Chapter 403 |
──────
The Bereaved XI
What does it mean to trust someone?
I will confess honestly to you all. I, the Undertaker, have lived for far too long.
I had always thought so, but seeing the [1st cycle's Undertaker] made the feeling all the more distinct. That the me of today had become far too old for a human.
The word old man was not enough. I was beyond old. I had transcended aging. Truly, a new horizon of oldness was being updated daily because of me.
Seventies? Eighties? Oh, I’m sorry, but compared to me, they were no different than young children.
Just think about it. Even that old geezer Schopenhauer probably couldn't return from his ‘vacation’ even if he wanted to, because he wouldn’t have the stamina.
According to the Confucian sayings that old man loved so much, how dare a young whelp, huh, raise his head so stiffly to me, someone so much older.
I also trusted Yo-hwa.
To trust another person. At some point, that had become extremely natural for me, overlapping in meaning with ‘to trust a child.’
I hope they grow up well.
Even if they don't grow up well, that's okay. As long as they are safe. I hope they get along with their precious family.
For me, the words ‘to trust someone’ were identical to a declaration that I would take responsibility for that child.
And so, upon my return from the Arabian Nights of the dream within a dream, I immediately went to the gravestone on the rooftop of the Tower of Babel and cheerfully rambled on about the whole story.
“Cheon-hwa! There were a number of mishaps, but in any case, it was a success. In your sister's subconscious, there will now be a vague feeling and longing for her lost older sister!”
“...”
“Hoo. No psychiatrist in this world could alleviate psychopathological symptoms as well as I can. Really, what would you two sisters have done without me!”
“...”
“Yo-hwa is still busy catching up with her students, so I’ll bring her in about a week. This time, you two sisters will be able to have a reunion that is a reunion in the truest sense!”
“Yeah. Thanks, sunbae. I’m really, really grateful, but...”
Cheon-hwa's red eyes narrowed.
“In the end, you pretended to be me in a dream, with my appearance, with my way of thinking, like the daughter of a prestigious family. Even using formal speech in front of other people. You spent several years like that, right?”
“Mm. That's right.”
“It feels awful.”
“...”
“It feels awful! Sunbae!”
Cheon-hwa looked at me with an expression of genuine contempt and, wrapping her arms around her own shoulders, twisted only her upper body away.
'I see.'
Children sometimes go through puberty, after all.
This too was an aftershock of ‘trusting someone.’
I nodded my head, then drew up my aura to shape a form on the surface of my skin. Orange hair and red eyes, a subtle smiling expression.
An instant human-skin mask exclusively for Cheon-hwa, complete!
“Oh my. How do you do?”
Then I took out a fan I had prepared in advance and spread it open with a snap.
Elegance and grace. Those two words exist to describe the ‘me’ of this very moment.
“Kyaaaaaaak!”
“Haaah. I wish my father would just die. Ah, I must quickly give my father a taste of the Korean peninsula's traditional filial piety so that my dear sister can breathe a little easier.”
“Kyaaaaaaaaaa!”
“Sunbae. Please make me a happy person.”
“Kyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak!”
“Yes. Now, I think I've become happy enough.”
“Die! Die, sunbae! Please just die! Really, really! It really feels awful! Awfulawfulawful! Please just die—”
Playing with kids is fun!
A short while after the stormy, convulsive puberty (valid for 1 day) had passed.
At last, the historic reunion of the separated twin sisters took place.
“...You’re my sister.”
Reunion.
Literally, they met again.
In the previous regression, I had simply made the sisters face each other, and because of Yo-hwa's breakdown, it was I who once again orchestrated the meeting that had ended in the ruin of a regression.
More meticulously. Using the regressor's privilege to my heart's content, employing a method that could not be more thorough.
Was it that the fruits of that effort had seen the light?
“...I don't remember at all. But, mm, certainly. The strange impression that someone was by my side in my childhood... that much remains.”
Unlike before, Yo-hwa's expression was cautious.
Last time, the feeling was strong that she was forcing herself to get close because she had received a request from me.
In the end, even while talking with the other person, she was merely responding with ‘her feelings for me’ and not ‘her feelings for her sister.’
On the other hand... it was different now. This time, she was truly and seriously contemplating the existence of a ‘twin sister.’
□.
Like someone sitting normally at their desk one day who suddenly spots a bruise on their forearm, not knowing where they got it.
Yo-hwa was finally able to stare clearly at the □ that had been pierced through her heart.
“I guess.”
“...”
“I did think it was strange.”
Yo-hwa muttered.
I and Cheon-hwa, who would normally have led the conversation, were now silently waiting for Yo-hwa's reaction.
