Chapter 60 |
The mid-term evaluation was a great success. I didn’t know what had happened, but Jay seemed to have let go of his anger, and I was able to involve the trainers to impose sanctions on Kang Baeyoung, just as I had planned.
And even Cha Woon, who I was worried about the whole time, didn’t show up.
I basked in my good times and hoped my luck would continue, but I guess that was too much to ask.
“I’m sorry. I got delayed because of my schedule. My team’s evaluation hasn’t started yet, has it?”
Cha Woon, who came in late, opened the practice room door. His voice still the same as it had been, but his appearance was much different from the last time I’d seen him.
His face had lost a bit of its color, and he seemed a little thinner, like he hadn’t been getting enough sun. People might think I was being too picky about someone so tall, but I could definitely see the subtle differences.
‘Is it the creative process? The pain of creative process? Is it the pain of creative process that made you like this?’
I couldn’t know exactly what caused him to suffer mentally and physically, but the most likely guess I had was stress from composing.
Do Yuda, noticing that I was glancing at Cha Woon, added a comment, “Cha Woon-sunbaenim has a bit of an intimidating aura. He’s scary.”
“Yes. If I’d been assigned to the Charisma concept, I might not have been able to sleep the night before the trainer evaluation.”
“…….”
‘Is it really that bad?’
I observed Cha Woon once again.
Now that I thought about it, his cloudy eyes were quite similar to Zen’s.
Well, considering that he always had a subtle smile with lifeless eyes, it’s understandable that people who weren’t close to him might find him intimidating.
‘Before long, a hole will be drilled into his forehead.’
But I was more scared of Jay behind him. His mouth was smiling, but his eyes were cold, as if he could kill someone with just his gaze. He had been fine until before Cha Woon came in, but suddenly he started acting strange.
I buried my face in Do Yuda’s back so that Cha Woon wouldn’t see me.
My desperate efforts seemed to have worked. Cha Woon immediately took a seat and casually spoke to Lee Hwayoung.
“We’ve met before, right? I heard that Trainee Nicholas was assigned to my song, but why doesn’t he stand up?”
“I was kicked out.”
“….What?”
Cha Woon, caught off guard by Lee Hwayoung’s response that came without any warning, let out a dumbfounded sound.
Lee Hwayoung kept his mouth shut, not wanting to explain further, and eventually the trainee next to him provided a rough explanation.
“For songs with too many people, there is a system where the trainees vote to decide who to expel. Trainee Lee Hwayoung was selected as the trainee to be expelled and had to leave.”
“Oh … why?”
Lee Hwayoung was someone who would be helpful to the team, both in terms of popularity and skill. Perhaps aware of this, Cha Woon asked again, his tone implying that he just couldn’t understand.
“Maybe it’s because they find me overwhelming.”
That guy’s answer was very short, but that was the very cause that created the current result.
All the members who have stood on stage with Lee Hwayoung until now were completely overshadowed by him and were unable to make any impact. The trainees who had witnessed this all this time were terrified and decided to kick Lee Hwayoung out.
It wasn’t that Lee Hwayoung was lacking in any way. In fact, he was so outstanding that it became a problem. That’s probably why he looked so wronged when he first came to the practice room where I was.
Cha Woon glanced at the members of the Charisma Concept team, standing side by side in the center of the practice room with their heads bowed to the floor, and nodded as if he had a rough idea of the situation.
“I see. That’s a shame. I was hoping to have Trainee Nicholas assigned to my song.”
“Is there a special reason? Could it be that Cha Woon-sunbaenim is a fan of Trainee Nicholas?”
After hearing that he hoped Lee Hwayoung would be assigned to his song, the trainer sitting next to him picked up the microphone and playfully asked. In response, Cha Woon shook his head, smiled, and spoke in a light tone.
“Of course, part of it is because he’s an excellent trainee in terms of both skill and popularity, but … Trainee Nicholas reminds me a lot of someone I knew. That’s why.”
At those words, Jay immediately replied with a look of disgust, “Let’s stop talking about personal stuff. Since we’ve already lost a lot of time due to Cha Woon-ssi’s tardiness, shall we hurry up and proceed?”
“Sure. Yoo Jay-ssi, you’re a bit fierce today. People might think I was late because I wanted to be late.”
