Chapter 1444
What should I do? (4)
Tang Gunak remained silent for a while, gazing up at the sky.
‘Happiness, huh…’
Chung Myung’s words might be right.
Did the founder of the Tang clan, who first taken roots in the unfamiliar land of Sichuan and gathered his family there, truly hope for his descendants to make a name for themselves in the world? Probably not.
Those families living in a strange and remote land probably just wished for peace, both for themselves and for their future generations. Teaching them ways to fence and defend themselves was likely just a means to that end.
“…In the end, your words…”
When Tang Gunak turned to look at Chung Myung, Chung Myung coughed lightly and casually wiped his face with his sleeve. Then he shrugged nonchalantly.
“Of course, martial arts skills are important. Poisons are important too. And the reputation of the Tang clan is important.”
“…That’s true.”
“But aren’t those just means for the people of the Tang clan to live peaceful lives? The more we gain, the safer our people will be.”
Tang Gunak nodded. It was indeed a valid point.
“But people are truly strange creatures. When they become fixated on the means to achieve such goals, those means can eventually become the goal itself. Like…”
“Am I like that now?”
Chung Myung shook his head.
“It’s not just for Lord Tang. Sichua Tang clan has been like that for a while. Since long ago.”
If those stars were the eyes of the Tang clan’s ancestors looking down on Tang Gunak, among them would be Tang Bo’s eyes as well.
‘He must have felt frustrated.’
Tang Bo had realized this early on. Despite seeing the limitations of poison, he found it strange how some became fixated on it and he tirelessly worked to break that mold.
However, what he faced was a formidable fortress armed with the name of family law [가법], unbreakable and impenetrable. No matter how loudly he spoke, he couldn’t change anything alone, not even with the help of the head of the family.
The fact that Tang Bo couldn’t gain recognition within the family and the elders and had to wander the world, and even attempted to challenge Chung Myung to elevate his reputation through combat, were all efforts to change what couldn’t change.
‘He was a bundle of contradictions.’
He despised the Tang clan, yet he could never let go of it in his lifetime, not even until his last breath.
But after all, is Tang Bo the only one living with unresolvable contradictions?
“I’ve heard that those who create poison within the Tang clan can never escape its walls for their entire lives.”
“…That’s right.”
It’s to prevent leaking the information. If they venture out of the Tang clan and get kidnapped by hostile forces, many secrets about the Tang clan could be revealed.
“The craftsmen are the same. Those who master the techniques of the Tang clan remain bound to it for life.”
“…”
“With women… words are not even necessary, it’d only hurt the mouth.”
Tang Gunak nodded heavily.
He knew too well the fact that those who supported the Tang clan lived a difficult life. The name of Sichuan Tang Clan was established on the sacrifices of so many.
“Still, it’s not like the Tang clan’s warriors, who learn martial arts based on those sacrifices, lead such remarkable lives. Just look at the Lord.”
“…What do you know just by looking at me?”
“You always have that look on your face.”
Chung Myung deeply creased his brow with his finger. At a somewhat comical imitation, Tang Gunak burst into a hollow laughter.
“…Isn’t it inevitable? I am the head of the family, after all.”
“Who decided that?”
“Hmm?”
“Who decided that the Lord of the Tang clan must shoulder all burdens and somehow make Tang clan the foremost martial arts clan in Gangho? Was that originally your dream?”
Tang Gunak fell silent. Under normal circumstances, he would have replied, “Yes, it was.” But now, those words didn’t come so easily.
He had simply believed it to be true.
Since his earliest memories, he had just known that it was what he was supposed to do.
“The Lord isn’t that kind of person.”
“…Why do you think that?”
“Just look at how you treat Soso. The Lord simply wishes for Soso’s happiness. It won’t be any different just because it would be another person from the Tang clan.”
Tang Gunak couldn’t find a rebuttal and fell into silence. In the meantime, Chung Myung spoke again.
“It’s a sad thing. The system that was created for everyone’s happiness has become a burden for everyone at some point. But then, at another point, it becomes something one just has to endure as if it were natural.”
Tang Gunak spoke with a slightly rigid voice.
“Hwasan Geomhyeop. But can you really understand the intentions of the ancestors who founded the Tang Clan?”
“I can.”
“…You can?”
“Yes. It’s so easy to see. Especially when it comes to the Tang clan.”
Tang Gunak furrowed his brow at Chung Myung’s words. Wasn’t this too presumptuous?
“How can you know? They’re people from hundreds of years ago.”
“Still, it’s the same. Even if it’s not hundreds but thousands of years… parents’ feelings towards their children wouldn’t change.”
For a moment, Tang Gunak looked at Chung Myung with a blank expression.
“Parents… did you say?”
“Yes. It’s usually a grand talk about someone called the ancestors, but ultimately, they were just parents who worried about their children after they died.”
Chung Myung chuckled softly.
“Do you think those nobles really made family laws worrying about future Lord hundreds of years later?”
“…I guess not.”
“Yeah. So it’s simple. What was the reason those people made those laws? What did they really want?”
Chung Myung’s laughter subsided slightly. He spoke quietly, his gaze fixed on the sky.
“I may not know what parental love is, but I understand the heart of a teacher looking at their disciple or the heart of Sahyeong looking at the younger disciples.”
Chung Myung’s gaze slowly shifted from the sky to the side. Beyond the thickets of reeds, in currently unseen place, the people of Hwasan were sleeping.
“I hope they become stronger.”
