Chapter 467: As Everyone Knows, the Dancer Is the Second Boss |
Old Thief may be a bit of a dog, but he still has a shred of conscience.
After subjecting players to a round of agonizing torment, he still remembered to give them a little consolation.
Ayin slid down the stairs with a pleased grin and rubbed his hands in front of the treasure chest.
What would pop out?
Chests in Sekiro were precious, often containing useful items—gourd seeds, Buddhist beads, or prosthetic ninja arm parts.
So in Dark Souls, what nasty surprise would Old Thief hide in his chest?
A weapon? Materials to upgrade an element flask? Or some rare consumable?
“Let’s see what Old Thief’s first chest gives us!”
Saying that,
“Here we go! Spin the wheel!!!”
Pfft—clatter—crash!!!
At the proclamation,
the chest suddenly emitted a strange cry!
Immediately, two gaunt, long arms shot out from its sides and grabbed him!
Then,
accompanied by a scalp-tingling sloshing noise, the chest opened by itself, revealing a row of terrifying fangs inside and a long tongue that coiled around Ayin’s neck!
And the next second—
Headfirst!
Snapped up by those skinny arms, Ayin was shoved into the chest mouth, bones crunching, torn and devoured within a few bites.
【YOUDEAD】
The livestream chat went silent for a full five seconds!
Then, a piercing roar tore through the chatroom!
"...Goddamn you!!!"
Ayin felt like he was losing his mind.
This freaking chest is a mimic!
Such an ancient yet novel twist!
Trick chests have existed since the early days of PC RPGs—some cruel designers loved making them gag traps.
But in wolf-type games, a cheap chest monster like that had never appeared before!
Designers of those games seemed to accept that their games already tormented players enough, so most refrained from piling on such obnoxious traps.
Gu Sheng, however,
obviously had no such mercy.
He’s always held to the motto: "Only God spares you; my job is to send you to meet God," pitting players against his designs with ruthless cunning, even using chain traps to make players truly feel the game’s malice.
Now,
the arrival of the mimic once again pushed players’ perception of Gu Sheng’s moral baseline to new depths.
After all, wolf-type games are not the same as traditional RPGs!
Traditional RPGs aren’t typically sadistic, and save systems—especially quicksaves—greatly reduce trial-and-error costs.
Wolf-type games are brutal by design: no quicksaves, and even regular saves can respawn all the mobs on the path.
That means the rerun is agonizing.
Unless you’re a practiced veteran, ordinary players will inevitably take hits on the run.
Losing health means needing to heal.
Healing consumes resources.
Consuming resources lowers your margin for error.
Lower margin means higher risk of death.
Death means you have to run it again.
And the vicious cycle repeats.
Are soulslike games torturous?
Yes.
But where does the real torment lie?
Is it in the grueling boss fights?
Not really.
Bosses are brutal, sure, but the satisfaction after defeating one is immense.
The real torture comes from the unassuming minor enemies.
You can slay a heavily armored cavalry champion yet die to two nameless Ashina grunts as soon as you step outside.
Or you can beat the raging Gudda, only to be ganged up on by three dogs and killed.
Those humiliating defeats are the true torment.
Even if you later beat the grunts or the dogs, the sting of humiliation doesn’t evaporate.
They’re just trash mobs.
That “hero drowned in a cesspool” shame is the soul-crushing core of the suffering.
Gu Sheng’s talent at sculpting that feeling is almost masterful.
His ethical baseline in design runs unfathomably deep, like gazing from Source Palace toward Aquatic Village—
you know the water flows down to Aquatic Village, but you’ll never see the bottom of Ashina.
Gu Sheng’s moral baseline is the same—
it exists, but where exactly, no one knows.
Even U.S. five-star General MacArthur once remarked: compared to Old Thief’s wickedness, Li Mei’s barbecue is child’s play.
The chat burst into laughter!
Best episode ever.
“Hahaha...
Too late to explain! Spin the wheel!
This really resets humanity’s threshold for humiliation.”