These kids, they were cast to film well, but they were fighting fiercely. It was such a relief that the the production team and the trainees misunderstood it as ‘true friendship chemistry‘ and laughed. If there hadn’t been a camera, there might have been much harsher sarcasm exchanged.
I let out a deep sigh as I watched the two of them engage in a war of nerves from a distance.
***
“Haha, I want to take back the song I gave to you. If it wasn’t tied by the contract, I would just take it back and use it for my group. I feel like that song is being wasted.”
“If you’re going to do this, wouldn’t it have been better to just let the Trainee Nicholas take my song alone?”
“Why do you even want to be an idol if you can’t sing or dance? No, I’m just curious. Do you just want to take a commemorative photo on stage?”
After watching the Charisma Concept team’s performance, Cha Woon performed a sword dance1 with a smiling face. It was so harsh that Lee Danbi’s verbal attacks even looked laughable now. It was natural for composers to think the trainees’ performances were lacking. However, he was the only one who didn’t hesitate to say that the song was wasted.
‘He wasn’t originally such a picky composer. Why on earth is he acting like this?’
When we recorded Cha Woon’s song as a b-side, he didn’t show that kind of behavior, so I wondered why he was acting like this. Maybe it was simply because the trainees’ skills were lacking compared to the Prism members, or perhaps there was some other factor at play. Either way, it was strange.
Cha Woon, who had delivered his harsh criticism without hesitation, got up from his seat as soon as the mid-term evaluation ended, and Jay, as if they had a prior agreement, immediately followed behind.
“…….”
And I was just secretly following behind those two.
I was worried that the two of them might suddenly start throwing punches.
It might sound like a lie, but I really followed them because I was scared of that.
‘I genuinely want to prevent any crime from happening within Prism.’
These two kids, who disagreed on everything from trivial habits to personalities to values, fought every time they laid eyes on each other since our Prism days. As the only one who could stop them, I was constantly being summoned to intervene, even in the dawn or during meals.
My current behavior was the result of a long-standing habit and a rational judgment that if I just left the two of them fight on their own, it could escalate into a big accident.
‘Back then, they listened to me well, so I could mediate smoothly, but now that I’ve become a stranger to them … I can’t do that anymore.’
But what I hadn’t considered was the fact that my body had changed. My current status was not Seo Yutae, but the rookie trainee Han Seungbeom.
‘I can’t persuade them, so if worse comes to worst, I’ll have to take the hit myself.’
As I continued my aimless thoughts, Jay’s sharp voice rang out through the curtain in the break room.
“Don’t you have any shame? How dare you speak about that person?”
“What?”
“You must already know what I’m talking about. Don’t make me say it twice.”
By the way, I was crouching next to the trash can behind the curtain. It wasn’t that I came to eavesdrop on their conversation, but given the situation, there was no other choice. All I had to do was prevent bloodshed.
Faced with Jay’s aggressive tone, Cha Woon spoke in an irritated voice.
“Yutae-hyung gave the permission for our songs.”
‘That’s right. I gave him permission.’
“But he didn’t give permission for the stuff on his personal cloud, did he?”
‘That’s right. I didn’t give permission for those.’
“And even if he did, you should have overcome it on your own. If you had any pride as a composer, you would. If someone figures out this secret and blows it all up, everything is over.”
‘That’s right. He has a point.’
“There’s no one else but you who could do that … you just need to keep quiet. The living must live. Surely you don’t want to ruin the lives of our precious members with your own hands. That’s not something Yutae-hyung would want either. It’s not right to make a living person suffer for the sake of someone who’s passed.”
‘The living must live. That’s true.’
Every time aggressive words were exchanged between the two, my closed mouth itched to speak. I was the one responsible for this argument, yet here I was, unable to say a word.
“How long are you going to keep struggling in Yutae-hyung’s shadow? It’s about time to graduate.”
“Well, in my eyes, it seems like you’re the one who’s struggling more, hyung.”
“…What?”
Jay’s words, tossed out with a sneer, caused the other person’s tone that had been rising endlessly to drop in an instant.
“Think about it logically. Someone who misses our hyung in a normal way, like me, versus someone who digs up all his personal stuff and acts as if it belongs to them. Which one is more abnormal?”
“…….”
“Hyung, you can’t endure it right now because you’re terrified. Because you don’t have the confidence to do well without Seo Yutae. The things you’re doing now will eventually come back to strangle you, but even knowing that, you still can’t let go.”
