Chapter 1442
What should I do? (2)
The night was exceedingly dark and heavy.
At first, despite making a place to have some rest, many were plagued by the uncertainty. If Maninbang would attack again. However, exhaustion eventually overcame most, and they fell asleep as if succumbing to the weariness that weighed down their bodies.
Those who had fled desperately from Chengdu to here, and those who had rushed here with all their might from Nanjing, all sank into deep slumber.
But Tang Sobo couldn’t easily fall asleep.
The chirping of insects and the rhythmic breathing of those asleep tickled her ears. Fidgeting with unnecessary anxiety, she caught sight of the backs of those standing guard. She reassured herself, like soothing her own soul.
It’s okay now.
Even if Maninbang were to attack again, the warriors of the Tang clan and the swordsmen of Hwasan are here. So, there should be no need to endure such dreadful events again.
But the deep-seated anxiety in her heart didn’t easily disappear.
Now… what will happen?
It was a question filled with despair.
She had never ventured beyond the confines of the Tang clan’s estate in her lifetime. She was not alone. Most of the women born in the Tang clan were in the same situation as her.
Until she became someone of another household, the only land she could tread upon was the Tang clan’s, or at most, the vicinity of the manor. But now, there was no Tang estate for them to return to.
Though it was a curious thought, the mere idea that the Tang clan no longer existed made her chest tighten.
‘Elder.’
Suddenly, the vague image of Tang Oe urging her to leave flashed in her mind.
Then, at that moment, she saw someone rising up.
‘Huh? Who…’
The person who rose moved silently, walking slowly away from where people were gathered. Those who stood guard, surveying the surroundings vigilantly, reflexively blocked his path before stepping back upon recognizing his face.
In the dim light of the campfire, his face became visible. A famous nickname came to Tang Sobo’s mind.
‘Hwasan Geomhyeop.’
Having passed those on guard, he soon disappeared into the darkness enveloping the fields. Tang Sobo silently watched the retreating figure of Hwasan Geomhyeop.
The chirping of insects quietly echoed across the vast fields.
Sitting in the reed fields surrounded by tall mountains, Tang Gunak suddenly grasped the reeds growing beside him.
Snap.
Gently holding the broken reed, he flicked his wrist lightly. With a whistling sound, the reed flew, piercing through a nearby rock with a deep thud.
Then, from somewhere, a voice of admiration was heard.
“Wow.”
As Tang Gunak turned around, Chung Myung approached with a grin.
“That was impressive.”
Pushing aside the reeds, Chung Myung came closer and gestured towards Tang Gunak’s side with his chin.
“May I sit?”
Tang Gunak looked at Chung Myung with a complex expression.
“Well, if you want to be alone, I can go back.”
“…No, it’s okay.”
Tang Gunak gestured to the place beside him with his head. Chung Myung plopped down in the spot. Without a word, he lifted his head and looked at the sky.
Neither Chung Myung nor Tang Gunak spoke. They simply stared at what they saw, perhaps sitting in the same place but looking at different things.
After a quite lengthy silence, Tang Gunak slowly spoke up.
“Why aren’t you speaking?”
“I didn’t come here with something specific to say. I just came, that’s all.”
Tang Gunak let out a small chuckle.
“You’ll probably die someday because of that nonchalance of yours.”
“Isn’t it strange?”
“What do you mean?”
“I used to hear pleas to show some interest in others. But now people keep telling me to stop being so nosy.”
“…Hmm.”
“I don’t feel like anything changed much, so why is that?”
“Well… I don’t know. It’s probably one or the other.”
Chung Myung looked at Tang Gunak, at the man lying on his back with his head resting on the ground.
“Either you’ve changed, or the world has changed.”
“…Which do you think it is?”
“I guess you’ve changed. No, it’s true, you’ve changed. The person I first met and the person you are now are quite different.”
Chung Myung made a faint groaning sound.
“They say people die when they change.”
“Well, you’re halfway there already. Being alive is enough.”
It wasn’t a joke.
He had poured out everything he could offer, yet he still believed there was barely a fifty percent chance of Chung Myung surviving. Even if he did survive, he thought it would be impossible for him to regain the same prowess as before.
But now, Chung Myung was casually tossing jokes by his side, a phenomenon that Tang Gunak couldn’t comprehend with his common sense.
“Is your body okay?”
“I feel like I’m about to die.”
“…Honesty suits you.”
“It’s one of my many virtues!”
“Not your only virtue, is it?”
“Wow, you’re quite straightforward with your friends.”
Tang Gunak chuckled heartily.
Indeed. It was one of his many virtues. Being with Chung Myung made him inexplicably cheerful. Perhaps that too was an indispensable virtue of Chung Myung.
Tang Gunak looked up at the sky again. Countless stars seemed to be gazing down at him.
“Hwasan Geomhyeop. What do you think when you see those stars?”
“Hmm… “
Chung Myung seemed to ponder for a moment before smiling.
“I don’t think of anything.”
It was a typically evasive response, that would be met with disapproval, but Tang Gunak’s expression turned slightly melancholic. Then, he spoke slowly.
“I’ve always looked at those stars and had such thoughts. If I could throw so many hidden weapons, that they would cover the skies, I could become the greatest in the world. And thus, Tangga would become the greatest in the world.”
