Genius Warlock-Episode 356
Good profit… … widely.
Director Ameline brought Oliver into the director's office, holding a lantern..
She lit the lanterns hanging here and there to brighten the interior..
Thanks to this, the inside of the director's office was colored in a strange red light, creating a mysterious atmosphere different from the daytime..
“You're not as surprised as I thought. The fact is that I am a warlock..”
As soon as he sat down, Oliver opened his mouth..
I was prepared to reveal that I was a warlock, but the director was calmer than I thought..
“Zenon doesn't seem like a bad person... … . Even if he is a bad person, there is nothing I can do about it.."
The director answered in his usual calm voice..
In fact, there was no calculation, intention or bravado in her words..
“Are you planning on doing anything here??”
the director asked. Oliver was rather surprised and waved his hand..
“no. no.”
“Well, that's it... … . wait a minute. I'll bring some coffee. Is it okay to be lukewarm??”
“yes, it's okay.”
As soon as Oliver answered, the director brought coffee that had already been boiled in a kettle..
“If it's okay, can we get straight to the point??”
The director spoke as he sat across from me. Although she was calm on the outside, she wanted to hear news from Joanna as soon as possible. Based on pure concern.
Oliver opened his mouth..
“As far as I know, Joanna is currently in the New World. This is First Step, a New World colonial city..”
“First step?”
“Yes, I understand that it is a colonial city of the United Kingdom and is currently an important military base and source of magic stones..”
“If it's a new continent... … . Isn’t it very dangerous??”
The director was worried, and it was a completely natural reaction..
For people who lived their entire lives in the Old World, the New World was perceived as a land of danger, with no idea what kind of danger might lurk there..
It was actually dangerous.
Oliver debated whether to tell the bitter truth or a sweet lie, but out of respect for the director, he told the truth..
“Honestly, it's not a safe place.”
As soon as he answered, Oliver looked. The director is calm on the outside, but on the inside he glows with worry and sadness..
Oliver was quite surprised that the orphanage director could have such feelings..
"......is that so?”
“yes. I heard that there are quite a few warlocks there and that they are rough. So, I know that the paladins often clash with them... … . sorry.”
“There's no need to apologize. It's not because of Zenon..”
“uh… … . Actually, it might be because of me..”
Oliver stormed in. Oliver also wanted to resolve his doubts..
“It's because of Zenon.?”
“yes… … . The explanation is a bit long, but it's probably my fault. The reason the Holy Knight went to the New World was because he suggested to his superiors that they investigate human experiments on wizards..”
After hearing the answer, the director opened his eyes slightly and fell into thought. he then asked.
“……There are many things I want to ask, but I'm most curious about what Zenon has to do with it. By any chance, did Zenon put pressure on you??”
“Similar. A person I know was taken there and asked Joanna for help..”
The director opened his eyes wide again with a surprised look..
Oliver immediately explained to the Director how he had become acquainted with Joanna, and how they had met again in Landa and asked for help with the Martell Gun..
Perhaps thanks to what I said to Yarely earlier, I was able to talk more briefly and neatly..
“……That happened..”
“yes… … . Since I made that suggestion by talking about the Mattel issue, I think I also bear some responsibility..”
The director nodded silently..
Her emotions were complicated and shone with regret and sadness for Joanna, strangeness, confusion about reality, disappointment with herself, and feelings of self-destruction..
Among them, I also had feelings for Oliver..
“Zenon, were you disappointed at that time? To that child?”
“yes?”
Oliver asked an unexpected question. The director asked again calmly. It's not like I'm forcing it, it's like I'm genuinely curious and asking for an answer..
“Joanna. He asked the kid if he was disappointed.”
“……well. I don't think I'm the kind of person who would dare disappoint anyone..”
“That's strange. If you went to ask for help, there must have been feelings of anticipation..”
Oliver didn't dare to refute. That was correct. The act of helping was only possible with emotions such as trust and expectation..
I didn't believe it and didn't expect it, so asking for help was absurd..
