Chapter 38: Smiley, be My Hero and Sleep with Me! |
They returned to the hospital room, where the plague had no hold on them. Zhou Xiao Zhen collapsed on the bed, sighing with satisfaction. “It’s great to be here again.”
Zhao Lan stared at her phone, eagerly awaiting this time’s harvest.
Yu Xiao got herself a glass of water and was about to drink when Zhou Xiao Zhen started to reminisce about their adventures in the instance. “Are all the doctors so good-looking?”
Yu Xiao shrugged. She said, “I wanted to tell Gu Shu that I left some of the monster’s meat in his backyard. But he wouldn’t see me, so I just took off.”
“I almost forgot about that.” Zhou Xiao Zhen said. “Do you think the monster will show up after we’re gone?”
*
*
In the village they left behind, among the debris, a huge beast wriggled its few remaining tentacles, trying to flee into the temple’s pool. It left a trail of broken limbs.
Gu Shu emerged from not quite dead, some twitching and jerking, tentacle mass on the ground.
He stood still among the tentacles, for a long time. Then he took out his phone and called a number. He said, “Hey, I need a new job. And do you know a patient called ‘Deaf Descendant’? I want to be her doctor again…”
*
*
“Ah, mmm!” Yu Xiao stretched on the bed, after a nice shower and checked her texts.
The messages flashed on the screen, one after another, like a cruel joke.
【You have successfully completed the second round of treatment. Welcome to Level 3 of the Sixth Hospital’s patient discussion forum.】
【Your performance during the treatment was outstanding. You have earned 3 base points and 3 bonus points.】
【You have earned the title of ‘Shit-Hole Destroyer’…】
Yu Xiao: “…”
Yu Xiao stared at the words, feeling a surge of horror and humiliation. She knew that this time, she had become the butt of the joke for all six hospitals.
【…and 4 more bonus points. You have obtained the title of ‘Ghostly Soul Destroyer’ for 4 points. You have become the ‘Village Chief’s Wife’ for 4 points. Your current score is 39 points.】
【You have topped the leaderboard. You will receive two reward cards; please claim them on the forum.】
She read the message, but felt nothing. No joy, no pride, no satisfaction. Only a vague and unspeakable sense of dread. She lifted her eyes, and saw the same expression mirrored on the faces of the other two.
Zhao Lan sighed and put down her phone. She touched her chest lightly, as if to soothe her racing heart.
“It’s okay, it’s okay,” she muttered to herself. “Having a title is a good thing. It means you’re strong. It means you’re brave. It means you will live longer. You can do this, Zhao Lan. You have to believe in yourself.”
Yu Xiao didn’t ask. She would find out everything tomorrow morning, when the whole world would know.
She opened the leaderboard, and saw that Zhou Xiao Zhen was still in second place, and Zhao Lan in third. She clicked into the backstage, where two reward cards awaited her. One for physical fitness, and one for props.
Yu Xiao felt her heart pounding in her chest. She could barely contain the excitement in her voice as she announced to her sisters, “I have something amazing to show you. I’ve got a prop card!”
“Really?” Zhou Xiao Zhen gasped in delight. “That’s wonderful! We have props again!”
Zhao Lan smiled warmly. “Precious and I were lucky enough to get stamina cards this time. We didn’t expect much from the harvest. Smiley, don’t keep us in suspense. Open it and see what prop it is.”
Yu Xiao wasted no time in opening the prop card. The screen erupted in a shower of sparks, and in the midst of the brilliant spectacle, a dark, tangled heap emerged.
【Congratulations! You have obtained a permanent wig.】
“…”
A stunned silence followed. Zhou Xiao Zhen broke it with a suggestion, “I think this prop is more suitable for us than for Smiley.”
Zhao Lan ran a hand over her smooth scalp and sighed. “What can we do with this wig?”
【Instructions: When the patient wears the wig, they can shapeshift into anyone the patient has ever laid eyes on. Cooldown time: 24 hours.】
“Holy crap!”
“Awesome!”
Zhao Lan’s eyes lit up with joy. “This prop is useful!”
“Come on, Smiley,” Zhou Xiao Zhen said eagerly as she closed in on her, “Put on the wig and turn into my dream man before I take you to bed!”
“…”
Yu Xiao never imagined props could have such a purpose; it only showed how her imagination was too lacking.
She cleared her throat and said awkwardly, “Maybe we shouldn’t use props so recklessly.” She added, “Besides, we don’t even have them yet.”
“Ugh, the delivery is taking forever.” Zhou Xiao Zhen let go of Yu Xiao and started to ponder which male god she would make Smiley impersonate.
Zhao Lan checked her card and said, “I always get these physical fitness cards. I feel like I’m going to morph into the Hulk any day now.”
“I haven’t used mine either.” Zhou Xiao Zhen said, “Don’t worry, Misty, you’ll be as strong as the Hulk, but you’ll still look as stunning as ever.”
Yu Xiao activated her physical fitness card too, gaining a +30 boost and unlocking the achievement of having the strength of an ox.
“Nine cows and two tigers…” Zhao Lan stared at her achievement, feeling a mix of pride and dismay. As a universally recognized sexy beauty, she never expected to be linked to the phrase “nine cows and two tigers.”
The three of them chatted while they waited for the delivery. What Yu Xiao didn’t know was that she had become a sensation in the Hospital Forum.
A few minutes ago, a new post popped up on the patient exchange forum.
