Chapter 793 |
The walls were pure white. It seemed to be a hospital room.
Han Yujin blinked. The tips of his feet, not quite reaching the floor, swung back and forth little by little. A special rerun was playing on the TV, and on the bedside table sat a Christmas present that had not been opened yet.
Han Yujin’s mother had gone into labor without warning. Since it was Christmas break, the neighbors’ house was empty, and there had been no time to leave the child with anyone before they rushed to the hospital. In the end, Han Yujin had been left sitting alone in a hospital room that the nurses checked on from time to time.
[He’s your big brother.]
Han Yujin’s inner voice slipped out softly. Han Yuhyun and Han Yuhyun stared at the very, very young older brother before them as though they had frozen solid.
[So it’s okay.]
Even if someone was a born S-Rank, an extraordinary existence even before Awakening, they could not have memories from before they were born. The same was true of when they were newborns, with even their eyesight incomplete. Han Yuhyun had always had an excellent memory, but now that he was an adult, the youngest Han Yujin who remained in his mind was around seven years old. Even that was terribly hazy. So of course a brother this small felt unfamiliar.
“Yujin is a big brother.”
Han Yujin murmured in a tiny voice. Mom and Dad had said he was going to have a little sibling. Han Yujin was a big brother. Since he was going to be a big brother, he could wait by himself. Even though it was Christmas morning and he had not even gotten to open his present, and even though Mom being in pain had shocked and scared him.
His small hands fidgeted with the little gloves he had taken off and laid on his knees.
[But it’s Christmas.]
Han Yujin’s lips stuck out slightly. The bridge of his nose wrinkled as if he were holding something in.
“…I’m not a baby. And I’m gonna be one year older.”
[…Cake.]
“I’m a big brother.”
[Mom…]
“I have my bag. What’s inside? This is jelly. A squishy frog.”
Han Yujin pulled his bag over from beside him. His gloves slipped off and plopped onto the floor. With his lips still jutting out, he opened the bag and muttered to himself, trying hard to forget that he was scared, sad, and lonely.
Han Yuhyun could only stare blankly at him. Both Han Yuhyuns were the same. They understood that the scene before their eyes was one of Han Yujin’s memories. But they did not know whether they were allowed to touch it, or what they were supposed to do. They simply held their breath, unable to look away.
Srrrr.
– The thick fog stirred. Han Yujin’s small body was swallowed up between the drifting layers of mist. Both Han Yuhyuns flinched on reflex. One of them even lifted a hand halfway before stopping himself.
“Want to see your little brother?”
A man’s voice rang out. When Han Yujin appeared again through the fog, he was being held in someone’s arms.
“Your little brother is right here, Yujin. Your little brother.”
It was the newborn nursery. Standing before the large glass wall, Han Yujin snapped his head away. His puffy cheeks were full of hurt.
“I don’t wanna see.”
“Why not? You said you wanted a little brother.”
“…I hate him. I don’t wanna see him.”
Han Yujin sniffled a little. When he had first heard that he was going to have a younger sibling, he had said he would take good care of the baby. He had even been excited about becoming a big brother.
But now that the baby had actually been born, he did not feel happy.
It was Christmas. Han Yujin had been left all alone, and in the end, he had cried. He was embarrassed, and he felt wronged. He hated the whole world. In all of Han Yujin’s life, he had never had a day this hard before.
“There’s your little brother, Yujin.”
“I’m not looooking.”
Shaking his head hard, Han Yujin buried his face against his father. A large hand patted his sniffling son’s back. On the other side of the glass wall, a nurse turned and pushed the baby’s crib so they could see it better. This time, too, Han Yuhyun and Han Yuhyun silently watched the scene unfold.
The tiny thing wrapped in white cloth was them.
Even looking at the sight of himself just after birth, Han Yuhyun felt nothing in particular. At that point, he was no different from the other babies around him. The same went for his father. Both of their senses were focused only on Han Yujin. On the brother turning his head away and stubbornly refusing to look.
