7.60 - I Want a Tail |
“Why did I expect anything different?” Salire asked with a heavy sign. The whippy tail behind her swept through the air, hitting the edge of a table. “Ow! How do you control this thing?”
“I dunno,” Theo said, scratching at the scales on his face. “How does Tresk survive with these itchy scales?”
“A marshling’s skin is mostly smooth. Don’t think they have scales…”
Not only had Theo and Salire gambled on who would get which potion to chug, they had also swapped off. Because when two alchemists were left alone in their lab, they got up to some stupid stuff. Although they both tried, they could not stick to the walls. But the effects of both potions were interesting. The alchemist inspected the Tails Potion first.
[Tails Potion]
[Potion]
Rare
Created by: Theo Spencer
Purity: 92%
Effect:
Grow a tail.
For one hour after drinking this potion, your balance is increased greatly, so long as you maintain your tail.
“Yeah, so… You didn’t read this description, did you?” Theo asked, biting the inside of his cheek as he looked at his apprentice.
“What?” Salire asked, rushing over to look at the potion Theo held. “Am I going to explode or something?”
“Nothing like that,” Theo said, waving a dismissive hand. “But, uh… I don’t think that tail is gonna go away.”
“WHAT?”
Potions that had a limited duration always mentioned it. This potion didn’t say anything about a time-limit on the tail. It only mentioned the balancing effect of that tail… which was concerning. It didn’t take long for Salire to start freaking out. She did tight circles, grabbing at her tail and missing it.
“You’re gonna have to cut it off,” Salire said, looking up as she leveled her gaze at Theo. “Just one clean cut. Please.”
“What’s so bad about a tail?” Theo asked, whipping his tail through the air. “The one you got even looks like a dronon tail. Honestly, it looks pretty good on you.”
“A half-ogre with a tail?” Salire asked, huffing. “You know the marshlings can be brutal with their teasing, right?”
“Hey, maybe it’ll wear off,” Theo said with a shrug. “And if anyone makes fun of you, we can force-feed them a potion.”
“But marshlings already have a tail…”
Theo cleared his throat, trying not to laugh as she spun in the lab. She was trying to catch her tail, which was more disconcerting than anything.
“I’ll cut it off if it doesn’t go away,” Theo said. “Who knows? The system’s description might be wrong.”
When Salire didn’t answer him, he moved on to the Scales Potion. He breathed a sigh of relief.
[Scales Potion]
[Potion]
Uncommon
Created by: Theo Spencer
Purity: 85%
Drink to cover your body in scales. Slightly increase your defense and allows you to move quicker underwater. You are also slightly more resistant to disease.
Effect:
For two hours, your body is covered in scales. These scales increase movement speed underwater, increase your defense, and make you more resistant to disease.
“Good news. This one doesn’t last forever,” Theo said.
“Oh joy. I wouldn’t have to flay you alive.”
“Might be an appropriate response to what just happened,” Theo said. “So, I’m not sure if the Tails Potion is considered bad. A tail isn’t entirely bad, but we wouldn’t want people drinking it by accident.”
“Right,” Salire said, her tail whipping erratically. “And the function of the Tails Potion is weird. I’ve never seen a potion interact with biology so quickly. How long did it take Fenian to regrow his arm?”
“Four days, I think,” Theo said. “Longer for it to mature all the way. Actually, that’s a good point.”
Theo narrowed his focus on Salire’s tail. His magical senses still sucked, but he put all his will into the act. He forced enough of it out that the orb of shadow burst from his chest, wrapping the room in silencing darkness. He could sense no magical elements of the tail, aside from those present in the woman’s body normally. No, it was a completely normal tail on a half-ogre.
“Might wanna get used to it for now,” Theo said. “The tail isn’t magical. We just have an extremely fast-acting potion that grows a new biological part. That’s incredibly disturbing.”
The tale has been stolen; if detected on Amazon, report the violation.
“Extrapolate that. Is there a potion that gives you an extra arm?”
“As disturbing as that thought is, you’re right. This might be a new class of potion,” Theo said. “Which makes it a great success!”
“I guess. The reagent is common enough. Doesn’t seem like something the system would normally hand out.”
Right, there was too much information to parse here right now. Until Theo knew if the tail would fall off, he wasn’t sure what he would think of it. Perhaps her greatest fears wouldn’t come true, and she’d simply shed the tail after a time. As much as Theo might’ve tried to guard his thoughts, when he dropped the shell of darkness, a wisp of his thoughts slipped out.
Tresk appeared in the lab, squatting with her arms wide at her hips.
“Tail!” Tresk shouted, pointing directly at Salire’s butt. “We got a tail here!”
“You monster,” Salire said, turning to Theo to glare.
“She read my mind,” Theo said, thinking of the best escape route. “I’m not responsible here.”
“I got this, Theo,” Tresk said, cracking her neck. “Gonna snatch her tail so you can get away.”
“Thanks,” Theo said, bolting for the door. Behind him came a shout and a clatter, but he was already out of the lab, dashing down the stairs and out onto the street. He slowed his run to a jog when it was clear Salire wasn’t chasing after him.
While he hoped it was all a playful joke, Theo jogged his way to the temple and down into the catacombs below. As expected, he found Sulvan lurking down there like a phantom. The somber man nodded as the alchemist approached, silver light flowing from his hand as he healed someone’s wounds.
“Did you explode someone?” Sulvan asked, barely looking up from his work. “Perhaps your own toe, or a finger?”
“Not exactly,” Theo said with a shrug. “I made a potion that grows tails. So, if you want a tail I have a potion for you. If you don’t want a tail, do you think you can help me remove someone’s tail?”
