1072 Take it easy
It shouldn't be like this, it can't be like this. It can't be like this.
He was struggling, he was struggling with all his strength, like a crazy maniac, but no matter how hard he struggled, he could not feel any strength in his limbs. Even the stinging sensation of the rope rubbing against his wrists and ankles had completely disappeared, as if ...as if he had become a high paraplegic again.
I can't feel any sensation below my neck. Even the daily excretion of metabolism can only be completed with the help of other people. That feeling of shame and powerlessness is still deeply felt even after lying in the hospital bed for ten years. Branded in my mind, I can never get used to it, and it can never be erased..
No, no, no, he doesn't want it, and he doesn't want to. If this is really the case, he would rather end his life like this. Only after truly experiencing freedom can he understand that "living in an ignoble existence" is the most terrifying and terrifying thing in the world. One thing. He, don’t want.
Suddenly, a smell of blood spread in the mouth. The strong smell of blood made the voice become unclear, "No, no, no no." All the words had disappeared, leaving only one Simple syllables, but I can’t tell whether I am denying something or rejecting something..
He still refused to give up, refused to compromise, and struggled crazily. However, all his efforts seemed to be in vain. Standing on the other side of the ring was fate, the universe, and the entire world. He only needed one finger to Completely defeat him. His insignificance, so insignificant, even lighter and weaker than a grain of dust.
The natural universe is so big, but his world is so small.
“Jiashu, Jiashu! "A shout rushed over from far to near, and then a pair of hands fixed his shaking head, shouting from close at hand, "Jiashu, calm down, cool... quiet..." But said As he spoke, his voice became choked with sobs, and the words quietly disappeared between his lips and teeth. He stumbled and said, "At least, at least you are still alive. At least.……”
In those familiar eyes, he saw his reflection, the former Chu Jiashu, with black hair, yellow skin, black eyes, slightly thin, and sparse eyebrows, but at this moment, his lips were dyed There was a touch of bright red, and the blood between the lips and teeth stained the lips, but it reflected the paleness of the face more and more, like a cuckoo weeping blood, falling on the white silk..
No, he is no longer Chu Jiashu. He is Renly Hall now, he has left the hospital bed now, he has successfully chased his dream, he has truly become himself, it should not be like this, he is once again Trapped in Chu Jiashu's body, but...but he is Renly Hall. No, this is wrong, this is impossible.
“No! No! Impossible, this is impossible. No! "He roared crazily and kept struggling. The whole world was shattered. Even facing the universe, the powerful force was enough to shake it, but...then he realized that all the mountains and tsunamis were just It happened in his mind, it was just his soul fighting..
In fact, everything is calm in real life.
In the projection of Ding Yanan's eyes, he saw pain, he saw suffering, he saw struggle, and he also saw... his motionless self. All his struggles, all confrontations, all unyielding, all anger, Everything was just thoughts in his mind. His body had no response, no reaction at all..
So cruel, hit hard.
So, is "Renly Hall" just a dream? Is everything just a beautiful dream of his? Now, after waking up from the dream, he returned to reality again, returned to this body that could not move, and returned to the fate that he could not fight no matter how hard he tried..
How beautiful the dream is, how cruel the reality is.
Easily, all psychological defenses were completely defeated, and he was caught off guard. He didn't even have time to make a defensive posture, and his whole person began to fall apart..
He closed his eyes tightly, and the hot tears fell down violently. He gritted his teeth tightly to prevent his despair and vulnerability from leaking out, but the steady stream of tears had already burned his cheeks, and the feeling of helplessness and confusion, tightly bound his body, and then he fell slowly and endlessly..
“Jiashu, don't be like this. Everything will be fine, Jiashu, don't give up easily." Ding Yanan's voice was full of pain. She stood beside her, but she was helpless. She wiped away the tears on her son's cheeks, but in an instant she was again It was wet again, and the scalding temperature made Ding Yanan couldn't help but retract her right hand and cover her mouth firmly to prevent herself from crying..
why is this happening？
What exactly is a dream? Is Renly a dream, or is "Gravity" a dream? Was the past twenty-three years a dream, or was the thirty-two years lying in a hospital bed a dream? Is he Renly or Chu Jiashu? Is he still an actor?？
When he opened his eyes again, the universe disappeared, and so did the earth. He could only see a piece of white in the ward, and in his ears came the voices of family members and patients talking in other beds. They were in familiar Chinese. Everything was So real, so real that there is no way to refute it.
