Chapter 166: Punishments |
The moment Yu Xiao was back in the ward, her eyes landed on Flying to Someone Else’s Bed, standing stock-still by the window. Like a creepy, haunted mannequin. Fantastic.
“Right, where is everyone?” Zhou Xiao Zhen’s voice was thick with confusion.
Yu Xiao glanced around. Zhao Lan was there, looking as serene as ever, but the others were gone. Vanished.
“Bloody hell,” she muttered. This was a new one, even for the nightmare factory that was their lives. “Where did they disappear to?”
- (卧槽; wò cáo; lie on the trough: A strong expression of surprise or dismay, similar to “bloody hell” in UK English. This phrase is a common expletive in Chinese, often used to express shock or anger.)
Zhao Lan, ever the voice of reason (or at least, calm in the face of potential demonic annihilation), spoke first. “Perhaps we should try calling them?”
Yu Xiao immediately dialled Yu Qing Lang. The phone picked up on the second ring.
“What in the bloody hell is going on? Why am I back in my room at the second hospital?” Yu Qing Lang’s voice practically vibrated with outrage.
Yu Xiao, initially speechless, let out a relieved sigh. “At least you’re safe. That’s the main thing.”
“Look,” Yu Xiao said, trying to inject some calm into the situation, “the Nightmare isn’t in my room anymore. It doesn’t really matter where you are now.”
A beat of silence, then a begrudging, “Suppose you’ve got a point,” before Yu Qing Lang hung up.
“She’s alright,” Yu Xiao confirmed, “Just back at the second hospital.”
Zhao Lan nodded, her lips curving into a thoughtful frown. “It seems the hospital has a strict ‘no swapping rooms’ policy. Even if you manage to switch, you’re back to your assigned cell the moment the instance ends.”
Yu Xiao hummed in agreement, her gaze returning to the unmoving figure of Flying to Someone Else’s Bed. Seriously, did he ever move?
“What did you say to Tang?” Zhao Lan asked, her voice deceptively casual. “He seemed… different.”
Yu Xiao hesitated, a slow smile spreading across her face. “He’s gone.”
“Gone?” Zhou Xiao Zhen scoffed. This ‘gone’ didn’t sound like your average popping-out-for-a-pint-of-milk gone. “What do you mean, ‘gone’?”
“He’s accumulated enough points,” Yu Xiao explained, enjoying the stunned silence that followed. “He’s leaving the hospital.”
“…”
A beat. Two. Then…
“!!!”
“He’s what?!” Zhou Xiao Zhen practically levitated out of her chair. “Really?!”
“Yep.” Yu Xiao nodded, relishing the disbelief on her face. “I’ll give him a ring tomorrow. If the call doesn’t go through, it means he’s finally free.”
And wouldn’t that be a wonderful thing?
“He can actually leave?” Zhao Lan echoed, her usual composure momentarily forgotten. The very notion seemed impossible, like escaping gravity or winning the lottery. Could anyone truly escape this hellscape of a hospital? The thought, once a distant fantasy, suddenly felt… possible.
“I never truly believed it,” She admitted, her voice regaining its usual strength. “Gathering enough points to leave always felt like a cruel rumour.”
Yu Xiao had harboured her own share of doubts. But the Director, that unnervingly cheerful creep, had assured her it was possible. And if the ultimate goal for the hospital’s unfortunate residents was rebirth, then surely escaping this purgatory had to be an option.
Yu Xiao’s gaze snapped towards the silent figure by the window. “Flying to Someone Else’s Bed? Care to share your thoughts?”
He moved then, turning to face them with an unsettling intensity that sent a shiver down her spine.
“Flying to Someone Else’s Bed?” he repeated, his voice flat, devoid of its usual playful lilt.
He stalked towards Yu Xiao, stopping just inches away, his hands clamping down on her shoulders. Then, with a terrifying grin, he opened his mouth wide, lunging towards her.
“Bloody hell!!” Yu Xiao yelped, trying to dodge, but his grip was like iron. This was no joke.
Zhou Xiao Zhen stood frozen, a statue of pure terror, while Zhao Lan, ever quick, scanned the room for a weapon, anything to use against the… whatever the hell he was doing. Finding nothing, she thrust her arm between Yu Xiao and the… the thing that was once their friend.
Just as Zhao Lan braced for the searing pain of teeth sinking into flesh, he froze, bursting into laughter.