“To make players feel despair, he even made mimic chests. I’m crying.”
“Just looking at this raised my blood pressure.”
“Thanks, thanks—was hypotensive, now got hypertension 180, Dr. Gu, miracle cure!”
“Hahaha I’m dying laughing”
You could hardly imagine a carbon-based humanoid designing a stage like this.
“...”
“Tell the boss not to freak out yet—more breakdowns coming later...”
Meanwhile, in Liu Liu’s stream
Because Ayin went live a little later today, while Liu Liu played right at launch, Liu Liu’s progress was comparatively further along.
“Luckily, after beating that chest monster it drops a Gloomy Battle Axe; pretty handy.”
Saying that, Liu Liu raised the dimmed one-handed axe, swung, and killed an arbalist perched on the roof.
Standing on a high stone ledge, Liu Liu took a sip from an element flask and peered down.
Below the ledge was a garden, except there was no birdsong or flowers—only blood everywhere.
Red-cloaked knights lay scattered on the cold stone floor; spears stood like a forest, their bloodstained tips gleaming darkly.
The stench of blood hit her; looking at broken swords and shattered pikes, the scene spoke of a vicious battle that had once occurred here.
Thud—thud—thud—
Footsteps slowly echoed in the night.
Indeed,
the bloodstrewn garden was not dead silent.
A plump knight in a blue cloak and silver armor, rotund in build, was patrolling slowly around a fountain stained red with blood.
If you looked closely, he even had a pair of palm-sized little wings on his back.
The blend of fantasy and oddity made Liu Liu’s skin crawl and also made her want to laugh.
After all—
“This chubby bro...is actually...kind of cute? He even has tiny wings...”
At the same time, Liu Liu seized her chance, leapt, and drove a downward chop straight at the plump knight’s head!
Crack!
A heavy axe blow landed!
The plump knight’s health dipped a segment, yet he was still far stronger than a typical zombie grunt!
A solid opponent!
Although not quite an elite mini-boss by health, this guy’s stats were well beyond the other mobs Liu Liu had encountered.
Even stronger than the Lothric knights she met on the wall.
Boom—!
The struck plump knight reacted instantly. Don’t be fooled by his shape—he was an agile fat man.
He countered with his halberd, and with a thunderous force, the courtyard tiles shattered and flew—leaving a pot-cover-sized cracked pit in the ground!
“Oh—oh my—damn—insane...”
Liu Liu scrambled and rolled away in a hurry.
Although she’d seen many Golden Engine physical destruction effects on the way here,
this was still terrifyingly visceral; very few players could remain unfazed.
She rolled laterally, raised her shield,
and the plump knight prepared his stance again, halberd poised for a wide sweep.
“Come on!”
Shield tactics were very effective, Liu Liu knew.
Her shield could block most attacks, far better than the posture guard in Sekiro,
but holding a shield drains stamina when you get hit, so you must avoid becoming an eternal iron turtle; once your stamina depletes, you suffer a crippling stiffness.
Her plan was to block the sweep, then slip in a quick strike.
Repeat that loop a few times and it’d be similar to fighting a Lothric knight—they’re all knights after all!
Clang—clang!
The plump knight’s sweep came faster than anticipated, hitting with ear-splitting clangs and knocking Liu Liu back half a step!
But just as she prepared to step in and strike,
something unexpected happened—
After the horizontal sweep, the plump knight didn’t stop; instead, he spun like a top!
Huh?!!
Before Liu Liu could react!
Wham! Wham! Wham! Wham!
A barrage of windmill-like attacks slammed into her!
Stamina drained bar by bar; the stagger was about to land, yet she couldn’t drop her shield!
In an instant, the awkward trap left Liu Liu at a loss.
Boom—boom!
Finally, with her stamina shattered,
Liu Liu flew like a kite with its string cut, slammed against a wall with a thunderous crash, dazed, and lost half her health!
But the rain on the roof keeps leaking:
Before she could even pull herself up properly, the plump knight threw his arms wide in an overly dramatic pose, like some magical girl about to transform, and spread his chest to the sky!
