Ranobes » Slime Evolution » Chapter 86: The Difference Between Common and Mythical » Comments

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    A_Certain_Reader
    + 3 ⋅ 0 -
    NunuNote: What did you think of this little arch? This is my first attempt at writing something like this, hehe. If you have any suggestions, leave them in the comments. I hope to keep improving from here on out!


    Well, for a plus:
    I'm happy to see that this novel did't turn the first batch of "small, helpless critters" into the fondation for their guild. It tends to become boring when things run to smoothly.

    I also liked the attempt of making the frogs a bit more fantasy culture-ish, by showing how they don't really care about loss, since they give birth to so much offspring.

    For a minus:
    the betrayal and the frog-species itself still felt a bit flat.

    I don't know your exact intentions, but if you were aiming to make the backstab a bit more of an emotional betrayal, it would've had more of an impact if we actually knew a bit more about Gribbit and his kin, a simple rundown of their species doesn't cut it.

    If this WASN'T meant to be an emotional betrayal, it would've definitely helped if they actualy lost something of value through village leaders deceit. It doesn't have to be something big (e.g A small cut to Lisa's eye, that they have to spent a bit of money on to heal. In that case, the problem is still solvable in half a chapter, but it adds more depth to the novel if the duo realizes that the injury could've been much more worse, and that they got lucky this time.)
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    1. Offline
      RizqyRamadhan
      + 0 ⋅ 0 -
      oh shit you're so smart, why don't you just write a novel?
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