1119 jump down
Suffocating, Renly just felt a dull suffocation in his chest. He breathed in the moist and cold air. He could clearly feel the slight stinging sensation in his entire lungs. However, he still felt out of breath, as if he was in a lump. It felt like a huge boulder was pressing heavily on my chest, and it was just beating my heart in such a dull way, making it uncomfortable..
Lying on the bed, the suffocating feeling of sinking to the bottom of the lake swarmed in from all directions. The dark blue lake water penetrated into the body along the pores, and it was bitingly cold. Air bubbles overflowed from the corners of the mouth one after another, and the dull and dull feeling of oxygen disappearing The oppression made my chest almost burst. I tried to struggle, but I couldn't exert any strength in my limbs, so I could only wave in vain..
suffocate, just suffocate.
So, he left the room, the crowd, the photography base, and quietly disappeared into the night. He needed a little fresh air, a little private space, and a little quietness.……
To be honest, he doesn't know what he needs; honestly, he misses Heather Cross a little bit, he misses Matthew Dunlop a little bit, and maybe Paul Walker and Ryan Gosling, he misses company a little bit The friends around him were just like Ryan Stone in "Gravity". He began to miss the bonds of life and the sense of reality brought by gravity..
Renly still clearly remembered that after finishing the filming of "Crazy Love", he fell seriously ill and was so groggy that he couldn't get rid of the story of Jacob and Anna, as if he had just ended a crazy love. My heart hurts so much that I can't breathe. The dull feeling of suffocation never goes away but cannot be relieved..
Today, he felt this feeling again. But it was different.
He can't describe it, he can't express it.
Perhaps, it is simply because he has never been in love as crazily and passionately as Jacob, but has truly felt the struggle on the death line like Ryan Stone, so the resonance of empathy is different after all; maybe, again It's because he projected so much of his own and Heather's story into this character that he confused the boundaries between character and reality..
Maybe it's all, maybe it's not. There are countless threads in the chaotic thoughts in my mind, one on the left and one on the right. A thought just came out, and another thought was cut off. The whole brain began to swell, and there was a dull pain, and I couldn't calm down at all. Come down and think carefully.
This immersive feeling is more turbulent and real than any previous work, and it is also clearer. His brain is extremely clearly aware of the entire process and all the details, which magnifies the pain, but is still helpless..
From a positive point of view, the control of the performance has been improved to a higher level; from a negative point of view... the torture and suffering are also more unbearable. However, if he had to do it again, he would still be able to do it again. Choose this path without hesitation.
Maybe, he is indeed a madman; even if he is not now, it is not far away.
After the pain broke through a limit, it gradually began to become normal. My thoughts were still scattered, but the pain seemed to have begun to shift. Looking down at the guitar in my arms, I couldn't help but laugh..
To be honest, Renly didn't know why he brought the guitar out. In the past few hours, there were many blank memory fragments in his brain. The memories from the set, filming, and performances began to become fragmented, piece by piece. Even the timeline is disrupted and there is no clue.
It was the same just now. I didn't even realize that I had picked up the guitar. When I realized it, the guitar was already in my arms. My clogged and crowded brain really couldn't sort out my thoughts. The fragments of musical notes were meaningless. It flows out under the outline of the fingertips. It is not a chapter, nor does it conform to music theory. It is just a simple fragment..
However, the clear and clean strings of the guitar bring a bit of coldness and coldness, flowing slowly under the moonlight, like a gurgling stream, passing through bluestones, tree roots, water plants and fish, even in the night The thick fog and fireflies began to dance along with the musical notes. Unknowingly, the burning and dullness in my chest eased slightly..
This reminded Renly of the days when he was working on the "Pacific War" crew. A group of people gathered around a campfire, playing guitars and singing loudly to relieve the stress of filming. This was one of their few means of entertainment..
When the fingertips touch the strings, you can clearly feel the force of the strings pressing on the fingertips. Then with a slight hook, the boulder squeezing the chest seems to relax. The simple chords collide with each other. Together, some are harmonious, some are not, but gradually they begin to come together..
Just like a gurgling stream, it travels through sharp and bumpy roads, rushing towards the far end, and finally merges into a deep blue lake - or maybe it is the sea. It is not clear in the night, only a wave of light can be seen. The sparkling water, cold and calm, was calling him to jump into it, break free from all restraints, break away from all shackles, and completely merge with the water..
“No, don’t punish me because of my inner feelings; no, don’t punish me because of the torment of my soul.”
