2211 Gu Ying feels sorry for herself
No matter how difficult it is, no matter how terrible it is, no matter how bad it is, Matthew will never leave his position. He will always be Renly's staunchest supporter; and he unswervingly believes that there is someone else besides him. There's Rooney, and Andre, and Eton...and Edith.
Matthew, I believe.
“Renly, you know." Matthew's concise and clear tone was filled with unquestionable firmness, "Deep down in your heart, you know that this is Edith's decision, and neither you nor Edith expected such a result. , no one expects such a result, accidents are always beyond our control.”
“If you really think this is your fault, then you are too arrogant, you are not God, and you cannot control Edith's life choices; if you really think that all this is caused by yourself, you simply cannot Stay in Sneem and you will personally go to the front lines to retrieve Edith..”
“You chose to stay in Sneem, which was the most correct and wisest choice; you chose to help Edith in your own way, and you were right. Do you understand? Deep down, you know this, and you should believe it, even if Edith is here, she will agree with you.”
Matthew's voice was slow but firm, but Renly shook his head slightly, "No, you are not Edith, you cannot make judgments for her..”
“The same goes for you. You can't assume that Edith will blame you. This is not about you, this is about her. And the only thing you can do is to be strong." Matthew hit back without any sign of weakness. , raised his voice loudly, but then calmed down..
Matthew said word by word, "Renly, you must have confidence. You need to believe that Edith will come back, and then she will stand in front of you and tell you what she really thinks. You must firmly believe that if If you don't even believe it yourself..." At this point, Matthew's voice paused slightly. He was unable to continue. He seemed to be worried that if he said the following words, it would become true.：
If Renly had lost faith, who else could believe in Edith?？
In Renly's song "The Beast", he sings about the inner loneliness and sadness, "So we have arrived, a lonely place from which there is no return, you are the face that makes me live through fire and water, and these are the children The name you inherit will create beauty and a crown; create perfection and fly far away.”
Matthew now finally understands Heather, and finally understands why Heather waited until she grew up before she could truly understand the loneliness behind this melody..
Like Heather, they all followed Renly staggering forward and came to a lonely place where they could not return. They persisted with a faith; they were the only ones they had for each other, walking alone on the road. The only companionship, if even Renly cannot continue to persist, will they also be swallowed up by the beast in their hearts, and then they will never find themselves again?.
“Renly." Matthew called softly..
“……”Renly said nothing.
“I'm still here." Matthew continued, just like "The Beast" sang, "So when you are weak, when you drop to your knees, I will do my best for the rest of time to protect your oath. , vivid and true." Even if Renly can no longer hold on, he will still guard that oath..
“……”Renly, still silent.
The quiet silence slowly spreads in the indoor space. The biting cold air outside the window is invading, and the indoor heating is retreating. Just like winter is approaching, the solemnity and grandeur of the building's collapse are overwhelming, and it is so rich. The inexorable darkness made the feeling of oppression become more and more intense..
Sweat soaked the sheets and quilt cover, as if the whole person was soaked in a mire, and then the shallow puddles slowly froze into ice, from the skin to the blood to the bones, condensing inch by inch, and time seemed to last. Being frozen in the rut of emotions and stopped moving forward.
The world is so cold that even the breath of the soul becomes weak.
Matthew never gave up, he just stared at Renly quietly, even paranoidly refusing to look away, as if he was engaging in a wrestling match..
This was not the Renly he knew, and this should not be what Renly looked like; he knew, he knew that Renly would be tired, sleepy, confused, and hurt. Renly was not invincible; but Renly would always be He will not surrender, let alone give up. This is why he still has hope for Edith - because Renly still never gives up..
“……I guess Elf is not the only one who has become unlike herself." Renly finally spoke, his hoarse voice coming from the depths of his soul, with deep tiredness, but the slightly raised corners of his mouth were A touch of ridicule and joking was revealed again, and the familiar look returned again..
Renly knew that that kind of self-pity and self-pity was not him at all, and he couldn't even imagine the growth of such negative emotions; but in the face of difficulties, they were gradually losing themselves, and those grievances and anger, those sadness and pain were gradually disappearing. It evolved into a wound that could not be healed, and eventually turned into a monster and demon that he could not even recognize. His face was twisted hatefully, and all the negative energy exploded..
