560 Strong foundation
What is true despair? Is it the sadness of giving up, or the numbness of acceptance? Maybe a bit of both.
True despair is like drowning, trapped in a deep blue, with the sun-drenched water above your head, but your hands and feet are no longer paddling, just quietly feeling the air. The burning pain disappeared from the lungs bit by bit, and then bit by bit it moved away from the water, sinking towards the thicker darkness..
The process is slow and steady, without any waves or struggles. It may be a second, it may be a century. When the lungs can no longer search for oxygen and are filled with cold lake water, when the sight can no longer search for light, Darkness tightly surrounded, and suddenly, a thread broke, and everything was over. Without warning.
Henry fell into despair. He tried to suppress his crying of collapse. He tried to stay away from the noise of the world, but the pain in his chest was still very clear. It still reminded him truly and sharply: Even if he became a walking zombie, he was still alive..
The sounds in my ears are also so clear. The indistinct moans of the drunkard, the dull reverberating sound of the engine of the bus, and the trivial and sharp friction of high heels are all mixed with the gentle breeze blowing in the middle of the night, constantly lingering on the eardrums. The echo is dirty, dirty, cheap, vulgar, ugly, rude, primitive, and real, like a garbage dump covered in white slime, with flies buzzing and flying up and down, and the sticky liquid huffing and puffing up and down. Closed, pulling out disgusting filaments.
Henry didn't want to pay attention. He refused to pay attention. He opened his eyes wide and stared blankly ahead. His scarred soul was struggling to find a gap to breathe. Then the moan/moan in his ears suddenly reached the top, and it seemed that he had finally reached the top. After releasing it, I heard that vicious voice coming over, "Call out all the bad money."！”
It was a childish voice, but it had vicissitudes that were inconsistent with his age. It was fierce and vulgar, and the vulgarity that had experienced the dust made a strong sense of nausea. Henry reflexively cast his eyes away, not because of curiosity, but just because of the sound. reacted, and then he saw the thin and childish figure——
She looked to be only twelve or thirteen years old, and her body was not fully developed yet. A black lace suspender bra hung empty on her dry curves, and her lower body was wearing a pair of worn black fishnet stockings and cheap plastic diamond high heels; her immature face She still has baby fat, but her fair skin is hidden under the inferior foundation and bright red lipstick..
She is not yet a minor, she is a prostitute. She is a prostitute.
The soul that hasn't had time to grow up yet can't wait to live the life thirty years later. The serious sense of dissonance is like "The Truman Show", interpreting the absurd reality into a comedy, which makes Henry's The corners of her mouth curled up. This was originally supposed to be a sarcastic smile, but the smile turned into a shallow arc and stayed at the corners of her mouth because she turned her head..
Erica noticed a calm but hot gaze coming towards her. She turned her head reflexively and glared at him fiercely. Then she saw those deep eyes. There was no special emotion, just too thick to be melted. The open gray, you can vaguely see a touch of pain and sadness, struggling gently, those handsome eyebrows are like the sunshine at midnight, thin and magnificent.
Sami was stunned. This was not the plot of the script. According to the script, she did not need to turn her head at this moment, but was concentrating on pursuing the reward from the drunkard. However, she felt that deep gaze, almost a physical reaction She turned her head away, and when she turned her head, she regretted it. Was it because of her own fault that the filming had to be stopped again?？
But then Sami saw those eyes. The cloak of reality in her mind gradually faded away, and she immersed herself in those eyes, capturing the pain and sadness hidden deep in her eyes. The torture was like a violent storm. Generally, tearing at those handsome eyebrows, the sadness that had been endured to the extreme gradually gradually turned into thick despair bit by bit. It stabbed her heart hard, hard, soft and strong, everything was shattered..
The emotions in his eyes flowed out involuntarily. This is not a performance, but reality..
Before her brain could think, she bared her teeth and glared at the other person fiercely, as if she was demonstrating. She didn't know what she was, and she completely forgot whether she was Sami or Erica. He made such a move subconsciously, smoothly and in one go..
Immediately, she stopped paying attention to the other party, turned her head and looked at the customer in front of her, with a fierce look like a hyena, showing her uneven but still white teeth, showing her power, "Did you hear that? Give me the dirty money." Hand it over!" Compared with that man, the reward in front of you is more important. The service has been completed, and the transaction must be completed..