“…”
“But then again, I hope they don’t become too strong. It’ll be tough otherwise. It’s enough if they’re just satisfied with themselves, but those folks are too greedy.”
“…Wasn’t it you who made them like that?”
“Yeah, it was.”
Chung Myung nodded.
“I just hope they’ll be just right, but I don’t even know what that ‘just right’ is. Sometimes I think it’s fine, but then suddenly I have second thoughts. What if stronger opponents attack these kids? What if I’m not around then?”
“…I see.”
“Hmm? What do you mean?”
“That’s what happens when you’re a coward.”
Chung Myung grimaced and grumbled.
“I don’t think there’s much difference between us.”
“…Can’t deny that.”
Tang Gunak chuckled softly. Nothing was really resolved. But somehow, during the conversation, he felt a sense of relief.
“Parents…”
What kind of life do you want your children to live?
Apart from being the patriarch of the Tang clan, what does Tang Gunak, the human, want?
At that moment, Chung Myung spoke again.
“It’s really difficult. Even parents and children who spend their whole lives together find it hard to fully understand each other’s intentions. Because ultimately, people can’t see into each other’s hearts.”
“…”
“But we can still make guesses.”
“If my heart is like that.”
“Yes. That’s right.”
Tang Gunak nodded. He felt he knew what Chung Myung was trying to say.
There’s no need to ponder what the ancestors of the Tang clan felt. He can become the ancestor of the Tang clan himself.
“In a time when we must change our homeland and settle in unfamiliar place, what I wish for my children is…”
Tang Gunak closed his eyes.
Now, he felt he could vaguely understand the hearts of the ancestors. Because he was now in such a position himself.
“We can’t help what we’ve lost. Regret and resentment won’t bring it back. Self-blame? If you want to, go ahead.”
“…”
“But…”
Chung Myung’s gaze wandered into the distance.
“There are some things you have to lose to learn. So, perhaps, by losing something, there are things we can gain.”
Tang Gunak quietly clenched his fist.
“I’m sure of it. In whatever form… Those who have lost what should not been lost become stronger.”
Tang Gunak nodded silently, affirming the statement.
If Chung Myung had said these words just a few days ago, before things had turned out this way, Tang Gunak probably wouldn’t have agreed. He would have dedicated his life to making the already solid things just a bit stronger, even if it meant making life harder for everyone he cherished.
Tang Gunak looked intently at Chung Myung.
“Hwasan Geomhyeop. Is that why you gathered all these people?”
“…What do you mean?”
“Cheonumaeng.”
It was truly an unfathomable event.
Most of those belonging to Cheonumaemg have suffered significant losses. Seeing the Tang clan in this state only made that fact more apparent.
“…No, I didn’t deliberately gather them. It’s just that when I gathered them, those were the kind of people who came.”
“…”
“It just happened that way. One by one, they came. Before I knew it, there were many.”
“That’s true…”
“Those people needed someone too, I suppose. We just happened to be there, and those who hadn’t experienced pain didn’t need to seek anyone out. It just happened that those kinds of people found each other.”
Chung Myung chuckled.
“And naturally, those who were a bit lacking tend to stick together.”
Just as he and Tang Bo had done. Those who share similar pain tend to seek each other out.
“So, there’s no special or grand reason. It’s just… it’s just that I couldn’t leave them alone.”
A hint of bitterness lingered at the corner of Chung Myung’s mouth. He had simply been drawn to the emotions of those who had lost something, unable to refuse.
“So even if I were to go back to the past, I think it would be the same. Regretting, lamenting the losses, wondering what it had to do with me shedding blood and fighting…”
Chung Myung closed his eyes slightly. When he opened them again, his gaze was clear.
“But still, I’ll go again. Even if everyone cursed me for doing something foolish.”
Tang Gunak sighed without realizing it.
“…That’s not foolishness.”
“Tsk.”
But Chung Myung didn’t even listen to his response. He suddenly rose to his feet, leaving Tang Gunak with a puzzled expression.
“Hmm?”
“I’m leaving.”
“…Suddenly?”
“The Lord probably needs some time alone too.”
Chung Myung chuckled softly before turning away. No, not turning away, but as if to turn away, he suddenly approached Tang Gunak.
“Huh?”
Thunk!
He reached out and lightly tapped Tang Gunak’s shoulder. Then, with a slight push, he exerted some force on his shoulder.
“…What?”
“Then.”
Chung Myung, who had just performed an action that was difficult to interpret, turned and walked away. Tang Gunak, who watched him walk away without any regrets, opened his mouth.
“Wait, Hwasan Geomhyeop.”
“Yes?”
Chung Myung turned his head slightly to look back at Tang Gunak.
“…Thank you.”
As he spoke, Chung Myung, who had been silently observing Tang Gunak, pointed upwards with his finger.
“It’s thanks to those above.”
It was a phrase Tang Gunak couldn’t understand. Chung Myung’s figure had completely disappeared, and Tang Gunak looked up at the sky again. Despite the darkened sky, countless stars still shone brightly.
Just a moment ago, he had felt as though those stars were watching him and reproaching him, but now, they didn’t feel as cold.
He adjusted the sleeve covering his arm. Suddenly, an absurd chuckle escaped his lips.
“In the end… He didn’t say a word about what I should do.”
He tilted his head down and closed his eyes firmly.
He knew. It was something others couldn’t decide for him. It was his path to determine. His fight alone.
However… in his solitary battle, there was something small accompanying him.
The warmth left by Chung Myung’s touch on his shoulder. It seemed to seep into Tang Gunak’s shoulder as if transmitted from somewhere else.
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