“Are you really not going to look? Should we just go?”
“…I didn’t say I really, really wasn’t gonna look.”
Han Yujin slowly turned his head. The sleeping newborn was reflected in his damp eyes. Han Yujin’s face twitched. Then, once again, he buried himself deep in his father’s arms.
“…I don’t like him that much.”
“But he’s Yujin’s little brother. Isn’t he cute?”
“No. I think I hate him a little. No, I don’t think so.”
He lifted his head slightly again, glanced toward the other side of the glass wall, then shook his head sharply.
“…He’s not cute.”
In a tiny voice, he added, “I hate him.”
Han Yujin’s father laughed and soothed his sulking son. Han Yuhyun gazed at Han Yujin as though bewitched, at the boy who did not want to look at his little brother.
Han Yujin’s first feeling toward Han Yuhyun had been I hate him.
Han Yujin had not liked Han Yuhyun from the start. He had not thought he was cute. If anything, Han Yuhyun had been closer to a nuisance that had ruined Christmas.
“Hyung…”
A faint voice slipped from someone’s mouth. It did not matter which one of them had spoken. The two Han Yuhyuns were thinking the same thing.
Seeing Han Yujin refuse to look at Han Yuhyun made them sad.
And it relieved them.
“It wasn’t like that from the beginning.”
Han Yujin cherished Han Yuhyun. Loved him. Both the twenty-one-year-old and the twenty-six-year-old knew that fact with absolute certainty. But as they kept becoming entangled with Crescent Moon, White Bird, and the other transcendents, a thin strand of doubt had inevitably begun to rise in them.
Those who had accumulated things from ages long past. Those who saw the future. Those who sowed seeds.
Had the brothers been swept up in the movements made to bring about the result those beings desired? Had Han Yujin’s love, too, been a tool arranged in advance?
Even so, Han Yuhyun would have embraced any Han Yujin. Even a Han Yujin made from beginning to end.
“Hyung hated me.”
From the wound stabbed open by that small voice saying he hated him, relief and satisfaction bloomed. Han Yujin’s sniffling was wrapped in fog and drifted far away. Ripples stirred underfoot, and Han Yuhyun and Han Yuhyun kept each other in check while also looking around.
“That jellyfish is the King of Harmless.”
The twenty-one-year-old Han Yuhyun spoke.
“The trace of a transcendent who manipulates people’s memories. The memory bead you have was made by the King of Harmless after he stole it from me.”
“Hyung ate all four fruits. On that King of Harmless’s advice. When all four fruits are used, every memory belonging to the target is buried.”
The twenty-six-year-old Han Yuhyun spoke as well. They laid out the information each of them had and pieced it together.
“Park Yerim had a skill that could draw out memories too. This water and fog must be something Park Yerim and the King of Harmless created together.”
“So they’re pulling up the memories of Hyung that were buried by the item. That may be why the oldest memories are appearing first.”
They were restoring Han Yujin’s memories, and at the same time, they had stopped the battle. The Gardener’s butterflies had disappeared, and even the flames could not be drawn out properly. The twenty-six-year-old Han Yuhyun quietly moved his hand. Perhaps because the mana surrounding them was full of water and fog, even without the butterflies, his condition had improved considerably. Since the existence that formed the foundation of this sea of memories was Han Yujin, the mana here also wrapped around him as though protecting him.
“…It seems we have to wait until all of Hyung’s memories return.”
The twenty-six-year-old Han Yuhyun turned his eyes toward the memory of Han Yujin appearing once more.
In the end, Hyung had not forgotten him. Instead, he was even bringing back memories from a distant past that Han Yuhyun himself did not know.
“Yuhyun is good, though.”
Han Yujin, a little bigger now, was sitting beside Han Yuhyun, who lay quietly. He was at an age where he should have been able to crawl, but the baby hardly moved. He did not fuss, and he did not meet anyone’s gaze directly. The examination results had shown nothing wrong, but it was hard to call him normal.
