1176 Ever been excited
“Lewin？”
Jane's question was not answered. Instead, LeVine fell into his own thoughts. The room fell into silence for a while, which made Jane even more angry. Even during the conversation, LeVine Endu was distracted and acted like a bastard as always. Jane shouted out again irritably..
LeVine came back to his senses, but the confusion in his eyes still did not dissipate. Jane spread his hands with a look of disbelief on his face, and then asked with his eyes.
Only then did LeVine react, and he gently retracted his jaw in realization, but then his brain came back to reality, and then he realized that the words they were talking about just now, and the words that came to his mouth became "No, fine”.
Subconsciously, he raised his hand and waved, but then deep fatigue came over him. He shook his head helplessly and sadly. Even the power of his words almost disappeared, leaving only a sigh on his lips and lowered eyes. It blocked the fleeting bitterness, and then calmness returned again, leaving only deep exhaustion..
Jane stared at LeVine quietly, the heaviness and laziness of fatigue reflected in the depths of her pupils. She was slightly confused and worried, but in the end she concealed them all and became calm again. She was not curious, Without exploring, he changed the topic abruptly, "Pappi is willing to let you perform on stage tomorrow to earn a few dollars.".”
The plain words did not fluctuate, like a pool of stagnant water, but the eyes that fell on LeVine again inadvertently revealed the true emotions in her heart. Even she herself was not aware of it. She searched gently, just like this. Watching the fluctuation of expression between those eyebrows. Fortunately, LeVine lowered his eyes and did not notice her gaze..
Lewin shook his head slightly and shrugged slightly, but the movement was so slight that he was almost invisible. However, he still couldn't control the dull throbbing pain and bursts of fatigue coming from his head. He raised his right hand. , pressed his temples with his fingertips, trying to relieve some pain, but his eyebrows frowned slightly, and he had a splitting headache..
“No, he won't." He heard Jane's words. LeVine breathed out softly and retorted with a hint of boredom and rejection. Then the words suddenly stopped, as if his brain was stuck. He lowered his right hand, made an open gesture, and put it in mid-air. After being stunned for a moment, he found his voice, "I just performed there less than a month ago..”
The rotation of my brain is really too slow, like a rusty gear.
“He will." Jane raised her voice and said loudly, "I asked him to.”
“Wow." Lewin raised his eyes and met Jane's gaze. The gaze full of rejection and disgust seemed to gradually calm down, but it was calm, and there was no trace of emotion or fluctuation, that kind of heart. The dejected alienation and indifference slightly touched LeVine's mind, and he felt a little embarrassed..
“Thank you... thank you. You are so kind to do this." LeVine withdrew his gaze, avoided Jane's eyes again, and then closed his eyes heavily..
All the random thoughts, all the details, all the side details, all cut off, he is tired, tired of everything, tired of thinking, tired of guessing, tired of pretending, tired of persisting, tired of testing , even tired of being cynical, he just wants... wants to have a good rest.
His talent and dreams, his music and persistence are worthless in people's eyes. They are just the moans and groans of a down-and-out bastard, whining and complaining in the bar. They have no value or meaning, not even entertainment. It has no effect. His art and creation will always stay quietly in a corner in the darkness of Greenwich Village..
Even his father, who once loved music, seems to have given up.——
When he went to the nursing home to visit his father, he played his father's favorite ballad, but his father was completely unaware and unable to understand it. Then, he became incontinent and sat peacefully on the rocking chair, as if he was even the most basic human being. The sense of shame has completely disappeared.
In the face of survival, those melodies and lyrics no longer have meaning, let alone the life experience hidden behind them..
So, is there any point in persisting?？
He thought of Mickey.
What’s even more ridiculous is that now he seems unable to even leave or give up..
He tried to become a crew member and return to the normal track of life, just like countless ordinary people in society, finding a simple job, living a peaceful and orderly life, and putting those unrealistic ideas into practice. Pack it all up, at least say goodbye to the life of sleeping around and wandering around in Greenwich Village.
But the crew certificate had been thrown away by his sister. He had to go back to the union building to reissue all the documents..
Dragging his luggage, he headed to Chicago, back to Greenwich Village, to the Crew Center, to the nursing home, and back to his sister's house... Along the way, he couldn't hold on any longer and he needed to put these luggage down, so , before heading to the Union Buildings, he came to Jim and Jane's apartment.
