Chapter 1644
So, are you enjoying this? (3)
How long did the silence last?
It was none other than Jang Ilso who backed down first.
With a sigh, Jang Ilso sat down again and waved his hand dismissively.
“Let’s stop this, Gamyeong-ah. I don’t know if this is something worth growling at each other about.”
Ho Gamyeong looked at Jang Ilso without responding.
“You are right. I admit that I lost some composure and got overly hasty. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t been thinking.”
A deep fatigue was etched on Jang Ilso’s bare face.
“The best way to increase our chances is not to cling to something impossible. Rather, it’s to crush them underfoot as soon as possible.”
“…”
“So don’t talk as if I’ve completely given up.”
“……Is that really true?”
“Does it not seem so?”
Jang Ilso asked back, looking straight at Ho Gamyeong with eyes curved gently like a crescent moon.
Ho Gamyeong closed his eyes.
The attitude was gentle. It was clear that he had regained some of the composure he had lost.
But Jang Ilso’s words were nothing more than a euphemistic rejection, neither more nor less. Knowing this, Ho Gamyeong found it hard to handle the feeling of emptiness that was creeping up on him.
“…If that is what Ryeonju desires, then of course I will follow his will.”
Ho Gamyeong, who had spoken slowly, opened his mouth again after a while.
“But, may I ask Ryeonju one more thing?”
Jang Ilso paused for a moment. Normally, he would have said, ‘There’s no need to ask for permission. Ask me anything, anytime.’
But now, those words didn’t come out easily, despite them being something he has always said out of habit.
“Do you understand, Ryeonju?”
Indeed, Jang Ilso couldn’t answer that question.
To others, it might have seemed like a vague, meaningless question. Some might even laugh it off, wondering what it meant.
But Jang Ilso fell silent as if he had been hit in a vital spot.
“The reason I asked if you were enjoying this isn’t for anything else. It was because that was our… no, Ryeonju’s original goal and the path you wanted to follow.”
Ho Gamyeong’s voice grew more composed and calm.
“Ryeonju. Do you remember Wangsa?”
“…Yes. I remember.”
“Even after taking revenge thanks to your grace, I always thought about him. I could never understand it. Why would someone who already had everything and didn’t have enough time to enjoy it go out of his way to crush a humble family like mine and earn our enmity? Why would someone who was once so admirable do something so foolish?”
“…”
“At that time, I couldn’t understand, but at some point, I came to understand.”
“You… understood?”
“Yes.”
“Him?”
Ho Gamyeong silently nodded. A brief curiosity flitted across Jang Ilso’s face.
“Yes. What was it that you discovered? Why did that pig trample on your family? Do you think there was any other reason besides sheer greed?”
“…There wasn’t.”
“Hmm?”
Ho Gamyeong exhaled for a moment and shook his head.
“There was never a reason to begin with. Or rather, one wasn’t needed.”
Jang Ilso’s expression hardened slightly.
“At some point, wealth stopped being a means to an end for him and became the end itself. Even if it rotted in his hands because he couldn’t use it until the moment he died, he had to gather more and hold onto it somehow.”
“…”
“So it didn’t matter. Whoever the opponent was, if there was wealth to be obtained, he would kill and take it. Just… yes, just that was all there was to it.”
Jang Ilso stared at Ho Gamyeong for a long while before opening his mouth.
“Am I now…”
His open mouth closed again. But after a moment, despite the hesitation, the words forced their way out of Jang Ilso’s lips.
“…the same as that pig?”
A cool night breeze slipped in through the crack in the door, flowing coldly between the two. Rubbing his chilled fingertips slightly, Ho Gamyeong exhaled briefly.
“That’s not what I mean. I’m just curious.”
“About what?”
“About what Ryeonju means when you say you want to put Gangho beneath your feet before everything becomes meaningless. Does it mean there’s something you must achieve even if it means that, or does it mean that holding Gangho in your hands is meaningful to you even if it has no other meaning?”
“…”
“Yes, that’s all. Just…”
After a moment of silence, Ho Gamyeong bowed deeply.
“I’ll take my leave.”
“…”
“Please get some rest. No matter how strong a martial artist you are, there are limits to mental strength.”
Ho Gamyeong turned towards the door. At that moment, Jang Ilso called out to him.
“Gamyeong-ah.”
Ho Gamyeong stopped but did not turn around as he usually would. Jang Ilso looked at his back in silence before reluctantly opening his mouth.
“If that’s the case, what will you do?”
“…”
“If I am just a moth drawn to the flame of Gangho, and if I am a fool approaching a meaningless fire only to burn myself… what will you do? Will you criticize and point fingers at me? Or will you spit and turn your back, saying I’ve changed?”
As soon as those words ended, Ho Gamyeong turned around. He quietly looked at Jang Ilso with his always calm eyes. Seeing the deep shadows cast on his makeup-free face, Ho Gamyeong spoke.
“That day.”
“…”
“Since the day Ryeonju granted my insignificant wish, I have never once imagined leaving your side.”
“…”
“If the day comes when Ryeonju is abandoned by all and struggles in the most terrible place… the one person who will remain by your side until the end will undoubtedly be me.”
It was a sufficient answer. But Ho Gamyeong added a word to it nonetheless.
“Because that was my intention from the start.”
“…”
“Rest well.”