“Yes, I guess that's what I expected. He'll help you.”
Oliver denied the previous statement. No, rather than denying it, it would be more accurate to say that I realized it..
“What were I disappointed about??”
“As a paladin, I spoke of God and justice, but turned away from them when they were most needed.?”
Oliver put a question mark on the words as if he was confused as well. Still, the words were sharp..
"Sure, you always say nice things, but if you fail to act like that at an important moment, you might as well get stoned..”
The director exuded feelings of sympathy, pity, and sympathy from Joanna..
“Maybe that's why in this day and age, ordinary people can't even say such things. Except for the iron men who don't give in to any adversity, or those with iron plates on their faces..”
“Are you defending yourself??”
Oliver's accent changed very subtly. It's so subtle that you don't even know what part may have changed. However, surprisingly, that small change created a sense of intimidation in his voice..
It's an intimidating feeling that most people can't even put their mouths to..
But even more surprisingly, the director continued to open his mouth. Even though I felt intimidated, I overcame it..
“It would be closer to empathy than advocacy..”
“I agree?”
“I feel that way every day too. I live with good words in my mouth, but at really important moments, I have doubts, anxieties, and fears about whether I can do that..”
Sincerity. The director's words were sincere..
“Why does the director feel that way??”
“That's because I'm the director. The director is responsible for 64 children and three employees..”
"......."
“I speak to the children every day in accordance with the wishes of previous directors. You must not lie, you must not steal from others, and you must not hit others. We must always live righteously according to God’s teachings… … . But sometimes they ask me back. If a difficult situation arises, will I be able to do that?.”
“Such an enemy... … . Is there?”
“I'm embarrassed to say that it happened a few times. When I was assisting the former director. He was struggling financially and suggested several times that the number of children should be reduced..”
"......."
“For your information, I knew it. How miserable the children who are kicked out will become. In severe cases, you could lose your life. Still, I decided to reduce the number of children. If all the children are going to die, wouldn't it be right to save at least a few?.”
"......."
“But the director didn’t do that. Instead, he went down to the village and worked for money first, or went to a nearby landowner and begged for donations. No matter how unsightly a sheep is, you can't throw it away. That's not God's will.”
“Were you a priest? Director Seondae..”
“No, he just read the scriptures often. Like other previous directors. I'm reading it too.”
“Is there a special reason for reading the scriptures??”
“It was a priest who first established this orphanage..”
“ah..… . Is that so? Can I ask the priest’s name?.”
“I don't know the name. Because she didn't give her name..”
A nameless priest... … . Oliver had heard similar stories in the past. I thought it was some kind of coincidence.
“Anyway, the priest left this message. Even if you may commit a crime or become a coward later on, teach your children the right lessons. If we don't even do that, children won't even have a chance to be right. He told me to have the courage to say the right thing to my children, even though I might feel ashamed and self-loathing..”
“oh… … . That's touching. It still sounds like a defense to my ears..”
Oliver's words were slightly sharper than usual. Most people would be discouraged just by hearing it, and their pride would be greatly damaged..
"It could be so. Honestly, saying this might just be a defense for me later..”
The director, Ameline, showed concern, worry, and fear..
“……Have you ever had that happen recently??”
“yes… … . When donations from the Church of Pater suddenly decreased. I was to the point where I was wondering whether I should send my children to another orphanage. I was barely able to catch my breath thanks to an anonymous donation..”
“That's amazing. You said you got help, but it's amazing that you didn't do it even in that situation..”
“I wanted to follow the example of my predecessor. He owes great favor to Him. also… … . Joanna I don't want to embarrass that child. Do you know why that child became a paladin??”
“Isn’t it for the younger brothers here??”
“that's right… … . That child was truly special. Even though he was an abandoned child, he was grateful to come to this orphanage and tried to be a source of strength to other children as well as adults like me..”
As if recalling memories with Joanna, the director expressed his longing, admiration, and regret for her..
