Chapter 570: Tastes Great, Less Filling |
Jarl Cragstone had been left with orders to consolidate his forces, push forward, and crush the Empire army. Glacia's absence, along with the most powerful of the Winter Council, was allowing him to do just that. The wizards had no idea how to run a war, and their missteps had cost the army time that if used correctly, would see them much closer to their goal. They were too intent on taking land and spreading Winter's influence, claiming victories over deserted villages, when they should have been driving forward, taking key positions, and pushing onward to the great city of Wolfsburg.
With more time than he'd expected, he might be able to accomplish that. The few messages he'd received indicated that the trip north was having many delays. He was fine with that. He had forced the Empire to defend a position, and his army could finally bring its might to bear. The clans under his command had already paid a heavy price in this war. Their obligations to the Winter Council had forced them to support Glacia. Without her, they had a good chance of destroying the Empire army or forcing it to run to Wolfsburg. Either way, it would put them in a good position to claim the lands here in the south that his clans needed and had come to fight for.
The enemy was defending a gap between two low-lying marshes. Winter's influence didn't reach far enough yet to freeze the marshes solid so that his troops could march across them, let alone the heavy sleighs of supplies. He needed to take control of the half-mile gap between the swampy ground along with the well-built roadway that led past the marshes to the fertile lands beyond. The Duchess couldn't allow him to take it and was going to do anything she could to stop him. She was going to pay a high price as he brought the battle to her. All the pieces were in place now, and by tomorrow morning, he'd be marching on Wolfsburg.
As always, the troops leading the assault were the Frozen Dead, souls bound into ice and mud, forever shambling forward to fight. They were frightening and hard to kill, but also not very effective troops against regular soldiers with good armor. But unlike other cheap troops, the spells that bound them would return them to a semblance of life if they were destroyed. He could send thousands of them at the Empire, and force them to waste magic and men to deal with them. Tomorrow, they'd be back and marching with the army, ready to kill again. The dead would hold the enemy units in place, and once pinned down, he could send his elite troops to the front to exploit any breakthroughs.
And those would happen. Nothing could stop the Hungry Ones once they smelled food. The ever-starving Ogres would brush aside the Frozen Dead and carve a deep wound in the lines, and fast-moving Ice Fiends would follow them, killing the wounded and making sure the gap created by the Ogres wasn't filled as the monsters ate their way deeper into the army. He didn't like using the Ice Fiends, but today wasn't a time to make him ignore a useful tool. Like all conjured elementals, they would follow orders only as long as the mages maintained their control over their spell.
In the center of his line were his mounted Rime Knights, their heavy armor and armored steeds gleaming, their frosty hair and pearly white teeth giving them an unearthly look so different from the barbarian tribesmen making up the bulk of the army. They would charge in a wedge formation, gathering speed, and cracking open the enemy formation. The dead in their way would be trampled, having done their job of denying the enemy units a chance to maneuver. While the Ogres were a threat, and one that would draw the fire of what wizards the Duchess had left, it was the Knights that were the true threat that would punch through the lines.
Or rather, they would as long as they didn't take fire from the war machines he saw deployed at the front of the enemy lines. Those were the main targets of his Ice Wizards. They would dart forward with the light cavalry and cast Ice Storms and Freezing Destruction over the units, killing the crews and freezing the mechanisms. With the enemy front line in disorder, the clans would charge into battle, killing and exploiting any weakness. The enemy battleline was stretched thin, and any cavalry that broke through would cause havoc in the backfield. When the soldiers turned to run, they would be cut down in droves, and he would pursue the routing army to the gates of the city.
Horns blared, and the shambling hordes of the frozen dead moved forward. It would be a victory that Glacia couldn't take from him and the tribes. He turned to the bat sitting on the rear of his horse, the oversized hat hiding much of it from sight. "Still no messengers from the great general."