Because we knew that forcing a ‘conversation of mere words’ would only be met with disastrous failure.
'We've done all the work we can from our end.'
All information was disclosed to Yo-hwa. Including the fact that Cheon-hwa could be her twin sister, or she could be a mere trace of an Outer God.
Thump. My heart beat faintly.
'Now, the affirmation or denial of this relationship is entirely up to Yo-hwa.'
Our role was to accept the outcome.
And to be her sincere conversation partner until that outcome was reached, that was all we had left to do.
“Strange? What was?”
“Infinite Void. The god I served. Our cult, for all it’s worth, is a Taoist-based pseudo-religion. Just as the Christian sects obsess over the number ‘3’ of the Trinity, we are pathologically attached to the ‘2’ of the Taegeuk.”
Taegeuk.
White and black.
“Ah.”
Something came to mind.
Seeing my face, Yo-hwa gave a bitter smile.
“So if a non-existent ‘sister’ had broken the Baekhwa Girls' High school rules to wear a ‘black sailor uniform’... that was, in all likelihood, a result of my father’s intentions.”
“Crazy.”
I couldn't help but let out a low curse.
Cheon Yo-hwa’s father. The cult leader had even forced his pseudo-religious incantations onto the color of the school uniforms his children wore.
Looking at it this way, my own thoughts became clear.
“Infinite Void treats all things in creation as equal scraps of data. A world where all is equal. It can be seen as all of creation itself, and as space. On the other hand, the Mastermind simply takes that data as a base to constantly arrange and rearrange it, running simulations.”
“Yes. It is the time in which everything is manifested.”
“...For the Mastermind to have meaning, as much data as possible must be collected. Conversely, for Infinite Void's data to be useful, as many simulations as possible must be run.”
“Yes. Only then can it be free of any flaws.”
“From the Outer Gods’ perspective, they are imitating a ‘world’ that will perfectly replace our reality.”
Yo-hwa nodded her head.
“I think they are mutually complementary beings. To each other.”
Next to me, Cheon-hwa kept her lips sealed. But in her red eyes, a flicker of realization like a candle flame passed by.
The three of us, who could be called ‘anomaly experts,’ had reached the same interpretation.
“In that case, the names I gave to the Outer Gods will also have to be changed.”
“Yes. Teacher. Perhaps what I suppressed was not Infinite Void, but...”
The Yang of Taegeuk.
“And that one over there.”
“...”
“What the person who might be my sister embraced and sealed might not be the Mastermind, but...”
The Yin of Taegeuk.
“An Outer God that was one and two from the very beginning. Twins.”
“...”
“Of course, I don't know which one my father designated as Yang and which as Yin. It can't be distinguished by color alone, ah. You know this too, don't you, Teacher? When you look at the Taegeuk, there's a dot of the opposite color on each side.”
“I know.”
☯.
In the middle of the white, a black dot. In the middle of the black, a white dot.
It was a very important symbol when drawing the Taegeuk. As it emphasized that black and white were not just a separate ‘two,’ but a ‘one’ in which each led the other.
Yo-hwa smiled softly.
“So actually, that side might have been Yang, and my side might have been Yin. Well! It looks like father's plan failed anyway. Not that I care!”
“...Is that so.”
This was the final conclusion of the answer chapter.
The true name of ‘Infinite Void,’ which I first subjugated in the 117th cycle, was the ‘poles of the Taegeuk.’
It was only now, upon reaching this point—in the 1,003rd cycle, no less—that it was all revealed.
'Is calling something by its proper name such a difficult thing.'
I felt a sense of deep emotion.
As I was savoring that feeling, Yo-hwa wiped the smile from her face and stared at Cheon-hwa.
“It's still difficult to call you... Unni. I'm sorry.”
“...”
“But if you are my sister. If your personality is as teacher told me, you would be more hurt by me calling you unni on the outside when I don't sincerely think of you as one on the inside. So, please endure the slightly less painful wound.”
“...”
“If you are my sister. You were subjected to the [Time Seal] even though you knew I would be hurt. So bear it.”
“...”
Cheon-hwa nodded her head.
Then, Yo-hwa smiled.
“Instead, for now, you can call me Yo-hwa.”
“...Really?”
For the first time since the sisters' reunion, Cheon-hwa carefully opened her lips.
“Me, who might be an anomaly...”
“That's why there's a condition.”
“A condition.”
“Yes. A condition, or rather, a contest. Let's make a bet. If you want to, that is.”
A contest. A bet.
Those were words Cheon-hwa loved more than anyone.
It was also a game that would be played more often than any other, having been born as siblings so close in age.
“What kind of bet?”