“He doesn’t even cry. Mom said that made things easier too.”
At first, that was how it had been. They had said he was such a mild baby. When people said he was much easier to raise than Yujin had been, Han Yujin had felt jealous. Even after his little brother came home, he had spent a while whining that he did not want to see him. But the baby, who had seemed ugly at first, gradually became cuter and cuter. He was pretty and quiet like a doll.
The baby did not cry. He only stayed quiet and well-behaved.
Young Han Yujin could not sense anything strange about that. He was only being good, so why did Mom—
‘It doesn’t feel like he’s the child I gave birth to!’
Han Yujin could not understand why she was sad and angry. Dad said it was probably postpartum depression. Mom and his little brother started going to the hospital often. Han Yujin could not understand it.
The fog trembled. The sound of waves mingled in. From within it came someone’s scream.
“He’s not our child!”
“I’m scared too. But everyone will say we’re crazy.”
“They’ll say he’s just a little kid.”
“…Why does Yujin care about that thing?”
“Are we the strange ones? Yujin thinks he’s cute.”
“I feel like I’m really going insane. It’s horrible.”
“Why is he fine? How? Why in the world is he fine?”
Han Yujin had a small backpack on. He was now in elementary school, and they had moved once. To get away from the whispers of neighbors saying the children’s parents seemed strange.
“Yuhyun, Hyung’s home.”
There was no one in the house except his little brother. Han Yuhyun was exceedingly well-behaved, and their mother had begun going to work as though she were running away. To people around them, she vaguely explained that someone was looking after him.
“Let’s eat with Hyung.”
Han Yuhyun, who had been sitting still, looked at Han Yujin. There was no answer. He was silent, as though he could not speak. But when it came to understanding words and acting on them, he was better than others his age. He ate even the clumsily prepared meals without a single complaint. In Han Yujin’s eyes, he only looked good.
He took care of his little brother and turned on the TV. He raised the volume. He brought over a book.
“…I don’t get it.”
Mom and Dad were strange.
He could not understand them.
There had been a time when Han Yujin had hated his little brother too. Back then, they had told him that since he was the big brother, he had to take care of his little brother. His little brother was good and cute. He did not cry or throw tantrums like his friends’ younger siblings. He did not steal toys or tear books. He was good.
But every time Han Yujin said Yuhyun was good, his parents’ faces stiffened. They even seemed frightened. After Han Yuhyun, they had begun shrinking away from Han Yujin too.
Clatter.
Han Yuhyun idly fiddled with the toy in front of him. Eyes that were nothing but black, without a trace of emotion, looked at his older brother.
“The being that takes care of me.”
Han Yuhyun spoke in a low voice. A faint memory surfaced in both of their minds. To Han Yuhyun back then, Han Yujin had been exactly that. The large humans brought food and clothing. But the being who gave those things directly to Han Yuhyun was usually the small human. Their parents took care of the basics as well, but gradually they came to leave more and more to Han Yujin. To Han Yuhyun, still ignorant of human society, the being that felt more necessary was naturally Han Yujin.
That was all there was to it.
He had no feelings beyond the instinct to survive.
“Tomorrow is Yuhyun’s birthday.”
The fog drifted onward. Han Yujin, who had grown even more, smiled.
The last time their parents had celebrated Han Yuhyun’s birthday had been his first birthday party. After that first birthday, which they had needed to announce to the people around them, they had treated it as though it did not exist. On his second birthday, he had been given presents under the name of Christmas. On his third birthday, there had been no tree and no presents. On his fourth birthday, their parents said they had plans and left the brothers alone at home.
“Yuhyun, are you cold?”
At Han Yujin’s question, young Han Yuhyun shook his head. The streets were full of Christmas decorations. Han Yujin stopped for a moment in front of a bakery, then started walking again. It would have been nice to have at least a Christmas cake. But even a slice of cake from a bakery was too expensive. There were cheaper ones at the convenience store.
