2193 sleepless
“knock knock.”
“knock knock.”
A gentle knock on the door sounded in the quiet early hours of the morning. There seemed to be something wrong with the lamp at the end of the corridor. It flickered on and off, and the sound of the filament burning could be faintly heard, which further highlighted the atmosphere of the entire corridor. Empty and lengthy, these old buildings with a long history can always smell a bit old and dilapidated. The air vents come out from nowhere, making the air cool and soothing..
“snap.”
After all, the light at the end of the corridor failed to last until the end and went out. The brightly lit corridor was slightly dimmed. Although other lamps were still bright, it inevitably gave rise to a feeling that the light was gradually dissipating. The surrounding area became quieter and quieter..
Matthew couldn't help but raise his head and looked at the extinguished lamp. He could vaguely see a moth lying lifeless in the lampshade without any movement. He tried his best to explain the meaning of moths flying into the flame, and then , both parties died together. This made Matthew's eyelids start to twitch inexplicably..
“knock knock.”
Matthew withdrew his gaze and knocked on the door again, but received no response. He lowered his head and looked at the gap under the door. The light leaked out. It was quiet and peaceful, but it did not go out..
Matthew didn't hesitate any longer and tested the door handle, only to find that the door was not locked. So, he opened the door directly and said, "Renly?" The narrow room was clearly visible. There was no one, and the desk was scattered. with a script and book pages next to an empty coffee cup.
Matthew's heart couldn't help but begin to sink..
When he opened the bathroom, there was no one; when he opened the balcony, there was no one. The whole room was only so big and there was no way to hide anyone. This allowed Matthew to be sure that Renly was not there..
Looking around, Matthew noticed something unusual: in the ashtray on the coffee table, there was an unlit but abandoned cigarette; there was no cigarette case or lighter next to it..
Matthew made some guesses, quickly left the room, not forgetting to close the door, and then walked quickly towards the rooftop on the top floor..
Pushing open the rooftop door, the dark night sky spreads out in front of you, and the faint rolling mountains appear on the horizon like dizzy ink. However, a few strokes outline a sense of grandeur and majesty, even if There are no stars in the sky, and my mind suddenly becomes brighter..
In the endless darkness, a figure was sitting on the edge of the balcony. The strong wind was blowing the hem of his shirt, as if he might be driven away by the wind at any time..
Matthew let out a long breath and felt a little relieved..
Every time Renly needed to quiet down and think, he would always find a noisy and quiet corner to sit down - he always chose the supermarket before. If he couldn't find Renly, he could always find him in the corner of the supermarket; But as Renly's popularity and awareness gradually increased, supermarkets became less "safe", which also meant that Renly had to find other harbors..
They are now trapped in the small town of Sneem. Compared with the forest, the rooftop is a more convenient choice and should be the only reasonable choice. So Matthew quickly came to the rooftop and saw the familiar figure. ——In an instant, an illusion occurred in his mind. Time and space were displaced. It seemed that he was back at Eton College again. He saw another side of Renly on the rooftop..
That kind of loneliness, that kind of loneliness, that kind of fragility... It usually always settles between the shallow smiles on the eyebrows. Almost no one can detect it, but it always exists objectively and never goes away. Like a drowning person who is silent but calling for help, the silent roar hides the gradually suffocating ashes and smoke, slowly and slowly swallowing up the weak and bright light around the soul..
After the completion of "Crack Drummer" last year, the lingering gloom seemed to have finally disappeared, completely disappeared. Even when Paul Walker suffered a car accident, it did not relapse. It was as if Renly had finally gotten rid of the nightmare. But now, Shadows begin to emerge quietly again.
Matthew stepped forward quickly, but when he was about to get closer, he couldn't help but slow down: he was a little panicked, fearing that his steps would disturb Renly, but he didn't expect that Renly's joking voice came from the wind, "Don't worry, I don't have the courage to jump, I just need to calm down.”
The joke at this time made Matthew unable to laugh. However, his footsteps landed firmly on the ground again, and then he sat down next to Renly..
“Many people say that those who commit suicide are weak people who choose suicide because they are too fearful and too timid. But I have a different idea. In fact, they are all brave people because they have the courage to make a decisive farewell—— A complete farewell. The courage they possess far exceeds imagination..”
Renly's voice was erratic in the wind, which made Matthew a little frightened. His eyelids were beating more and more fiercely..
