414 Mouth full of bitterness
“Take a look at your MRI. It shows that there is a foot-like object spreading at the lower end of your spine. It is actually a large neurofibroma..”
Adam was listening carefully. Although he was distracted for a moment, overall, he was really listening attentively - at least trying to concentrate, but these medical terms were really unfriendly. Now his face is full of questions and confused..
“All right? "Realizing that the doctor's words had ended, Adam responded reflexively and nodded, but his eyes were blank, showing the completely opposite meaning. Even the final sound of the words rose slightly, showing that his confusion and uncertainty.
He was speechless for a moment, his pupils were shaking uneasily, and his brain was unable to respond effectively. He groaned, put on a polite smile, and asked tentatively, "Sorry, were you speaking English just now?？”
The doctor seemed to be used to this situation. He interrupted Adam and said bluntly, "It's a malignant tumor.".”
“Tumor? "The question marks on Adam's head have already fallen into his eyes. The corners of his mouth slightly and slightly raised, and an inexplicable sense of absurdity surged between his eyebrows..
“Yes." The doctor was avoiding Adam's eyes..
“I? "Adam's eyebrows were raised. He seemed to have heard a joke, and the smile was already flowing from his eyes..
“Yes." The doctor was still avoiding his eyes. He kept his head facing Adam, but his eyes had drifted to other places. He had never looked directly at Adam since entering the room..
“Pfft." Adam finally couldn't hold it back any longer, laughed out loud, shrugged his shoulders, and rolled his eyes in disbelief, "But that doesn't make sense at all." Adam's eyes widened, and he spread out his hands, showing the facts. He looked reasonable, and the smile and teasing in his eyes were very conspicuous, "I mean, I neither smoke nor drink... I am a recycling type." After saying that, Adam rolled his eyes, seeming to complain. Own.
Recycling (Recycle) is actually environmental awareness. The earliest meaning was the reuse of domestic waste. But now it has gradually developed into an attitude towards life. It specifically refers to adhering to a green and healthy lifestyle..
But recycling is also considered a label for the self-proclaimed value orientation of the white middle class, and has become the target of many people’s complaints. This is what Adam rolled his eyes at..
The doctor did not understand Adam's humor. He raised his eyes and glanced at Adam quickly, but then lowered them again, concealing his true inner emotions, "Actually, your situation is quite special, because of the cause of your disease. Very rare, genetic mutation on chromosome 17, mutated P53 gene causes cell cancer……”
But this simple action, in Adam's eyes, further widened the distance between the two people. Cold, unfamiliar, indifferent, and desperate, the white color began to surge from all directions, pulling away all the colors..
The smile on Adam's lips and eyes froze little by little. His soul seemed to be leaving his body, leaving only a shell. The doctor's words began to lose their structure, leaving only a blur of syllables on his eardrums. The beating was like an echo in the valley, going around and around, but no specific words could be heard..
What gene? What chromosome? What mutation? What is cancer again?？
These words seemed so familiar, yet so strange; they seemed so close, yet so far away. He tried to listen carefully and focused more; he tried to understand every word of the doctor, but gradually lost his grasp of the syllables. Those words , he didn’t understand a word, he only understood the doctor’s tone——
Calm and steady, which means cold and distant, with no room for maneuver; professional and objective, which distances the doctor and the patient. He does not even dare to look directly into his own eyes..
A patient, so he is a patient.
But what does this mean? What disease did the doctor just talk about? Why couldn't he remember anything at all? Why did his mind go blank? His thoughts were completely stuck in the quagmire？
What on earth is going on? Who can answer it for him?？
He tried hard to look into the doctor's eyes and find a trace of emotional warmth in those eyes, but he failed. The avoided eyes only left an indifferent profile, as if he were a God above, calm and calm. And objectively stated the facts, but this fact cruelly and fiercely defeated his life.
At this moment, a sentence was handed down on his life: a sentence that he could neither resist nor change..
Those dark brown eyes began to become hollow, like a black hole of quicksand. You could vaguely see the quicksand sinking, but you couldn't see the limit. It just continued to sink in an endless cycle. Originally, the quicksand was sinking. Just a black hole the size of an embroidery needle began to slowly expand, swallowing up the entire color of the pupil..