Those movies, those plays, those friends, those lives... all the memories gradually began to become blurred, getting farther and farther away, almost disappearing. About London, about New York, about the actors, everything It's just his dream, he is still Chu Jiashu, still the patient trapped on the hospital bed.
Those freedoms, those dreams, those memories...and the sound of the wind passing by your ears when you step on the skateboard; the huge waves above your head when you step on the surfboard; the whizzing past when climbing on the cliffs. The strong wind and the blue and clear sky...all of that is just an illusory dream..
In real life, he is still trapped in this small place and cannot even take care of himself..
So, what else can he do?？
He can do nothing but wait quietly for death.
From reality to heaven, and then from heaven back to hell, the huge ups and downs unexpectedly crushed the camel's tall body, and all his willpower was shattered. This time, he didn't want to fight. He gave up..
Open your teeth and bite your tongue. As long as the tongue is cut off, the surging blood will instantly block the throat. Even if he does not bleed to death, he will be directly suffocated to death. This is the best ending. .Without hesitation and determination, he bit into it.
“Jiashu! Jiashu! Don't scare me, Jiashu! "Ding Yanan's hands were constantly trembling, and she clamped her son's chin tightly, and then inserted her fingers in. At the critical moment, she stopped the teeth from closing. The pain that surged like a tide almost made Ding Yanan collapse. She was about to faint, but she still clenched her teeth and refused to let go, "Doctor, doctor.”
As she shouted, tears fell down like this, "Help, who can come and help, save my son, doctor, doctor! Please, please." Ding Yanan's voice had completely collapsed, and she shouted tremblingly. , that helpless despair is like a black hole, completely sucking all life into it and disappearing.
Then doctors and nurses came rushing over, they grabbed his chin and freed Ding Yanan; they put braces on him to stop his continued attempts; they took away his last rights, and now he can't even commit suicide. Maybe it's all gone, and I can only continue to lie here like a walking zombie..
No more, everything is gone.
Now, the only thing he can do is to widen his eyes and express his emotions with his eyes. Even the movements of shaking his head and opening his mouth have been firmly fixed. Except for his eyes, all other parts cannot move. Only then It is true helplessness, like helplessness hanging in mid-air, unable to reach the sky or the ground, and even resistance cannot find a point of leverage..
“I hate you." He looked at Ding Yanan and saw the bloody right hand from the corner of his eyes. He couldn't help but close his eyes, concealing his pain and struggle. He couldn't bear it and said his heart-breaking words decisively and cruelly. words.
But even such words became slurred because of the braces, and the saliva kept flowing out, like a patient who had lost his mind. The last trace of dignity, his last trace of dignity, was stripped away. This was worse than Being naked is even more cruel, and you can feel the shame from the depths of your soul..
“I hate you." He said again, his slurred words completely wet with tears, saliva stained all over his chin, his despair, his helplessness, his pain, and his anger, everything Everything was torn to pieces.
“Jiashu, don’t be like this.”
“I hate you! You are too selfish. You are not doing it for me, you are doing it for yourself. If you are really doing it for me, let me go. I don’t want to be trapped here. I don’t want to be tied here, and then I will tie you too. Here. I don’t want to, I don’t want to! My life, your life, are all tied to this hospital bed, nothing.
Don't you know how vast the world outside is? Don't you know there's more to our world than just this damn hospital bed? I don’t want to stay here anymore, and I don’t want to tie you here. Let me go. When the car accident happened, I should have died. I should have died there! Why do you want to save me? Why?？”
He was talking, even if he was vague, he was still talking unremittingly. Thirty-two years of Chu Jiashu's life, twenty-three years of Renli's life, all the ups and downs, all the surging hearts, all in an instant He burst out, even if he couldn't speak a word clearly, he didn't give up, he just kept talking unswervingly.
However, those words fell into Ding Yanan's ears, but only a babbling syllable remained. It seemed that Chu Jiashu's soul and personality were disappearing little by little. She was so helpless that she looked at the doctor , "He...he..." She tried to give some help and return her dignity to her son, but she was at a loss. She could only helplessly mouth and shake her head..
“Jiashu, don't say that, you are my son, how can I give up on you? I can't do it, I really can't do it.”
Nightmare, hell, disaster, he seemed to have returned to the dream that he could never wake up from, but what is a dream and what is reality?？
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