Sulvan stopped what he was doing, folding his hands before him and letting out a heavy sigh. “Is any part of that a joke?” he asked.
“None.”
“I don’t want a tail,” Sulvan said. “And I would have to see the person with a tail before I give you an answer.”
“I want a tail,” the half-ogre Sulvan was working on said.
Theo withdrew a Tails Potion from his inventory and tossed it over. Without delay, the over-eager half-ogre chugged the potion before yelping in pain. With his broken arm healed and a fresh new tail, he sprung up from the cot. “Thanks!” he shouted before dashing away.
“You really should think before you act,” Sulvan said.
“It’s just a tail,” Theo said, jumping as the door to the catacombs slammed open and shut. “Ah, speaking of the other person with a tail…”
“Can’t get away from me that easily,” Salire said, stomping over as she rolled up her sleeves. “Cut my tail off, you son of a brogling.”
“That’s not a real curse.”
“Come here,” Sulvan said, gesturing for Salire to approach. He hummed to himself as she came over, reaching out. She backed away when he tried to grab her tail. “I cannot help you if I cannot see your tail.”
Salire grumbled, turning around. Silver light poured from Sulvan’s hands as he prodded her tail. “Interesting,” he said, releasing the tail. “This actually counts as a curse. I can remove it, if you like.”
“A curse?” Theo asked. He was certain he would’ve detected a curse, of all things. “Guess I don’t understand curses as much as I thought.”
Salire shook her head. “Have you ever understood anything about curses?”
Sulvan cleared his throat. “Anyway, this may be painful. Best to get into the cot.”
“At least Theo didn’t grow an extra tail,” Salire said, climbing into the cot. She glared at the alchemist the entire time, even after Sulvan started casting his magic. “I’m not even mad about the tail anymore. I’m mad because you gave another half-ogre the potion.”
“Yes, we all know where that leads,” Sulvan said. “I’ll be up to my eyeballs in regretful citizens before long.”
“Or a bunch of people with awesome tails,” Tresk said, appearing out of nowhere. “Come on. Look on the bright side, fellas. We can have something unique.”
“We’re unique enough as it is,” Theo said.
It wasn’t the worst thing that could’ve happened with a potion. A few cursed tails here and there wouldn’t ruin the city. “As long as the curse isn’t detrimental,” the alchemist said.
“It should be fine,” Sulvan said. Salire’s tail shrunk by the moment, causing her no small amount of discomfort. She yowled like a wounded marsh wolf.
The bounty from their journey underground might’ve seemed to be the mushrooms, but Theo’s mind could only focus on the dungeon they had found. Even if he could put the strongest people he knew on the task—which would be like wrangling a group of utterly unmotivated cats—he wasn’t sure they had enough manpower to prevent dungeons from ascending.
Tresk wanted to stay behind to observe the entire tail removal process. This left Theo free to check in with the Adventurer’s Guild. He left the catacombs, passing by people in the temple with a series of sharp nods, and headed up the street. The guild was nearest to the western gate in the city and was as busy as ever. Normally, folks would need to wait a while to meet with the guildmaster, but there was always an exception for the archduke.
“Every time you darken my door,” Aarok said as Theo slipped into his cramped office, “you bring bad news. Have you brought me bad news today?”
“I just wanted to check up in person,” Theo said, almost unable to keep the smile from his face. Aarok was so grumpy when he came to visit, likely because he was right. Malcolm has put a lot of faith in the adventurers, which means they have a lot of work to do. “I just need a status report for the other dungeons on the continent.”
“Well, you took my bridge builders off of their project,” Aarok said, flashing a sly smile. “They needed a break from building the bridges. Ziz and his boys were getting tired of crossing the spans that Fenian left on the continent, so I won’t fault them for taking time off. If you’re concerned about the negative dungeons, don’t be. We’ve seen almost no activity from them.”
“Really?” Theo asked, scratching his chin. “Since we found the ascending dungeon below the city, I was worried we’d see more activity in the north.”
“Nothing my scouts have detected, and Tresk is one of my scouts, so I feel like you should already know this,” Aarok said, folding his arms. “We’re fanning out over the entire continent, but you need to remember that it is a continent. Traveling south to north along a singular road is easy enough, but we have to fan out and search these pocketed areas. It’s going to take a long time.”
He was right, of course. They couldn’t search the entire area. So perhaps they should change their strategy entirely and give up on the endeavor. There was a limited range to Theo’s ability, and at a certain point, it was no longer useful to develop areas. If you had to guess, he could shape his aura to encompass all four settlements in his alliance. But getting much further north than Gronro would be a challenge. This left him feeling uncertain about what he should do.
“What do you think?” Theo asked. “I don’t think finding the dungeons is as important as scouting the area in general. Perhaps we should focus instead on creating that road you just mentioned and building the bridges to reach where Qavell once stood.”
“There’s value in scouting for the negative dungeons,” Aarok said. “We don’t know exactly what they do, only that they spew out random monsters. We have to ask ourselves if it’s worth dealing with those monsters or stopping the dungeons before they generate them.”
“It’s unreasonable to destroy all the dungeons,” Theo said, sighing as he reclined in his chair. “But there’s also value in thinning their numbers. Perhaps we can simply focus on that idea.”
“Which means you want to play both sides of the issue,” Aarok said with a nod. “If I can get Fenian Twist and Jan under control, maybe this will be easier.”
“What do you mean? What happened to those three?”
“They went off on an adventure,” Aarok said with a shrug. “Bought a boat and sailed away.”
Theo pinched the bridge of his nose. “Of course they did.”