and rebuild it once it arrived at its destination.
As for the destination itself, Khan's forces actually had to ask for permission to use it. The arranged marriage would happen in a neutral location in space, inside a structure prepared by the Kros. Khan couldn't teleport there directly, so humankind had brought a suitable space station nearby, and the Global Army needed to authorize his arrival there.
Of course, that was a non-issue. The Global Army had already swallowed its pride in agreeing to use Khan as the human Ambassador, so the authorization arrived in no time. Theoretically, Khan could depart for that space station as soon as his ship was ready, but he decided to delay his departure as much as possible for multiple reasons.
First and foremost, Khan knew how dangerous he was, and anything could tick him off, especially during such an emotional event. The longer he stayed in the appointed structure, the higher the chances he would make a mess, so he decided to spend as little time as possible there.
Second, Khan had basically just returned to Coravis, and departing would remove his ability to use the [Blood Vortex]. Khan wanted to make the best of that available time, especially now that the Nak awaited him.
Also, Khan could use that chance to learn more about the relatively mysterious Kros. Truthfully, the Global Army knew nothing about them, except that they existed. That species had always opted for isolation, only leaking their appearance and technological inclinations.
At first sight, the Kros resembled the Tors' more human cousins. They were humanoid lizards with the rumored proclivity of relying on floating metal chairs instead of walking. That basically was what humankind knew about the Kros, and even the records about their language were incomplete.
Out of habit, Khan used his time during the solitary banquets or the absorption of the accumulated mana to learn that new language. He wasn't sure why he truly did that, but the practice was strangely refreshing. It had been a while since Khan had last studied anything, and immersing himself in it reminded him of a long-lost, simpler life.
Nevertheless, time was ruthless, and the due date eventually arrived. Garret and the others had obviously finished getting everything ready long ago, but Khan couldn't help but hesitate when he noticed the new item on his unused bed.
Some soldiers had delivered the Global Army's dark-blue military uniform to Khan's quarters while he was away, which made sense. After all, he would act as a human Ambassador for the arranged marriage. Yet, seeing it with his own eyes brought realizations that reeked of finality.
It didn't help that Khan hadn't worn one of those uniforms for a long time. For all intents and purposes, he was a Thilku Lord, belonging to the Empire and serving the Emperor. That was his official status, but there he was, staring at clothes that could change that in a minute.
The uniform felt tighter than Khan recalled, but his habit of keeping it open was probably to blame. Still, he also wore his silver crown and Thilku cape above it. As much as he was about to represent humankind, he couldn't forget his true allegiances.
Then, Khan received a message. He was already late, so he heaved a loud sigh, heading for the sea station's surface and hoping he could stay put for the next twenty-four hours.
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