What...a Sailor Moon pose?!
Liu Liu felt her brain boil.
That ridiculous look and goofy stance were wildly disproportionate to the massive damage he dealt.
That very dissonance made the sight bizarrely compelling to players.
The next moment, a golden pillar of light rimed with drifting white feathers reflected in Liu Liu’s eyes.
Huge beams of holy light struck like air-to-ground missiles, detonating across the garden!
Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom! Boom!
Dust rose, bodies burst, stone slabs shattered to powder!
The blood-red fountain splashed crimson water everywhere!
Terrifying visuals combined with physics-based destruction sent Liu Liu fleeing franticly, screaming and laughing in terror:
“Ah—ahahahaha—oh my god hahahaha—”
“Ouch—what are you doing—”
Boom—!!!
【YOU DEAD】
“Oh wow! These two red-eyed Lothric riders are so mong—insane, insane, insane...”
Old Chrysanthemum couldn’t help exclaiming as he watched the red death text; he instantly praised the player.
Old Chrysanthemum’s understanding of soulslike games was noteworthy.
Once you fully grasp this game, its core becomes clear:
duel and stamina management.
Treat mooks like bosses; don’t get surround-stomped,
don’t recklessly trade hits like in Sekiro; control stamina, block and riposte, and ideally get behind for a backstab.
Old Chrysanthemum’s approach proved correct.
After beating the chubby bro, he took the stairs down and turned left, where he met those two red-eyed Lothric riders.
It was a brutal mix: one spear Lothric, one straight-sword Lothric, big shields slamming and thrusting in combination—the silky little combos sent Old Chrysanthemum back to the bonfire.
“Screw this.”
After a hard run back, Old Chrysanthemum refused to go left this time; he didn’t even want to glance. He turned right instead,
followed the stairs down, and two spear-wielding undead with big shields barred the way.
Compared to normal fodder, these two were tough,
but not unbeatable.
Old Chrysanthemum killed the pair and continued down the stairway.
Soon, a massive gate appeared—Lothric’s main city gate,
wide and thick, draped in overgrown branches as if untouched for ages; tangles of vines had forced the gate apart enough to form a gap.
“Dead end?”
He shoved with all his strength but the gate wouldn’t budge.
Old Chrysanthemum frowned in confusion.
At that moment,
a grand, somber chant music slowly rose.
A biting cold wind blew from behind!
Old Chrysanthemum shivered and looked back.
Rumble—
He saw that the path he’d come from was now sealed by a thick fog gate.
Along with the howling wind,
a giant monster the size of a semi-trailer slowly crawled out of the mist.
Clad in thick frost-rimed armor, it moved on four legs like a massive frosthound, limping forward, breath steaming with frigid air, its body tangled with dried branches.
It wielded a huge warhammer; the spiked ball emanated icy chill.
The frost beast stomped into the arena and slammed its hammer into the ground!
Roar—
With the deafening roar,
a long health bar appeared on Old Chrysanthemum’s HUD!
【Bordeaux of the Frigid Valley】
“Holy shit!!!”
Old Chrysanthemum was stunned:
“A BOSS! I actually reached the boss room—holy crap!!!”
Ferocious!
Unlike Sekiro,
in Dark Souls Old Thief seems to favor huge bosses.
Whether it’s Gudda or Bordeaux, even elite mini-bosses like the Bugatti Veyron are massive.
This design showcases the Golden Engine’s visual and physics destruction strengths to the fullest!
Get ready!
Old Chrysanthemum raised his shield and braced to meet the attack!
With a roar!
Roar—!!!
The frosthound Bordeaux charged; where it passed a cold fog rolled, its momentum brutal—two heavy hammer blows straight away!
—
Old Chrysanthemum met that force calmly, blocking two hammer strikes with his shield, then rolled not forward but backward, sliding beneath the beast’s massive body!
Smart move.
From demo fights with Master Gudda, Old Chrysanthemum had learned the trick for huge bosses.
Ducking under and circling behind, hugging attack dead zones, is the best way to steal damage.