“Don’t talk as if you know everything. You know nothing.”
“Yutae-hyung is gone now, so what are you going to do once you’ve used up all the songs in that drive? Are you going to start frantically creating Cha Woon’s songs from then on? Even though the public is expecting Seo Yutae’s songs?”
“…….”
Within the quiet break room, only Cha Woon’s trembling breaths could be heard.
The Cha Woon I knew had a bit of a bad temper, but he was always calm and possessed an unshakable firmness that wasn’t easily swayed by others’ words. His insistence on refuting every single point in an argument was so irritating.
However, the Cha Woon I saw now seemed to have completely lost his former self. Only when I saw him unable to answer anything did I realize it.
That my existence had become Cha Woon’s Achilles’ heel.2
“….Yutae-hyung is lucky, to have someone like you who will stand by him until the very end. It’s a pity, though. The deceased will never know of your loyalty.”
I could feel his composure crumbling bit by bit. He recklessly uttered words with the sole purpose of hurting the opponent to win the argument. He didn’t even realize that those words were inflicting pain on himself as well.
“Should I rather say it’s fortunate that he doesn’t know? What would hyung say if he saw how you’re living now? Hmm?”
“…….”
My heart raced as I waited to see how Jay would react to those words that had crossed the line.
But Jay didn’t do anything. He just stood there, silently watching Cha Woon.
After a long, suffocating silence, Jay finally spoke.
“I’ll stay quiet as you wish. When I look at you now … I can’t help but feel sorry for you, hyung.”
There was pity in his hushed voice. Despite all his struggles, Cha Woon had been defeated by Jay.
“You were able to continue working as Prism thanks to me! And yet, how dare you look at me like that?”
It wasn’t just me who noticed it. With a fierce stride, Cha Woon approached Jay and struck the wall. The partition, set up with wooden planks, shook violently.
‘Ah, f**k.’
I could instinctively see what was ahead of me.
That I was f**ked up.
Having lost its center of gravity, it was swaying dangerously.
The poorly set-up curtain, installed hastily, collapsed with a loud noise.
And then, like a pigeon in a magic show, I appeared and faced the two of them. Two pairs of eyes stared at me, wide open.
“Have a good day.”
Ta-da, surprise.
Without hesitation, I turned around and tried to leave. But before I could even take a few steps, I was grabbed by the collar and dragged right back in.
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Translator’s Corner:
- Sword dance (칼춤) in this context refers to the act of being angry. When someone get angry and go wild, it (figuratively) called “칼춤 춘다” (lit: dancing with swords). It’s because Cha Woon was acting dangerously (attacking the trainees), his words were hurtful enough like he was having swords/knives with him. ↩︎
- Achilles’ heel is a metaphor for vulnerability, a weakness despite overall strength, which can lead to someone’s downfall. It is rooted in the Greek myth of Achilles’ mother dipping him in the River Styx, making his entire body invulnerable except for the part of his foot where she held him.
So Achilles became undefeatable, like if you stab his heart, he wouldn’t die. He was the strongest warrior and hero in the Greek army during the famous Trojan War. Later, the Trojan Prince, Paris, shot a poison arrow into his heel, killing him. That’s why it’s called “Achilles’ hell”.
The actual word used
here is actually 역린, means inverted scale (of a dragon). It originated from the “Book of Master Han Fei”. It refers to a scale (鱗) under a dragon’s chin that grows backwards (逆) and causes the dragon to enter a fit of rage if touched."The dragon, being a creature, may be tamed, played with in close quarters, and even ridden. However, below its throat are the inverted scales, each spanning one chi. The dragon would kill anyone touching them. A prince of men has those inverted scales too. Persuaders might have a chance at success, provided that they can avoid touching the inverted scales of the prince."
It originally used as an analogy for the anger of the monarch. Unlike Western dragons, the Eastern dragons have a good side and can make rain or be a ride, but they will chase and kill anyone who touches this specific inverted scale even to the ends of the earth. Here, the dragon refers to the ruling class or superiors who have full authority, and you can rise to power by catching the eye of those people. On the other hand, if you touch a sensitive matter and incur their anger, they will bring you down.
However, it kinda misused now too refer someone’s fatal weakness, so “Achiles’ heel” is the closest english term similiar to it. Especially because in this case, Cha Woon is not exploding in rage, but angry-but-cant-say-anything when Yutae’s issue came up. ↩︎