The smile stopped at the corner of Henry's mouth, and he saw those eyes.
Clear yet worldly, stubborn yet sharp, unruly yet fragile, she strictly tried to protect herself, and then put on the coat of the vicissitudes of life, nonchalantly confronting the world, running rampant and breaking her head, but not to escape, nor to Not for dreams or hope or freedom, just to survive.
The confusion and fragility hidden behind her eyes were too deep. Perhaps, even she herself was not aware of it. In this freezing world, she had no thoughts to think about anything else. She had to live, live strong, and not give up. Survive by whatever means you can, this is the only focus.
Those contemptuous, critical, mocking, condescending glances meant nothing to her, just as her confusion and vulnerability could not fill her stomach. So, she raised the corners of her mouth, as if she was laughing at Henry's Be self-righteous, then turn your head and disapprove.
This is the future of society, and this is the current situation of the next generation. In this dilapidated and dark world, it seems that there has never been a future..
A sharp sting penetrated into Henry's heart, which gradually began to stiffen due to despair, but the heart could not feel any pain, only a piece of coldness, and the coldness all over the sky seemed to be Accelerating the process of stiffening, the ripples of bitterness in the mouth make the taste of despair become clearer little by little, and every cell in the body is bearing it..
That childish face didn't notice Henry's sinking at all. She was still obsessed with her service fee. If she provided services, she would naturally get something in return. She hit the drunkard's thigh hard, "Hurry up and pay all the bad money." come out！”
“What? "The drunkard is so drunk that even a moment of joy cannot wake him up. Just like this sleeping society.
“Do you think I like you? Hand over the dirty money quickly! "She was still roaring and shouting sharply, using all her strength. Her courage to risk her life for the sake of her life was moving. She waved her hands with bared teeth and claws, trying to find her own reward in the drunkard, even if it was just... It’s just a few dollars,” now！”
The drunkard finally woke up from the numbness of alcohol. It only took a moment. He raised his right hand and slapped the young prostitute in front of him hard. The force of the throw was so fierce that she fell down directly. On the ground, mouth full of blood.
Unplanned, unplanned again. But this time, Sami's mind was clear, without any panic. She could clearly and accurately feel the calm gaze falling on her shoulders..
According to the script, she should stand up, then look at Henry condescendingly, and start teasing him with her eyes. She was a little worried because she didn't know what "tease" was. But at this moment, she didn't need to at all. Thinking, unable to think, that plain sight seemed to have a powerful force pulling her.
She remembered the words of the makeup artist. So, she raised her head, followed the conditioned reflex of physiological reaction, and met those eyes. The deep and complicated eyes stung her vulnerability severely, and there was a dull pain at the corner of her mouth. Under those scorching eyes, an uncontrollable emotion began to surge up. The eyes were full of resentment and ridicule, as if to say: Am I embarrassed? Do you enjoy watching it? So what do you think? Should you pay? After all, there is a fee for performing..
Those snake-like eyes were mixed with grievance, unruly, anger, jealousy, hatred, ridicule, ridicule and indifference, like a torrential downpour, venting towards Henry. It was a scarred soul, a soul trapped in The soul in hell is a soul that chooses to exile itself because it cannot see tomorrow. It is a soul that hates society and hates others..
At this moment, she was not Sammy, she was Erica. He was not Renly, he was Henry. Under the gaze of those eyes, she involuntarily raised her chin and looked away with contempt and provocation. , that kind of impulse is running rampant in the chest, and I just want to vent it heartily and without any cover..
Henry sat quietly where he was, with no surprise, no surprise, no fear, but the overwhelming gray was eating away at the last remaining color on his body bit by bit..
How absurd, how ridiculous. Such a soul is only twelve or thirteen years old, and the immature and green face has not even been able to fade away the milkiness of childhood. The disharmonious contradictions make everything absurd. When it is unruly, it is like the deformed and magical society in "One Hundred Years of Solitude", which makes it difficult to tell whether it is fiction or reality..
At the end of despair, Henry chose to accept the reality. The pain that penetrated his bone marrow could no longer stir up any ripples, because his soul was in tatters and the pain nerves had exceeded the limit of endurance. He could no longer feel any pain. I couldn't feel any pity, let alone any hope, so I just looked at those eyes quietly, calmly, with a faint coldness seeping from the inside out, which made people shudder..
Erica smelled the cold and fragile breath, and she realized that this was a prey.
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