Naturally, the singing flowed out along with the melody, and he hummed softly. The bitterness and loneliness in his eyes were revealed, mixed with the musical notes, and the feeling of suffocation suddenly surged, and his fingertips couldn't help but become tense. , tightly clasping the strings, all the muscles in his body were tense to the extreme, the pain and sadness seemed to begin to swell, and he was on the verge of explosion..
The emotion came so violently that I was caught off guard and was helpless; but then it disappeared instantly and disappeared without a trace. I couldn't help but close my eyes, exhaled a long, long breath, and my whole person slowly became quiet. down.
He didn't open his eyes, but simply enjoyed the tide-like feeling brought by the boundless darkness. It seemed that only the lake water could keep his mood calm. The extremely quiet tranquility relaxed his muscles bit by bit, and he pointed Following the flow of thoughts, he began to outline again.
“Tired of curling up and sleeping on the street late at night, busy working at the bus station until early morning; exhausted, waiting for the first ray of morning light, when it falls, the direction of the steps is still dark.”
Renly seemed to be walking in the desert and Gobi Desert of Route 66. He was walking along the road, exhausted physically and mentally, and faltering. There was no end in sight for the long road, and he just continued to move forward step by step. Over time, this gradually became a habit.
The sun rises behind you, but the pace of the sunlight dispersing the darkness and covering the earth is too slow. The direction of advancement is still darkness, endless darkness, completely covering the whole world, and you can't see the end or the front. , can’t see the end, can’t even see tomorrow.
There is no future and no hope. As I walked, my steps became heavier and heavier, and I could hardly move forward..
“No, don’t punish me because of my inner feelings; no, don’t punish me because of the torment of my soul.”
Before the musical notes fell, his voice began to tremble slightly. The strong sense of suffocation was raging and burning his body and soul. The blazing flames were becoming more and more fierce, almost turning him into ashes. " So I crawled out the back door, shook off these suffocating disguises, and leaped into the water. I jumped into the water, The-Water.）.”
With his eyes closed tightly, Renly seemed to be able to hear the sound of the strong wind in his ears. He ran, ran wildly, and after reaching the extreme of running, it seemed that even the strong wind was surging under his feet, and then his whole body gently jump——
He soared into the sky, soared in the wind, and could fly freely above the sky with his arms spread out. The entire vast sky was his territory; when he glided to the end, he dived into the heart-breaking blue land. , the gentle lake water seemed to open its arms, wrapping him tightly, cold but warm.
At this moment, he was finally free.
“The evil devil roared on the TV, so I sold it on Sixteenth Street, but the noise of the drone is still in my ears, and now I'm going to skip the night shift tonight, and you think I can get a ride ? I don't care where the road ahead is.”
To escape, he just wanted to run away, turn around and leave the muddy swamp of pain and struggle, and find a ray of light in the endless darkness, with no direction, no goal, and no future, just a faint ray of light. The hope was enough, but everything in his sight was darkness. He was struggling and resisting, but to no avail..
What's even more frightening is that he is alone.
“No, don’t punish me for my inner feelings; no, don’t punish me for the torment of my soul. So, I crawled away from the back door, broke away from these suffocating disguises, and jumped into the water..”
The fingertips stopped and trembled slightly. The billowing black night was everywhere, grabbing his ankle. The bloody breath was licking his skin. He struggled and tried his best to escape. The fingertips outlined again, The complex and profound emotions were vented along the song, "So I crawled and escaped from the back door, broke away from these suffocating disguises, I jumped into the water, a deep pool of water.”
The world became quiet, all the noise disappeared, leaving only the sound of gurgling water in his ears. Following the guidance of that sound, he slapped his legs vigorously, looking for the other side of hope, and looking for The place where the soul rests.
“My face is getting numb, my lungs are getting suffocated, but I'm still kicking my legs until I reach the other side; I'm still sleeping on your porch, I'm still afraid of breaking the shackles of your front door.”
As I sang, the tight lines on my shoulders relaxed little by little, and the restrained pressure on my chest opened little by little. The voice full of sorrow and loneliness ignited a smile, gently and slowly at the corner of my mouth. Carefully sketched, bitter but bright，
“So, I crawled away from the back door, broke free from these suffocating disguises, and jumped into the water. I jumped into the water, a deep pool of water..”
The moment he jumped into the water, he was free.
Note: Water——Ra-Ra-Riot）
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