“…You were born to be a head of the family.”
No, but he felt like he had heard similar words before… Were all Tangga folks like this?
“But do you know what those stars look like to me now?”
“…I’m not sure?”
“They look like eyes.”
“Eyes?”
Tang Gunak nodded.
“Eyes of the ancestors watching over me.”
For a moment, Chung Myung tightly sealed his lips. The weight of Tang Gunak’s words felt almost suffocating, too difficult to express in mere words.
Tang Gunak slowly lowered his head. As the stars embroidering the sky vanished from his sight, all he could see was the darkness enveloping the world.
“The Tang clan will decline.”
“…”
“No matter how hard we try to stop it, it’s inevitable. What’s lost can’t be regained.”
“Lord.”
“No matter how much I think about it, I don’t know.”
“…”
“What should I do now?”
Chung Myung couldn’t offer any comforting words.
The despair Tang Gunak was feeling right now was beyond his imagination. The burning of the Tang’s estate and the inability to return to Sichuan were just the beginning.
Their workshop and their poisons were lost.
This was not something that could be restored in a short period of time. Perhaps now, the Tang clan would never be able to reach the level it once did.
With Tang clan losing its poison and weapons, it was not much different from Hwasan losing its sword. Can Hwasan without a sword still be called Hwasan? Could Chung Myung positively affirm that Hwasan that couldn’t wield a sword anymore was still Hwasan?
So, no one could answer Tang Gunak’s question on behalf of him.
“I’ve heard about what happened in Chengdu. Elder Shinsu set fire to Tangga and drove out the family.”
‘Jopyeong…’
Chung Myung closed his eyes tightly.
The wrinkled face of the old Tang Jopyeong and the face of the young boy Tang Jopyeong simultaneously came to mind. How would Chung Myung remember Tang Jopyeong?
“That’s not like him. But at the same time, it’s like him.”
“…That’s true.”
“Thanks to Elder Shinsu, Tangga has been able to maintain its lineage. No amount of gratitude would be enough. But you know, Hwasan Geomhyeop.”
Tang Gunak suddenly turned his head to look at Chung Myung, his eyes tinged with a hint of redness.
“Is it because of my weakness that I feel resentment towards such a person? Or is it because of wickedness?”
“Lord Tang…”
Tang Gunak’s eyes became slightly more teary.
Chung Myung felt a little more despondent. He had never seen Tang Gunak like this before.
Even if the moment came when his own neck was on the line, Tang Gunak would stand tall.
But right now, he seemed distant from his usual confidence. He was not the formidable Poison King of Sichuan Tang Clan, but just a man weighed down by burdens and pressure.
A deep sigh escaped from Chung Myung’s lips.
It’s not strange. There is no one in the world who is only strong. There are only those who grit their teeth and pretend to be strong. Just like Chung Myung in the past.
“I know. People are more precious than anything else. Dare I compare poison or weapons to a person. Shinsu was not wrong. Even if it was me, the choice would not have changed in the end.”
Tang Gunak’s voice sank deep. Like it was submerged in water. No, it was like being locked in something even heavier.
“But… I don’t know. Even though I know what’s right, I keep having these thoughts.”
Chung Myung sensed what Tang Gunak wanted to say.
“…If only I had protected the family, if I had protected the foundation of Tangga no matter what sacrifice I had to make…”
Perhaps it would have been a bit easier then.
The numbers may have dwindled, but the Tang clan would still remain the Tang clan. If everything the Tang clan has achieved over the years remained intact, then someday the clan might reclaim its true form as the ruler of Sichuan.
“Isn’t it ironic?”
Tang Gunak’s face twisted.
“…Lord.”
“I disgust myself.”
Tang Gunak’s hands trembled.
“It’s trivial… Me, comparing a mere cold lump of iron to human life. I keep thinking that it wouldn’t have mattered if some of them died to protect what was lost.”
Though his hands shook, his voice shook even more, like someone was strangling, squeezing, and twisting his neck.
“Perhaps the suffering would’ve been more intense, but I keep thinking, maybe I would’ve been in a slightly better position later on!”
Tang Gunak covered his face with his hands, and his trembling voice seeped out.
“I’m so… so disgusted.”
Chung Myung turned away. Not because he didn’t want to see, but because it was too difficult to calm his heart.
The collapse of the future he had firmly believed in, the loss of everything he had considered his own, being crushed under an unbearable weight.
‘You must have felt the same way.’
They probably did.
The young swordsmen of Hwasan, who had realized that not a single elder they had waited and waited for had returned, and yet had desperately tried to protect the burning Hwasan with tears of blood in their eyes, would have felt the same way as Tang Gunak does now.
Who could dare to easily comfort him? Who could truly understand his heart?
“Listen, Hwasan Geomhyeop.”
“…Yes.”
“What should I do?”
Tang Gunak looked at Chung Myung. Meeting his teary eyes, Chung Myung quickly looked away, lifting his gaze to the sky. The starry sky overlapped with the sky he had once seen.
Perhaps that sky wasn’t much different from the one he had looked upon on the day when Hwasan burned.
That’s why Chung Myung had to speak.
The words someone had meant to convey. The words he had to convey. The words of the person who passed away without being able to convey them.
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