Tam-Bat pushed up the hat to look at him, shaking her head and wiggling her ears. "Nothing, oh mightiest of Jarls. I'd know if she was communicating with magic. Of course, she knows I'd know, so she knows not to do that and let me know. And no one in the army has had a visit from an owl, messenger marmot, or wind fairy. I've got my remaining air pixies looking for that."
The bat started hopping around and doing a little dance. "Oh boy, thanks! She hates anyone else around her succeeding. She's been a bitch that way since she was born. I know, I was there. She was so pissed that I made it out before her! I will happily bring her the good news! Can't wait. Her face will turn into a prune, then she'll try to smile so you don't know what she's thinking, never works. Then she runs out of the room and finds something to destroy while she rants about the unfairness of the world. Seen it over and over. Maybe this time she'll pop a blood vessel in that narrow brain of hers and die. And I'll be there to watch!!!"
Cragstone shrugged, trying to hide his grin. "It would be very convenient. See what you can do to make that happen. Just be sure to duck fast. I'd miss you."
The bat looked at him with narrowed eyes, "You mean that? Even with me looking like this?"
The barbarian patted her head. "Of course. You're still you in there. Just...small. Fuzzy, and ugly in a cute sort of way."
"Aw...you'll make me cry."
"Plus, that's a great hat."
Before their banter went further, the dead reached the first of the obstacles the enemy soldiers had hastily constructed, and the battle started. Cragstone began yelling commands and making sure each piece of the plan was in place. He had other goals besides simply winning this battle. The clans from the north were his people. The Rime knights and monsters were not. Luckily, the Rime Knights had insisted on being in the forefront of the battle, and the monsters wanted things to eat. It made it possible for him to keep the fragile humans from the heart of the battle. People would still die. The Butcher's Bill had to be paid, but he'd rather pay it with someone else.
Tamiq flew to a branch on dead tree, tightened the chinstrap of her hat, and hung upside down by her feet to watch things unfold. In her head she was thinking of the perfect way to wind up Glacia.
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The Jarl was about to learn an important thing, known to so many other generals: No battleplan survives contact with the enemy. Especially this enemy, who had been working on their own plans, including two hard working white witches. Smoke was belching from the cauldron Titania had purchased for a handful of rubies from the Kitchen Supply store in Wolfsburg. She and Ozzy had discussed how dangerous the place was, then planned a return trip to look at self-heating waffle makers. They agreed that, if nothing else, they had to save Wolfsburg or lose their favorite store.
Suzette tried to assist Titania in cooking up something to help the soldiers or hinder the enemy. This was their third batch to go bad. The old witch was biting her fingernails and cursing quietly.
"This isn't going to work. I'm not good at blessings, and my cursing skills are working against this white cauldron. I'll have to find a little stew pot or something and start over."
Suzette looked at the nervous soldiers, too many of them weary veterans who'd been in the field too long, or unseasoned recruits who hadn't been their long enough. "I'm wondering about that. What if we twist things a little. The cauldron should recognize what it thinks is a benevolent effect. But we need your skills in curse-making to create something potent."
Titania tried to wrap her head around the idea, "How can a curse be benevolent?"
Suzette pointed to the oncoming army, "Would a smart person stay and get eaten by ogres?"
The witch shrugged, "I sure wouldn't! I'm already thinking about when would be a good time bolt and run."
"Ah, but what if someone cursed you with an insane amount of bravery and a sense of duty and loyalty?"
"I'd hate it! Holy mackerel... I'm trying to be 'not so bad', don't throw something horrible like that at me."
The Barmaid pointed at the soldiers, "I was thinking you could curse them that way."
A light went on in Titania's head, "Are you sure you're a white witch? That's a nasty piece of justification. Let's do it!"
A few moments later, pure white smoke boiled up from the shining cauldron, as Titania cackled and rhymed, dooming the army to stand and do their best until the end. The soldiers straightened their lines, and even the newest recruit vowed to not take one step back. "It worked! That was a class seven curse I just threw, but I gained experience in Blessings of the First Circle. And that gives me some more ideas. We need to find honey, a chocolate bar, candied grapes, salty meat snacks, pickled snails and anything else tempting and tasty. Oh, this is going to be twisted!"Suzette ran to Ozzy and had the Butcher look in his bag for snacks, then invaded the Duchess's tent and stole more delicacies. Titania had the cauldron going full blast, pouring her magic into it. Suzette ran up, her arms loaded with tasty snacks. "Got the best I could."