“Ha ha ha ha ha…” He released Yu Xiao, stumbling back, clutching his stomach as tears streamed down his face. “You should see your faces!”
He collapsed onto a nearby chair, gasping for breath between fits of laughter, slapping his thigh for good measure. “Ha ha ha… The fear! Priceless!”
Zhou Xiao Zhen, hands on her hips, glared at him, fuming. “Hmph!”
Yu Xiao, still catching her breath, shot him a withering look, while Zhao Lan simply stared, her expression unreadable. Being pranked was definitely not on her list of enjoyable activities.
Finally, his laughter subsided, he glanced around the room, a flicker of confusion crossing his features. “Where’d everyone disappear to?”
“Back to the Second Hospital,” Yu Xiao said, her voice tight. “Where, if you’ll excuse me, you should be heading as well.”
He grinned, but it didn’t reach his eyes. “No way, hate that place. Feels like being stuffed in a coffin. Speaking of which, where’s Nightmare?”
“Gone,” Yu Xiao said simply.
He frowned, then relaxed, a thoughtful expression on his face. “Right. Guess I’ll be on my way then.”
Typical. Leaving the moment things stopped being entertaining.
Zhou Xiao Zhen crouched down, unzipping the bag she’d brought back. Inside lay a collection of props and function cards Yu Xiao had managed to swindle from Jealousy. The three of them huddled together, taking stock of their loot.
The props were even worse than Jealousy described. Rusted, creaky, half-broken… Zhou Xiao Zhen doubted half of them would even function. Still, they dutifully sorted the rubbish from the slightly-less-rubbish, only to arrive at a new problem: they had absolutely no clue what most of it did.
Zhou Xiao Zhen held up a heavy, tarnished die. “Look at this! Wouldn’t it go perfectly with my mahjong set?”
Zhao Lan stroked her chin. “Yes, but we haven’t the faintest idea what it does, do we?”
“How else do you use a die?” Zhou Xiao Zhen shrugged. “You toss it, naturally.”
‘Flying to Someone Else’s Bed’, ignored until this point, shuffled closer and rubbed his nose awkwardly. “Blimey, look at this lot! You been nicking stuff from my mates in the Second Hospital, haven’t you?”
“Does the Second Hospital even have this much junk?” Yu Xiao deadpanned.
She had a point. ‘Flying to Someone Else’s Bed’ picked up a chipped porcelain bowl. “Where did you lot get all this, then?”
“Robbed a boss,” Yu Xiao said casually.
He looked sceptical, then his eyes widened. “You robbed a what? And the coppers didn’t catch you?”
“We reported him first,” Zhou Xiao Zhen chirped, with a wink.
He had no idea who this mysterious boss was, but he felt a pang of sympathy. “Next instance crawl, count me in. My raid ban lifts in a month, we can loot another one!”
Zhao Lan was speechless. Wasn’t he supposed to be pushing forty? Why was he acting like a teenager?
“Smiley,” Zhou Xiao Zhen interrupted, “what are we going to do with all this stuff?”
“We figure out what it does,” Yu Xiao decided, “then we sell it.”
Selling it for points made far more sense than actually using any of it in a dungeon.
Zhao Lan nodded. “Shall we get Lu Xu to handle the sales again?”
“He can handle most of it,” Yu Xiao agreed, “but we should try flogging a few bits ourselves. We’ve still got some of those patients’ numbers…”
“I’ll make the calls,” Zhou Xiao Zhen volunteered.
Zhao Lan breathed a sigh of relief. She’d done telemarketing once, and it had left her with a permanent twitch. Just the thought made her scalp prickle.
“First,” she said, turning back to Yu Xiao, “we need to work out what this lot actually does. Any ideas?”
“St. Elizabeth’s,” Yu Xiao mused, “or the next instance?”
“Next instance, definitely,” ‘Flying to Someone Else’s Bed’ declared. “Find the boss, try out the loot, one by one.”
Yu Xiao frowned. “What if there are side effects?”
“Like what?”
She hesitated. “What if using them makes the boss go mad?”
He chuckled. “Don’t you worry about that. Leave the boss to me.”
“That’s not my point,” she retorted. “What if it makes them… well… um, act like it’s their wedding night?”
- ([洞房; dòngfáng; bridal chamber] – This refers to the wedding night room where a couple consummated their marriage. Used here humorously to indicate an awkward potential side effect.)
Silence descended upon the room.
He blinked. “Where do you come up with these things?”