Gradually, slowly, the soul hidden deep in the pupils dissipated like a wisp of smoke.
The calm confusion could not find any focus or focus, and it was empty, just like the Arctic Circle in the cold winter. There was only boundless white. The vast and majestic white swallowed up the entire world. There was no reference, and no reference. Reaching the horizon, everything disappears into the pure and penetrating white.
Nothingness, emptiness. But the curve of the smile is still stiff at the corner of the mouth, but I can no longer feel the warmth of any smile, which makes people shudder..
White, he hates white, endless white, everywhere he looks is white, cold and neat, but he can't see any changes, just like his life.
Lying on the hospital bed every day, waiting for the doctor's routine rounds, then examination, and finally hearing the diagnosis without any change, it is like a white world with no end or boundary in sight, no matter how he runs, No matter how he changes direction, no matter how he changes speed, the scenery around him will not change at all. The first and last days seem to be the same..
Boring, boring, and samey, he was stuck in place, unable to find an exit and unable to stop..
The memories of the previous life were like a flood that burst a dam, venting down and swallowing him up unexpectedly. The frustration, anger and despair imprisoned in a small space swept over him again, and he didn't even have time to breathe or reason. Was burned instantly.
He struggled, trying to struggle desperately, but to no avail, his body could not hear the slightest call; so, he began to roar, angrily roaring: Liar! The doctor in front of me is a liar！
His life ended at this moment, and he could not see the future or tomorrow..
He would be trapped in this hospital bed for ten years, a full ten years, a long ten years, ten years with no end in sight. He even thought about whether dying on the spot would be a better choice? He was like a walking corpse, imprisoned in this white world, and even the right to struggle and resist was deprived of him..
But the doctor didn't dare to look him in the eyes.
He roared, but couldn't hear any sound. Deep in his soul, he was roaring crazily, but his body was stiff and he couldn't make any sound - he could see the colorful colors of the world, and he could see the doctor's eyes. He was chattering endlessly, and he could even see his hands and feet, but his soul was drifting away in the chaotic darkness, and he gradually lost all control of his body..
I tried my best, but there was still no movement..
The smell floating in the air, mixed with the stimulation of hydrogen peroxide and the dryness of medicine, filled the chest, constantly surging, making it nauseating. Is he Chu Jiashu? Or Adam? The boundary between reality and illusion suddenly became blurred, and there was a sharp and deep pain in my heart, as if a pendant had penetrated deep into the soft heart..
Tumor.Cancer.
Suddenly, these two unfamiliar words jumped into his mind in an unreasonable way, making him a little irritated and panicked. For no reason, he didn't understand what these two words meant. What does it have to do with him？
He just came here for a checkup because of low back pain and poor sleep quality, right? So why is he here? Why is he having this conversation with the doctor? Why did he feel an uncontrollable restlessness and anger? Why was there an emotion surging in his chest that he wanted to vent?？
Adam tried to bring himself back to reality. He raised his hands, wanting to do something, but he didn't know what to do. He paused in the air without any trace, then fell down again, holding the back of the chair. , suddenly it was as if he had grasped a life-saving straw, his muscles all over his body tightened, and all his strength was concentrated on his hands, and he stood up with support..
But soon, the whole person fell down again. The strength that had just gathered in an instant dissipated again in the blink of an eye. The whole person seemed to have had his backbone taken away, sitting in the chair powerlessly and helplessly; his eyes were filled with fear and uneasiness. Moving around, the pupils are vibrating aimlessly, making people feel the shock and trembling in their hearts very clearly, just like the autumn leaves shivering in the cold wind and rain..
That kind of panic dragged his body bit by bit into the darkness. He was struggling, he was shouting, he was asking for help, but no one could hear him, and everything in his sight became The halo was blurry and colorful, and even the outline could not be captured. He was breathing heavily, but his lungs could not feel any oxygen. The rising temperature began to burn. In the panic and confusion, he could not find the focus..
He raised his eyes and caught them in a panic. Then the outline of the characters in his sight became clear again, and the doctor's voice became clear again..
He doesn't understand, he still doesn't understand, he seems to understand, but he doesn't seem to understand anything. The tinnitus is constantly echoing, but this is the only focus in his sight and the only person he can turn to for help..
Involuntarily, the body leaned forward slightly, full of desire and desire to survive..
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