“They said eating too much convenience store food is bad for you. Teacher said eating meals at home is best. But one cake should be okay.”
Han Yuhyun was still a child who did not speak. He could write and read well, but unless he was told to do so, he did not express his own intentions. Han Yujin, too, had gradually begun to sense that his little brother was strange.
Even so, he was good and cute.
When he went out with his little brother, everyone said the child was pretty. Even when his little brother said nothing, people just let it pass, saying he must be very shy around strangers.
Together with Han Yuhyun, Han Yujin bought a slice of cake and returned home. He hid the cake deep inside the refrigerator, then went into their room. Around Christmas, the atmosphere at home grew even worse. Bad enough that Han Yujin found himself thinking it was more comfortable to give up on Christmas and stay behind with only his little brother.
“Let’s read a book with Hyung.”
Han Yujin opened a book. How much time had passed? The bedroom door opened carefully. It was Mom and Dad. Han Yujin’s mother let out a long sigh before speaking.
“Yujin.”
“Yes.”
“Mom and Dad are going out to eat tonight. Would you like to come with us, Yujin?”
“Yes! I wanna go!”
Han Yujin sprang to his feet. But he could not run out. He froze in place.
“But…”
“Yuhyun will be fine by himself.”
“That’s right. He’ll be all right.”
“We’re going to sleep at a hotel. There’s a huge tree in the lobby, and we’ll buy presents too.”
Han Yujin’s fingertips and toes squirmed. Two pairs of eyes looked at him pleadingly.
The other gaze remained fixed on the book, as if none of this could be heard at all.
“But tomorrow is Yuhyun’s birthday. I think Yuhyun should come too…”
“Yuhyun is!”
Their parents’ voices rose sharply for an instant. Then they lowered them again, gentle and coaxing. As though they were hoping a child standing at the edge of a cliff would turn around on his own and walk back to them.
“Yuhyun won’t want anything like that.”
“Just look at him. He isn’t interested at all.”
Han Yujin hesitated. There was no way he did not want to follow his parents. But his head drooped.
“I’ll stay home with Yuhyun and watch the house.”
Someone sighed. The door closed. It sounded as though there might have been crying too.
Not long after, the front door opened and shut.
Han Yujin sniffled quietly. Han Yuhyun took his eyes off the book and stared at his older brother.
“…Hyung is the strange one.”
The twenty-one-year-old and twenty-six-year-old Han Yuhyuns murmured.
Han Yujin should have followed their parents. A young creature naturally prioritized its guardians. Young Han Yuhyun began to think of Han Yujin as strange. That was where it began. The small human at his side was strange.
“…Yuhyun.”
The fog scattered like flurries of snow. Water splashed and pattered up. Each droplet turned into grains of sand. There was a long bench.
“Yuhyun.”
Han Yujin was not looking at the little brother sitting beside him.
Their parents were beginning to give up more and more.
Even on the one child they still had left.
Though he was still young, there was no way Han Yujin could not feel it. The children had grown quite a bit too. Both of them could be left alone and manage on their own. That fact rapidly erased their parents’ sense of responsibility and guilt.
They were taking care of the material things, after all.
Wasn’t that enough to say they were fulfilling their responsibility?
There were plenty of parents in the world who did less.
Wasn’t this much enough?
As long as they did not clash, there would be nothing painful or agonizing. If they only stripped away the affection, they could be at ease. If they just gave up a little.
Instinctively, Han Yujin realized this was his last chance.
He only had to let go of his little brother now. Then he would be able to receive his parents’ protection and love. The world that was crumbling around him would once again fill with warm, comforting air.
Han Yujin did not look at Han Yuhyun.
With his eyes fixed somewhere far away, he stood up from the bench alone, without taking his little brother’s hand.
–TL Notes–
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