“We had an item like that once,” Zhao Lan said dryly.
He scratched his chin. “Right. Well, with all of us there, it shouldn’t be a problem.”
Yu Xiao considered this for a moment longer, then nodded. “Alright, let’s risk it.”
Zhao Lan pulled out a handful of utility cards. “Keep these for the next level. Should we sell the rest?”
“Definitely sell,” Yu Xiao confirmed.
The next instance held little interest for her beyond earning enough points for the three of them, and fast.
“Speaking of,” he sighed, “why did Nightmare leave? Did it all go smoothly this time?”
“He’s only gone for a bit,” Zhou Xiao Zhen assured him. “He might come back.”
He perked up. “Tell me everything!”
Zhou Xiao Zhen, thrilled to recount their adventure, launched into the tale. Zhao Lan, meanwhile, began sorting the props while Yu Xiao, with nothing better to do, checked her messages from the comfort of her bed.
【Congratulations on successfully completing your tenth treatment session! You’ve now been upgraded to Level 11 on the Six Hospital Patient Forum.】
【Due to your excellent performance during the treatment, you’ve earned 3 base points and an additional 3 reward points.】
【Congratulations on receiving the title ‘Admired by Jealousy,’ earning 4 reward points.】
Jealousy had admired her once. Now, probably not so much. Would this new title push him over the edge?
【Congratulations on receiving the title ‘Dragon Goddess,’ earning 4 reward points.】
【Congratulations on receiving the title ‘Professional Actor,’ earning 4 reward points.】
Dragon Goddess? Yu Xiao scratched her head. She’d specifically told them her nickname. How did it get twisted into that?
‘Flying to Someone Else’s Bed’ had collapsed onto his cardboard box in hysterics when he heard about her celestial charade.
“Unbelievable!” he shrieked, clutching his sides. “Has the world gone mad, or are all you youngsters this delusional these days?”
Zhou Xiao Zhen puffed up with pride. “Young minds are nimble, mate. It’s how we roll.”
Zhao Lan thought to herself, *Speak for yourself. I’m perfectly ordinary.*
“So,” Yu Xiao asked, “now Nightmare’s gone, are you heading back to the Second Hospital?”
“Let’s see after your next instance crawl,” he said, pushing himself off the box. “Nightmare might be back tomorrow, for all we know.”
Yu Xiao had initially planned to find Nightmare a new line of work once his fugitive status was resolved. She wasn’t sure how things were progressing on that front, and she was tempted to call the Director for an update. But their meeting was a secret between her and Goldie. She wasn’t ready to share it with Zhou Xiao Zhen and Zhao Lan yet. Besides, making the call in the ward would just raise suspicions from Misty and Bed Bro.
With Nightmare gone, sleep evaded ‘Flying to Someone Else’s Bed’ that night. He’d endured many sleepless nights, but this one was torture. Forced to stay awake, watching three people snoring peacefully in front of him.
The sensation of seeing other do what you can’t… best not to dwell on it.
Finally, mercifully, morning arrived. At seven on the dot, Zhao Lan’s eyes flicked open. ‘Flying to Someone Else’s Bed’ was staring at them, a mournful expression on his face. The thought of him watching them all night sent chills down her spine.
He opened his mouth to speak, but she quickly raised a finger. “Shhh.”
He looked confused.
“They’re still asleep,” she whispered.
He fell silent.
Yu Xiao, as usual, slept until her alarm blared at eight. Groaning, she stretched an arm out from under the duvet. “Morning~”
A wave of anxiety washed over ‘Flying to Someone Else’s Bed’. If he ever met Jealousy in an instance, could he resist his allure? These three were just too damn enviable.
“Another beautiful day~ Let’s start with the news, shall we?”
“Yesterday, a malicious incident occurred at the hospital. Attending Doctors Gu Shu and Lolita bribed Attending Doctor Qu Lian to sneak into his copy with the intent to murder patient Deaf Descendant. Fortunately, their plot was foiled by Nightmare, who was hiding within the copy. Nightmare promptly reported the incident and assisted the patients, thus averting a tragedy. Staff member Jealousy was found to have abandoned his post without cause…
This incident has garnered significant attention from hospital leadership. As a result, the following punishments have been meted out: Attending Doctor Gu Shu has been demoted, Attending Doctor Lolita has been demoted, and Attending Doctor Qu Lian has been suspended for six months and sentenced to six months of compulsory labour. Jealousy will have two months’ wages deducted…
As for Nightmare, who played a positive role in this incident, he is to be rewarded. The hospital will lift his wanted status and promise not to interfere in his work…”
“It worked!” Zhou Xiao Zhen cheered. “Nightmare’s free!”