“I heard from teacher. You, even here where you were subjected to the [Time Seal], deliberately made the day you were sealed your happiest memory in order to maintain your sense of self.”
“Yes.”
“By kissing teacher.”
“...Yes.”
Yo-hwa closed her eyes and took a breath.
And then she looked straight at the person who looked exactly like her.
“From now on, just once. I will call you ‘unni.’”
“...!”
“I will believe your story. I will believe teacher's belief. I will think hard in my heart—really, really hard—that you are my lost sister, and while pondering your pain deeply... I will sincerely call you ‘unni.’”
“Uh, um. That's good, but... Yes! It's really good, but...”
Cheon-hwa furrowed her brow.
“Why...?”
“...”
Yo-hwa's eyes grew calm.
“To test if you become happy.”
“Huh?”
“If you are really my sister. If a ‘real anomaly’ isn't lurking in some corner of your heart and merely mimicking my sister, if you are truly my sister. Then you... have to become happy.”
“...”
“You have no choice but to become happy.”
Yo-hwa's eyes were serene.
And for that reason, they were terrifying.
“The teacher you love has worked so hard for you like this. For the younger sister you love, he has tried this hard. Literally laying his life on the line.”
“...”
“No matter how many times this world repeats its destruction, you will never, ever be able to reach a scene like this again. Someone to lead you this far—to understand you. To yield to you. You cannot wish for such a person, for such a family, anymore.”
“...”
“So the moment I call you ‘unni,’ you must become the happiest. More so than the moment you kissed teacher on a whim. This moment. More. More. More. It must be happier.”
Yo-hwa's red eyes narrowed.
“Am I... wrong?”
“...No. You're right.”
“Yeah.”
Yo-hwa stated firmly.
“So it's a contest. If the moment you are called ‘unni’ by me makes you happier, so that the ‘day’ you repeat here in this tomb area becomes today instead of that day——”
“...My victory.”
“Right. I will accept the fact that you are my real sister. But if, even after I call you sister, the moment you remember most happily is still that moment from the 688th cycle. The day you shared a kiss with teacher.”
“...”
“If you forget what happened between us today. And if, after midnight passes, you repeat the same day as before.”
“My... defeat.”
“I will not accept that you are my sister. Forever.”
“...”
“Ah. Teacher? This is really a ‘forever’ kind of thing, okay? Even in the next cycle. Even in the cycle after that, please do not ever try to reunite me with my sister again.”
Yo-hwa smiled brightly.
“If she's just a person who values one kiss with teacher more than this scene anyway. It doesn't really matter if she's my sister or not.”
“...”
“So, what will it be? It's up to you.”
Yo-hwa rested her chin on her hand.
“It's fine if you don't accept this bet. Then I won't go as far as calling you sister, but... well. I can accept you as a plausible colleague of Teacher. I'll call you Cheon-hwa. And I'll accept you calling me Yo-hwa.”
“...”
“If you accept the bet, this is the only time. There are no more chances. Will you become my sister? Or will your existence rot forever inside a tombstone that no one but teacher cares about?”
“...”
“You decide.”
Silence fell.
Yo-hwa's proposal was, even from my perspective, a remarkably rare idea.
'...Unlike other sealed ones, Cheon-hwa preserves the very moment she was [Time Sealed] as her ‘happiest memory.’'
'In fact, it's as if she faces the moment of being [Time Sealed] every time she opens her eyes.'
That was Cheon-hwa's clever move.
A brilliant plan to simultaneously repeat the happiest day and also retain the ‘awareness’ that she herself had been time-sealed.
'By using such a trick, Cheon-hwa was cleverly continuing to update her day despite being time-sealed.'
'Memories with me. A slightly happier time, she was steadily accumulating them day by day.'
'Now Yo-hwa is... using the exact same idea as her twin sister, to ask a question in return.'
How precious am I to you?
Is being called ‘unni’ by your little sister truly as precious as the kiss with the Undertaker you claim to love?
If so.
Show me proof, not just words.
“...”
Only after a long silence had filled the classroom did Cheon-hwa, the strategist who had lived her entire life as a mad gambler, lift her head.
In her eyes...
There was resolve.
A day passed.
“What do you think? Teacher?”
For a whole day, the two of us set up a tent on the rooftop of the Tower of Babel and lived there.
Just a few days ago, we had spent time alone, isolated in the barrier of Infinite Void at Baekhwa Girls' High. The current situation seemed very familiar to Yo-hwa.
“Do you really think that person will accept the moment I called her ‘sister’ as her happiest day?”
“Who knows.”
I looked up at the night sky.
“There is nothing as close to the void as a person's heart. It cannot be grasped. They don't know it themselves. There are even parts they don't want to know, and parts they are willingly deceived by.”
