1113 The end of despair
Ryan Stone carefully closed his eyes. The surging warmth in his eyes made his eyelids tremble slightly. There were no eyes at all, but he still revealed a trace of the throbbing deep in his heart. He listened intently, listening to the movements of his body. The movement just stood still in place, swinging unconsciously, bit by bit capturing the fragments of sound coming from the radio..
The smile on the corner of her mouth was so happy and so bright, but the heartbreaking pain and despair surged gently between her eyebrows, like the gentle waves washing on the white sandy beach on the blue coast, so beautiful that it was breathtaking, but in an instant After youth, the emotions of sadness and loss will curl up and drag on for a long time..
Ryan relaxed the strength on his hands, shoulders, waist, abdomen and thighs little by little. In the weightless environment, he swayed gently like a water plant. His face with his eyes closed revealed a trace of peace and tranquility. , like a baby lying in a cradle and gradually falling asleep, the faint sadness and shallow pain gradually disappear.
Like ripples, it seems to have disappeared, but the aftertaste is spreading.
When he opened his eyes again, his expression was completely calm. Even the smile at the corner of his mouth was calming down and seemed to have completely calmed down. "An Ninggang, can you let your dog bark a few more times?" Ryan said softly. He said, as if he was enjoying a lullaby. Worried that An Ninggang didn't understand what he meant, he continued to explain, "Dog, dog barking, woof, woof, dog.”
Then, he heard An Ning just imitating the wolf's cry, and cheered happily and festively..
Suddenly, smiles and sadness swarmed up at the same time. The corners of his mouth rose again, and his eyes closed tightly again. He gritted his teeth and sealed all the complicated emotions in his chest. The forbearance and suppressed struggle were even more intense. The situation at this moment is explained in a thousand words..
“woof woof.”
“Ouch.”
Ryan imitated the barking of a dog, while An Ninggang imitated the howling of a wolf..
The different cultures and languages of the two countries are reflected in the onomatopoeia of animal cries, perfectly combining the absurdity and crisis of the moment. In the end, all the weight falls on Ryan, who is about to fall apart but refuses to completely collapse. On the strong shoulders of others, it makes people feel unbearable and heartache..
Ryan also realized this, so he followed An Ning and started to imitate the wolf howl. A dog barked and a wolf howled. It was completely confusing, but the two of them sang in harmony, went back and forth, and truly began to interact with each other. Yelling, just like naughty children laughing and playing over each other.
“Ouch! Ouch！”
Ryan released all his emotions to his heart's content, dropped his reserve, dropped his restraints, dropped his mask, regained his innocence, and howled wildly, as if he had completely released all the negative emotions in his chest. At this moment, he once again tasted unwillingness and anger..
However, the more angry he became, the more powerless he became, and the more unwilling he became, the more desperate he became. Finally, it turned into a deep sadness, which hit him hard on the bridge of his nose. A burst of pain and sorrow suddenly broke out. Ryan only had time to tighten his grip. She closed her eyes tightly, but a touch of moisture still blurred her eyes, and the corners of her tightly closed eyelids sparkled with crystal tears..
He gritted his teeth like this, and his voice boomed dullly in his chest. His sobs and cries were suppressed deep in his throat, and no sound was leaked out. However, his Adam's apple sliding up and down and his completely tightened jaw could not do anything at all. Cover up, reveal the earth-shattering and tsunami deep in the soul.
“Ouch...ouch……”
He tried to make a little sound again, pretending that he didn't care, but failed. Only a bunch of vague syllables were left, rolling intermittently in his throat. He could not vent or vent. His hands were clenched into fists. He clenched it tightly, all the muscles in his body were tense to the extreme..
If he could, he just wanted to swing his fist hard at anything and smash it to pieces; but, he couldn't.
The forbearance reached the extreme, and the emotion finally burst through the dam, "Ouch... no, no no... no..." Ryan shook his head gently, gently, murmured meaninglessly, took a deep breath, and took another deep breath, it seemed that In an instant, the control came back again, and the emotions were sorted out again, and then he chuckled "ha", showed a happy smile, and said calmly, "I'm going to die, An Ning just.”
That calm reflected the confusion and sadness in the eyes, which became more and more intense. There were no more hazy tears or broken emotions, but the bitterness in my heart was vividly outlined..
He shrugged lightly, but in the thick space suit, it was not visible, and he could only faintly see the subtle changes in his body, "I know that everyone is bound to die, everyone knows it, but... …I’m going to die today.” The words ended abruptly, with no ending or breath sound. After finishing speaking, he just stayed there in a daze, with his eyes in a trance, as if he was understanding the true meaning of “death”..