“Brilliant!” ‘Flying to Someone Else’s Bed’ beamed. “He’s coming back!”
“Yesterday, a patient from the Second Hospital, nicknamed ‘River South Shore,’ excelled in their treatment and earned the prestigious title of ‘Professional Actor.’ Let’s congratulate them.”
“……”
Everyone at the Second Hospital had received that title. They’d all successfully portrayed terrified victims hunted by minions of an evil god.
‘Flying to Someone Else’s Bed’ nearly choked on his own laughter. “How brilliant! That’s a title and a half. I want one.”
“Yesterday, a patient from the Sixth Hospital, nicknamed ‘Deaf Descendant,’ topped the list again. Let’s congratulate them. They earned the titles ‘Admired by Jealousy’, ‘Professional Actor,’ and ‘Dragon Goddess.’ Let’s give them a round of applause!”
“Amazing,” he said, giving a thumbs up.
“…And in the Sixth Hospital, patient ‘Nickname Hassle’ excelled remarkably during their treatment, earning the prestigious title of ‘Swimming Champion’. Let’s congratulate them!”
Zhou Xiao Zhen, curious as ever, asked Zhao Lan, “Swimming Champion? Why?”
Zhao Lan thought back to being chased, diving into the river, and the endless minutes spent floating like a wet dog… *Ah, right.*
**
Meanwhile, in the Ancient Town Tainted by Poison Instance, by the ruined temple, Jealousy was fuming. Robed in crimson, sceptre clutched in his hand, he’d just stormed back from the Medical Disputes Office.
The moment Yu Xiao had left with his official seal, he knew he’d been played. But he hadn’t been overly concerned – his plan all along had been to recruit new followers from the Ghost Group.
The Chairman, however, proved a much tougher nut to crack. Then Fu Shen had shown up, and it was two against one. Still, he held his own… until the three-headed hellhound arrived.
*Cursed humans.* Not only had they tricked him, they’d reported him. Two months’ wages, gone. And by the time he returned, the sky had fallen.
His world lay in ruins. His temple, demolished. His painstakingly gathered followers, vanished. The townspeople, now viewing him as a false deity, had found a new faith.
And where his temple once stood? A shiny new one, dedicated to none other than that detestable human.
“Dragon Goddess, sole deity of the universe,” a worshipper prayed fervently at the foot of the statue, “have mercy on your humble servant…”
Jealousy: “…”
Dragon Goddess? Because that night, they hadn’t quite caught the name Yu Xiao had uttered. They went with the first character of her nickname. Surely, the one true god wouldn’t be called ‘Deaf Descendant’. Dragon Goddess it was.
He glared at the statue – a majestic goddess astride a divine beast, far grander than his previous idol. Envy burned within him.
**
“Achoo!” Yu Xiao rubbed her nose, burrowing deeper under the duvet.
“Shouldn’t you be getting up?”
“What’s the rush?” she mumbled, reaching for her phone to call Tang Xing Yin.
“Sorry, the number you have dialled is not in service…”
Yu Xiao lowered her phone. “Just tried calling Tang Xing Yin.”
Three pairs of eyes immediately fixed on her. She rubbed her eyes. “Dead line. Number’s disconnected.”
Silence fell.
“Meaning?” Zhao Lan finally asked.
Zhou Xiao Zhen pumped her fist. “He’s out! He’s left the hospital!”
Even ‘Flying to Someone Else’s Bed’ lost his usual cheer and turned serious. “That’s…” he swallowed, “that’s wonderful.”
Wonderful it was. Tang Xing Yin discharged. Teng Jing Zhi would be over the moon.
Yu Xiao had promised him, back at Time Hospital, that she’d track down his friends, see who else was still around. She had some free time now, no immediate plans to tackle any instances. It seemed like as good a time as any.
As she turned to retrieve Teng Jing Zhi’s phone from the drawer, a knock sounded at the door.
—Knock, knock, knock.
“Breakfast?” Zhou Xiao Zhen chirped.
“It’s me,” a familiar voice called. “I’m back.”
Yu Xiao froze. ‘Flying to Someone Else’s Bed’ shot towards the door.