"Put it all in the cauldron, one by one, thinking about how you can barely hold back from taking a bite, this stuff is so delicious. Then roll up your sleeves and stir while I throw in a bit of bad poetry and aim the curse...I mean, the blessing we're giving to new friends to help them with their eating disorder."
The Frozen Dead were almost to the front lines, with only one more obstacle, a wide, deep ditch. Ozzy had noticed it was filled with some brush wood and could smell the oil on it. He approved of the Duchess's preparations. Nothing from Winter liked fire. All along the the line, archers dipped tarred arrows into a brazier and shot into the ditch, lighting the fires. The Frozen Dead didn't care and kept walking. Some made it through, but were already turning to sludge and easily dealt with. Others fell apart in the ditch. Hundreds were destroyed this way, but the flames were being smothered. The Butcher turned to his Brigade, "Be right back, we've got a few minutes before those shambling hulks get here. I'm going to melt a few of these things down." From the left flank where the Butcher's Brigade stood ready, Ozzy walked to the ditch, and began traveling along it toward the center. There was nothing that the dead could do to stop a fifteen foot tall flaming giant, but he could do a lot to them. Every third step he belched forth his Butcher's Breath along with a half dozen flaming sharks. The intense heat vaporized the leading edge of the shambling horde, and reignited the brushwood they had extinguished. As he reached the center, he looked at the Ogres to judge their speed, and was surprised to see they weren't moving. He used the time to keep walking along the ditch, spreading flame.
The horde of Hungry Ones had caught the scent of the humans, their horses, and their barrels of food. Slavering and looking for their next meal, they were lumbering forward and breaking into a slow run. Then one smelled something better. It didn't know what it was, but it wanted to eat it badly. The hungry ogre sniffed several times with its large nose. Others were doing the same. The ogre realized it was the monster in front of it. Without a thought, it grabbed its tribemate and bit deep into its shoulder filling it's maw with flavorful flesh, then tore off a delicious smelling arm. As blood spurted, other ogres began to frenzy, the smell of their new favorite food was everywhere, and with no hesitation they began to claw at each other and fill their bellies, even as they were eaten by someone else. The growls and screams could be heard across the battlefield as limbs were ripped asunder, and every Hungry One attacked anything nearby.
Soon, there were only two ogres left, eating the dead and rapidly regenerating their missing limbs and growing larger. That was when the Ice Fiends attacked them. The conjured Elementals had been told to prey on the wounded, and it didn't matter to them which side the wounded were on. They attacked the two ogres, who fought back with berserk fury at having their meal interrupted. Neither group had noticed the large rock near them with a number painted on the back. This was one of dozens of markers that told the catapults what range the enemy were at. Three of the war machines lofted payloads into the air, aiming for the scrum of ogres and fiends. One went long, but two of them hit, delivering the special pots of Greek Fire marked with the ACME logo on the side. Flaming fuel coated all the monsters, bringing an end to their small civil war.
Jarl Cragstone was furious, not understanding at all what a blessing of "Good Taste" had done to his monsters. "Sound the charge. Now, before something else goes wrong."
The fast cavalry with their embedded Ice Mages raced towards the units of war machines, and the mounted Rime Knights began their charge at the center of the line. Every monster was urged forward toward the battle. Behind came thousands of mounted and unmounted barbarians, screaming their battle cries, with dozens of larger monsters running along with them.
Ozzy saw that Rolly was standing next to him, "Ready to do something idiotic and suicidal?"
The Shepherd grinned, "You know me, always up for a good time. I've been playing general all day, but the troops can handle it from here. Squirmie and I are right behind you."
Overhead, the screams of hunting wyverns could be heard as they began their assault.