Chapter 118: Hatred of Existence |
"Young Master, you haven't been back in years, right? The Capital has changed drastically over the years. We still have about an hour before the scheduled meeting with President Shi. Shall I take you to see some nearby attractions?"
"Just drive around randomly. I'm going to lean back and rest for a bit."
"Alright!"
The lackey who called himself Brother Li was the Old Scholar's driver. Upon confirming Shi Rang's identity and recalling how Shi Rang had asked for his name earlier, Brother Li was naturally frightened out of his wits. Having finally managed to pick up his passenger, he spent the entire drive trying to salvage his impression, or at the very least, keep his job.
Shi Rang had explained that he was merely joking earlier, but it seemed to have the opposite effect, as Brother Li only became more talkative.
The Old Scholar sat in the passenger seat, intermittently apologizing and trying to strike up a conversation with him.
Left with no other choice, Shi Rang had to explicitly ask them to be quiet.
They did not understand the situation between Shi Shixin and Shi Rang. If they realized that it was impossible for Shi Rang to receive any genuine help from Shi Shixin, they probably would have treated him normally.
But there was no need to explain. He would not be using this identity of Young Master for much longer anyway.
He needed time to break free from this mental shadow.
Shi Rang had planned to see a Psychologist a long time ago, but back then he had no money, and now he had no time.
If he did not struggle to swim out of the Whirlpool of Fate, he would be dragged down to the bottom of the sea.
Perhaps he would grow numb to it after experiencing it enough times. He was already starting to get a little used to these things.
The streets of The Capital were bustling. The flow of pedestrians and vehicles was greater than the morning and evening rush hours of Yunling City combined. Beneath the lively scenery was an atmosphere of peace and happiness. There was no trash littering the ground, no wandering addicts or gang members, and no fear that someone walking toward you would pull out a Gun and rob you.
This was the appearance of a normal society that he had long forgotten.
Unfortunately, having not used Li Language for many years, Shi Rang found it strenuous to read the street signs. Like a true outsider, he had to search for the occasional World Language annotations to understand them. When the car stopped, the conversations and greetings of the people outside the window sounded like an indecipherable local dialect; he could not understand them without concentrating.
To others, the Li Language he spoke probably sounded like a Tenth District accent, right?
No wonder the Old Scholar grew impatient the moment he heard him speak.
After a brief wait at a traffic light, the vehicle turned past a grand Commercial Plaza, bringing massive advertisements into full view. Shi Rang's attention was drawn to the brightly colored designs.
Noticing him leaning close to the glass, Brother Li slowed the car down.
"Fashion show at the Capital Exhibition Center on the 27th of this month"
"Opening day special guest judge... District-Level Artist, Xia Nianji"
What a familiar name.
Shi Rang leaned against the window, reminiscing for a moment.
Oh, so it was that person. His mother's name.
Compared to Shi Shixin, Shi Rang did not hate Xia Nianji quite as deeply. It was more a feeling of annoyance.
What he received from her was the pain of neglect, though it was peppered with a few fond memories. Once or twice a year, she would take him out to play, perhaps to an aquarium or an amusement park. She would exchange a few words at the entrance before tossing him to an assistant or nanny, leaving to "take care of some business." Sometimes, she and Shi Shixin would appear together. While the latter scolded and mocked Shi Rang, she would interject, "He is just a child, why demand so much of him?" Most of the time, Shi Shixin ignored her opinions, and she never pushed the matter.
Though her words carried little weight, Shi Rang had been grateful for them for many years.
He carefully treasured these fragments in his memory, convincing himself that he was at least loved by his mother.
For a very long time, Shi Rang believed that as long as he met certain conditions, he could unlock a reward—the normal parental care and familial warmth that School and society told him about. He tried many times to earn this love. Even as he grew older, hidden beneath his hatred was a lingering desire, a desperate hope that their temperaments would drastically change one day, that they would repent and awaken.
If they were to change now, even he could not say for sure whether he would forgive them.
But how could such a thing be possible?
Now he understood. No matter what he did, he would never elicit even a sliver of surprise from his parents, who were inherently a Dragon Among Men.
But he had been foolish. It was not until he was nearing adulthood that he realized Xia Nianji simply did not care about him.
She adopted a role of Invisibility in his family education, refusing to be the one who handed down harsh decisions. She never invested anything into Shi Rang; it was only in contrast to Shi Shixin that she retained a positive image in Shi Rang's mind.
As for Shi Shixin, he also did not care about Shi Rang. He merely wanted to mold Shi Rang into his ideal image—perhaps into an Alt Account of Shi Shixin. Yet his method involved forgetting Shi Rang for long periods, then suddenly showing up To Interfere, constantly scolding and suppressing him, before forcefully shoving Shi Rang into that idealized mold without any regard for his current shape.
Thanks to him, Shi Rang was forced to transfer schools multiple times, bullied and ostracized in one elite private academy after another. Ultimately, his personality grew gloomy and sensitive, leading him to escape from reality.
This couple's marriage was nothing more than proof of an alliance forged by Connections. To them, Shi Rang was an accident, but they did not mind having an additional legitimate son. After all, neither of them lacked children outside their marriage—Shi Rang knew that Shi Shixin had at least two younger Illegitimate Children, and Xia Nianji had also paid a surrogate to bear one for her.
Shi Rang could not decide whether he was born or not.
He was a completely dispensable person.
Year after year of anticipation, year after year of disappointment.
Ultimately, this thirst for love twisted into a Hatred of Existence.
After taking the Gaokao, he participated in the Tenth District's Talent Recruitment Program and fled.
Back then, right before boarding the plane, he was still fantasizing that one or two figures would be standing outside the boarding gate, shouting and trying to win him back.
But no one came.
Even now, a part of Shi Rang remained trapped in that miserable childhood. He constantly yearned for a happy life to become reality, yet fundamentally believed from the bottom of his heart that it would never arrive. He had cursed his parents countless times, resenting them for bringing him into this world to suffer, and loathing his own life...
Until he met Ying Shang.
It was her appearance that gave him the life of a normal person for the first time. He learned what love and care were, and he finally had family.
The Second District was not his home; the place where he was with her was his home.
Because of this, now that he was an adult with the right to choose his own path, he would pursue that lost life without hesitation.
At any cost.
While Shi Rang scrutinized his past, the sun tilted toward the horizon.
The vehicle drove out of The Capital's Third Ring Road, heading toward the scheduled meeting place for the father and son.
"Young Master, look ahead. That over there is the Charity Foundation's Operations Zone," Brother Li introduced attentively.
It was indeed an imposing Operations Zone, boasting at least four major buildings, along with an affiliated Orphanage and a Primary School. Shi Rang expanded his Perception. As they passed the buildings, he expectedly swept over several Special Communicators. Their labels all began with "Stationed Charity Foundation Capital Branch Security."
It was no surprise that the Management Authority would station personnel here, but it still made him a little worried.
Shi Shixin was a high-level executive whose role was of extraordinary significance in maintaining the enterprise's operations and reputation; there would definitely be people protecting him.
They had agreed to meet privately, but Shi Shixin would absolutely keep one or more bodyguards by his side.
He did not know if this would affect the Ascension Society's operation...
The identity of Dump Truck was not suitable for this kind of situation. He had to rely on himself.
Shi Rang reached into his pocket to conceal his movements, pulling out a bar of Chocolate and stuffing it into his mouth. He chewed forcefully, much like a soldier downing an energy bar before marching into battle.
The sugar would help calm him down. He needed to carefully think of a countermeasure.
Another sunset, another ominous night. He just could not seem to catch a break with the nighttime in this life.