“The courage she possesses is something I will never possess." Renly whispered..
Matthew knew who this "she" was, "You know this sentence is wrong.”
Renly didn't confirm or deny, he just looked up at the starry sky, "Don't worry, really, I was just tired from reading the script and needed a cigarette to wake up. I just... ha, I'm just tired." The box of cigarettes and lighter were placed on Renly's left hand. He held a cigarette in his right hand but did not light it. His tired voice was full of self-mockery..
“The nights in Ireland are so beautiful. I can't help but imagine myself running barefoot on the forest treetops freely and wantonly, as if my soul can fly." Renly took a deep breath, the fresh and cold air Filled the chest, the whole person seemed to feel lighter, "Huh, if time stopped permanently, what a wonderful thing it would be..”
“......Renly, you need to rest." Matthew said in a deep voice..
Renly paused for a moment and laughed happily, "Ha, I know, I have a rest every day, but the work is really too much to handle, so I can only work overtime, otherwise the filming progress of the crew will be compromised. It's about to stop. Believe me, Ogus will never look good..”
“Renly, I'm serious." Matthew didn't buy it at all. "The crew doesn't have that much work at all. You know it and I know it. You are deceiving yourself.！”
Renly's smile paused at the corner of his mouth, his expression slightly stiff..
Matthew couldn't bear it, and his tone softened slightly, "Renly, you need to rest. Your current condition is not good, very bad, and you will collapse at any time. You... you need to have a good sleep. , you need to cheer yourself up... You haven't slept for three days, this is not normal. You are... very, very tired now, a little accident may... .Listen, you need a break, you just need a break.”
“I know! "Renly interrupted Matthew rudely, "I will, I will rest. I will go back and revise the script, and then I will rest..”
Those perfunctory words made Matthew toughen up again, "Renly, I'm serious. Your current state is simply terrible! You should be sensible and smart enough to know the consequences of this."......”
“Yes, I know, I know everything! "Renly turned his head and stared at Matthew fiercely. His voice became hard and cold, bursting out with a powerful voice, "I know everything, but I still persuaded her to go to the front line even though I knew the consequences. Even though I knew what might happen, I still didn't stop her. It was me, do you understand? It's me! I am always like this, pretending to be smart, pretending to know everything wisely, pretending to be God, and then directing other people's lives, but in fact, I know nothing. I really don't know anything..”
Matthew couldn't help but opened his mouth slightly, "Renly, this is not your fault.......”
“So whose fault is it? Tell me I'm to blame! Charles, am I to blame? If it’s not me, then who is it? You tell me that if I can't blame one person, I might go crazy, you know? I have to do this, I have to divert my attention." Renly's bloodshot eyes were full of anger and despair, staring at Matthew in the dark night, asking questions one after another..
Matthew can't answer.
“Did you know? I can't, I can't close my eyes, and I can't stop thinking. As long as I have a little free time, I will start to imagine what is happening there! What is happening to her now! What is she facing now! Even if she is still alive, her current situation is not good, isn't it? How could she be okay? As long as I close my eyes, I will see her covered in blood. I can't do it. Charles, I really can't do it..”
Renly's words were being torn into pieces, the wounds that penetrated deep into the bone marrow, dripping with blood, showing his fragility and pain. After tearing off the mask, it was exposed like this.
“I know, I am a coward. I just hide in the crew, pretending that the world is peaceful, pretending that nothing crazy happens, and numbing my nerves with work! But she was struggling on the line of life and death! How ridiculous! How ridiculous! But what's even more sad is that I can't do anything to help, do you understand? I can't...I can't help it...I can't miss her, but I can't miss her...I don't know what to do.”
“I have to be busy and keep my brain spinning, and even a little rest is not enough; I have to blame someone so that my anger can be vented, otherwise I am not sure what I will do. I... ...I can't stop, you know? I can't stop. It's like... I don't know, it's like if I stop, everything will fall apart. Everything I've been holding on to and everything I've worked for will fall apart.！”
“Heather was the disease, Paul was the accident, but what about Edith? Edith it's me, I caused this, I can see the blood on my hands, you know? I hate my own reason, and I also hate my own cleverness. In fact, I am just a huge fool..”
“Charles, what should I do?？”
Renly's desperate eyes stared at Matthew like this, which made Matthew completely heartbroken - he couldn't help, and he couldn't help at all..
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