【I Met a Top Player in the Instance!】
The OP gushed about how she met the top player.
【…The first time I saw her, I knew she was special. Then at night she woke us up and told us in a cool voice that she had chased a ghost across half the village. She even showed us a bunch of talismans, a huge bunch…】
【Wow, is the top player this badass? Which hospital’s top player is she?】
【She’s a real top player, keep it up, OP!】
【We can only admire from afar…】
【She’s the top player from the Fourth Hospital, ‘Zhuge Liang burning the Spider Web Cave’! She’s a young lady, a very beautiful one!! She’s my idol, I adore her, I want to be like her…】
The OP was thrilled, but the bystanders were doubtful.
【’Zhuge Liang burning the Spider Web Cave’? A woman? No way. I’ve heard some tales about him from the morning news, he doesn’t sound like a lady.】
【Is the original poster hallucinating? Or maybe writing a novel. ‘My Secret Romance with the Top-ranking Big Shot.’】
【I don’t care if it’s fake, I love this kind of novels. More, original poster, more!】
【The original poster is telling the truth; I can vouch for that. I was in the same instance. The big shot is really badass. When she saw me wounded, she immediately pulled out two talismans to heal me…】
【Hmph, I knew you wouldn’t trust me. Let me recount the whole instance, so you can see the amazing feats of the top-ranking big shot…】
“Knock, knock, knock.”
“Delivery!”
“I’m here! I’m here!” Yu Xiao rushed to get the delivery, tore it open, and found a large curly wig inside.
“Wow!” Zhou Xiao Zhen’s voice dripped with envy as she cried out, “This wig is… I would be over the moon wearing it, and even more so seeing someone else wear it. Smiley, put it on now. I’ve made up my mind, you’ll turn into the twenty-year-old version of Leonardo.”
Yu Xiao’s face paled. “Are you sure this is a good idea?”
“What’s the matter?” Zhou Xiao Zhen said, “We just got a new prop, don’t we want to try it out?”
She had a point, so Yu Xiao put the wig on, muttering under her breath, “Leonardo at twenty, Leonardo at twenty…”
All of a sudden, a shocked gasp escaped Yu Xiao’s mouth as Zhou Xiao Zhen, like a ravenous beast, leaped on her, hugged her tightly, and planted a passionate kiss on her cheek.
“Wuuu…” Zhou Xiao Zhen sobbed, “I’m dying happy…”
“Come on, come on, it’s not that serious,” Yu Xiao said in a panic and turned to Zhao Lan, “Misty, help me get her off.”
But Zhao Lan stayed on the side, her face glowing, gazing at Yu Xiao. After a long pause, she said, “Smiley, you… you look so real, even your voice.”
“Smiley, let’s share a bed tonight,” Zhou Xiao Zhen said, her curiosity rising, “Are you also Leonardo under your clothes?”
“…”
“Come on, let’s take a selfie together.”
“I want to take a selfie cuddling with Leonardo…”
That night, three beds were joined together, and Yu Xiao slept in the center. Zhou Xiao Zhen stubbornly refused to let Yu Xiao remove her wig early. She explained with tears in her eyes that she didn’t know if she would ever make it out of the hospital and hoped Yu Xiao could ease her sorrowful yet short life.
After hearing that, Yu Xiao couldn’t say no. Besides, Zhou Xiao Zhen promised that next time she would wear a wig and become Yu Xiao’s male god to sleep with her.
Yu Xiao thought, I don’t have a male god like that, but she didn’t reject her because who knows when she might find one?
*
*
In the dimly lit room, Yu Xiao stirred first. Her wig had lost its allure, tangled tendrils framing her face. Beside her, Zhou Xiao Zhen and Zhao Lan snoozed peacefully, their forms entwined with hers, as though she were a Lothario with enchanting companions at her side.
“Awake, my dears,” Yu Xiao tried to wriggle her arms free. “You’ll miss the morning news if you don’t.”
Reluctantly, Zhao Lan’s eyes fluttered open, dismayed to see Yu Xiao’s lovely face. She turned away, gracefully slipping out of bed with a subtle sigh.
Meanwhile, Zhou Xiao Zhen, having just awakened, cradled her face in her hands. “I had a marvellous dream last night.”
Yu Xiao smiled knowingly. “Dreaming about you and Leonardo?”
“Yeah!” Zhou Xiao Zhen nodded eagerly. “We played mahjong together, and he praised me as the finest mahjong player in the world.”
“And then?”
“Then, alas, I awoke.”
“…”
“We can start posting on the forum now,” Zhao Lan said, holding a towel on her way to the bathroom. “Have you decided what the first post should be?”
Zhou Xiao Zhen thought for a moment, then shook her head. “Not really. What about you, Smiley?”
“I’ve been pondering this since last night,” Yu Xiao said. “At first, I wanted to post an instance strategy. But then I realised my strategy might not work for everyone. But I feel like I should do something, something that can benefit everyone.”
“So, what’s your plan?”
“I’m planning to open a shop on the forum,” Yu Xiao said earnestly. “I’ll sell talismans at reasonable prices for everyone.”
“Alright.” Zhao Lan agreed. “Since you’ve made up your mind, we’ll all back you up.”
Yu Xiao grinned happily. It was wonderful to have friends who firmly supported her choices.
“Ding dong!”
The familiar notification sound chimed, followed by gentle music. The curtains slowly parted, as if a floral scent drifted in from outside the window.
“A beautiful day begins now. Here is the morning news from the hospital~.”