His thoughts went around in a circle, and the deep feeling of powerlessness hit his heart again. He felt lost and bitter. He still closed his eyes and breathed out gently. The throbbing pain in his mind seemed to be becoming more and more obvious. "but……”
The turning words were swirling on the tip of his tongue, and then he opened his eyes and looked over calmly. The heavy feeling of exhaustion was dragging bit by bit in the depths of his eyes, seeming to be pulling his eyebrows down slowly. Finally, he said calmly, "I'm not going to do it anymore." After saying it calmly, there was no relief, no hardship and pain as imagined, just... calmness..
“I'm done." Lewin said. He looked at Jane flatly, without any extra emotions in his eyes, "I plan to return to the merchant ship..”
“What? That's it? "There was no gap. Jane seemed to be unexpectedly frightened, and the conditioned words came out directly. But when she thought about it, she suspected that LeVine was just talking, like a child having a tantrum, "Tomorrow. The show might be good for you.”
LeVine was still emotionally fluctuating, but his eyebrows were raised slightly, which made Jane a little angry and couldn't help but look at the sky, but he was unmoved, "Performing in the Gaslight Bar for the 400th time? Just for that little tip. ? "The previous three hundred and ninety-nine times had not been successful, so why was the four hundredth time different?？
The sarcastic tone made Jian stop laughing, and the corners of her mouth twitched upward, "In fact, that little tip has to be divided with other people.".”
Lewin laughed out loud, "Hey." Extremely ridiculous and helpless, he lowered his head, paused, then shook his head slightly, and laughed silently..
This is his situation. His dreams and art are only worth a tip basket, a tip basket shared with other performers, shared equally by everyone. Think about your own situation, think about Mickey's situation, and then think about your persistence, Everything becomes ridiculous, and the more you think about it, the more incredible it becomes..
“There are other performers there." Jane added, she could capture LeVine's exhaustion and helplessness, and the strong sarcasm surged, and she seemed to finally realize that today's LeVine is different after all. Jane's tone softened a little, "But people from 'Times' will show up.”
“oh! 'Times'! "The drawn-out ending was filled with deep sarcasm and ridicule, bursting out sharply and nakedly, ridiculing severely. The cynical bitterness showed its edge again, and the pride and aloofness in the bones were displayed at this moment. vividly.
This is the familiar LeVine.
Jane pursed her lips and looked at LeVine with a half-smile. Her bright eyes shone with a playful light, and her shallow smile was like spring water flowing into a lake, mixed with the brightness and tenderness of the moonlight..
Under the gaze of these eyes, Lewin was a little embarrassed, and a faint smile appeared at the corner of his mouth, "I'm sorry." But the smile quickly disappeared from the corner of his mouth like smoke. After a moment of daze, he He assumed a serious posture, unconsciously retracted his chin, looked at Jane intently, and said sincerely, "Sorry, thank you for your kindness..”
Then, Jane saw deep weariness in those eyes, not despair, but discouragement.
Despair is the tragedy after hope is shattered; but discouragement is that hope has never existed. The calmness and numbness of despair are so sharp and violent, and the indifference and calmness without care are silent. Roaring, but the surge of emotion can be clearly felt deep in the soul.
For the first time, Jane realized that the once proud, arrogant, and arrogant LeVine was disappearing little by little. His body was covered with bruises, blood, and vicissitudes of life. It was no joke..
LeVine's voice was gentler than ever before. The faint hoarseness was like the waves of wheat blowing by the breeze, but it was not the joy of a harvest, but the loneliness of desolation. "But there will be no results." He said..
Lewin looked at Jane quietly, twitching the corner of his mouth, but in the end he was unable to bring out a smile, he just sipped it meaninglessly, "I'm tired..”
That simple sentence was as heavy as a thousand stones, and it weighed heavily on Jane's heart. The Le'Veon Davis whom she had fallen in love with, been crazy about, and longed for, finally could no longer hold on and was reduced to For an ordinary mortal; after all the brilliance of talent dissipated, he was no longer handsome and looked like an ordinary sailor. He passed by and turned around and forgot..
That soul that was once bright and moving is now devastated..
Only then did Jane truly realize that she had loved him.
He opened his mouth slightly, but the words were stuck in his throat. They were more absurd and unwilling than sad. How could he give up? How could he surrender? How can he compromise?？
Shouldn't he continue to persevere, then unscrupulously and arrogantly laugh at every materialist around him, continue to move forward wantonly and flamboyantly, and continue to be a person who is disliked but makes people dislike him in the eyes of criticism and contempt? A bastard no one can hate.
How could he give up! this bastard！
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