Oliver recalled the information Carver had given him..
The story of Joanna, who was abandoned in an orphanage during a cold winter, and grew up to be a bright child who became a source of strength to everyone..
It is said that thanks to this, he was noticed by a local priest and became a Holy Knight..
“I heard that too. He was already famous for his innate courage and strength..”
“That's not it.”
“yes?”
“It is true that the child was braver, more considerate, and stronger than others, but that did not mean he was free from fear or selfishness. I just hid it and trained myself. He wants to repay his younger siblings and us who raised him.……."
Bitterness was evident again in the director's voice and emotions..
She felt guilty and indebted to Joanna..
“It may sound cowardly, but humans are inherently weak and selfish beings. If he does not have the opportunity or determination to do so, he will live his whole life knowing only about himself... … . Even if it changes, it may only be for a moment. Humans are ephemeral creatures who never know when they will hit rock bottom. So I pray to God every day."
“What do we pray for??”
"Don’t let me be tested, and if I do, please give me courage and strength. So that I can love myself.”
“To love yourself?”
“yes. Only when I become a person who is not embarrassed by myself can I love others. If you can't love yourself, how can you love others??”
“I'm not sure... … . That sounds like something good..”
“If that sounds like you, you're in luck. So Zenon, please forgive that child too. Because humans can be tested at any time and commit sins at any time..”
“I am-”
“-And forgive yourself and love yourself.”
"……? What does that mean??”
“It may be the lassitude of an old man, but Mr. Zenon gives off an air of disappointment in himself and unforgiveness. I see a lot of kids like that in orphanages..”
Oliver said nothing. His head understands what the director is saying, but his heart doesn't..
Oliver asked himself. Has he ever been disappointed in himself, has he failed to forgive himself?.
I couldn't figure it out.
"Sorry, but I'm not sure what you're talking about. However, I have one question..”
“What is it?”
“What on earth is that forgiveness? I've read it a few times in the scriptures, but I can't figure out what it is. I don't know how to forgive, how to ask for forgiveness, or the meaning of forgiveness. What on earth is forgiveness??”
“That's a difficult question... … . I don't know the answer either, but I have a personal opinion..”
“I want to hear that.”
“Forgiveness is pain. The one who does and the one who refuses..”
“Is that so?”
“Yes, the one who forgives must bear his or her own pain and sorrow without demanding compensation. This is another pain, a pain that is hard to bear..”
“Why is it painful for those who ask for forgiveness??”
“In order to truly ask for forgiveness, you must recognize that you are a sinner. This is harder than you think.”
"Is that so?”
“Yes, because you have to realize your sins. He wonders what a mistake he made, what pain he caused his opponent... … . Most people fail at this stage..”
“Why??”
“Most people easily rationalize their sins. I couldn't help it. Or we fall into the abyss of sin and give up everything. Irresponsibly..”
“hmm..… . What does it take for him to realize that he is a sinner??”
“Go to the victim and sincerely ask for forgiveness. But this is not easy either. When a person realizes his sin, he instinctively tries to distance himself from his sin. He fears that the guilt he feels from not being forgiven will worsen. So asking for forgiveness is also painful..”
“Both the one who prays and the one who prays are in pain..”
“Yes, so forgiveness is hard and painful for both parties..”
“So why should you do it? It's just pain?”
“Because it is both pain and salvation, the only means to free yourself and others from pain..”
The director spoke softly but firmly. he believed he was.
“……In other words, what you are saying is that forgiveness is both pain and salvation??”
“Yes, I think.”
“I don't really understand.”
“are you okay. Because I don't think there is a fixed answer..”
“hmm… … . Can I ask you just one question??”
“Please speak.”
“What is the standard for forgiveness? If the other person is truly remorseful, do you have to do it unconditionally??”
“no… … . That's too harsh. Forgiveness is something you should do when you can..”
“So, when can you do it? It's called forgiveness.?”
“When you want to save yourself. Also, when you want to save others. I think so.”
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