Chapter 39 |
“Please understand that, as someone who cares for Do Yuda, my words may lack objectivity.”
“Yes, of course, I’m asking because I know that well. It’s okay to speak comfortably. I’m just curious about the atmosphere among the trainees, Trainee Han Seungbeom.”
Jay smoothly went along with my bait. I bowed my head once like a polite child and then opened my mouth again.
“I couldn’t sleep well lately. I kept hearing him coughing every night, clutching at his sore throat.”
It was nonsense. I don’t sleep well by nature, I’m sensitive.
“Hng?”
Do Yuda, who was standing next to me, made a dumbfounded sound as if it was the first time he had heard it. Fortunately, it was a very soft sound, and since there was no microphone, it seemed like only I could hear it.
It was natural. Do Yuda was simply feeling the pressure of not being able to perform to his usual level on stage, but there was no real problem with his vocal cords. There was no way someone with strong vocal cords like him would develop nodules to this extent.
‘Just keep quiet.’
“Do Yuda has always been like that. Pretending to be cheerful in front of the camera, pretending to be okay in front of people. How hard must it have been for a child, whose whole world revolved around singing, to suddenly not be able to do it?”
I had no intention of telling anyone that Do Yuda had suffered from hyperventilation. So, I made up a fictional incident to emphasize the damage he suffered.
“Ah … in truth, it broke my heart, and I was also angry. I couldn’t believe that my dongsaeng1 was struggling like this, but all I could do was stand by and watch.”
I don’t cry in front of the camera.
This was a rule that I set for myself since long ago, when I first debuted.
However, there was one exception to that rule.
An exception that it’s okay to shed tears of a real man, tears that I shed because of passion, not because I was having a hard time. Tears shed to express gratitude toward the fans, or tears shed for a colleague. These would rather be helpful than harm my image.
For that reason, I would cry, now.
“…….”
As I lowered my gaze and squeezed out the tears, Han Seungbeom’s long eyelashes fluttered naturally. Actually, before I came in, I had tried my best to hold back blinking, making my eyes red and sore.
I raised my head diagonally, as if I didn’t want to show that I was about to cry.
Because diagonal shots would look beautiful.
‘Some people like to see you cry.’
There were weirdos with unusual tastes whose hearts race for strange things, so sometimes it was necessary to satisfy their demands.
The tears that had gathered beneath my reddened eyes glistened in the light before falling. Then, the production team began to murmur.
“This is crazy…..”
“This hasn’t been edited, right?”
As soon as I shed two or three drops of tears, Jay, who copied my expression in 0.1 seconds, nodded vigorously with moist eyes. He’s picking up on my intention and playing along.
“You are truly kind for putting in so much care for your fellow trainees. It seems our Trainee Han Seungbeom must have gone through a lot of emotional hardship.”
“….Yes.”
Do Yuda, who was watching me cry from the side, suddenly reached over and wiped away my tears by poking the corners of my eyes with his wrist.
“Heuheung.”
‘…What is this?’
I almost stopped acting for a moment. It was completely unexpected that Do Yuda would join in on this ridiculous tear show.
“Hyuuuung, I had no idea how you were feeling. I said I could handle it by myself. Waaah, huhuhnng.”
Just a moment ago, he was completely dumbfounded by the lie I told, so I didn’t understand why he’s crying again.
My guess was that he’s either the type to cry along when other people cry, or he was trying to help with the acting.
“Waaah, heugh, hyung, you care about me so much … waah!” Do Yuda hugged me, tears streaming down his face.
My casual clothes had already absorbed tears for the second time today.
‘Shit, I’m never going to wear this shirt again.’
A darker mark was left on the black shirt, exactly where Do Yuda’s face was. It looked like a ghost photo.
‘Let’s talk about the Live MR now.’
The trainers were already completely taken in by our tearful acting and were looking at us with pity. It seemed like now was the perfect opportunity to bring up the MR issue.
“When I first saw the part he was given, I thought it would be too much of a strain on Do Yuda’s voice, so I suggested using a live MR. If the members weren’t going to help, at least that would lessen the burden.”
“That’s strange. The stage we saw only had the MR. What’s going on?”
“I don’t know. He never told me about that part. All I know is that there was opposition from the team members.”
“Oh my, they’re not the ones performing the high notes, are they? Trainee Song Hanseo, can you explain the reason for this?”
In fact, the only thing that happened was opposition from the team members. There was nothing more to it, but I intentionally spoke vaguely for fear that it might seem like Do Yuda had told me everything in great detail.
“….We wanted to show the fans a sincere performance.”
While Jay and I were having a lively back-and-forth conversation, Song Hanseo, whose expression was gradually souring, quietly replied. Jay sighed as he leaned back against the backrest, as if he had expected this.
“Ah, a clean MR-only live performance sounds great, isn’t it? Since the original singers did it that way, you probably feel like you should do the same, right? I think you can even be called the Live Master.”
“…….”
“Among idols who have already debuted, there are many who use live MR. Do you think it’s because they lack sincerity? No. It could be due to sound issues, or if the choreography is difficult, there are situations where it’s unavoidable.”
“Hyung, I can’t give up the ‘Live Master’ title. Even if I have to bleed from my throat, I’ll do it….”
“What are you talking about when you lost your voice because you caught a cold? If you really hate using AR that much, let another member handle it.”
I guarantee, those words are a lie.
It felt like just yesterday when he threw a tantrum demanding to do a live performance regardless of the circumstances, so what’s this nonsense about.
“You can’t even handle your own part properly and pass it off on other, yet you insist on only using MR. What’s that if not arrogance? Do fans want to see a failed performance? Well, as the original singer, I personally don’t think that’s right.”