This brief silence interprets a simple sentence with too many meanings, and the aftertaste is profound. It seems that everyone can have a completely different understanding. This is the case with life, and the same is true with death..
“It's quite funny." Ryan chuckled again and curled his lips in self-deprecation, "You know, when you know..." His eyes were lost in thought again, and it seemed that the brain's operation speed had begun to slow down, but Even so, the words without completion still convey the meaning clearly.
It is one thing to know that death will come eventually; it is another thing to know the exact time when death will come; it is another thing to know that the day of death is today..
The large areas of confusion and blankness are just bitter and unbearable.
Then the focus of his eyes refocused, and he came back to his senses again, "The problem is, I am very scared, very, very scared." The voice gradually became weaker and weaker, almost turning into a whisper. His strength, his calmness, His professionalism, his reason, everything collapsed at this moment, the mask and skin were taken off, and the truest self was revealed..
After saying "very, very scared", the low voice began to tremble slightly, fragile and panicked..
“No one will mourn me, and no one will pray for me." Ryan said quietly, and the sound of An Ninggang humming a lullaby came to his ears, seeming to be caring for the baby to sleep, peaceful and gentle.
The sadness deep in the eyes condensed little by little, turning into a crystal clear teardrop, hanging on the eyelashes, becoming more and more numerous and heavier. In the end, the eyelashes were still unable to bear the weight, so Falling like this, one piece after another, clearly and distinctly.
However, his expression did not change much. He just stared calmly straight ahead, revealing a deep sense of confusion and powerlessness, which was in sharp contrast to the gathering of tears, as if... his soul had died, but his body was still there. The reaction was average, and the feeling of an empty shell of a walking dead brought the sadness and painful despair to the extreme..
From a medical point of view, after the human body declares physical death, the physiological reactions will not stop immediately. The most intuitive example is that nails and hair will continue to grow, as if the soul has dissipated, but the body still exists..
This is what Ryan is like now. That kind of sadness surges in exponentially, completely breaking the strong shell and exposing the softest part deep in his heart..
After a slight pause, his eyes moved up slightly, as if looking at the radio, and then he could travel through time and space, communicate face to face with An Ninggang, and asked attentively and seriously, "Will you mourn for me? Will you pray for me?" ? Or is it too late? It's like I've missed my family... I've lost them..”
A simple "Lost", a word without any weight, reveals a deep sigh and sadness in the calm tone. There is no redundant explanation, and no redundant explanation is needed. The whole story is already Become complete and show all the regrets and regrets deep in your heart.
“I want to pray for myself, but I have never prayed, because..." Ryan's words paused for a moment again, and a faint smile slipped across his eyes, which seemed to awaken memories, "Because no one has ever taught me. "The loneliness and desolation hidden behind the words seeped out bit by bit. "Never..”
“Medi? "An Ninggang's call came faintly and vaguely, and then there was a sound of a baby crying. An Ninggang immediately started humming a lullaby to comfort the baby who woke up from his sleep..
Ryan's expression suddenly froze. Almost in an instant, the shock and confusion in his eyes slowly overflowed, and then turned into hopeless sadness. He just gritted his teeth and shed tears. Big pieces fell down, without warning, and helpless. I almost cried until I couldn't help myself, and completely lost control..
There was no sound, but he saw tears falling one by one, and the slightly trembling corners of his mouth completely burst out the suppressed emotions. He tried to open his mouth to make a sound, but his lips only had time to squirm, and then tightened again. Squeeze it tightly and swallow all the chokes and cries firmly..
Even if the mouth is full of bitterness, even if the mouth is full of blood, even if the mouth is full of sourness.
Babies, newborn babies, are the most primitive and beautiful form of life. They are vigorous and vivid, and they grow vigorously. They have a powerful force that breaks all barriers. They are both desirable and scary..
In his mind, he couldn't help but picture the birth of his younger brother. He thought of his younger brother, his newborn child, and his family members whose faces were gradually blurring..
He tried to stay away from those fetters, yearning for a higher level of life and hope, but little did he know that his pursuit was always by his side, and the most mysterious and greatest secret of the universe was by his side. In the end, he walked towards death step by step, and with the original The vigorous vitality of.
The world he believed in, the world he fought for, and the world he owned completely collapsed at this moment, as if he could clearly see the destruction process of the entire universe. It was like a big explosion..
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