“Eat my Footwork Skill!”
Old Chrysanthemum rolled and swung,
“For these bosses, you live under their bellies—stay under their armpits—wait—hold on, big bro! I need a sip of blood potion!”
“...okay! Now! Fight!”
He danced around the frosthound.
Compared to Gudda, Bordeaux attacked more often and more aggressively,
a bit like a Phase Two Gudda infected with human pus—erratic and berserk.
People fear such unpredictability, because madness brings chaos and uncertainty.
As they say, wild flailing beats the master’s technique.
Berserk patterns often unsettle players more than the orderly strikes of Phase One.
After a few ground slams Bordeaux became increasingly violent!
It leapt back!
Boom!
Its massive body slammed the ground, mouth spewing freezing air,
then it coiled to charge rearward.
“Oh—wait wait wait!!!”
Sensing danger, the seasoned Old Chrysanthemum rolled away!
But just as he finished the roll,
Rumble—rumble—rumble!!!
Bordeaux unleashed a charge!
Its bulk barely grazed him!
Armor sparks trailed across the stone floor!
Old Chrysanthemum barely had time to breathe—
Rumble—rumble—rumble!!!
Bordeaux struck again!
Three consecutive rams, majestic and savage!
Amazingly, Old Chrysanthemum flawlessly dodged them all on his first sight-reading!
‘OHHHHHHH—’
‘Chairman is OP!’
‘What a beast, chairman!’
“So strong?”
Oh no! This time the chairman seems to have truly mastered the game!
‘So cool, that triple roll’
It almost felt like he might clear on first encounter; the boss had only a third health left.
“But the chairman’s only got half a health bar left—this is tight...”
“When in doubt, rush it!”
“Go chairman!”
The chat cheered in unison.
Old Chrysanthemum seemed to find his rhythm, growing bolder.
After dodging the triple charges he rushed the frosthound!
He knew he couldn’t be overly cautious and keep distance; the longer he dragged it out, the more chances the boss had to counterattack, and the lower his margin for error.
“When in doubt, rush! Charge!!!”
With his fearless charge,
the frosthound’s icy breath gathered!
The next second,
Whoosh!!!
A blizzard of frost engulfed Old Chrysanthemum!
Biting snow and sharp ice shards struck like knives, crushing him down!
The freeze status bar rapidly filled!
At the same time, Old Chrysanthemum swung his axe in a three-hit combo into the beast’s thigh!
Slash—slash—slash!
Blood flew!
His movements visibly slowed as the freeze meter neared its limit,
and the frosthound’s HP was barely a thread!
Then,
Crunch—thud!!!
Old Chrysanthemum felt his whole body seize; he was flung back, slammed to the ground, the frozen shell on his body fragmented and exploded, and his HP nearly blacked out, leaving only a sliver!
Across from him the frosthound let out a pitiful cry as its massive form dissolved into a swirl of snow and ice vapor!
One-life clear!
Buzz!
The chat erupted in cheers!
‘OHHHHHHH—
‘What a man!’
“Chairman rocks!”
Everyone knows Old Chrysanthemum couldn’t beat the red-eyed Lothric riders, so riders > frosthound.
And everyone knows he had been ganked by three dogs outside the ritual site twice, so three dogs > riders.
Thus, three dogs > riders > Bordeaux.
Dog Lord, are you joking?
“Embarrassing boss”
The chairman’s last HP bar was basically invisible—
Don’t ask, it was locked.
Goddamn it they locked it.
No recognition? Shock...
...
A rapturous celebration!
According to standard progression, players should now head down the stairs, clear the two annoying red-eyed riders, enter the little church, obtain a small ring from an old shrine woman, then push through the vine-choked gate and leave the Lothric high walls.
In theory, then, Bordeaux as the first boss in Dark Souls means the first area is essentially complete.
Next up in the Undead Settlement, players would face the game’s second major boss, the Corrupted Tree.
All that is the theoretical normal development.
But in reality, as everyone knows, the Dancer is the true second boss of this game...