I suppressed a satisfied smile. That fox cub, whose child he is? He’s really good at playing politics.
‘I guess it’s time to wrap up this situation.’
The production team must have already gathered all the materials to drag ‘Song Hanseo and Friends’ into ruin. Any further involvement would be a waste of time.
If I didn’t get out now, I’d have to stay until they heard all the feedback.
“What I can say for sure is that all decisions, including the part distribution, were never made in a fair manner for everyone. Do Yuda was hurt, and I think it’s too irresponsible to put all the blame for this situation on this young child.”
I defended Do Yuda with a meaningful remark, then bowed and left the stage.
“…….”
“…….”
On my way down from the stage, I made eye contact with the main PD. I bowed my waist but kept my eyes fixed on the main PD as I gave my greeting.
‘Edit it properly.’
The main PD, who smiled faintly as if he understood, nodded his head quickly.
Great.
***
In the end, I waited until the Do Yuda team’s rehearsal was over, and got into the same vehicle as them to go to the Lucky Center.
I wanted to observe how the members of Do Yuda’s team would react.
“Hyung, I promise I won’t pretend not to know about your worries anymore. I’ll listen to you properly.” Do Yuda, with his eyes swollen and puffed up, mumbled as he grabbed my sleeve.
He seemed to think that I stayed behind and waited for him because I was afraid he would be bullied.
“….Whatever.” I sighed and replied roughly.
While the vehicle was moving, I could see how the pyramid inside was formed, as the members of the Do Yuda were spending their time.
“The trainers cornered us as if we forced it on him!”
‘They must have been the group that ostracized Do Yuda.’
Two of them were comforting the leader, Song Hanseo, and one was getting angry in their behalf.
“Hanseo-ya, you’ve really worked hard. How could they do this to us? We were just doing our best.”
“Can you believe Do Yuda just stood there and did nothing? What a joke. He should have spoken up and denied it. Where is he now?”
The guys who boldly raised their heads, intending to hold Do Yuda accountable, looked around. However, Do Yuda would never be found, because I hid him behind me.
“Why don’t you just keep quiet?”
I grabbed Do Yuda by the shoulders and pulled him down, then glared straight at them.
My gaze was telling them to stop doing stupid things and stay still.
“…….”
“Han Seungbeom isn’t even on our team, so why is he here…….”
“Ugh, why does Do Yuda have to be close with Han Seungbeom of all people……”
“Ah, if only there weren’t any cameras, I’d flip everything over.”
I could hear the members sitting up straight and muttering in small voices.
‘You can’t even look me in the eye, but you’re trying to act tough.’
Most of the trainees wouldn’t even dare to talk to people like Lee Hwayoung or me, who had both nasty personality and high popularity. Even without the cameras, the situation probably wouldn’t have been any different.
Oh, that was a mistake. I have a good personality.
“…Hyung, thank you.”
My left hand kept moving up and down. Every time Do Yuda sniffled, my hand would sway along with him. I pulled the handkerchief from my pocket and threw it at his face.
“You, if you keep crying, you’ll go on stage tomorrow with an ugly face.”
“Again, again! You keep talking like that. It’s because it breaks your heart to see me cry, right? I know everything.”
Ugh.
***
“Seungbeom-ah!”
When I returned to the Lucky Center and opened the practice room door, the members turned their heads toward me like meerkats. Then they rushed over in a crowd and hugged both Do Yuda and me tightly.
“Seungbeom-ah, did you do well on the additional filming? You worked hard.”
“Uhhuh…..”
‘Someone save me.’
In my previous life, I was reasonably sturdy and could handle it, but Han Seungbeom’s body was so frail that I got exhausted every time something like this happened.
“You worked hard, Yuda-ya!”
“Kkuek.” Do Yuda let out a sound like a steamed bun bursting as he gasped for air.
He’s not even part of our team, so why is he joining in the hug?
Seeing Woo Kangwon looking at Do Yuda with a worried expression, it seemed that Woo Kangwon had already explained the general situation.
‘Well, a guy who goes out to exercise every dawn couldn’t possibly be unaware of Do Yuda’s condition. He must have just pretended not to know.’
It was around 5 AM when Do Yuda occupied the bathroom. Woo Kangwon, who usually woke up at 4 AM to do his morning workout, had unusually stayed in bed longer that day.
“It’s okay. It can be solved to some extent.” I patted Woo Kangwon on the side and said in a small voice.
Then Woo Kangwon patted me on the back and laughed, “Thank you for your hard work.”
“Uh-huh.”
I rolled my eyes, trying to suppress the goosebumps that had risen from being treated like an awkward brother sibling while rolling my eyes. Then, I quietly slipped away so the other members wouldn’t notice.
After all, there was still work to be done next. Even if the MR had been somewhat resolved, there was still a lot of burden on the parts.
‘In that case, it would be best to find someone who can help.’
I had my sights set on one person.
Someone who was exceptionally weak and wasn’t part of the leader’s group. The person who kept fidgeting his lips while glancing at Do Yuda.
Baek Kiryang.
He was the one who had been verbally attacked by Frick and had cried while trembling, the former S-Class.
I grabbed Baek Kiryang’s neck from behind and rested my forehead on his shoulder.
“Hello.”
Then, I whispered.
“Do you feel less guilty when you’re far away by yourself? Especially after you just stood by and did nothing.”
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Translator’s Corner:
- Dongsaeng (동생): literally means “younger brother/sister”. Like hyung, noona, etc, it’s not exclusively used for blood-related person, it can also be used to refer someone who was close to you. ↩︎