Ho Gamyeong bowed deeply, turned, and left the room.
Thud.
Jang Ilso, staring blankly at the door Ho Gamyeong had closed behind him, instinctively reached out for a bottle of liquor. But only the shattered remnants and the dampness of spilled liquor met his fingertips.
“Haha.”
A self-deprecating laugh escaped through his faded lips.
“Ha…”
But even that laugh couldn’t continue. He grabbed the broken bottle. Sharp porcelain shards dug into his hand, mixing the dark red blood with the clear liquor.
As if he didn’t feel the pain at all, Jang Ilso slowly moved his gaze to the side. His face faintly reflected in the bronze mirror. The face that was always adorned and painted to the point of being bizarre was nowhere to be seen. All that was visible was the fragile appearance of a person who looked as if he could break at any moment.
Cracked lips, deep shadows under his eyes, and an expression twisted with irritation.
In the end, he threw the shard of the bottle toward the mirror. With a clanging sound, the mirror, which had been propped up against the lamp, fell to the floor.
“Haha. What a sorry sight…”
Is that so wrong?
When he first met Ho Gamyeong, Jang Ilso was also dissatisfied with his life at that time. He wanted to grasp something bigger and more with his fingers.
What is so different between the Jang Ilso of now and then?
Is it so bad to live like a moth drawn to the flame?
Even if the end is to have both wings burned off and fall into the blazing fire, isn’t that better than living like a pig, busy avoiding the flames and wallowing in filth?
He believed so. At least, he believed so.
But to join hands with them to survive?
Jang Ilso put his hand over his mouth. The thought alone made him nauseous. Just imagining fighting back-to-back with them made his insides twist.
He knew, in his mind, that it could also be a way. But his body rejected it. No, perhaps it was his soul that was rejecting it.
An irrepressible animosity and anger.
He had brought Shaolin to its knees. Many of those who flaunted their righteousness had been erased by his hand, but this seething hatred, like a burning grudge, refused to cool.
In fact, the more he faced them, the more intensely it seemed to burn.
“Haha… Hahaha. Gamyeong, Gamyeong.”
Ho Gamyeong’s words were right but also wrong.
Survival at any cost is Jang Ilso’s way. To win at any cost, to discard everything he can is Jang Ilso’s way.
But what meaning is there if that ‘survival,’ that ‘victory,’ is not achieved by Jang Ilso being true to himself?
The moment he stands with those he despises to survive, Jang Ilso becomes no different from those he holds in the deepest contempt.
“Gamyeong-ah…”
Jang Ilso, who had been laughing, slowly slumped into his chair. As he tilted his head back and looked at the ceiling, a profound sense of emptiness filled his eyes.
“Why…”
His eyes slowly closed. The image of Ho Gamyeong’s gaze from earlier imprinted in his mind like a brand.
A faint disappointment, a subtle mistrust, and a simmering anger.
Those eyes, boiling with subtle mixed emotions, made Jang Ilso feel as heavy as cotton submerged into water.
A strange sense of deja vu washed over him.
Even though it seemed impossible, those eyes felt like something he had seen before, causing his fingertips to tremble.
‘Gamyeong-ah…’
Nothing has changed. He hasn’t changed at all.
If there is something to gain, he will undoubtedly obtain it. He would never foolishly relinquish what he can get now for an uncertain future.
Beside Jang Ilso, who sighed softly, a small lamp flickered weakly.
“Commander.”
Ho Gamyeong brushed past the people greeting him with such briskness that it sent a chill through them. Their expressions changed slightly, but Ho Gamyeong didn’t notice.
‘Ryeonju.’
Ho Gamyeong bit his lip without realizing it.
– Hahaha. Your expression is priceless. No need to look so glum. There’s a certain charm in dying like this, isn’t there?
These were words Jang Ilso had spoken during a crisis at the gates of hell.
The Jang Ilso he knew was always overflowing with composure. He laughed even when his neck was on the line, and when Ho Gamyeong thought there was no way out, he never let go of the last shred of possibility.
And… and he was someone who would never change.
But if Ho Gamyeong now sees a different Jang Ilso, what has gone wrong? Where did it all start to go wrong?
Is the future that Jang Ilso faces so burdensome that even he can’t maintain himself?
No. That can’t be.
Even if the sky were to fall, Jang Ilso would laugh boldly. He’s not someone who would collapse, even in inescapable despair.
Then why?
“Why…”
Ho Gamyeong eventually muttered as if in pain.
Nothing has changed.
Even if Jang Ilso did something incomprehensible, Ho Gamyeong would dedicate his life to support him. He would even lay down his life.
There is not a shred of falsehood in this.
If Jang Ilso were to fall into hell, the one by his side would still be Ho Gamyeong.
However, Ho Gamyeong wished for Jang Ilso to be able to laugh even in that hell. Better to laugh in hell than to cry in heaven. That was Jang Ilso’s way.
Biting his lip so hard that it bled, Ho Gamyeong’s gaze hardened.
Now, he could finally understand. He understood.
“It’s different. No, it was always different.”
Even if they were looking in the same direction, what Ho Gamyeong sought to achieve and what Jang Ilso sought to achieve were different.
In that case…
Ho Gamyeong quickly wiped the blood from his lips with his thumb and headed swiftly to his office. Before the rising sun could cover the cold wind.
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