Finally hearing Renly's voice, Matthew's high mood could slowly come down. This was the Renly he was familiar with..
Caught off guard, Matthew's nose felt slightly sore. He couldn't imagine what Renly was carrying, nor could he imagine how hard and difficult Renly was..
From childhood to adulthood, Renly has always been like this, shouldering everything maturely and steadily, so that they can only watch his back and follow him all the way. They see his strength, his excellence, and his wisdom, but they never see those The fragility behind the strength is just like when he achieved EGOT. His tiredness and alienation are like the kite string that is about to escape from his hands at any time. They have never and cannot understand it. They just know that he has really paid for it along the way. Too many.
Staring at the weak Renly in front of him, Matthew refused to imagine what would happen if something happened to Edith..
“But obviously, she is not you, and you are not her." The strength in his knees and calves relaxed, and Matthew simply turned around, leaned his back against the edge of the bed, and sat down cross-legged. After the tension relaxed, he also felt There was a moment of exhaustion, and the fatigue surged up like a tide. He needed to rest for a while, just for a short while..
“Matthew.”
“Um？”
Renly called softly, but there was no connection. After a long silence, he continued to speak, "Do you believe Edith can come back?"？”
Matthew paused for a moment and gave an unexpected answer, "I believe you.”
This made Renly raise the corners of his mouth and let out a low chuckle, but because he was too tired, the sound quickly disappeared deep in his throat, "I wish I could know the answers to all the questions. I pretended to stand on my own." I control the overall situation from God’s perspective, but in the end, I am just a player in the game..”
“Fortunately, you are in the game, otherwise, our group of friends may suffer. You should know that God will not take action to save an independent individual, right? Matthew joked seriously, and that sense of absurdity made Renly chuckle again..
“But what can I do? "Renly's voice was slightly lowered: Heather is like this, Paul is like this, and Edith is like this now. He never seems to be of help. Even if he is reborn, he will still be an ordinary person after all, and there is nothing he can do about it. Too many.
Matthew could taste the profound meaning in Renly's words, and he said softly, "You should know that without you, our life would not be what it is now..”
Renly twitched his lips, "I strongly doubt that Edith would be able to express her approval if she stood here. She should express her protest righteously and never listen to my advice again. Her life She doesn’t need my advice. Otherwise, next time, she may break up with Chris Evans directly..”
What？
Why is Chris Evans in this conversation?？
Matthew was so unexpected that he choked on his own saliva and coughed violently, which made Renly laugh happily..
After finally calming down, Matthew asked curiously, "Have you updated Chris?" This was the only reasonable explanation..
“……Yes, I sent the text message." Renly said calmly..
Matthew nodded slightly and did not ask any more questions, because he could predict Chris's reaction. Obviously, Renly's nightmare tonight should have something to do with Chris - he didn't think Chris could calmly accept the fact. , Chris will inevitably shift all the responsibilities to Renly; but Renly cannot refute. In other words, even if Renly expresses his refutation, deep down in his heart, those wounds still exist..
Just like when Heather died, the Crosses put all the blame on Renly - the hurt of those words was more terrible than the pain itself. They need to shirk responsibility, they need to find a scapegoat, they need to find someone to vent their anger on, But what about Renly?？
Who should Renly blame?？
“Renly, he's not worth it," Matthew said softly..
But Renly didn't answer. He just lay there quietly, staring at the dark ceiling above his head. It seemed that he could still see the afterimage fragments of the nightmare, and he could still feel the temperature of the hot blood on his cheeks. The smell of blood is always lingering under the nose.
“……”After a long time, Renly's voice finally came through, "I know.”
The whole room fell silent, and then Renly's hoarse voice could be heard humming softly. The vague lyrics were mixed into the melody, like a lullaby, showing the softness and pain deep in his heart. Come out, so light and fragile that people can’t help but hold their breath.
“……So we rise, chasing our destiny in the dark, I saw you scarred late last night, I saw you dancing in the devil's arms.”
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