“Ahaha... I think so too.”
“Sincerity is always a difficult word.”
A few hours ago.
Cheon-hwa eventually accepted the bet.
Yo-hwa, too, called her opponent ‘unni’ and gave her a tight hug.
Apologizing over and over for being sorry for forgetting, for leaving her sister to be sacrificed alone.
Tears streamed down Cheon-hwa's face.
“It's common to judge tears as a person's sincerity. But in the end, sincerity is proven not by that moment but by the time that follows.”
“...Teacher. You are spending countless hours to prove your own sincerity.”
“That's thanks to you all believing in me.”
I smiled.
“And I believe in you all as well.”
“...”
“It doesn't matter if the sisterly bond is broken forever. Life is not over. Thanks to you two sisters, I was able to learn that even the life of someone who has been time-sealed is not completely over.”
Whether one can learn from children or not.
Perhaps that was the standard of an adult.
Trrrrrrrrrrrring.
We both turned around. On the simple table in front of the tent, a smartphone was ringing.
It had become midnight.
“...Teacher.”
“Yes.”
12 o'clock. For the humans of reality, it was the baseline where just now became ‘yesterday’ and now becomes ‘today.’
But for the beings in the time-sealed tomb area, it was merely the point at which the same day repeated.
“Shall we go in?”
“...Yeah.”
Yo-hwa took my hand first. A slight tremble. A clear tension was transmitted through her body heat.
Today, she would either gain a family or lose one.
And that, at Yo-hwa's request, was engraved for ‘eternity.’
In the future, no matter if thousands or tens of thousands of regressions were to be repeated, the day I would introduce her ‘sister’ to Yo-hwa would never come again.
Step, I took a step forward.
Thud, footsteps followed at an angle.
“Huuuuu...”
A small breath.
It was the same as in the 117th cycle. Yo-hwa, the lively, orange-haired student council president, always trusted and followed me from behind.
At that time, Yo-hwa was able to find her lost self.
This time was different. She didn't just follow me, the teacher.
She thought for herself, created a standard that everyone could accept, and she herself bet herself under the name of a ‘contest.’
'You've grown, Yo-hwa.'
The world was destroyed without reservation and life was repeated without promise.
And yet, if a chance were given. Perhaps.
“I will open the door.”
“...Yes, Teacher. Please open it.”
Creeeak.
A door that only I could see opened at a speed only I could hear. The transparent tombstone, which seemed like it would accept no one, merely reflecting them like a mirror, revealed its interior.
What kind of scene was waiting?
Normally, upon seeing me enter first, Cheon-hwa would have laughed cheerfully, saying something like
‘Ah sunbae! Welcome! I knew you'd come!’
From her perspective, she had just kissed me a moment ago.
“———”
She would have been smiling a confident smile, as if to show off, as if to say everything went according to her plan, as expected of her, a smile that made me want to give her a light rap on the head.
But.
“——Hik.”
Even before the door opened, Cheon-hwa was crying.
In a corner of the classroom. Crouched down using a desk and chair as a screen, she was shedding silent tears.
As if belatedly realizing we had entered, Cheon-hwa turned her head. Cheon-hwa's lips moved.
“Hk, uh...... ah, ......hk. Uuh......”
“...”
But no meaningful words came out.
She opened her lips to say something, but all that came out was a whimpering groan.
Even when she tried to suppress the groan, what remained in her mouth was the same groan, so cry was piled upon cry, and her voice kept sinking lower.
“I, I....... I. I, someday....... Someday, with sunbae....... and Yo-hwa. The three of us. Hk, the three of us.......”
“...”
“But, that. But, that's....... not possible. It's, it's hard. It's impossible....... So, even if it's just sunbae. I, I. With that, I thought it was enough......”
“...”
“I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, Yo-hwa. I'm sorry......”
Yo-hwa walked forward.
Inside the time-sealed tomb area, originally, no one other than me was supposed to wander around freely. Because from the moment their contact with me was broken, they would be exposed to the void.
But for some reason, Yo-hwa naturally let go of my hand. I too, for some reason, felt that ‘it would be okay’ and let her go.
Step, step.
Yo-hwa walked over and bent her knees. And sitting at the same height, she stretched out both her arms and hugged her opponent tightly.
“I'm sorry, Unni.”
Yo-hwa said.
“I’m sorry for forgetting.”
“...”
“Welcome back.”
The sound of Cheon-hwa's weeping filled the classroom.
The sealed one. The one who lost her own existence.
There is only one name for the spell and curse that makes the stopped time of the lost flow.
Happiness.
Footnotes: