418 clear your mind
What does death really mean, what does cancer really mean, does he really understand? Or, does Will really understand?？
In his previous life, as Chu Jiashu, he had embraced the God of Death, not with fear, but with a sense of relief. After ten years of long torture and suffering, except for those sporadic moments of happiness, most of the time, he Waiting for death to come. He is tired, he is just tired.
He knew that he was only thirty-two years old, too young to die, really too young, and his love life had already withered before it even bloomed. However, the endless life always stood still, and when it was announced that it was over, he is happy.
Only at the moment when darkness completely fell, his desire to survive burst out, like a comet sliding across the night sky, instantly bursting out with powerful energy, but it disappeared before he could release it..
So, he started running, running towards that light. The fear and threat of death were only for a moment..
The same goes for Will.
Even if the doctor diagnosed him with cancer; even if his mother collapsed because she was worried about him; even if his girlfriend left his life in a betrayal way because of cancer; even if the psychiatrist kept trying to enlighten him and let him vent his inner feelings. Emotions; even if his friends drag him and use cancer to strike up a conversation in the bar; even if everyone around him looks at him with strange eyes, as if he is already a dead person……
But, he still has no sense of reality.
Cancer and death seemed to be just a small change in life. He had to start receiving chemotherapy. It was as if he suddenly decided to go out for a dog walk every day - except that the location of this "dog walk" was more special, with a fixed time and a fixed location. The location, the fixed movements, the desire to survive and the optimistic attitude supported him to continue walking. Apart from this, the changes in life never really hit him..
Those trivial details accumulated bit by bit, changing his life pattern, invading his living space, and affecting his lifestyle. He was afraid, he was worried, he was uneasy, he While he was irritated, he could feel that his life was changing little by little, but he was powerless to stop it. But after all, this change was not earth-shaking. He could retreat, adjust, and compromise step by step..
Until one day, the doctor told him that chemotherapy did not work and the cancer cells were still spreading. Surgery was the only option, success or failure. So, all avenues of escape were cut off, and he was forced into a corner with no way out. , quantitative changes finally led to qualitative changes.
The sense of reality was like a spark hitting the earth, hitting his chest hard. The fork in the road was right here. After closing his eyes, he might never be able to open them again, and it was not up to him to decide. , he could only lie on the cold operating bed, waiting for the verdict, completely helpless..
That kind of despair, that kind of anger, that kind of pain, that kind of sadness broke out in an earth-shaking way. He hated the world, hated everyone around him, hated everything in life. He only knew one thing Thing: He's not ready to die yet.
It was just a moment. Because after that, Will's operation was successful and he regained his life. Will knew what cancer meant, and he also knew what death meant, but after all, like the tide, after the rising tide came... The tide recedes, and in the passage of time, the blood quietly withdraws, and the sense of reality disappears again.
Chu Jiashu is like this, Will is like this. Adam in the script is also like this. He had already figured this out on the plane from New York to Seattle, but he still didn't think it through enough..
However, compared to Chu Jiashu, Adam was even more confused..
Because high paraplegia was real and immediate. Chu Jiashu could clearly feel that he had lost control of his limbs, but he was still at a loss until he realized that he had even lost control of his bladder. , that sense of shame swallowed him up, and the reality became clear.
For Adam, the impact of cancer invaded slowly. He was adapting bit by bit and groping bit by bit. The sprouting of that kind of emotion was a gradual process. long and true.
But at the moment, when the doctor diagnosed him, Adam was just confused and at a loss. What happened to "others" suddenly happened to him, and he was at a loss..
Not so much shock, not so much pain, not so much despair, not so many ups and downs, and not so many ups and downs. Confusion, just confusion, confusion where the mind is blank, in addition to a little panic, this is All.
Such a performance is Chu Jiashu and Adam, but it should not be Chu Jiashu, but Will and Adam. The boundary between reality and illusion has been completely disrupted. In the last life and this life, Will's, Renly's, memories, scripts, countless story fragments were all messed up. He had to sort out his thoughts and find Adam's confusion and panic in that moment..
Outside the glass window, there was silence and endless flow. Renly's eyes couldn't help but look further away. Looking further away, the whole world became bigger and wider, as if there was no end in sight and it was endless..
But in his mind, he couldn't help but wonder whether, in the scope of the universe, he was as insignificant as a piece of dust, so insignificant that his existence had no meaning; whether there were still people in other corners of the world. Facing a similar predicament as him, I don’t know how they dealt with it; compared to cancer, should the war-torn lives in the Middle East and Africa deserve more sympathy?……
Eugene Sledge. When his faith was torn to pieces, when his soul escaped into darkness, and when his life fell into silence, was death a relief for him? Living was for him Is it another kind of torture? Compared with those fragile lives that disappeared on the battlefield, he at least had a chance to fight hard, but how could he fight?？
How high is the cure rate for cancer? What's the mortality rate? What kind of cancer did he have? Why couldn't he remember it at all? It was really hard to remember that name. He had never heard of it. There was a long string of letters. Hasn't even the doctor seen it? So is this a good thing or a bad thing?？
The focus of his vision began to blur, his thoughts began to run wild, and all kinds of thoughts rushed in. A "bang" sound penetrated the glass wall and stung his ears, and the thoughts flying in the sky were instantly gathered in. The focus returned, and then he was stunned. What on earth was he thinking about just now?？
Yes, cancer. Wait, what kind of cancer is he? Which is more terrifying, cancer or high paralysis? Which is more cruel, cancer or war? Cancer is caused by genetic mutation, so what does this mean, God’s choice? Or God's abandonment？
Distracted again, Renly lowered his head and looked at the cigarette in his hand, feeling a little dazed: shouldn't he smoke? After all, he has cancer. In order to survive, he should be healthier. Wait, or should he start smoking? Because, I have cancer, and I don’t have long to live anyway. If I don’t enjoy and be reckless now, I won’t have a chance in the future.？
Why is he standing here? Shouldn't he be working? Work, yes! He finally remembered that he was filming a movie and he was an actor.
Renly withdrew his gaze and stood there, still a little confused. Countless memory fragments were mixed together. He put the cigarette in his hand into his jacket pocket, and then Renly took another step towards the office.——
In order to shoot the scenes in the hospital, the crew did not build a studio in the studio, but rented an office in the hospital for filming. They rented a floor specifically for office use to avoid disturbing the daily work of the hospital as much as possible. It won't cause any commotion.
“I can't understand it, I think he is a madman, a self-righteous madman.”
“I can't see his behavior or what his purpose is. I can't find any clues at all..”
“So he is a madman.”
“I think he may be under a lot of pressure. After all, everyone says that his acting skills are outstanding and he can't help but strive for excellence..”
“Why do I feel that he is arrogant? The performance in the scene just now was very good. I don't think anyone can give a more wonderful performance. He just made this gesture deliberately, as if he was a real acting master..”
……
There were whispers among each other. In the limited space, even if it was not completely audible, it was almost enough. However, neither Seth nor Jonathan stopped these discussions. I just watched the replay twice, Both of them were puzzled and couldn't figure out what Renly was doing..
But Seth was also a little helpless, "Without James, Renly is our best choice. We are lucky that he has not fled now. We are already there. What else can we do?" The meaning behind the words was revealed. That is, although he was a little dissatisfied with Renly's self-assertion just now, they were the weaker party after all this time, and they couldn't force it too hard..
Renly's rise is too fast and his foundation is unstable. Even though he has two works as "Buried Alive" and "Crazy Love", it is still difficult to convince the public. In the final analysis, he is still classified as a newcomer. In In the cast of "Fighting Cancer", Renly is the actor with the least qualifications, the fewest credits, and the youngest age. Any rash move may arouse doubts, let alone something as shocking as just now.？
“"Hey." The door of the office opened, the low voices of discussion disappeared instantly, and the whole room became silent. Everyone looked towards the door, and then saw Renly reappearing..
Seth immediately changed his smile and said with surprise and enthusiasm, "Renly, you are back? It hasn't been half an hour yet..”
Renly seemed not to notice the gazes coming from all directions at all, and walked straight forward, nodding politely towards Seth, "I'm ready, we can start filming again..”
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